Is actively trying to conceive amid the current pandemic irresponsible?

[Skeeter2020]

After watching a discussion about this unfold on a whatsapp group this evening, I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts.

I think it’s unfair to assume that only people with children feel this way. I’ve had many conversations with friends who don’t have children who have postponed TTC because of what’s happening. It is irresponsible to try and conceive at this time. People are obviously free to crack on, as is their right, but it doesn’t change that fact.

Irresponsible if they have fertility issues and are older?!

I guess older women should just give up their chance to have kids and alter the whole course of their lives, on the off chance they might catch Corona and be one of the minority who become seriously ill?! Good grief!!

I'm REALLY hoping that this isnt what PP meant...

Crack on assuming you are happy to acknowledge you may have no antenatal support at any point and may manage the entire pregnancy and birth at home. Everyone is free to choose

It is just a tough one as, as a pp said, the effects of the virus on a fetid are still unknown. My ds is 5 months now and I’m just relieved I’m not pregnant at the minute. If you have time and have had a dc before so aren’t expecting to have issues conceiving, then imo, it’s best to wait. However, I totally get why those who have been struggling or are getting older, wouldn’t.

Fetus**

Scaremongering +++ there much!

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and although I'm a bit stressed about all the uncertainties this situation will bring to the birth and childcare for my 3 year old after that, I dont think it's crazy to TTC now. No one knows when this will end and there is never a perfect time to have a baby.

(The idea of there being zero antenatal support and home births only. Please.)

Yes, it’s really irresponsible to try for a baby now. I get that people want a baby, I really do. But a pregnancy and potentially giving birth next winter in the midst of a second wave is crazy. Just don’t.

Again, what if the woman is older and with fertility issues?

On the contrary, home births have been banned, as they require more staff per woman.

@MadameGazelleIsMyHomegirl do you have DC?

Of course it is irresponsible. Especially with advanced maternal age and fertility issues which mean that the pregnancy is statistically likely to be at a higher risk, and require higher levels of medical care in a system already stretched beyond belief.
People do irresponsible things every day, however, and I can understand why people would continue to try. That is their choice but to stick your head in the sand and say it’s not irresponsible is naive.

I would not be actively trying.

We don't know what shape the NHS will be in this time next year, what it might look like in terms of what healthcare will be provided. You don't know if your child will need medical intervention at any stage growing up.

Why not wait and plan once this is over - see if your financial future looks reasonably secure? Adjust to any new norms ie maybe having to buy private health insurance/ top up insurance?

I really don't mean to be insensitive but even if you are approaching the end of your most fertile years, I still don't think it's a good idea to deliberately bring a baby into the world right now. Lots of people will disagree I know. I say this as someone who has come to terms with never having a biological child of my own - it does hurt, I wish things were different, so please don't think I'm being callous or indifferent to the pain of women who had planned ttc at this time.

I've been TTC for 2.5 years desperately hoping for a sibling for DC1, I'm rapidly creeping towards the age where fertility declines and have suffered multiple miscarriages. But I'm putting the brakes on indefinitely. It's not the right thing to do.

Again, what if the woman is older and with fertility issues?

I don't think the desire to have a child trumps being able to provide a safe, secure life for the child in question.

Nobody can be 100% sure their situation will always be ideal to raise a child - shit happens, life can be very challenging and downright shite despite all the best intentions and trying as hard as possible to give a kid all they need.

But it's mad to deliberately go into making a baby knowing full well that the world could rapidly change, meaning very grave economic consequences for a huge swathe of the population.

Of course it is irresponsible. Especially with advanced maternal age and fertility issues which mean that the pregnancy is statistically likely to be at a higher risk, and require higher levels of medical care in a system already stretched beyond belief.
People do irresponsible things every day, however, and I can understand why people would continue to try. That is their choice but to stick your head in the sand and say it’s not irresponsible is naive.

Oh come on.

Yes, there is a greater chance of older mothers suffering pregnancy complications. This means the CHANCE of this is higher. It’s not a dead cert. In fact, the vast, vast majority of women and their babies will be fine or suffer only minor issues.

To give up the chance to be a mother on the basis of a small chance of complications would be madness. Nobody should l be making major life decisions on the basis of panic, black and white thinking, or catastrophising on the basis of a misunderstanding of how to assess risk.

But it's mad to deliberately go into making a baby knowing full well that the world could rapidly change, meaning very grave economic consequences for a huge swathe of the population.

This could literally happen at any time. Yes, there is a greater chance of bad economic problems happening now. But they will be solved in time.

Again, I really really would not advise anyone to make major life-altering decisions on the basis of panic.

Of course, if you have time to put ttc on hold, it would be sensible to do so. Some women don’t have that time. In my view, it is irresponsible to tell them they shouldn’t ttc or are wrong to do so, on the basis of relatively small chances and a lot of unknowns, in the full knowledge that to do so may well deny them the chance do ever be a mother.

It would be THE most self-destructive and crazy decision to stop TTC when doing so could mean that one may never have a child, if this is something very important to the person. It is very easy to say what hypothetical "others" should or shouldn't be doing. And let's face it, is having a child ever very responsible?!

Yes, there’s a great whiff of it being very easy to blithely finger-wag, when one has very little understanding of the other person’s situation, gypsy.

@Tolleshunt Beautifully and sensibly put.

How about you come on, Tolleshunt?
There are plenty of other people on here who agree with me. I’m sorry that this has clearly affected you. I have acknowledged it’s your right to continue if you want. I also think it is ridiculous to pretend it’s all lightness and rainbows at the moment. I’m sorry that this is clearly affecting you. Not that you’ve bothered considering this, but this is affecting my life too. I have stopped TTC and because of previous treatments, I may go into menopause at basically any moment despite my age (early 30s). So I absolutely do empathise. It doesn’t however, change the facts of this situation; and if national boards of health are of the view it would be irresponsible, I’m not so arrogant to assume I know better.

Has Tolleshunt even said she is trying?