Batteryhen I hope you won't mind me responding. I have every sympathy with you, both on the weight issues and on the frustration with your body not doing what you want it to.
Seriously, have you tried slimming world? I found it amazingly good, and there were ladies there with a lot of weight to lose - many lost a stone a month, following the plan. It's a diet where you can eat as much of certain foods as you like. There are restrictions on foods, but you can find tasty foods and fill up on them - for example, you could eath three whole chickens on a 'red' day - or twelve jacket spuds on a green day! it's about food combination and honestly, once you get used to it it's incredibly easy, and actually you can make quite tasty stuff! It also works with your metabolism, and honestly, when you get into it, you don't feel like you are denying yourself as you can always feel full.
I hope you don't mind me making this suggestion, and please don't take offense.
I just really feel for you if you are seriously feeling suicidal about all this.
I'm kind of assuming that you will try anything to get to the point where they will help you, so I really do hope this is helpful.
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