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Anyone else's Parents swanning about as if they are immortal?

765 replies

Namechange2020onceagain · 17/03/2020 20:45

Just had a chat with my Mum, she then asked if I want anything from B&Q as they are popping in there tomorrow! This is after they went shopping to Sainsburys this morning and then said they are going again on Friday.

I have said I will get any shopping they need, but they keep going out.

FFS they are both over 70 and my Dad will die if he gets the virus. They are not taking it seriously at all.

OP posts:

Remmy123 · 17/03/2020 22:00

My dad is over 70, he doesn't want to self isolate, he knows the risks but willing to take them to not be sat at home alone in isolation.

Let your parents make their own decisions they are grown ups!!


Haffdonga · 17/03/2020 22:01

Mine are both following the advice carefully except of course they will be carrying on going shopping. Because of course the government couldn't possibly mean they shouldn't go shopping. But we HAVE to go shopping!


Tootletum · 17/03/2020 22:01

I guess I don't really see it as selfish in the sense that they are free to make their own decisions. It's just what they've not thought about is that it's not "go now rather than later" with pneumonia, it's being strapped into a sealed plastic dome and dying alone with no goodbyes.


Nononoandno · 17/03/2020 22:02

My mum is 83 just recovering from lung clots and has another lung condition, I’ve been telling her everyday on the phone don’t go out!! But everyday she takes the bus to the market then today she went to chemist and opticians. Oh and keep fit class, she has five children we’ve all offered to take her shopping and leave on door step etc she can go in her garden x


TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 17/03/2020 22:02

Lots of people are being sensible.


Gottheteeshirtandlostit · 17/03/2020 22:02

It's taking repeated reminders though and it feels like it's taking them time to absorb the message because they don't want to believe at first.

This. I think there is a massive level of denial going on - and only amongst older people. I think tat's why so many of us are having trouble absorbing the government guidance (not helped by it being muddy to start with). I've had loads of conversations with mine about staying away from the supermarket etc and just when I think my Mum has finally accepted the seriousness of it she announces that she's still planning to host the whole family for lunch on Saturday and will pop out for the necessary bits on Friday. The sooner we get a clear cut lock down the better.


InconvenientPeg · 17/03/2020 22:04

Thankfully my parents and pil are all taking it seriously and coming up with ways to spend their time and enjoy being at home. There's going to be lots of skyping and internet challenges by the sound of it!

I read a daily mail article (didn't realise the source til I clicked through!) by Janet street porter which totally encapsulates the attitude of these people who won't self isolate. They just don't get that it's not all about them and quite frankly don't appear to give a shit.

Our elderly neighbour is still walking to the shopping centre everyday. I"m currently self isolating with a bug (almost certainly not CV but didn't want to share it around whatever) but planning to invite her for a coffee and a chat over the garden fence everyday as soon as I can get out, as I know she'll hate not being able to get out and about to meet people.


Annacarter · 17/03/2020 22:05

It makes me so sad that so many are refusing to give up social pleasures and as a result could be taking hospital beds away from anyone with existing severe health conditions. It's not about protecting yourself or not minding if you don't die. It's minding that a family three doors down the road with a child who needs intensive care but can't get it dies.


PleaseStopCrying · 17/03/2020 22:05

Let your parents make their own decisions they are grown ups!!

But its not his decision, he is literally saying he thinks his right to go for a walk and ignore government advice is more important than someone elses life.

Why does he and the others doing the same think they get to decide the advice doesnt apply to them. Why do they not understand they are not just risking their own lives. Its shit to be stuck inside but its for the good of everyone. These people need to start acting likw grown ups rather than selfish toddlers who only care about themselves.


Gottheteeshirtandlostit · 17/03/2020 22:06

NOT only amongst the older people.


Pickles89 · 17/03/2020 22:06

Maybe it's because they have seen a lot of possible worldwide disasters over the years that have come to nothing.

My parents are the same, business as usual. I think it's because the older you are, the more times you've heard 'The World Is Going To End!' screamed at you by the media, and like in the story of 'The boy who cried wolf' it starts not meaning very much if you hear it too much.


willowpatterns · 17/03/2020 22:07

My relative is well into her 90's and has said that if she's in solitary confinement for months then there is no point in being alive any more. She is pretty much housebound, and wants us to keep visiting no matter what.

We will do what she wants.


dogseggs · 17/03/2020 22:07

My mil in her 70s went on holiday last week and is now very ill with CV and stuck at home in isolation. (not in U.K. but another European country). No one can visit her, the medics won't see her unless her condition becomes life threatening and the poor woman must be feeling so scared and alone. We are all worried for her and hoping she pulls through but I can't help thinking how foolish she was not to cancel her trip.
I'm very grateful my own parents are taking this seriously.


AuldAlliance · 17/03/2020 22:08

Let your parents make their own decisions they are grown ups!!

If they decide to go out, they are deciding to possibly infect other people. Why would you 'let' anyone decide to do that?
Seriously, it's invisible so I get that it is easy to pretend it won't affect you, and the exponential growth thing is hard to imagine, but the virus is already in the UK and the fact that testing isn't being done means no one knows how many incubating or asymptomatic cases there are wandering about, going to work, doing their shopping, etc.

