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Original poster

Picking DD up - urgent

318 replies

takedphome · 02/04/2020 14:42

DD23 lives in a town 2 hours away. She has been furloughed. We really want her back for her safety. She also desperately wants to come home to us (her parents and DSis). Can her DP drive her to us? What are the risks involved? She lives with her DP.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 02/04/2020 15:52

@DrFosterPuddle
OP, people on here can be very zealous and militant when it comes to following the rules

Wonder why that is. Oh yes. We're in the middle of a pandemic that we would all like to come to an end with the least loss of life, the least loss of home/business/livelihood and the lease impact on mental health.

So unless the last point applies to the OP's daughter, she needs to stay put.

Thefaceofboe · 02/04/2020 15:52

If they are splitting up so your home will be her home for the foreseeable future I don’t see the issue

But imagine if everyone thought that way?? The virus doesn’t move, people do.

ivykaty44 · 02/04/2020 15:52

@Aragog

sorry for your loss

what you are describing seems very different circumstances to that of op, where her adult dd wants to come to visit the family and stay, unless I'm missing something

Itallgoingpetetong · 02/04/2020 15:53

There was a poor poster the other day who actually ended up leaving MN after asking if her DH could go and collect daughter and received hundreds of “NO. Stay at home” replies.

vanillandhoney · 02/04/2020 15:54

My parents asked me the day before the lockdown started if we wanted to merge households. I said no so this is it now for another week.

There is no way this will be over in a week.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 02/04/2020 15:54

She is 23 not a child a grown woman surely she can cope where she is for now? Unlesss there is a very real threat to her I agree with the majority ..she stays put and so do you. This advice was issued to ll of us not just those who pick and choose what rule to follow that suits them.Its a difficult trying time for us all and we just have to suck it up.

vanillandhoney · 02/04/2020 15:55

The police aren't out checking cars.

They certainly are.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 02/04/2020 15:55

It’s entirely up to you. Obviously there will be a risk that if she has Covid (as in she’s asymptomatic) she will pass it to you and whoever is in your household. You could put her in quarantine for 14 days if she has her own room. However if my dd was in some kind of danger or even if she was just upset and wanted to be with us I wouldn’t think twice.

I don’t get why grown adults come on this forum and ask if it’s ok to do something. You KNOW what kind of response you will get from a lot of posters. You are not going to get arrested for letting your dd come and stay with you.

WanderingLost167 · 02/04/2020 15:55

My children move every few days between households, this is no different

Thefaceofboe · 02/04/2020 15:55

I’m sick of people thinking the rules don’t apply to them.

UnaCorda · 02/04/2020 15:56

As a mum I would go and get her.

If my adult child asked me to go and get them then I would go.

Christ almighty. Hmm What is the fucking point of lock-down if every other middle-aged woman in the UK is travelling across the country to collect their precious, speshal, snowflake adult offspring, thinking they're some sort of superior breed of mother? Angry

Unless there is a serious reason why they can't stay in their current location, especially if they're not even on their own, as in the case of the OP's daughter, STAY AT FUCKING HOME!

LimitIsUp · 02/04/2020 15:56

If it was simple a matter of her being bored and fed up and coming home for the weekend, only to return to her usual address on Monday, then naturally this would be unacceptable,. However her circumstances have changed, she is no longer working and it sounds like she is prepared to stay in lockdown at home with you for the next however many weeks the restrictions are in place.

To minimise the risk that she has Covid-19 and could potentially transfer it to you, you could ensure that she quarantine away from you at home for 7 days. The car journey alongside your husband would be difficult to manage though. Can she not drive herself?

PeraltasWife · 02/04/2020 15:57

Go and get your daughter. If it's a permanent move to yours for the duration of lockdown and you follow the rules of isolation if any one of you gets sick then I cant see the problem. She obviously feels strongly she wants to be with her family and none of us know how long this will go on for.

User7764217 · 02/04/2020 15:57

There has to be some missing information here

On the information provided, no. She’s an adult.

Thefaceofboe · 02/04/2020 15:57

you could ensure that she quarantine away from you at home for 7 days we all know that wouldn’t happen

twinkle2306 · 02/04/2020 15:58

@vanillandhoney to be honest if I was going to do it I would have done to beforehand. I am perfectly aware that this will go on probably for longer but that is also the choice I made when I said no and I will stick by it no matter how hard it is.
However technically there is only another week for the fact it could (probably won't) but could end next week OP needs to understand that this isn't a joke. DD is an adult not a child and clearly isn't in a DV situation as DP would drive her home.

UnaCorda · 02/04/2020 15:58

There was a poor poster the other day who actually ended up leaving MN after asking if her DH could go and collect daughter and received hundreds of “NO. Stay at home” replies.

Diddums.

What about the poor people who have lost friends and relatives to coronavirus, or will do so over the next few months?

BubblyBarbara · 02/04/2020 15:59

What about the poor people who have lost friends and relatives to coronavirus, or will do so over the next few months?

But in this case the people in danger are OP and her family. If she wants to take the risk, that's her look out if her DD passes COVID onto her family (or vice versa).

saraclara · 02/04/2020 16:00

If she’s intending to stay at your house for the duration of the lockdown then I would absolutely go and get her. The risks are minimal.

That. There are a whole bunch of people on MN who are catastrophising. Ignore them.

LimitIsUp · 02/04/2020 16:00

Thefaceofboe - do we though? I know of someone whose (young) adult daughter returned from an Italian ski resort some 3 weeks ago and although she had no symptoms, she quarantined at home. It wasn't easy but they did it

whitesoxx · 02/04/2020 16:00

Why is everyone saying "go get her" Hmm

OP has no intention of going, the daughters DP is going to bring her.

Yes, police are out stopping cars. And quite rightly.

She didn't want to put you at risk but now she does? Jesus wept.

twinkle2306 · 02/04/2020 16:00

@BubblyBarbara not quite true. Yes their family is in danger but bet they'd want NHS help if they got ill and needed treatment. Thus taking it away from somebody else who may die as a result

slashlover · 02/04/2020 16:01

If it's a permanent move to yours for the duration of lockdown and you follow the rules of isolation if any one of you gets sick then I cant see the problem.

How about if OPs DD has it then she could be passing it onto 2 additional people.

Iateallthecookies000 · 02/04/2020 16:01

If your DD is in danger at her home then go get her. Sod what anyone else things I would

Thefaceofboe · 02/04/2020 16:01

@BubblyBarbara that’s fine if her family don’t plan on going to the supermarket etc because if they do, they are potentially spreading the virus.