The first suicide

[Autumn29876]

This is really sad.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/nationalfile.com/amp/uk-teenager-commits-suicide-over-coronavirus-self-isolation-fears/

They won't, so nor will the horrible parts of life last forever.

Yes but when you're in the horrible part, it feels like that's all there is and all there ever will be. It's like a pit or darkness, and when you get out of it you're like "oh, there's light". But you can't see that light when you're in it.

I found St John's Wort helps me a huge amount, it's like an Instagram filter on my normal life taking it from grayscale to full colour. But it does naff all for other people. Might be worth a try.

My new friends- can I call you that? You have been so lovely and kind. I'm glad I posted - thank you so much for being there.
I will not be a drain on you all, but please k one from the bottom of my heart that the kindness of you all have helped so much. Xxx

2many

It has taught us that life is so precarious and the only thing we can do is live for today and whatever positive things we have in our lives today.

You are as worthy as anyone else on this planet.

xx

I read the article and what jumped out at me was this: Days before her suicide attempt, Emily, who had been diagnosed with high-functioning autism, told her family that “more people will die from suicide during this than the virus itself.”

Heard those very words verbatim on one of the many, many rabid Coronavirus threads here on MN.
It is not hard to imagine how a lot of the threads and narratives rampant on MN will affect/are affecting people.
Did this poor teenager read MN? Probably not. But she heard the very same rhetoric somewhere and was not mentally capable of critically processing it.
People aren't committing suicide "because of Coronavirus" Don't be so disingenuous. It's not that simple.
Do you think a lot of the threads on MN are 'helping' those in crisis? Anyone spreading doom and gloom going to take any responsibility for making things worse?

No? Fine. But stop using tragedies like this. It's vile.

2many 'this too shall pass' crap day or good day ... you will always find someone here to give a virtual hug. Xx

@2manybloodypets. You’re NOT a drain. People do genuinely care. About you and others whose mental health difficulties are blindsided by this. Keep checking in love.

@2manybloodypets you are not a drain. Keep talking to us. Would love to hear about your pets x x x

I'm not sure how to respond individually, but I thank you all for your support. I am here with my DS's ? 2 wonderful boys - such caring and loving boys aged 14 and 12.i am very lucky- husband has had enough of me - I wrote my car off 2 weekends ago; sorry all it was deliberate- I called my husband and he sighed, was very cross with me for interrupting his work.

I have posted similar (about Corona killing people with MH problems).

Thank you to those who are being kind to those of us who are really struggling with the isolation. I have in fact hoped to catch the virus itself, just to get it out of the way.

DP is not in contact with anyone 'outside' now, as his job came to a halt three weeks ago. So there's no transmission risk there. However, I shouldn't (according to MN) even be thinking of seeing him, as I would have to travel 4 miles and I might crash the car and need assistance from an AA person, and I might be silently transmitting the virus, or the AA person might be, and I would be possibly infecting the AA person and their entire family including their immuno-compromised 99 year old MIL. So, no, I can't see DP.

It will say on my headstone: "But she stuck to the social distancing rules".

Oh and the pets, ( I was a Samaritan - when it was ok by him)
They are wonderful, xxx

@Desperada1234, honestly, don't go for actual advice on here. It's terrible and self-righteous and judgemental. Every time I asked for advice here it was like pissing against the wind - all goes back on you.

For every sensational headline the Daily Mail publish to get readers, there are thousands of asymptomatic cases, like the Diamond Princess. In all likelihood, nothing will happen. Do what is right for yourself. Put your own oxygen mask on first - ultimately we have to sort ourselves out before we can begin to think of someone's hypothetical grandma that might catch CV.

I am so sorry that I hijacked this thread - the deaths of the nurses is awful, xx

It’s maybe an odd thing to say but the thing that gives me the most comfort right now, is my dog. She’s so uncomplicated. Following me around everywhere at the moment, I think she can feel the stress in me. I woke up at 3am this morning and she’d managed to crawl onto the bed and insinuate herself between DH and I, completely undetected. She’s huge and very woolly like a bear. I woke because I was roasting hot with her lying alongside me.

You’re NOT a drain. People do genuinely care
yes they do!
We stand with you in this storm, reach out and there are lots of (clean freshly soaped) hands there, we all feel your desperation and panic and we all want to do what we can to help others get through this

Another view - I've been chronically suicidal for years (with complex MH issues) and so consequently I have no fear at all of death- have my papers in order after many close brushes with the end.

This has meant my anxiety isn't half as high as i might expect and as high as many others seem to have. I struggle to get the anxiety I'm seeing - I know this is my brain screwed up though.

Plus side is that as a consequence my boys are really quite chilled about it. My very anxious 10 yr old son is more chilled than I might expect ever.

