To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

[CHW]

Hi,
Had few glasses of wine and have spent large part of the evening on this site. I am in two minds about a baby - or really, at the age of 35 (but Type 1 diabetic which can complicate thingss) and really ought to make a decision about whether to have a family or not.
I worry about cost, the changes it will make to our lives and, well, if I am actually just happy as I am. Me and DH discussed going for it, so to speak, sometime after the start of Aug (as did the London Triathlon before then so couldn't before then) and decided we would once the triathlon was out the way. Now it is and we are both stalling. But it is playing on both our minds - in the do we, or don't we way.

My babyometer keeps going haywire - any tips or things for me to also consider which may help us make a decision. I am also wondering if we are simply analysing things too much but beeing diabetic makes things more complicated (ie they need to be planned, in an ideal world at least.) Any help or food for thoughts would be MASSIVELY appreciated!

Maybe we could have our own stats list.

HoneyPetal SparklePants nTTC#1 Cycle 1 UCL ? CD1
YorkshireTeaDrinker iTCC#1 Cycle 16 UCL 29-31 CD11
Confuseddoiordonti NPP Cycle ? UCL ? CD?

n = not
i = ineffectually
NPP = Not Preventing Pregnancy - I think the pill-less and welly-less approach to contraception almost counts as NPP!!

At least we have more variety on this thread, with all stage of TTC and nTTC represented!

I am out tonight, but was planning on catching up with One Born Every Minute. It might help with the blessing counting when we get to the end of another unfruitful month!

Hi all

Currently watching One Born every minute - i am usually not this militant but if my dh acted like that guy Steve (who's wife is in labour whilst her 18 year old son is in the room) i am going to have to slap him. OMG! When you've all caught up on it on Sky+ you'll see what I mean.

There is something about the indignity of labour that worries me - not because I a prude and worry about getting my kit off (cellulite and all but there seems to be a lot of mooing going on...I'm not sure about mooing. Plus my DH is super queasy - cant even watch me put an earring in!

O dear - I'm with you lizardqueenie!

Getting the kit off worries me but I will just make sure (or try) to get a female ob but it's more the fear of bowel movements and all the rest that I find so undignified. I think everyone expects you to be sweaty and red and shouty but I don't want to be a grown woman litterally sh*tting myself.

Luckily my other half is from a farm and will be well used to mooing (though generally done by actual cows) haha

Am watching it on C4+1. I'd have strangled him with that bloody stethoscope!

Just watched it. My god. Terrifying.

That husband, Steve, was an utter knob. If my DH was making quips and messing about with rubber gloves etc I think it would be very hard not to twat him. As for the lovely girl who had the CSec, I was getting nervous too! I think a CSec must be utterly terrifying (and I guess the 'normal' way isn't that much cop either.) Even if you are numb, you can still feel tugging etc and you know what they are doing (I was in agony after my appendix coming out and this, I think, is far bigger and more intrusive.) Scary stuff - all of it (including how some men can be utterly useless in the delivery room.) Oh yes, and I thought it was rather weird (it made my toes curl) that the older woman's son was in there too.

I think I'd be a patient from hell!(And didn't warm to that midwife, the one who delivered 'Finlay', the son belonging to the older lady and the Twat.)

Oooh... could go on all night but need to go to bed.

Red, amber or green anyone...?!

By 'this' I mean that a csec is bigger and more intrusive than an appendectomy, not the other way round - sorry, tired so didn't write it very well.

Looking forward to hearing more on what you think but need to wait till tomorrow as knackered. Hope it hasn't scared you lot as much as it did me! (But kinda looking forward to next week...!)

Currently half way through. Csec just started. Still green, but wavering. I would throttle DH if he acted like Steve.

Oooh, CS baby is out. I'm slightly tearful now.

I cried! DH came in half way through (I've came upstairs to watch it so i could get in bed and put my electric blanket on - yes 28 going on 82). He said that he had to look away at first, worried about the mooing too and anything which might involve him having to see needles or blood.

He then got a bit quiet (not too emotional) and said he felt sorry for the people that were on the programme. I said I am sure they had a choice but it does show everyone at a vulnerable time.

We were both particularly horrified at a "ripping" sound when the twat Steve's wife was pushing, but were relieved when we worked out it was the midwife opening up something with cellophane/ plastic! DH's eyebrows almost went through the ceiling!

Promised myself an early night so I'm off, catch up tomorrow ladies.

