Is actively trying to conceive amid the current pandemic irresponsible?

[Skeeter2020]

After watching a discussion about this unfold on a whatsapp group this evening, I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts.

@IVFmultiplelosses

I'm 24 weeks pregnant with my first via IVF. I don't think my pregnancy is poorly timed at all. I'll take the unknown, the less than ideal, the risks. I'm sure you, unlike many here, understand that.

I've been thinking lately how grateful I am that my treatment went ahead in November and worked first time. I thought about how I'd feel in your position. I'm so sorry for you. I can imagine how hard the indefinite wait and prolonged agony and uncertainty is. I feel very lucky to be pregnant.

I know all too well how painful it is to read things like this (and about a million other thing). I hope for you one day that sting will be gone and you'll have your baby.

Good luck to you

No, they haven’t, but given their very emotive arguments it’s not too much of a stretch to assume they are.
And before you jump on me for using the word ‘emotive’, gypsy, I acknowledge that it is a subject fraught with emotion and I am not saying it in a negative way.

A little paranoid there

Not paranoid at all, you’re just very predictable 😆

You are very touchy, seriously!

I didnt even know emotive could be a negative tbh!

I’m not in that situation, haveyoutriedgoogle, I have a four year old. I was an older mother, though (had her at 41), so I have some empathy for women in this position.

I feel you are catastrophising the situation greatly with respect to pregnancy, though I don’t underestimate the seriousness of the situation with Corona.

And for your information, other health ‘boards’ are not recommending that people stop ttc. The advice has been to consider whether you should stop for the time being. However, the message is extremely broad-brush and completely un-nuanced. It appears that older women have not been considered at all.

I agree that people should consider whether to pause ttc just now, but I am not going to be judgemental against older women who choose to continue. I can understand why they would. If I were aged 40 trying to conceive, and otherwise healthy, like fuck would I be stopping now on the basis of some what-if’s. If I lived my life like that I’d never do anything worthwhile.

I’m sorry to hear about your own situation, and I really hope things work out for you. Your decision to stop ttc just now is your prerogative, though I would make sure it is a considered decision, based on as many facts as we have, and a realistic assessment of your personal risks. It doesn’t mean others have to make the same decision as you.

I wouldn't. The virus is new. There is no knowing what the impact of the virus would be to an unborn baby.

Oh, and nowhere have I said or implied it’s ‘all lightness and rainbows’ at the moment.

Where on earth did you get that from what I wrote?

I’m talking about making a considered appraisal of ALL risks - including the risk of never being a mother if ttc is delayed.

True, beautifulbirds, but evidence so far is encouraging.

Lol at the thought I’m touchy when I’m providing fairly non emotional, mild responses to the topic and you’re all over other boards about how mean we all are on this one 😂
Tolleshunt, of course the advice it to stop for the time being. No one is suggesting anyone should have children again, ever 🤨 and that’s why the statement is, is it irresponsible to TTC now. You seem to be hung up on the idea the concern for most people is catching it - it’s absolutely not that for me outside my specific vulnerabilities. It’s about the pressure on a crumbling health system if there were complications - which let’s face it, even minor issues which many pregnancies have, might became serious as a result of a lack of resourcing. I am allowed to hold that view and have tempered my actions accordingly. I’m not actually calling for people who do (in my opinion, irresponsibly) continue to TTC to be pilloried in stocks. I think smoking is irresponsible but I don’t think that people who do should be denied medical treatment. I think we should be able agree to disagree without accusations of ‘holier than thou finger shaking’.

And ultimately, the decision has been taken out of many people’s hands with issues of age and fertility concerns because IVF has been largely paused in the UK, in my understanding. Perhaps this is an acknowledgement of some of the concerns noted above?

Oh, @IVFmultiplelosses, I am so so sorry. I haven't had miscarriages, just never been able to conceive. Unexplained fertility. I know just how you feel about mourning for a baby. My husband and and I aren't going to stop trying either. It's been several years and it's heartbreaking. Just know that you aren't alone.

