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Original poster

Picking DD up - urgent

318 replies

takedphome · 02/04/2020 14:42

DD23 lives in a town 2 hours away. She has been furloughed. We really want her back for her safety. She also desperately wants to come home to us (her parents and DSis). Can her DP drive her to us? What are the risks involved? She lives with her DP.

OP posts:
SarahInAccounts · 02/04/2020 15:36

^^ This

Jeleste · 02/04/2020 15:39

Its fine to get her! If she wants to be at home with her family, how can you say no?
And everyone saying she should stay put, is that what you would tell your children if they asked you to come home?

whatthefuckishappening · 02/04/2020 15:39

^this also

Spied · 02/04/2020 15:40

She didn't want to come 'home' before because she wanted to protect you?
But she wants to put you at risk now?
Unless she's in serious danger then she needs to be an adult about this and stay where she is. If she is in danger she needs to be calling the police.
She can't run back to you on a whim.

vanillandhoney · 02/04/2020 15:40

Unless she's at risk from her partner, she needs to stay put!

What is it people are finding so hard to understand? STAY HOME. Not travel back to your parents' 10 days in because you want to.

Runnerduck34 · 02/04/2020 15:41

As a mum I would go and get her. Why doesn't she want to stay with her partner and what will they do?
On another similar post everyone was overwhelmingly saying go and get similar age DD mumsnet advice is fickle!

Aragog · 02/04/2020 15:41

All Uni students had letters last week saying that they had to stay in the accomodation they are in - be that at home with family or in Uni digs.

Not all university students did.Maybe just some.

HarrySnotter · 02/04/2020 15:41

If she lives with her DP and she is safe with her DP, then she should stay there.

If she is unsafe, then obviously that's different but I can't imagine if she was unsafe then she would want her DP to drive her home.

I'm afraid you can't just flout this lockdown because you feel like it, there are many, many people who like to be in different places but cannot at the moment.

StormyClouds · 02/04/2020 15:42

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

Thankfully public health decisions are made by experts and not people on Mumsnet. Lockdowns are not a panacea- as demonstrated by South Korea, where bars and shops are open, yet the virus is virtually gone.

Contrast that with Spain, which has been in lockdown for weeks and is about to cross the 1000 deaths a day mark.

They are simply a populist response to idiots clamouring for all their rights and freedoms to be taken away.

twinkle2306 · 02/04/2020 15:43

@Jeleste yes as it protects them.

Unless it is an DV situation.

My parents asked me the day before the lockdown started if we wanted to merge households. I said no so this is it now for another week.

It's not a matter of changing your mind on a whim because you've had a spat etc unless it's a DV situation I can't see why if you've done 2 weeks why you can't do one more and stop the risk to both parties

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 02/04/2020 15:43

Am in a similar position. DC having an increase in mental health problems/near breakdown, so am going to pick them up. Self isolated for 2.5 weeks already so very low risk. Not leaving them to cope for another 10 weeks. In the car, get out for a couple of leg stretches and back in. No contact with anyone else.
I am worried about being stopped or the car breaking down , but their MH trumps my worries if I put safe procedures in place.

yellowfishes · 02/04/2020 15:44

The police aren't out checking cars. In the unlikely event that they get stopped, they can say they're on the way to pick up medication for a relative.

Gitfeatures · 02/04/2020 15:44

Why didn't she come earlier? To protect us.

What has changed between then and now?

You are being incredibly vague - the fact that you indicate her DP would be willing to drive her home would indicate that she's not at risk from him, so what's the deal?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 15:44

And everyone saying she should stay put, is that what you would tell your children if they asked you to come home?

In the weeks before lockdown I spoke to my DD multiple times about moving back from uni (but her university was one of the last to suspend face to face lectures) so she said she would stay - in her final year and didn't want to jeopardise her degree by coming home. I told her many times that it might come to the point of lockdown and then she wouldn't be able to change her mind and come home - she accepted this and chose to stay.

UnaCorda · 02/04/2020 15:46

Her home is legally our home

What possible relevance does who owns which residence have to coronavirus? Do you think it somehow pays attention to property deeds when it's looking for people to infect? Confused

Is she unsafe where she is, or is it simply that "she would rather be at home with us"? Without that information this thread is pointless.

viques · 02/04/2020 15:46

Why can't she? well if she is in a relationship still with her DP then the chances are that at some point in the next few months they will want to see each other. Which means another person not in your household coming into your household, or your DD going somewhere to meet her DP. Then coming back into your household potentially infected. So an extra three people put at risk, who given the lax attitude to isolation in your family will probably go on to infect another twenty people .

What is stopping you realising that it is people like you and your DD flouting the rules bit by bit that will prolong this virus for months longer than it needs to be. Every flakey daughter, every just driving to a nicer area for a walk, every picnic in the park, every letting my kids play out on the street, every popping to the shop in the morning for the paper and a pint of milk , every single stretching and misinterpreting of the advice makes the effort that the rest of us are putting into self isolation null and void.

I don't care that your daughter is feeling a bit weepy, we're all feeling stressed and weepy, tell her to grow up, she's left home and now needs to start acting like an adult.

Fidgety31 · 02/04/2020 15:46

If my adult child asked me to go and get them then I would go . Regardless of their age

MiniatureRed · 02/04/2020 15:46

Clearly there's more to it than you're saying.

Get her DP to bring her home. That's what you're going to do anyway- are you really going to count how many people on here tell you it's ok?

Fluffycloudland77 · 02/04/2020 15:47

No, you’re not supposed to do this. She could be contagious, so could you.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 15:48

StormyClouds

Well, you're the one going against public health experts because their advice isn't law.

They could not have been clearer about what they want us to do - stay home, yet apparently you don't agree.

As for South Korea - so far they haven't needed lockdown because they managed it in other ways -extensive testing, quarantine, aggressive contact tracing using location tracking. We have moved way past that point now.

Thefaceofboe · 02/04/2020 15:48

The police aren't out checking cars

Yes, they are.

stairgates · 02/04/2020 15:49

I would bring mine home op if she rang :) Older children don't usually just get homesick all of a sudden or miss your cooking, no offense I'm sure your cookings great:)

twinkle2306 · 02/04/2020 15:50

@yellowfishes are around us. As I've said about 3 of my friends have been turned round for trying to do the same as OP.
People in my local area have been turned round and fined for driving to exercise etc

Floralnomad · 02/04/2020 15:50

If they are splitting up so your home will be her home for the foreseeable future I don’t see the issue , if after lockdown she will be moving back in with the partner then I think she should stay put as it’s basically a visit , albeit a lengthy one .

BubblyBarbara · 02/04/2020 15:51

No-one is going to report you or put you in prison if your DD comes to your house and stays there permanently. So just do it.

I would question whether she really has a "partner" if your home is still "her main home" and she is ready to ditch them for a prolonged period though. Sounds like a casual boy/girlfriend at best. I doubt it will do their relationship any good if she makes this choice, but if she is at risk or whatever, then just do it!