I am a sobbing emotional wreck! Well the effect is not quite what I expected, I am still pretty green. I am somehow overlooking the pain and indignity and just getting all gooey and pathetic when teh babies actually appear, despite the fact they come out screaming, blue and covered in gunk.

I'm sort of glad I didn't see this. My friend was on a documentary about Whipps Cross hospital in the East End on the 'maternity' week so saw her in the early stages of labour, but nothing too late, thankfully. They obviously had to ask her permission to use it, but she said it was difficult as she came in in labour, and someone was waving a form in her face so it wasn't exactly informed consent in the usual circumstances. Having said that, she was quite pleased in the end, and got everyone to watch it! It's always sort of horrible fascination though - can't imagine actually being in that position...

We haven't had the IVF meeting yet, HP - tomorrow and Friday; last Monday was just informal and a more or less all-women's support group - there was one partner there, but I don't think I'd ever get DH to that one (and that's fine by me). He's being ok, though - cancelled a boozy dinner the night before the meeting with the doctor on Friday in case he had to, ahem, deliver any goods - which is quite a gesture for him!

Ooh, I've always wanted to do this, but didn't think I could just add myself on other threads:

LeviStubbsTears TTC#1 Cycle 62 [or thereabouts - I kid you not...] CD8

YTD, I think you've long been the greenest of us all (apart perhaps from recent newcomers)! Nothing puts you off. Good to have someone on here with positive feelings as well as ambivalence!

Things a bit fraught at the moment - my dad had a bladder tumour removed yesterday and they're now testing it to see if it's benign or malignant. Apparently quite a lot of them are benign, but it's still very scary. I'm not really letting myself think about the worst outcome (or any of the bad ones, really).

On that scary note, better do something. At least I'm too busy to dwell at the moment. Hope all's good with you all. xx

Hi All. Forgive me if this post is a little me-me-me, I?m posting at work so I?m trying to be stealthy.

Well, since my last post, things may have changed a little. I could really do with some advice, ladies, as frankly I?m a bit scared and trying not to let my imagination run wild.

On my list of New Years Resolutions was a plan to go to the doctors, as (I?m not sure you can tell from my piccies!) I have dark hair and quite pale skin, which over the years has become very freckley. So I wanted to finally go and get myself checked out, which I did today. But it has kind of shocked me as the doctor is concerned about some of my more prominent freckles (ok, moles) and is referring me to a consultant dermatologist at the hospital. Now, he says that he is being cautious, but I guess he would say that, wouldn?t he, not to freak me out? and I am trying to keep things in perspective, to be rational and scientific, I know that there is probably nothing wrong but I am a bit frightened.

(Confused - please forgive me, I know this is nothing compared to what S is going through).

I think what I?m worried about is that basically, no matter how small the risk (and I know it is small), I am being investigated for possible skin cancer.

So, my question is, given that it might take a few months to sort all this out once I am in the NHS system, is now the best time to be coming off the pill? Not only for the possible accidental pregnancy aspect, but also as the pill provides me with stability and some level of control over my emotions at PMT time. I swear I?m not backtracking because I have got all freaked out over coming off the pill, this is a totally unexpected development. I have until Saturday to decide what to do as I would have been starting a new pack then. Any thoughts would be happily received, as always I really appreciate whatever advice you have. I have to confess I?m thinking it might be best to stay on it, but I?m disappointed to have got that far (and excited) and then not do it.

I will reply to what everyone else is up to as well, once I can read and type more freely.

HP-SP

Christ! Two bombshells.

So, in order of posting I'll tackle them one at a time. LST, I have absolutely everything crossed that your dad is okay. As you say, many tumours are benign and hopefully this one is one too. My thoughts are with you at this tough time, xxx

HP - I would shit myself too, if I am honest. However, I think the mere mention of the C word puts the willes up us no matter how small the potential risk which is actually why I'd be shitting myself. (Ironically, S, who really has got the worst case scenario is strangely laid back about it, possibly as the worst has already happened.) Also, the great unknown in both yours and LST's case is something that seems to escalate the more you have to wait. A friend of mine ended up having lots of moles (ugh, hate them) removed as they had the potential to become nasty, and it was only potential too, and I think that the dr's err very much on the side of caution with these things. I would assume also, that moles are very easy to remove so if anything looked even vaguely iffy it could be whipped off or out with no major problems or even scarring. I am not sure how relevant this would be to this scenario but about 5 years ago I had a lump in my boob. I went to the docs and was told to 'not travel' anywhere and was given an 'instant referral' and had to go have a biopsy the following day. I was too young etc to be likely to get breast cancer but things do seem to move very quickly if or when they need to to play it safe. (By the way, it turned out to be a 'mouse', I kid you not....) Perhaps if your moles looked especially risky you'd have been at the hospital the next day or certainly within the week...?

