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Original poster

Picking DD up - urgent

318 replies

takedphome · 02/04/2020 14:42

DD23 lives in a town 2 hours away. She has been furloughed. We really want her back for her safety. She also desperately wants to come home to us (her parents and DSis). Can her DP drive her to us? What are the risks involved? She lives with her DP.

OP posts:
Thefaceofboe · 02/04/2020 15:15

A lot of people want to be in different places right now. I’d love to go to my mum and dads but it’s 300 miles away and we’re not allowed to. It’s shit but that’s just how it is

lightyearsahead · 02/04/2020 15:16

Go pick her up, she wants to come home and you want her home.
Do what you need to do, you are her mother a bunch of people on an internet site don't know hat you know.

twinkle2306 · 02/04/2020 15:16

Just re read your post. Seems strange that she'd be happy for DP to drive her?

It sounds like this is a more I'm bored situation. Does DP still work?

All seems very strange. I'd wait until she has been in the house for at least 2 weeks with no exposure to outside risks before bringing her home

StormyClouds · 02/04/2020 15:17

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

All people are doing is following the guidance that has been set out by the experts to reduce transmission. None of the activities you have set out are actually prohibited.

Lockdown is difficult enough without following non-existent rules made po by people on mumsnet.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 15:18

StormyClouds

Then what was Boris Johnson announcing when he did the broadcast at 8.30pm? He certainly didn't say, oh by the way not effective for another ten days or so.

And moving house is only meant to happen if it cannot be postponed. They've asked for everyone in a chain to be flexible where possible and to only move if necessary. Again, combining households isn't the same as moving house anyway is it?

Thefaceofboe · 02/04/2020 15:18

Do what you need to do, you are her mother a bunch of people on an internet site don't know hat you know

But OP is asking if her DP can drive her and most people have said no. She can ignore the advice but then what’s the point in this thread?

Nameisthegame · 02/04/2020 15:19

The government has said if you fear any domestic violence or abuse from your partner you an we shelter elsewhere. If this is your daughters situation and won’t be returning it should be fine

StormyClouds · 02/04/2020 15:20

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

What Boris Johnson says is not automatically law. The police can only enforce the actual regulations- which say nothing about how often people can go shopping, where (or how often )they can exercise and which public spaces they can access.

twinnywinny14 · 02/04/2020 15:21

@StormyClouds we were told "You should not be meeting family members who do not live in your home" by the PM on 23rd March. prohibited no, guidance yes, and we'd be pretty irresponsible to ignore it surely?

TheOrigBrave · 02/04/2020 15:22

I won't go into the details but she wants to come home and stay home

It's a bit hard for us to judge whether it's OK.
If she is in a DV situation then yes, go and get her.
If she just prefers your cooking and that you have a bigger TV, then no.

Bookoffacts · 02/04/2020 15:22

If she's abused or fearful then
YES
YES
YES
YES she can.
There are exceptions for DV.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 15:23

All people are doing is following the guidance that has been set out by the experts to reduce transmission. None of the activities you have set out are actually prohibited.

How much reduction do you think will happen if we all go out as much as we want, all go shopping as much as we like, all visit parks as much as we like, all visit beaches as much as we like and all move households when it suits us?

Why bother having any rules in place? Many of you just don't accept that any of it applies to you so why should the rest of us do what's been asked?

Original poster
takedphome · 02/04/2020 15:23

It's not an "I'm bored" situation. DD wants to come home for the duration of the lockdown. Why didn't she come earlier? To protect us.
I just want to know whether she can hop in the car and be driven home, and if stopped - can she say she is returning home? She is under the electoral at ours.

OP posts:
Thefaceofboe · 02/04/2020 15:23

I’m confused if there’s DV involved, why would her abuser be dropping her off?

StormyClouds · 02/04/2020 15:23

@twinnywinny14

You cannot visit people as you could then be spreading the virus to them and also catching it and taking it back to your household.

Visiting is not the same as moving in permanently.

Thefaceofboe · 02/04/2020 15:24

@takedphome she can’t come home unless there are exceptional circumstances.

ArriettyJones · 02/04/2020 15:24

She lives with her DP.

Her home is legally our home

It’s either one or the other. The actual place of residence applies, not some decision she has made to (wrongly) stay on your electoral roll or whatever.

So she has to stay put. Unless DV applies, i would break the rules for that.

MrsWombat · 02/04/2020 15:26

If she is joining your household for the foreseeable future then surely that's fine? She has to stay there though until lockdown is over. She can't keep moving backwards and forwards like a yoyo.

bigbluebus · 02/04/2020 15:26

All Uni students had letters last week saying that they had to stay in the accomodation they are in - be that at home with family or in Uni digs. There is to be no movement between households whatsoever from 26th March. The same applies to everyone else too.
So unless your DD is at risk of domestic violence (which it doesn't sound like she is as yoh said her DP could bring her) then she needs to stay where she is as per the Government instructions.
My DS would also like to come home and i would like him home as he shares a house with a key worker but it's not happening because it's against the rules and we/he have no wish to be pulled up by the police for breaking them!

Wheresthebeach · 02/04/2020 15:27

Unhappy, she stays put - at risk - get her.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 15:27

What Boris Johnson says is not automatically law

Why does it matter whether it's the law or not? We've been told what the chief scientific officer and the chief medical officer have decided is the way to control the spread of this virus in order to minimise deaths and to not overwhelm the NHS. Why would anyone want to go against that advice, even if they could and why would anyone want to be encouraging others to go against it?

I don't care whether it's the law or not, it's the best shot that we've got at not seeing scenes like they have in Italy or Spain. Why would you be looking for ways to justify ignoring this advice?

MontysOarlock · 02/04/2020 15:27

Why only for lockdown? Does she want to end the relationship?

GatoFofo · 02/04/2020 15:27

What does the electoral roll have to do with it? The rules are in place to stop the spread of a potentially fatal virus, it’s not a census!

I’m wondering if it is in fact you putting pressure on her to return ‘home’ to your house, as parents often do. The current rules say that everyone should remain where they currently are, no exceptions except to escape danger.

MitziK · 02/04/2020 15:28

If there's domestic abuse involved, addiction involved or she's in a vulnerable group herself and her DP is about to start work that puts her at increased risk, then it's fine and she won't be doing anything wrong.

Other than that, she needs to stay where she is rather than put your household at risk.

So, if 1 = YANBU, 2 = YABU.

whitesoxx · 02/04/2020 15:29

No, she stays put. The rules apply to you too