First time TTC?!! Let's get through this together!!

[DawnAS]

Hi All,

This is a difficult time for most women (and men) I think.

Certainly for me, I've waited a long time to get to this stage , having not met Mr Right until the age of 31. Now 34 and got married 2 months ago and now want to complete the family!

So, just started "trying" for a baby and due to my impatient nature, have already started using Ovulation Kits. (Probably not a good idea). I also did the Female Fertility Test and that seemed to have a good result aswell.

I was on Dianette for 8 years and came off of it 3 years ago. My cycles became regular again but every 5 weeks instead of 4. I had previously come off of the pill for 6 months and my cycles were regular, so I guess all this is a good sign.

Anyone else had similar experiences and fallen pregnant quickly? I know everyone's different but any good news stories help move us all along!! .

xx

Bonifacio good to see you back - we thought you had left us! i agree with heverhoney and BSL i think you need to have a good chat with DH. I also think you should restrict the baby talk to outside the bedroom too as he probably wants the bonking to be just that and not about baby dancing (even if he does want a baby).

I think he is definitely nervous about the whole thing otherwise he wouldnt have held back last night. Try to reassure him. I hope it all goes well - and stay with us for our bit of moral support!

Bonifacio - . Some tough love coming up...be warned...I realise it is the most frustrating thing in the world to hear just now, but I really think you need to relax a little bit. You are 100% wrapped up in having a baby NOW...your DH, much as he may love you and even the thought of having a baby with you, is clearly less pressed that this must happen immediately (for whatever reason). I personally think that it is really important that you are both 100% behind the idea before you go any further...things will get more difficult (however lovely too) when Baby Bonifacio is around and you have to both be ready for it...

Your DH doesn't sound stupid...just a bit naive on the timings of getting PG. I don't think all women know the monthly conception window is so small until they start trying to have a baby...let alone men. I thik he is in the majority not minority in thinking you have all month. In fairness though, if you have talked him through this, he should be better informaed...and telling you that you are wrong/misinformed etc is not a nice way to speak to you. I think giving him the conception book to read is a good idea...but you will have to allow him time to do this; not insist he reads it the moment you hand it over. For whatever reason he feels under pressure/unsure (consciously or subconsciously), and it's important to get to the bottom of that before you go any further...

I would be heartbroken if DH had pulled out at the last minute...but you really do need to find out why he did so. Give him the space and ability to answer you honestly. If he loves you and knows all you want is a baby, he may feel usurped/used/worried for the future...all sorts of emotions. He will be worried, even ashamed, to tell you because he loves you and doesn't want to let you down. You must talk about this, as calmly as is possible. Let him to some talking.

Also, I would really advise against sending him a million emails at work...he is already working long hours and in a stressful and busy environment - this will only add to his inbox and add to the pressure he feels. Talk to him about this in leisure time (evenings and weekends) not whilst he's trying to work. Trust me - I know what it's like to be on the receiving end. He will not have the time or be in the right mental place to fully take in anything you're sending whilst he's fire-fighting in the office. It will only annoy/frustrate/upset/pressurise him more.

Why not spend half an hour writing a letter to DH, telling him all the things you feel and asking all the questions you would like to know answers about... It will help consolidate your thoughts...you don't ever need to give him the letter (though you can), but it may help you when you sit down and chat to him to have sorted out what you think and feel.

I REALLY hope you can chat this through with him and make a plan that you are both happy with. Sorry your sad...

Flirty x

Morning ladies,

BOnifacio nice to see you back. I'm sorry you had another evening like that. I know it's not the same, but this month DH once pulled out just before (sorry) and I was really upset -- he said it was honestly like he was on automatic pilot (we used the 'reliable' withdrawal method for about a year) so is it poss this was similar?

BSL hope you're not too exhausted....

Dawn thanks so much for telling me your experience of implantation. I really really don't know what to think. I'm still having the cramping a bit, but not as bad as all of yesterday afternoon and evening. I ovulated 7 or 8 days ago and my period is due next Wednesday. I just don't get that there was so little blood. It was literally 2 spots on the toilet paper, no more. I read on a website you can have the cramps without bleeding or the bleeding without the cramps, so maybe this is just a combination?! I guess we'll see. I still have no idea how I'm going to get on a plane at 6pm tonight without a glass of wine though....

Flirty - great advice!!

