Is actively trying to conceive amid the current pandemic irresponsible?

[Skeeter2020]

After watching a discussion about this unfold on a whatsapp group this evening, I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts.

I’ve been really struggling with the decision of whether to ttc no 2 or not but have reluctantly come to the decision to put it on hold for now. I don’t know how I would have felt if it was my first, but really sympathise with those who have been trying for a while or feel this is their last chance. My pregnancy with DD (this followed two MCs) was high risk with me needing to be in hospital every day towards the end and I just don’t think I can face, or should risk, going through all that again during a pandemic - it just seems like a crazy thing to actively choose to do. I guess the point I’m trying to make is that everyone’s individual situations are so different.

Last night it was also shared that a midwife at our local hospital tragically died of COVID-19 which really brought it home to me. This is going to have a real and devastating impact on maternity services.

Just really hoping in a few months the situation is clearer.

My IVF treatment was cancelled just as I was due to start, mid March. I have no children, and I'm at the wrong end of my 30s, so time is not on my side.

However, for the first time in years, DH and I will not continue trying to conceive. The worry I would have regarding the health of the hypothetical foetus and NHS resources during this uncertain time is enough for my sensible head to realise now is really not a good time to be pregnant.

I realise this may well mean I never become a Mum, it's devestating, but those who are losing loved ones to this virus I'm sure are devestated too, this pandemic will produce so much heartbreak, mine feels insignificant compared to some others.

I can't comment on other people's situations as they are so complex but I am nearly seven weeks and think we should have waited.

It was obvious really what would happen and I'm furious with ourselves that we didn't stop but at that time everyone was carrying on as usual in UK. That's not to say I regret the pregnancy as such but I do wish we'd held off as I am very concerned about risks to fetus and what future holds.

My DH told me I was being ridiculous when I questioned it but I feel I should have used my own common sense.

Still, we'll do all we can to give our kids a good life

I wouldn't personally. I'm 38 weeks pregnant and have been tested for COVID 19 (results should be in tomorrow). I'm not too unwell yet, but am anticipating it being worse before it gets better. All of my appointments have been cancelled, including sweeps and therefore the possibility of being induced early. The stress and worry caused by the pregnancy, Coronavirus, the changes in the hospital etc. are mentally incredibly hard. I'm trying to remain upbeat and positive, but I keep thinking the worst. I have a LO who has asthma and the last place I want to be going is the hospital. Quite frankly the whole situation is terrifying.

I think if you are older or have been trying for a while, then keep trying.

No, the circumstances are not ideal at the moment. They might never be. But you will most likely still get the care you need, if not what is ideal. Chances are, if you get pregnant then it will be okay. If time isn't on your side, then waiting an indefinite amount of time is a terrible idea.

I recently had a baby. There isn't much postnatal care (no 6 week check and just a telephone conversation with a Health Visitor), but in the grand scheme of things, that probably doesn't matter. If I had concerns, they'd see me.

More concerning is that I can't get contraception because all the family planning clinics have shut, so I suspect a lot of women will end up pregnant because of that.

There is also no breastfeeding support or groups, mum and baby groups, classes like baby sensory, massage, swimming etc. Also no family support, obviously. It will make for a really lonely maternity leave, which does matter, but I very much doubt it will matter more than having a baby at all.

Good luck to all those trying.

Remember 50% of pregnancies are unplanned. I predict a massive baby boom in 9 months. Women all over the workd have babies under all sorts of circumstances.

Considering that there may not be a vaccine to it for at least a year-18 months, why would you bring a little human into this terrible situation?

@Number3or4 Be prepared to be seen by ex-students who graduated early so missing some clinical experience This will not happen. Student midwives cannot graduate early. They still have to complete all of the course academic and clinical placement learning requirements which includes completing a certain number of clinical placement hours. Student Midwives however have been given the option to work the last 6 months of their course on clinical placement to help support the NHS, those that opt not to do the placement will defer from the course and go back once the crisis is over, so the impact will be a shortage of newly qualified midwives this year.

Yes! It would be a very stupid idea to TTC.

I saw in another thread on here people saying they are having lots more sex since the lockdown too-hope we don’t see a boom in babies in 9 months, as this pandemic will be nowhere near over by then!

There’s most certainly going to be a baby boom in the next 9 months.

But if they've closed all the family planning clinics - stopping many women's only access to contraception - then yes, women will get pregnant.

Closing FP clinics is very shortsighted.

I've been ttc for 2.5 years, I'm 36 and lost 3 pregnancies in the last 12 months. I was having private tests as my nhs tests have shown no reasons. All of this stopped when clinics closed. We've made the difficult decision to stop. It is not something I am comfortable with, but I most certainly will need additional antenatal care, especially in the early weeks, which just isn't going to be there as my recurrent miscarriage clinic has also closed down.

I have had numerous tearful discussions with my dh because not trying is killing me but the uncertainty of the effects of the virus on pregnancy aren't well known and given our history, it feels too risky for us to try right now.

