30s TTC - The BESH little gin palace in mumsnet

[idealcamel]

The bar is open and the ticking clock has been muffled for the duration...Come on in!

damn, this time zone thing is a bitch. I had a dream last night of yelling and screaming in the palace, our place of solitude, refuge and body slamming.

LOL MaiTaiPokePupu or whatev..

Woke up this morning thinking: I have a genetic defect! YAY! pissers... or however you say it in your native tongue. Don't worry, mutherfuckers disease is not catching. It's some overly complicated thing which switches one or more genes around. I don't have the best or worst case - somewhere in the mediocre middle. I guess about 40% of the human race has 1 defect which may not even have any ill effects (blood clotting, vascular disease). But I have two, but I think they are on separate genes, so that may be better that... OH FFS! I don't know, and I'm trying not to care. bah

Right - lovely to see newbies that actually have't just dropped a butter dish - welcome! Don't mind me, I'll get my humor back in a couple of days.

Very disappointed at the curlypigtail meeting didn't get any photographic evidence -- hmpf!

Ski - I think you just peed wrong (are you sure you used the right hole?), go try again. I made sure to order you a baybee this month, I've got the receipt right here!

Going to go find a dark corner of the palace to sleep this off...

Don't worry, Cunty, will bring something for myself. Am used to it

Sorry Medee, wasn't slagging it off, and I still lurk over there, but I don't post enough to have the banter!

I don't understand what's going on. Period due Wednesday - I've been cramping on and off since then, just had cramps in the car so bad I thought my gusset would be soaked by the time I got home. Had a massive smelly fart so it could've been that. Jailbait said I've continued to be "much nicer than normal". On my skiboard one of the girls was telling today of her 39 year old sudden menopause.

Hawaiian I did not PooOAS. You have missed sooooo much today and that's very funny about your dream. Btw, if we don't win a baybee do we win a holiday to Hawaii? Tbh I'm easy either way at this stage.

Scorpette Of course I bribe him, I've just let him buy chips. When he's a good boy he gets a new x-box game. I'm only half-kidding.

ChoCho I like your style and just about wet myself at the coffin shaped baby book. Every time you turn a page a baby sighs. But then I'm the cruel-hearted cow who laughed at the old lady dying this week.

Tis ok scropy I've made you a chicken, lentil and tomato casserole with some of cunty's 'special sauce' Can you guess what that is?

waspy We all make grammatical errors from time to time, the worst you'll receive is a poke in the ribs.

Cunty's special sauce...sex wee?

choc well now that would just be telling I'm going to get all the BESHies to do a blind taste test when if we all meet up for real.

ski you are welcome to Hawaii anytime! (certain conditions and rules apply: must buy your own tickets, and have planned return date, and agree to shag only when hosts are not in house or dead asleep) Fucking droids! Make up your minds, or should I say follow your programming to be regular, expected, clear about your arrival versus impending leave of 9 mos!!! You are NOT going into early menopause!!!! ffs, do I need a talapia for you too???

hmmm...swirls liquid round in glass...I'm getting 'salty'

...with a hint of dry musk I reckon. And gin

Facebollocks: Sorry, we can't confirm the friend request at this time. Please try again later.

Charlie Brooker is on Have I Got News For You tonight

Funnily enough, Cunty, I've just decided to become a Breathatarian, so you're okay

PS 'Scropy'? Sounds like a cervical disorder.

Ski, I still think you've 'dropped the butter dish'. You are not going through the perimenopause either. Although when 2WOOFLing, I always think I'm having 'promising cramps' but it's always trapped wind . But you're not quite as mad as me, so who knows.

According to my email loads of you have tried to friend the new account but I'm not getting any notifications pfff. I'll set up a proper group for us to natter on and just leave that account so people can contact us.

cunty Your dumplings are um... squidgey.

Scropy It's going to be tough when the time comes to "gently push sweetie" isn't it when all we're able to produce is a poo-baby. FLOATER IN THE BIRTHING POOL!

If we do all meet up in some Hag Collidron thing I'm going to put a beer mat over my G&T at all times in case cunty squeezes love-juice (or bum pubes) in to my drink.

I didn't think you were ChoCHo I am really enjoying your writing style. I have had gin, wine, pok belly and profiteroles, mmm, there's definitely a silver lining to this not having conceived yet mullark.

Thanks for that CU, I shall tune in.

My DH, who I shall as of now refer to as the giant (or TG - yes, he is v tall), has just informed me it has been scientifically proven that you can get pregnant by bumsex. Apparently some women have very thin membranes between their bumhole and fanjo, and the sperm can magically get through..

He arrived home from work with this info and a bottle of vodka for me... I am not generally too good at picking up on hints but even I can see what his plan for this evening is.

Am also wondering what exactly he does at work all day if he has time to research bumsex pregnancies and buy vodka.

clearly, that was meant to be PORK belly, not pok belly, though husband is being sufficiently amorous that there might be some of that later.

Is your husband a rapist, Polly? Sounds like he's got all the chat, and the equipment. [grins]

My smileys aren't working, so Polly's husband could quite rightly do me for libel, without having the appropriate context furnished by the cunning application of an emoticon...shit, I hear sirens...

That was a bold move choc

But I admire your tenacity nevertheless - we have thick skin round here, or should have - don't put the 's' on the end of grin

The shame of it [blushes]...I mean , ha ha!

Well, hopefully Polly will tell me if she wants me excommunicated. If it's any consolation, the Boyf. tried to tell me "hey, everyone has bumsex on a first date!", and he carries chloroform.

That was a joke...the second part anyway..chloroform is, like, SO pre-rohypnol!

Err, so do people generally NOT have bumsex on a first date? Maybe this is where I am going wrong.

And Cho I will most certainly not have you excommunicated. I will merely stalk your other threads and then bitch about you on there.