People are not taking the measures needed to prevent widespread contagion and when it hits it will be too late.

Now is when you can still try and limit the number of victims (who won't all be over 70 - and even if they were, how is that acceptable) and the number of other people who'll suffer, often with very serious symptoms requiring several weeks on a ventilator - if they can get one, that is.


TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 17/03/2020 22:08

Some people that age group just are not scared, and I am not sure we we can tell them what to do

FIL is 83 and full of talk about self isolation ;books he is going to read etc). But he cannot help himself and keeps popping to the shops up to 3 times a day for his important errands (stuff for the garden, getting his watch fixed, buying wine)

He says:” I have lived most of my life, I have to die of something, I am not going to sit at home alone waiting for it”

He is planning to come and stay with us for Easter Confused

Not sure what will happen. But he is not a child and we cannot make him do stuff, he has to make his own decisions. It might be very hard to take if he catches it Sad so I really hope the government will intervene


Pollaidh · 17/03/2020 22:09

I guess I don't really see it as selfish in the sense that they are free to make their own decisions. It's just what they've not thought about is that it's not "go now rather than later" with pneumonia, it's being strapped into a sealed plastic dome and dying alone with no goodbyes.

The whole aim of everyone should be to slow the spread down enough that the NHS can cope. Just as younger people are being asked to be considerate and socially distance to avoid infecting vulnerable and older people; the older people need to be taking precautions because they are the ones that are going to clog up the intensive care wards for weeks at a time. They may think their time has come and it's better than a slow death from dementia, but I'm sure if they thought it through they'd realise that them blocking the ICU means younger people, vulnerable children with corona etc, people in car crashes, won't get the treatment they need and could die.


OhTheRoses · 17/03/2020 22:10

Mother is 84, her 3rd husband is 75 Grin.

She is NOT self isolating and they will continue to meet their friends because if she's only got months left she'll enjoy them. She's as fit as a flea.

"I can tell you my girl it's ridiculous, Britain didn't win the war by running away" Rather proud of the dear old bat thing for once.


skodadoda · 17/03/2020 22:11

I work as a support worker to the elderly. You sometimes have to accept they know the risks but see their remaining years as a ‘quality not quantity’ concept. They are not children and we shouldn’t treat them as such. This.
I’m going against thE grain here, but the advice has not been that we cannot go out for food. I’m 70 with no particular health issues. If I have to rely on others to shop for me they could just as easily bring the virus to me. Stop blaming your parents for everything.


GoodbyeRosie · 17/03/2020 22:11

Yep my DF , 79, says he feels fine so will just carry on.



JaneCope · 17/03/2020 22:12

Frankly a two week flu/pneumonia is fine and the way they expect it to end.
Plus they’ve done AIDs Swine flu, Ebola and normal flu so really just accept it’s life.

It's lovely that they are accepting it on everyone else's behalf too. Sheesh.


ScatteredMama82 · 17/03/2020 22:13

Yep. Currently listening to DH on the phone to his mum, trying to talk some bloody sense into her. She's 74, has a pacemaker and some undiagnosed chest problem and volunteers in a prison. She insists she's still going, as she's 'fit and well'. FFS.


JaneCope · 17/03/2020 22:14

It is not a question of blaming you, rather asking you to take responsibility and not to be arrogant.


isittheholidaysyet · 17/03/2020 22:17

I think my parents (72 years) are being sensible, because most of the people they associate with are at least 10 years older than they are and they don't want 'to be responsible for killing the old folks'

At my church however:

80 year old: My daughter rang this morning and begged me not to go to church. Told her I had things to organise this week

83 year old: been to the newsagents this morning, going to the pub later. They're not locking me away. Nobody bothered like this during the war, we just got on with it.

I really don't think they are going to do what they're told. There's a lot with the attitude of 'I've got to die of something'


Nightmanagerfan · 17/03/2020 22:17

I had to say to my mum: do you really want to die alone without seeing any friends and family, by your lungs filling with fluid, ie like drowning, without pain relief as there are no nurses to help, all because you fancied having a cheese toastie in the Waitrose cafe...

She got it then.

Her brother is on oxygen and very frail with stage four cancer. He has been out to cafes/the pub etc. I called his wife (my aunt) and gave my opinion that he cannot go out. I felt mean but explained that if it gets like Italy he won’t even be anywhere near ITU or a ventilator...


tinybluerose · 17/03/2020 22:17

My dad is over 70, he doesn't want to self isolate, he knows the risks but willing to take them to not be sat at home alone in isolation. Let your parents make their own decisions they are grown ups!!

My father is terminally ill. He wouldn't get treatment if he got covid 19. He doesnt want to be alone for his last few months. I am not trying to stop him going out. He lives in a remote place with a close circle of friends who dont travel far (ie not out of the village).

I think that the suicide rate amongst the old will become high if they cant go out. And of course there will be those that will pass away unnoticed as they cant access food and medical support (not with covid 19)

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