I'm just hopeful that things settle soon and life can resume. We've decided that later in the year we'll revisit our decision and may resume ttc as I'll be 37 and my amh is already on the low side. I'm also saving as best I can so that when private clinics open we can start private IVF - we were just about to use our nhs funding but I can't see nhs clinics opening any time soon.

Women have had babies in less than ideal circumstances throughout history; at least this one is relatively temporary.

Likely a lot of the same people who tell you it’s crazy to have kids now, also have warned against it due to global warming etc etc

If your personal situation looks fine, go for it. But, you will likely have competition, as there will be a lot of babies from December on. COVID generation ...

We're in this dilemma at the moment. Last month was our first month TTC since I had a MC in January. I feel desperate to be pregnant again. I am high risk in pregnancies. With my second pregnancy I had constant midwife and consultant appointments and extra scans. It worries me that I wouldn't get that care if I was pregnant right now (AF came last week so now is the time to make decisions) and I worry what that outcome could be without that care, so now I feel torn. I know what the sensible decision is but it feels very hard in my heart to stop after going through a MC and so wanting to be pregnant. You have to really think about the care you will receive and how lonely the scans and potentially the birth might be if partners are still not allowed in the delivery room. I don't know if I want to go through that even though I really would love another DC.

I wouldn’t want to be pregnant now. All the uncertainty and stress, plus less access to supplementary healthcare. I’d have really struggled without physio in my last pregnancy. Then the risk of pregnancy complications being missed due to delayed appointments.
I think those who can delay ttc, should do to ease pressure on the system. The average age of a mother at birth is 30, so lots of couples can afford to wait a year. Those who are running out of time shouldn’t feel guilty about cracking on.

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and definitely would not recommend trying to conceive in the current climate. Its supposed to be a wonderful time in your life but its been completed tainted for us.

This is our first baby and for the last couple of weeks, we've felt somewhat abandoned by the NHS - and I completely understand why but it's horrible and it's hard.

Me and my partner can't go to scans together and we can't share the joy of finding out the gender with family. We're constantly worried about what the future will look like for us. It's mentally so hard. For many women, pregnancy affects their mental health and for me, this whole situation has quadrupled any existing anxiety to the point where I've had suicidal thoughts.

Everyone is different. Some cope better than others but if I could go back I would definitely postpone until this calms down.

I think there's a bit of fertility privilege on this thread. The thing is that there's a long lead time to a baby at the end of a pregnancy, and no guarantee of a baby at the end of a pregnancy - so if aged 36 you waited 2 years, tried to conceive at 38, it takes a year, you're 39 or nearly 40 in third trimester and then tragically you suffer a stillbirth - you need time mentally and physically to recover from baby loss. Then your window to have a baby is so much smaller.

If you have time on your side then great, you can wait. If you have other children you've had straightforward conceptions, pregnancies and births for, then great, assuming you also have time on your side, you can wait. (I say 'can', not should - it's your own circumstances you need to take into account.)

If the above doesn't apply to you - then no, it's not at all unreasonable to TTC.

Personally I'm hoping for a positive on the antibody for Covid test then I'm getting right back to TTC.

I really don’t think there will be a babyboom in 9 months considering everyone Is literally saying ‘wait a few months’ ,or ‘were waiting a few months’ . err so really the baby boom will actually be in a years time then because in a few months literally everyone will be ttc again.

And think about it, people can’t meet up and go on dates now, no one night stands are happening, so personally I don’t think there will be a ‘baby boom’.

Please think about all the women who are already in the early stages of pregnancy who now can’t go back, before labelling them as stupid and irresponsible.

I would like to think that, at the end of all this horror, we will emerge better people, less selfish, more concerned about others and the environment plus be motivated to do something quite different with our lives. It's a bit late for me though I will try but certainly this could be a real changing point for younger people.

Nobody is entitled to have a child, it's a privilege, not a right. It would be wonderful if childless people were given more status in our society, they have freedom to do things that those with children cannot and are able to have a fulfilled, useful life in a different way. It's not second best.

I think it's irresponsible as things stand at the moment. Of course things might gradually improve over the next few months, we really can't predict, but I would guess the NHS is going to be under massive pressure for the forseeable future, even after the initial threat of coronavirus has been controlled. I really think everyone should do their best to not use precious resources unless they're really necessary.
And that's not even considering the responsibility towards the potential child, of giving them the best start possible.

It's definitely made me postpone (although hadn't made firm decisions to try now anyway) - but if things are more normal by the summer we might try then. I really feel for the people who are pregnant and giving birth now - I would have found it very hard to cope with a new baby now - going out and about and family support was how I coped.
But I think every woman is entitled to make their own decision and shouldn't be judged.

It's a no from me, I feel guilty enough for DS to be honest let alone actively bringing another baby into the world.

I don't see TTC during this pandemic as any more irresponsible than TTC at any other time. Climate change will very soon have far worse effects than what we are experiencing now. Likely including more pandemics. I'm not judging btw. I think as humans our fertile years fall when they fall, and for some of us that happens to be during a recession/depression, a pandemic, or war.