The BESH 30s TTC thread in the world EVER - 2010

[CUNextTuesday]

C'mon girls, this is the year. We will form a circle and concentrate hard on diffment.

Meanwhile, David and Jenson have popped the corks and are pouring out the Bellinis. Truckle of stilton anyone?

Hello slaaags! Just saw the exciting news in t'other place about VAGelina and had to come over to offer official kidney punches and tongue sandwiches. Well done VAG and Bessie! What's your secret? Shagging or something?

It's so long since I've visited the palace that I don't even know what BOC stands for, but I might stick around if this thread is so lucky

Speaking of luck, my dad's got a scan today to see if chemo has worked well enough to enable surgery (or indeed if it has worked at all), so please cross phalanges for him.

Muser - What bessie said. I thought droid had come early, then I cleared up, then I tested on the day it was due and got a BFP.

And now time for some nekkid dancing, which will show off my nice new D Cups [proud]

bessie - Fucking brilliant news! (not enough swearing here these days) so, so pleased for you

Vag Have a slap with something sloppy! Glad you're feeling better about it. Get some advice about demanding EPU scans from cunty She really told them! And I believe EPU service is much easier in that there Luhndun than it is out in the sticks.

What a great start to the thread, well done cunty!

Um, good morning. I've just read this thread and you're all off your collective onions and a bit frightening. But being 30 and TTC I would like to be in your gang please. I'll make the tea. Whatever. Just let me play.

Everything crossed for LyraDad Huuuuuuge healthy vibes for him all day.

Oh and crossed everythings for lyra's dad and for laurie when it comes to the tit squashing later this week.

Eadwacer You'll make tea????? Seriously??? And you say you've read the BESH adventures.

Get some gin lined up on the bar NOW, please. Oh, and you need to find and fill in the questions

If you're in ThatLondon VAG, the nurses at the emergency gynae unit at St Thomas's are absolutely lovely. If it's too early for scanning they'll do your bloods and see if they're going up or down. They were lovely to me when I had my mc.

Lots of everything crossed for LyraDad, I hope it's good news.

I may go and buy some sticks at lunchtime. I really don't want to go to my usual dealer though, I swear they recognise me now. Might have to tube it to a good anonymous Boots.

One test ordered up for Eadwacer. No cheating. And I hope that's prohibition era tea, i.e. gin in a teapot.

THE BESHTEST

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. what colour are your walls?

7. Number of pets?

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

9. Lesbian crush?

10. What are your views on camping?

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

Everything crossed for you dad lyra

muser buy online - is cheaper and is way forward..

so... drinks are on Eadie make mine a gin martini

I think I'm on a big list with the Met now Casper. My name is Muser, and I live to POAS.

Other problem with usual dealer is they only cater for the high market addict, First Response and CBDs only. I refuse to do a CBD as who needs to see their "feck off you barren hag" message?

As iggy says, you need an ebay account missus Muser. well cheap and great to waste. Of course, any hint of a line must IMMEDIATELY be followed by confirmation with fancier, more expensive drug test. so best to PIAP and keep the remaining FMU handy, rather than POAS Cheap sticks also great when you are having vag moments and need to concince yourself one, two, five or even 14 weeks later

Eadwacer? As in "Wulf and"? If so, I commend your bravery on naming yourself after a poem which, I am reliably informed, is about doggie-sex. (I may not have been listening very hard in Anglo-Saxon classes that day...)

Now, where're the quiz answers?

Lyra Babes, lovely to see you. I have all things possible crossed for your daddy.

Muser POAS! POAS! POAS!

The not Ebaying thing is my way of avoiding POAS every single day. I went completely insane the first month with the cheapo PIAP strips from Savers and umpteen sticks from my dealer and other shops.

I now have a rule of only using Boots or Superdrug own brands. Conveniently chosen as there aren't any close to work so I can't go insane buying them when there's no need. It's my own personal 12 step programme.

Course it's prohibition brew, whaddya take me for? Got my own moonshine still.

THE BESHTEST

1. I drink Tanqueray PURELY because Amy Wino mentioned it in a song. so sue me bitches, I was into her before the crack and the fame.

2. Gold digga fo sho. Wasn't going to ahve a baby until he'd had a payrise. what, you think I'm giving up my Etsy addiction? These tits won't be getting any smaller and no way am I shopping from Next.

3. Vajayjay for practical purposes. Poo poo on special occasions.

4. Offer them a Tanqueray. If they ask for it to be diluted with tonic water instead of drunk through a straw in a hot bath we assume they've baking one.

5. I simply have no idea what you're talking about.

6. I have no idea what colour they were originally. They're now obsecured by creepy Victorian moth collections, engravings of architectural buildings, postcards advertising Edwardian music hall acts, and a genuinely terrifying Thai puppet.

7. In Inner London darling? Please.

8. James May, all right? JAMES MAY. Now leave me alone.

9. A beautiful Chinese girl gave me a lap dance on New YEar's Eve. So she's the latest.

10. Oh, I camp. I camp HARD. It's mostly to shock people who see me the remaining 51 weeks of the year swigging brandy from a hip flask concealed in my eel-skin clutch.

11. I did it once ages ago. No idea how much it cost. I'm thinking of diong that thing when you piss on a frog and see if it spontaneously produces frogspawn, you feel me?

idealcamel Jeebus, top points there! NOt that I'm prentious you understand.

Eadwacer BUMSEX yay!!!

iggypiggy You know what they say. "Take it like a man" and all that.

hmmm, eadwacer don't you dare jinx this thread with your diy low-grade 1 week a year holiday preclivities

that sounded a bit harsh... but seriously

Thanks BESHES. No-one going to enlighten me on BOC, then? I know what it means, obv.

Excellent answers from Eadwacer, I thought. You get my vote. Shame you got the camping one completely wrong, but I'll let you off.

Period = red tide of doom = RTOD = R2D2 = "the droid". Obviously. We thought AF was twee. We think a lot of things are twee.

Yes, beware Eadwacer, people have been known to experience immediate babyfail at the sight of canvas.

Don't judge me bessie. Something about knowing young innocents are frolicking the other side of a thin sheet of canvas renders my husband something akin to a marginally more kindly Marquis de Sade as played by the werewolf fellow from Being Human.

AND I THINK YOU MEAN PROCLIVITES.

(I can't bring myself to add one of those emoticon items but I'm thinking a wry grin, if that helps).

Yes, emoticons are a minefield of twee. I'm afraid you will have to forgive the odd spelling mistake, I'm trying to type in an open plan office without anyone seeing, it gives me a window of about 2 seconds for each post.

Ah runlyrarun I see. I had wondered. Thank Christ I needn't say AF. I shall be saying 'fucking' and not BDing too, if I may. 'screwing' if I'm feeling polite.

I don't actually know what BESH stands for mind you, but I entirely see that in my tenuous new position I may have to wait until I learn these ancient wisdoms by osmosis and similar.