30s TTC: The BESH Palace - where the bar never closes, booze is free, the humour is black and babydust is strictly for snorting through a rolled up 20.

[PollyPoo]

Welcome BESHies to the new palais. Plz to come fill it up plz.

For your delight and delectation I have dragged across the bar and the pit. Along with Mitchell (of course) to grant your every wish (but you will probably have to fight Scorps for him first... good luck with that).

I have even brought the Kylie infused absinthe. Now, who will join me in a Blackhole?

Scoresonthedoors we should really be focussing our energies on the wombular region this month in preparation for coming fecundities next month - I am operating on the assumption that you build up fertility on 'off months'...perhaps we should inaugurate the first BESh sweat lodge and re-birthing chamber...

Top thinking, Sanpro! The BESHpital welcomes all forms of alternative medicine and ancient wisdom. Especially liking the Native American vibe, esp. if we can get some super-buff, long-haired hotties wearing naught but loincloths to attend us. Hot damn, body is rampant with approaching ovulation horniness but I cannae do anything about it. Not even allowed DIY relief, as mustn't disturb the cervix in any way

My actual plan - which also involves fantasising about hunky Braves, because, well, why the hell not? - is to really 'ave it laaaarge, or, more precisely, 'ave it smaaaaaaall, with the whole diet 'n' 'exercise' 'n' healthy living 'n' acupuncture' shabazzle. Get fit, lose weight, sort everything out so it's tiptop and then gung-ho with dildocam, laparoscopy, psychic surgery, anal probe on a UFO, you name it Then somebody better give me a baybee or I will genuinely 'Go Postal'.

I know you all know I'll be here in 2 months time moaning about being fat and feeling crap, but leave a gel to her fantasies, mmmkay?

Incidentally, I do actually talk in much the same style in RL as I do here. That's quite disturbing, isn't it?

PS Lyra, if you weren't such a selfish, haggard old BESH, then you wouldn't need the fertility help, would ya! Wotchoowannem to do - actually do their jobs properly?! Tsssk, your ingratitude! YABU!

Evening all Sorry not been around much, was at uni all weekend doing 10 hours days with a 90 minute drive at either end, then twas DH's birthday yesterday so out in evening.

Ta muchly for the nice forts; the exam went pretty well I think. Hurrah for that.

So pleased for you pollyupthepole

I'm sorry the GP knocked you for six pencil. Sounds like all good sensible intervention but a bit freak-making to be suddenly shoved to def con 6 when you thought you were still at level one I can imagine.

Well reader, I shagged him. Twice so far. Thought I'm not even sure I've ovulated this month, usually ovulate day 18 which is today but nothing on sticks today or yesterday. Strongest line (prob a 7/10) was back on day 13. So we had a shag then, but I really have no idea what's going on.

More friends getting pregnant this end and spent the afternoon with a week old babe today. She was beautiful, perfect. Cried all the way home

Anyway. G&T anyone?

Hugs and kicks to all, and am especially glad to hear that poo's Boo2 is sticking in there.

ScorpsNChoAgogo June is my month in all, on account of when droid will arrive after 3 months done. I say we all win a baybee together in a mass BESHtravaganza. Maybe we can do some scary chanting and stuff like in Rosemary's Baby?

JuneDiffers Are GO!

Summer Duffers R Us!

I found an unwatched episode of OBEM on my Sky Plus. Excellent. Ickle babies!

Hello lovelies!

You have all talked too much for me to be good at individual posting, so huge apologies if I miss anything.

Gin How very dare you be in thatLondon and not text! (What, you're on a romantic weekend with the lovely Mr Gin? Pshaw). Thinking of you, gorgeous, and hope that you get through it all.

streme Gah. DO NOT GOOGLE IVF. I know you will, but it becomes massively depressing very quickly. I'm trying to convince myself that other people's stories have no bearing on my treatment. We'll see how that one goes. Meanwhile, am here if you need to talk IVF funs. Can highly recommend the new Zita West Guide to Assisted Conception and IVF.

cho The fuckers at the hospital are not getting back to me, either. I was told a ten-week waiting list on Monday, which has confused me - but will mean that treatment starts for me towards end of June, so am joining in the must-get-diffed-in-June chant.

scrop Well done on being brave. The lap will be fine - step away from the google.

lyra Thinking of you.

In fact, am a tart and am thinking of all of you...

Must go find food. Have spent the last two days in Earl's Court, consuming caffeine and dried up sandwiches - need vegetables NOW!

I have been trapped at the Book Fair all day, and must go and get food.

The midwife on OBEM made me cry. She was talking about how wonderful it is being a midwife and looked so ecstatic. It's so nice to know midwives don't get bored.

Evening all.

I had an awful thing happen to me earlier. I realised it was our last chance of the month to do anything productive in the sack and we were just getting down to some serious hanky panky when I heard the One Show come on downstairs. And lo and behold, Adrian Chiles popped into my consciousness mid shag. Traumatic stuff.

My God, have you rung NHS Direct to see what effect that could have on the future child, Aries? If the baby has a potato for a face, you'll know the reason why

"Summer diffin', had me a blast! Summer diffin', happened so fast!"

Yeah, right.