As for the quandry about whether or not you stay of the pill, you don't know whether you'll get PMT or even what a 'real' period is like as you've been on it so long. You may be just the same as you were before (I was expecting big differences and had none at all - which was great!) Personally, I'd give it at least a month and see how it goes. The chances aren't that high (presumably, but maybe I'm going from my own experiences!) if you getting pregnant accidently and I think you'll feel disappointed if you go back on so soon, especially after all the recent excitement about coming off it!

Oh goodness. We aren't half going through the mill round here at the moment!

LST really hope the tumour is benign and your Dad makes a decent recovery from the surgery. I know even a whisper of the c word can conjure up immediate fear, but even a malignant tumour can be dealt with successfully if caught early enough.

HP, loud advice from me is DON'T PANIC! Easier said than done, I know, but there is a very strong probablity that the GP is being cautious and the investgations will come back clear. Melanoma is one that can be treated very easily if caught soon enough and screening is much more vigorous.

I don't know how much information you like to have about these things, but there is some good information information about Melanoma on the Cancer Research UK website. It might help to know what the tests are and what they will be looking at.

But try not to freak out. It is much better that your GP is being cautious and you are getting looked at early. If it was anything other than over caution, you'd be in for an emergency appointment, rather than waiting for the GP and consultant to send letters to each other.

As regards pill-free-ness, I'm with Confused, give your body the break. It is very unlikely you will return to adolescent levels of period pain and the chances of getting pregnant whilst using alternative contraception are miniscule anyway.

Yes, I guess we all are in the wars for one reason or another. Talking of which, SeaGreen's not posted for a while. Hope she's okay...

Just catching up. BTW, does anyone know what happens when we hit 1000 messages? Does the thread explode or something?!

Belated "Hi!" to Tabby2 and lizardqueenie I can't offer any suggestions on how to dampen down the baby-desire hormones cos mine seem to be quite comprehensively dampened down all by themselves! But good luck with decision making, Tabby2, it does sound as though what you want to do is wait and have a lovely pregnancy/child free wedding, then get cracking on your honeymoon!

HoneyPetal try not to panic. As has already been said, if it had been anything obviously serious, you'd have been packed off to the hospital before you could say "ovulation test kit". It sounds like the GP was being (rightly) cautious, and moles that even look like they might think about going funny can easily be removed before they get that far - my sister had a couple removed and she said it was no big deal (we're all freckly and fair skinned - I just need to look at sunshine and I burn ). But I know things like this have a habit of getting out of proportion the more you think about them. I worried myself stupid for more than a year about painful boobs, and convinced myself I had breast cancer - until I worked out I needed to wear two different bra sizes, one mid cycle and one end cycle... As for the Pill/no Pill question, you've agonised about this for months - it would be a shame if you had to go back to square one. Couldn't you stick to your original plan but use another form of contraception until you feel ready to take the next step? It might be a good opportunity for you and your Pill-free body to get to know each other again, then when the doctor says everything is all fine on the mole front, you're in a good position to go for it?!

LST - to you too. I hope everything is OK with your dad and you don't have to wait long for the results. But even if it is malignant, there's a good chance it will be treatable, specially if they've caught it early. Keep us posted. And I hope your appointments go well this week - is your DH going along too this time?

I watched that TV programme too, but was quite unmoved by it! Maybe because I just don't see that ever being me. Couldn't see who was benefiting from the presence of the dad who fancied himself as a comedien, and the monosynballic son though... But I felt for the girl who had the C-section. If I ever do get that far I'll be at least that terrified!

To add my stats to the list, I guess I am

Suerock viTTC(can't find the hash)1 Cycle probably about 30 (but none of them really count) UCL 30-35 CD 16ish

Hi all,

HP - you poor thing. You'll almost certainly look back on this and be very happy (from a position of relief and free from worry) that the doctor is being extra careful and cautious, in order to reassure you. I know several people who have had moles removed and tested in your situation, and lots of people who 'monitor' theirs carefully on the advice of their doctor, but no one who has ever had any serious problems. The only one was my grandfather, who actually had (very early) skin cancer first diagnosed on his ear (!), but was treated and recovered completely, and lived to a ripe old age (98?). And he spent years in the war in India and Burma being blazed on the whole time, as well as a lifetime of gardening without protection.