Just right now existence isn't quite so desperate- though I expect this to be short lived period until it catches up.

I am also so dissociated that I'm pretty much 'meh' about the thought of people I know dying. It sounds and is extremely callous - but it's an excellent involuntary defence. It also means isolation is (for now anyway) a blessing for me.

Unfortunately for my kids, try as I might I'm struggling to keep up with the fucking millions of comments on the class What's app groups so I'm unable to keep them connected to their school friends as I should. I don't know the parents well due to being new to the school and my health issues. No one responds to any comments I write so I've given up. They are chatting about anxiety tonight and I can't be dealing with the crap people are spouting. Tempted to leave the group but it always looks so flouncy when someone leaves a WA group !

Not doing right by the kids will be my undoing. I'm alone tonight and all evening considered just ending it all to avoid existing through this crap and the hype and the flapping all around.

And yes I am aware of the irony of killing myself to in part, avoid the pain of screwing up my kids vs what it will be like for them if I do it. Please don't lecture me on that - I've heard it all before.

@YoursTunbridgeWells @2manybloodypets sending you both hugs, and others out there feeling this way, believe me people are thinking of you and do care

I fully expect to kill the thread with my post and don't expect any responses- I just wanted to share another view.

@TheLadyAnneNeville she is so cute

anaphylactic, I wouldn't dream of trying to talk you out of your views. I just wanted to say that I get it. Your tone is very familiar, as I share it.

I'm not at all anxious about catching Corona, or about my family catching it. I am, however, cast down by the stuff that goes with it, and particularly by some of the hysteria on here (serves me right for looking at it).

I decided some time ago that I could take my own life once my youngest child was 18. She was 12 at the time, and is now almost 16. So we are getting there.

I hadn't thought about it that much until recently. But now I am deprived of the few things that stopped me doing it, I do at least know that the option is still there.

@AnaphylacticAnnabelle I wouldn't lecture you, if that's how you feel.

I kind of get where you are coming from, with me I find it hard to explain, I feel like I go through a range of emotions, one minute I am terrified then I am not, I have high points and low points. I suppose it's up to us how we try and deal with it right now.

I just hope everyone can pull through this and walk out the other side with a new lease of life

Tiredmum

Thanks for your message and lack of judgement. I wish you well for this strange time. Xxx

Desperada

We sound like kindred spirits in an odd way. While I wish no one felt as I do, I am glad to see I am not alone..

Thank you for taking the time to post and share more of your world and feelings on all this

I 'like' the plan for after your youngest is 18... interesting way to keep the option there in a more manageable way.

I keep my options ready at all times though- it makes me less impulsive somehow.
I know what it will leave behind. For my children anyway.

Thank you for posting and I will keep an eye out for your posts around MH

Tiredmumno1 She is, isn’t she!

@AnaphylacticAnnabelle... don’t feel alone. There’s loads of us who feel shocked I’d say, at the strength of our feelings, right now.

Three years ago, I took my dog for a walk and went to a field with every intention of not coming back. I stood with her lead, watching her run around like a loon and stared for an hour at the tree I’d planned to hook her lead onto, to end the fucking misery I was in. I’m still here. So, from time to time is the misery but leaving it all behind was impossible. My mum would never have recovered “I’ll have to wait til she’s gone” I thought. Now, there are other reasons so, on I go

You’re not alone, love.

Also desperado on your point about Samaritans. I totally agree.

It's not a cure all at all. And anyone who has used it with serious intent to take their life will know this.

It's hit and miss and the hits tend to be great and like your example they kind of break the rules and provide more guidance than they should - helping a lot.

The misses are generally catastrophic IME. It's not that anyone is a bad Samaritan (though I am
sure there are some!) if the person cannot get you and your situation it doesn't work. Not being understood or heard is the catalyst I need when I'm right or the edge. I've also had this with work EAP lines

I can usually tell in the first 5 second of the call by the way the answer and introduce themselves etc

It's a Marvellous resource but please keep in mind limitations

@Desperada1234 I'm always around for a PM if needed.

I feel very similarly "meh" about CV. I've only known a few deaths in my time and it was always old people I hardly knew, so didn't get upset - it's life, that's what happens in the end. I'd only be horrendously upset if my mum or husband died, but they are in perfect health so it's unlikely. CV is sort of the least of my concerns.

The people personally affected are the ones being the nastiest about anyone else flouting lockdown rules, because they obviously have the most to lose. They don't care about people in foreign wars, starving kids, people in 3rd world countries dying of malaria but expect everyone else (many of whom have tough MH issues to deal with themselves) to care more about their unknown relatives than themselves. Hypocrisy at it's finest. People will always care more about themselves and their own family first and complete strangers after, and that's literally how we survived as a species.