Here goes 
I’m in self isolation
And the walls are closing in
They said ‘You must use FaceTime
To keep up with your kin!’
It hasn’t cheered me up much -
Quite the opposite
‘Cos I’ve learned I have six chins
And my hair is, frankly, shit.
I’m in self isolation
Like that Andy guy in Shawshank
So to try and pass the time
I thought I’d have a...go at a jigsaw
It’s not what I’d call thrilling
But it helps to pass the time
I started it at eight and
three hours later, it was nine.
I’m in self isolation
And I’m glad I can’t be seen
The internet says ‘Take time out
To pamper, primp and preen
With face masks, wax and hair dye
Don’t let your standards slip!’
Meanwhile, I plait my leg hair
And comb my upper lip.
I’m in self isolation
And supplies are running down
But because I coughed last Tuesday,
I can’t go into town.
Last night I hit rock bottom
With a tin of Spam for tea
And a microwave Christmas pudding
from 1993.
I’m in self isolation
And I’m only on Day Six
I’ve exhausted Amazon Prime,
iPlayer and Netflix.
I could learn a language
Do Pilates, play guitar
But instead I’ll lay here drinking gin,
and eat Nutella out the jar.
I’m in self isolation
And I know it’s not forever
I know all things must pass
And I know this storm we’ll weather
The nightmare will be over
And we’ll look back and laugh,
And we’ll pat our beer bellies
and pay back our overdrafts.