I know none of this makes any difference at all, or means anything, but at least I think even the precautions your doctor is taking in your case are relatively common. Still, doesn't make it any less scary. If the pill thing is stressing you out, you should probably delay coming off as you don't need anything else adding to the existing anxiety. If it's more a hypothetical concern, I'd probably agree with the others as I think it's unlikely to make a big difference (and you can always go back on for a bit if it's really troublesome - though I've forgotten how it works to some extent so might be talking b**cks...). But I had a very smooth transition to pill-free life so I probably would say that. Keep us posted, anyway, and feel free to vent on here anytime - we're all with you, behind you, and anywhere else that's helpful to be!

Thanks, folks, for the kind words re. my Dad. I'm feeling better as he's home from hospital early (albeit with a catheter) as they deemed my doctor mother capable of nursing him until he goes back tomorrow, and sounded relatively cheerful last night. They're doing lots of tests, and the results will take a couple of weeks, so we're all still quite jumpy, but at least stage 1 went well.

Take care, all of you, especially HP.

oh my dear god. Just been to the docs for a check up - one, in my opinon I don't need, but they insist you go to regardless of your overall control etc - and she tried to take blood out of my arm. My veins are quite small and slippery apparently so have often had probs in this area which makes me VERY tense, but this time I had S's gory stories (the woman who tried to take a sample and went through the vein, for example) instead. I was close to stuck to the ceiling and, no, she didn't get any. Shudder! She also kept asking me about pregnancy (and laughed when I got cross about my weight as, as far as she know's, we are TTC) which felt weird as my automatic response was to guffaw and snort 'as if' or similar.
The appt with the obstretrician (can't spell today) is also tomorrow morning at the hospital. I did cancel it but the message wasn't passed on so someone else rang me to remind me (I originally couldn't go as had to be at work for 9am snd they don't do later appointments but I am now going into work for 11.30) so now I'm going. DH has offered to go with me too but I feel a bit of a fraud as it is, so he's staying put. I am going to be very interested in what they say as, for once, it may be new and also something I've never needed to look into before. To be honest, I still don't feel I 'need' to but as the appt's there I'm going to go.

LST glad to hear stage one went well and hope your dad is recovering well. Sounds like he'll be well looked after at home too and great to hear he sounded relatively cheerful. I hope the results come through very very soon.

HP S-P - where are you and how are you feeling about everything?

Hi all, I'm still here, thank you so so much for the messages and advice. Will be back later but had to post after seeing Confuseds post....

So are you having your appointment after all then?? That's great, let us know how it goes and what they say. Good luck!!

Better go to work. Have a good Friday, all. xx

Merry Friday everyone.

I'm working from home this morning so enjoying emailing (and mumsnetting) from my bed!

Good luck with the obstetrician Confused, it is somewhat ironic that you are doing this whilst scarlet,but the health professionals don't need to know. You are just doing the ground work in case you change your mind later on.

Glad to hear your Dad is home and doing ok LST. Its going to be an anxious 2 week wait for results, but hopefully he'll be able to be home as much as possible and try and keep a bit of normality. Its easier to say than do, but try not to think the worst. There's as much chance of the tumour being beneign as it is malignant, so try to focus on the positive side of the equation.

HP I hope you are managing to be all scientific and rational about your impending tests at least some of the time.

As a mild distraction from our various worries, here is our 'sort of but not really and not with any blinking success anyway' TTC list:

Suerock viTTC#1 Cycle 30[ish] UCL 30-35 CD 17ish
YorkshireTeaDrinker iTCC#1 Cycle 16 UCL 29-31 CD14
LeviStubbsTears TTC#1 Cycle 62[ish] UCL ? CD10
HoneyPetal SparklePants nTTC#1 Cycle 1 UCL ? CD4
Confuseddoiordonti nTTC#1 Cycle ? UCL ? CD?

n = not
i = ineffectually
vi = very ineffecctually?