Camella, 10 weeks must seem like a blahdy eternity, but good you're getting a date, finally Please to join our sunny bus, woo-woo!
Oooh, let's indulge ourselves and pretend, just for a moment, to be one of those women who are all 'well, I want to be to normal size by my birthday in September, so if I have the baby in March, that'll give me 6 months to shape up, so I'll get pg in June' and the fucker does. There was someone on an AIBU fred t'other day who was wanting to get a new job but was also wanting to ttc for no. 5 and would get pg straightaway and it was a confusing choice, etc. Oh, for such choices!

PS My illusions are shattered at the thought of a Book Fair being dull
PPS

I will get preggers first month! That way I can be newly pregnant when first sil gives birth and will feel less of the family failure.

I am so not prepared to not get pregnant first time. I did get diffed 2 cycles in a row, why not immediate diffedness again? Only this time with actual baybee in wombular area at the end of it.

May need to create tiny little map to shove up nether regions to help little embryo find its way. It is rather confusing in there.

Am still laughing at Aries sexy fail. And mouth vomming a little bit.

Fuck! FUCK! Just wrote a long post & "poof", disappeared into a cloud of t'interweb smoke.

I'll try again.

I am a twat.

I've been using OPK for about 9 days, no surge.

So, I took one remaining stick out of box last night to shove it at the bottom of my drawer in disgust. Coz I'm a good girl I separated the cardboard box & paper instructions for re-cycling. Then I decided to scan the instructions to see if Clomid was mentioned. There, in bold letters with flashing neon disco lights, was the following statement

"The best time to test is between 10am and 8pm. DO NOT use early morning urine as although your body may be experiencing an LH surge it can take up to 4 hours to register".

I have been testing at 6.02am, precisely 2 mins after alarm has gone & I've stumbled into bathroom for that first lovely pee of the day.

Twat.

aries I am off to shower as I feel dirty at your Adrian Chiles thoughts.

cho those nob-jockey nurses never fail to amaze me.

I'm not going to join your June Diffathon, as of course I'm cooking this month

gin if you're lurking thinking of you, xx

I know there's loads more to catch up on, but frankly I'm afraid this is all going to disappear again so am going to post quickly & leave a round of voddy shots on the bar.

Rah rah rah for the June differs! It will be a besh wave! I hope you all diff at once and then my few weeks experience will make me seem wise and learned, as I nod sagely and say things like "that's perfectly normal". In the meantime, sorry about the various "sexyfails" (new favourite word) but it will all come together in June.

muse I actually bought that Stitch n Bitch book. I know, I know. There's a bookshop near my work and lo and behold, there it was. Well, it has actually quite a good section reminding one how to knit, which was necessary I realised, so it's all good. Boyfy has had endless good fun with humourous remarks about "nesting". But who cares what he thinks: just got to get me a few "skeins of yarn" (balls of wool? What kind of amateur are you?!) and I can get cracking! Let's do this thing!

Lyra hope things keep moving forward well with your dad. And that your cold clears up!

SSW I was feeling ever so stressed and frustrated after trying (and failing and I can't work out what I've done wrong) to sign up to FF. But your knitting humour has cheered me a little. Small aside - how will I cope with pregnancy and a baby if I can't manage this apparently simple task? Can't believe how wound up I am. What a nob.

Laurie, I did the exact same thing with the POKs the first month I was using them. Well, not at 6.02am, as I refuse to believe that such a time exists, but using FMU. I usually do them at @6pm.

Even though I haz a sexyfail this month, should I bother checking that I've Oved this month? Should be Friday. Prolly will, I'm so controlling/neurotic.

Needles Lady today at 12!

I think I've found the next knitting project for all of us! Check it!

A lurking ROFL to that scorps! Just made me spit my crisps across the desk. nice.

Creepy love, Hawaiian-style fish slaps and Slippery Nipples to all

I hate to ask Curlz but did you stumble across that by accident, or did you actively search for it?

I salute the person who knitted that. Genius!

We could stuff it with Clothilda! It would be art!

Sorry to be misleading - I don't have a start date for treatment. I emailed the hospital and they said "approximately a ten week wait". It has already been eight weeks. Am losing all my PMA and just starting to feel shit and miserable.

And yes, I know this is all a bit "oh noes, my diamond shoes are too tight" given the general medical fuck-ups and bad shit experienced on this thread. Sorry, am not in the happy place.

I blame it on the arid wasteland that is Earl's Court.

Meant Scorps Duh.

LaurieLOL LOL @ 'nob-jockey nurses'...I'm trying to balance the fine line between being assertive to get what I want, and having them all hate me so much that they take it in turns to kick me in the fanny next time they have me under general anaesthetic... I think I am approaching 'balance fail'

yeah...come on MusicalYouth...join the summer differs gang...you're owed at least two baybees now...but you will need to get a couple of SatNav nanobots to show them the way...HagNavs? If it helps, I've got some photos of the inside of my wombular area...they are all much the same aren't they? Perhaps I could upload to Google Earth?

Aries - it was a twitter link. Off for lots of pricks now. Laterz, ma honeyz...

the fucking cunts have just emailed me to say this:

"As you have just had surgery , your notes goes to the medical secretaries for an operation report to be typed , it will take approximately 4-5weeks for the notes to come back to us .we will contact you as soon as we get the notes back as we are unable to speak to patients or make any decisions without their notes"

WTF? I am off out for lunch...