I feel thoroughly grim and like life will never ever return to normal. Someone give me some reassurance please.
I think we have to hold onto the fact this is the worst bit now for the next couple of weeks so it was always going to feel horrible and scary. Sometimes you need to have a big wobble. This is all really hard and we can all only do our best and take it a few hours at a time.
The way I look at my fear is that it's a story in my head. It feels real but it's not. What's real is right now. And this is a hard situation because for many people 'right now' is so tough and I'm sure we all have empathy for those losing loved ones and hcp's etc. But everything in the future is guesswork. People are all going to have their ideas about what's ahead and some people are predicting lots of bad things but they're still all just stories. And I don't want to dismiss the fact that things will be tough and some of those ideas might end up being correct but I know my brain can conjure up all these catastrophes in terms of the next few years. It's not actually helpful.
If my brain goes to a place of imagining a hard future I try to stop and say, that's not reality. It's my imagination. And I come back to my present situation. I try to focus on what I can see, feel, taste etc. I then try to be a bit busier so my brain is occupied. It's why I like making things as you can't think of bad things while you're concentrating. That helps.
Ultimately whatever bad things are ahead, it's better to deal with them as they come up. Worrying about all the different possibilities in advance doesn't stop bad things happening and you can't guess correctly anyway. It only exhausts you too. I know it's really hard though and I definitely get sucked in. All of us only have the present moment really. We can only try to make it a good one (she says going off to make pancakes and give the dog a cuddle)
Take care everyone. I'm grateful to have this space with you all even if we're strangers.