Hi all

Yikes yikes yikes yikes yikes. That is what I have to say. I'm booked in for IVF starting during my March cycle. Far quicker than I'd expected. Feeling strange - my head is still saying 'why are you voluntarily (possibly) giving up a fantastic adult life full of fun and fulfilling relationships and conversation to spend decades engaged in endless boring, repetitive activities with beings of very limited social skills and powers of reasoning, and monstrous egos?' [sorry, I have to vent all my most awful and anti-child thoughts on here, because I can - I am also very fascinated by them and usually charmed by them in person, honest!]. My heart and general being is rather excited, however!

(Bit more of an insight into question YTD raised about why we're going straight to IVF.) Apparently IUI has a much lower success rate than IVF, and with my advanced age in mind (it's a great ego boost, all this, it really is ) they recommended getting on with IVF. IUI works cumulatively, apparently, so the first one is unlikely to work, and usually the doctor we spoke to recommends 4 or 5 cycles of it, so she thought we would do much better to get on with the full monty, as it were, especially given that there was a space. (I'm not questioning why there is a space for us but that there wasn't for others until June - feel a bit guilty, but not going to enquire...) The whole thing sounds unutterably grim, needless to say, but for some reason I'm still feeling ok about it. Foolish foolish fool (probably).

How did the obstetrician appointment go, confused? Are you still as scarlet as ever? Hope they weren't too condescending or annoying - sounds like the injection (or non-injection appt was probably annoying enough).

My dad is back at the hospital having his catheter removed (I'm sure everyone wants this level of detail!) today so I can't speak to him, but he seems to be doing pretty well, and he has lots of work (he's retired but on hundreds of committees and voluntary things) to take his mind of things.

Hope you're doing ok, HP. And you're having a nice day working (and mumsnetting) at home, YTD! And hi to all the other newbies (and occasional visitors).

xxx

Oh, and my UCL is 29-30 (obviously this is a matter of pressing concern to everyone... But just for the record).

Illicit work post...

OMG, LST, that's crazy and great and quick!! Yay!!

Also illicit posting at work, as well as off in 10 mins...

So.... I went at 9am this morning and felt a bit of a fraud as I was in a room with lots of women who looked like they had swallowed beach balls booked in for scans. I saw the consultant, who was a very nice but quite imposing woman (best described as 'handsome') who had a boomy voice, was VERY knowledgeable and borderline bossy but in a way that inspires confidence rather than gets your back up. In short, I am excellent control wise and general health wise but time is not on my side and things will inevitably be far more medicalised that for someone who wasn't diabetic however, this does all depend on my control etc too so can argue my cases if needs be. Specifically this refers to the drips in each hand hospital policy with diabetic deliveries (not sure if mentioned this before and can't really scroll through and look as screen on tiny due to being sneaky as at work.)
All very positive apart from one small problem. I don't think I want to do it, I have too many other things going on, but by the time I may be more ready it might well be too late.
Hmmm.
Oh yes, and I am a LOT more likely to develop pre eclampsia, and also
more likely to have a child with birth defects such as heart problems or
spina-bifida but that is in comparison with the national average - ie
you would have a 2 in 2000 chance and mine would be 3 in 2000 so not too
big a deal. These issues also, obviously, increase with age. I said the
advantage of being able to move freely and take advantage of gravity is
surely better than being attached to drips and she did agree, but said
it would also depend how things 'progressed' - but also then added it's
my body and therefore my 'right.'

So, that's that in a nutshell! FAR better than yesterday's appt I'm sure you'll all agree!

Lastly, I ended up calling my mum and telling her all about the appt (she had previously no idea we had even vaguely considered it, it's all part of my 'I don't want babies' persona I think that I am pro animals and no little people so has never come up) and she was close to speachless over these developments and revelations! Weirdly, it has made me more green than I have felt for weeks and weeks but, and I could never admit this in real life, I think I like the attention and it has also made the time scales etc more of an issue. Whether I take it further though remains to be seen.

LST that is brilliant news! So very very exciting! And as for venting about the 'downsides' (and I use the term tongue in cheek) we're with you all the way!

Just seen post and no idea why it has the weird spacing!

Hurray! That's brilliant news LST - maybe your doctor has been reading this thread and knows you're feeling green right now I'm ignorant about IVF, so tell me, when's the earliest you get get a BFP then? (Assuming Mother Nature doesn't get to you first!)

confused - good news about your appointment (and resulting green tinges) too. I know what you mean about feeling like a fraud when it comes to stuff like this though.

Thank goodness it's the weekend. Have a good one, everyone.