30s TTC - The BESH little gin palace in mumsnet

[idealcamel]

The bar is open and the ticking clock has been muffled for the duration...Come on in!

Re> Daily Heil, not fr. Daily Heil, but I would fucking LOVE to see this thread reprinted for 'Disgusted, of Tunbridge Wells' to read over her cornflakes.

X-post Cunty!

And on a serious note, sorry to hear about the MCs, my sweet Newbies. Here we get round all that reality stuff by drawing on the required lines with red pen and so on. You may cheer yourselves up by sexing any of the fine men/ladies we have locked up in cages, or feel free to stalk and capture one of your choosing.

PS nice work with the honey,ChooChoo, but did you knit your own espadrilles out of mung beans?

I have been thinking for a few weeks that we ought to all contribute to a comedy book about TTC over 35 with all our precious tips and advice.

I would SO buy a book like that if I saw it in the shops (well, reduced on amazon)!

IDEA COPYRIGHT OWNED BY: ME.

I don't have a DH.

uh-huh. you find some you can tow me girlfren. And don't think you can tow me round by the clamfluff either because that ain't there neither innit

scorps Awesome, we should have a recipe section too, 100 things to do with Brie. What about the patronising anatomical diagrams? Or should we get ginhag's hubby to draw a lady with foo-foo, hanky-hole and mouth and give suggestions?

Medee, pre-seed is a 'sperm friendly' lube wot you have to shove up your foofoo hole with a applicator thingy, if you need extra moist assistance sexytime-wise.

That is, of course, if you're doing that whole disgusting and unnecessary vaginal sex thing. Bleeeurgh

I was going to say something else, what was it? Ah fuck it. Ovaries AND memory of a pensioner, marvellous.

cunty You probably don't even have any bum hair either, your type (bumsex addicts) famously wax and bleach their bumholes.

Oh lordy lordy, it's off again. Who said thick as mince?

ah, in that case I don't need it, I'm just praying to Jeebus for a baybee.

I stick a thermometer in my mouth, not a winkey.

Great Charlie Brooker piece, Medee, doesn't Jan Moir realise it's evil witches like her, and her industry, that push many celebs to the edge of madness?

I stick a thermometer in my foofoo hole, not a winky. Perhaps that's where I'm going wrong.

Scorps You need to give the nice pensioner her ovaries back now. It's just rude to keep them.

or keep them in the closet for so long. She basically seems to say that he died because he was gay, and that civil partnerships are bad because two celebrities who had them have since died.

Camel, I do at least an hour's cardio before weights, powerplate, abs, etc. Don't get the wrong impression though - I huff and puff away like a 19 yr old dog whilst watching '60 Minute Makeover' on the Gym screen. Well, the sound was weird for that today, so I watched Murder, She Wrote instead. I knew her nephew Grady couldn't be the killer.

How come I do so much down the gym and am still a manatee in a frock? Answers on a postcard please...

I am a Childcatcher and proud of it. Ski do you have to bribe Jailbait with chocolate and fizzy pop to get him to do stuff? I do with TYF (this is not a joke, I really do). Last night I sang 'Lip Up Fatty' at him and he looked at me blankly. I'm so old

Waxing and bleaching bumholes, skihorse is that because what bothers the bumsex operators is on the outside of the bumhole?

Re: A Book for over 35 ttc...great, we could rifle the talkboards and rip off people's post to publish for our own profit..oh, sorry, that's been done already.

How about a memory book for angel mummies, full of poetry and babydust and sparkles, and it could be one of those books with sound, so every time you turn the page, you hear a baby sigh, or a puppy snuffling. It could be shaped llike a tiny coffin.

Ooops, sorry, that last port was a bit insensitive. Please ignore.

I am not from Daily Heil or writing a book......but I am WOOLFing...9DPO and trying to symptom spot but I think they are all hiding.....

Oh, I remember what I wanted to say: Jan Moir is a fucking cunt. I'd like half an hour in a cottage with her and the sharp pieces of a broken teacup. I didn't realise that 'famous gay-itis' was such a serious disease

Has she actually tried to suggest that gay marriage/civil partnerships don't work because TWO gay married men have recently died? Because my brain is refusing to accept such nonsensical ignorance.

So enraged, I started a sentence with 'because'.

Medee, your 'other' forum ...you don't post on a certain, worthy, lentil-weaving newspaper's talkboards do you?

I most certainly do, I detected a hint of that in you too! Shall we now play guess the user name? Though without naming names as I am trying not to out myself to those I know IRL there.

Scorpette, it's fucking shocking that these newspapers print such filth that it leads good people to an abuse of grammar...for shame, Daily Hate!

scorps in dumbing down shock

I don't have a high enough profile to be outed by guess alone...I rarely post these days, and I have never been to any meets or anything.

This thread is much more fun than anything I have seen over there in longtime, I was having such a shitty morning, but I have virtually pissed myself reading everyone's posts here

oh well - I've been there for years (to my shame!)

Shall I order Dominos? scorps what will you have instead [fretful]

Right I'm off to drink vast quantities a few glasses of wine gin.

[panicked emotion] lucky I previewed before posting as an apostrophe had popped in where I hadn't put one and I'd have been out of here before even getting warm and cosy