Not irresponsible, but I personally would not do it unless my biological clock was thundering.

Getting a high fever in the first half of pregnancy appears to elevate the risk of things like schizophrenia in the fetus. That is true of flu too, but at least there is a vaccine against seasonal flu that will help you avoid a severe case of flu. There is no vaccine against this yet.

Yes, I think it's extremely irresponsible to be actively trying to get pregnant in this climate.

Why? Several reasons, really:

■most importantly, atm, is the uncertain future.

We're most likely heading into a recession, so I wouldn't deliberately try to bring a child into this world knowing I'm likely to have financial difficulties.
For those sayng that is always the case, anything could happen, true, but to ttc knowing there's a very high probability of it is selfish and reckless.

■more pressure on the NHS

We've no idea how long we'll be affected by this virus, and to ttc knowing the burden there already is on the NHS, is again selfish and reckless.

■ we've no real idea of the effects, if any, of this virus on a foetus so personally I wouldn't take the risk.

I also don't think a pregnancy would be a happy, celebratory time any time soon (which it should be) as I'm aware that many expectant mothers have just kind of been left to fend for themselves as it's not seen as a priority within the NHS just now, which is understandable.

Your posts are quite dramatic, haveyoutriedgoogle, and you keep putting words in my mouth that I haven’t said (like ‘holier than thou’. I actually used the term ‘blithely’).

You also don’t seem that clued up about fertility treatment, or certainly not when it involves older women. IVF is not the only route to pregnancy when you are older, in fact the success rates for older women aren’t always very high, though the clinics have plenty of older customers. Many women who have had treatment cancelled will be continuing to try naturally, and will be continuing to enhance their fertility naturally by means of diet, supplements, acupuncture, hypnotherapy etc (which, incidentally, doubles the conception rate for both IVF and trying naturally. I would recommend it when you start ttc again).

Ordinarily, I agree with you about making sure one doesn’t overburden the NHS. I would largely still do so where possible. However, I am not and never have been a member of any UK government or an MP. I am not and never have been a Tory voter. I am not, and never have been, therefore, in any way responsible for the years-long swingeing cuts and underfunding of the NHS which has contributed to the current crisis and may majorly cause any future lack of resources. On that basis, if it were a choice between me trying for a baby in less ideal circumstances, or having to involuntarily remain childless for the whole rest of my life because of a lack of funding if the NHS I’d be fucked if I’d fall on my sword because people I never voted for starved the NHS of cash.

Even if putting it off meant an older women would, as a consequence, never have a child, knowhowyoufeel2?

@gypsywater wow, and I’m the touchy one?
Having a child doesn’t preclude me from having an opinion. I had multiple years of IVF to conceive said child. That wouldn’t have changed my opinion then and it doesn’t change it now.

Is it true you already have a child, haveyoutriedgoogle?

Easy for those who have one already to judge women who want to keep trying. Not very kind, though.

You are of course entitled to your opinion, haveyoutriedgoogle, but you must be prepared for people to alter the weight they lend it when they realise you are preaching that childless women should remain so, safe in the knowledge that you won’t be in that position.

As I just posted, having a child does not preclude me having a opinion. Nor does it make that opinion unkind - multiple others on this thread (and Mumsnet as a whole) have children and share this opinion. Would also love to know which of my posts are dramatic?

For someone who spoke of nuance upthread, you seem unable to apply it. I am hardly suggesting that women remain childless forever. In fact, I’m not even suggesting they stop. In my opinion, it is irresponsible to continue trying to conceive right now, like MULTIPLE things people do everyday. But as I said upthread, they can crack on as is their right.

I am hardly suggesting that women remain childless forever.

Yes you are. You have said that older women should stop ttc, in the knowledge that for some of them this would make it too late for them to ever have a child.

Unless you just didn’t grasp that point, despite the multiple times it was made?