Eth - I'm completely spaced out!! I wish I could consider it a symptom...but I know it's not...I haven't even OV'ed this month yet!! I dread to think what Dawn and the other PG ladies are going through exhaustion-wise! But I am really hopeful for you this month!! It definitely sounds like something! I wouldn't worry too much about the alcohol...the bean won't have a placenta to share your blood yet!!

Big yawn wave to everyone else!

BSL x

eth i dont think one glass of wine is going to hurt you or potential mini eth. if that is what you need to calm your flying nerves then i would just do it and have a small glass. the medics dont advise against alcohol completely just absolute moderation.

have a wonderful weekend and see you next week for our AF due dates (0r not as may be!!!)

flirty i think your advice was very well put and balanced. Bonifacio i completely echo flirtys advice and sincerely hope you and DH can sort this out - best of luck!

Flirty I think you need to be an agony aunt!! Thanks for such a thoughtful reply!

We will be having a chat this weekend. I need to write down a few points that I need to mention as he is so damn clever that he manages to trip me up and change subject if it is something he doesn't want to talk about.

I wouldn't be suprised if he were stalling, he has put it off 3 times before citing bad timing etc.

I'm going to go and have a nap, all this stress is making me really tired and hungry

Sorry again that I haven't replied to anyone else. I never usually talk to other people about my probs, feels very strange, I can now never meet you in RL because you know that my life isn't rosy!! [drin]

Morning all,

Bonifacio there's nothing more that I can say that hasn't already been said so well by Flirty and the others (sorry don't mean to make you feel like characters from Lost {smile} ) But I truly hope that you manage to talk this through and work it all out - best of luck to you both xx

Eth I think that a glass of wine would be ok to help with the flying, especially if it will reduce stress (which I think would be worse, would it not?)
Hope you're feeling better today. If it is implantation then how exciting!! You could be next to graduate
Have a wonderful weekend

Hey B,

I am so feeling your pain right now but the ladies are giving very very good advice. Please take heed of it and have some good discussions over the weekend. The last thing you want to do is put him off altogether.

I have to admit that I did feel like I pushed DH in a way, when we were initially talking about it, to the extent that when we were out he'd say to friends "if she wants a child I'll give her one" and I was so paranoid that he really was only doing it for me. So when we got engaged and it got closer to the wedding, I just said subtle things like, "I'm coming off the pill, we can still use natural methods to avoid having a baby but I want to give my body a rest and get prepared. It could take a year or two for the pill to be completely out of my system". (although it only took a month for my first AF to come!!) He then started making jokes saying "I bet there'll be a bun in the oven by the Summer". And he was right - . But I was very unsure about his feelings.

But now I'm PG he's changed. When we were in Mothercare the other day, where I bought myself a book on Pregnancy, he was looking at all the clothes and saying "I'm going to be terrible after 12 weeks - I'm going to want to buy everything". He was even looking at the sets of baby baths with towels and stuff and picked one out! So really, be subtle and take it slowly. When it happens, his Caveman "Look what I did!!" attitude will cut in and he'll be secretly proud of himself AND excited. Just don't push him.....

Eth, they say that implantation can occur anytime between 6-12 days after OVing. I got mine 8 days before my next AF was due. I don't want to build your hopes up too much, really, but it does sound likely that it was Implantation. Especially if you're normally regular. I had spotting and cramping. Have a look at the link below...

www.babycentre.co.uk/preconception/activelytrying/toptensignsofpregnancy/

Hi BSL, Summerbird and Flirty. Where's Crunchy gone? Has she gone on holiday and I missed her?

xxx

B, I agree with Dawn - it sounds like your DH is feeling nervous about the whole thing, but I bet once you are pg, he will be so excited and proud. I guess we sometimes underestimate the emotional effect it can have on men.... Def think it's a good idea to talk about it at the weekend when he is less stressed with work etc.

Dawn thanks for that link. I really don't know what else it could have been to be honest - but don't want to get my hopes up too much.I think I'll do a test on Tuesday and see what that says. DH doesn't seem to believe me.... He says I spend too much time on health websites!! The cheek...

Hi Dawn - yes Crunchy is about - she posted yesterday. Hope you are having a relaxing day.

Hi all- I am here at last- Sorry i am late but had a really crap night .

B I feel for you- we didn't talk all last night and i had enough in the end and slept down stairs (the plan was to just watch a fim and calm down but i fell to sleep and he left me ) We never argue- have little tiffs but they are usuallt over and hugs are back within 10minutes so its really upset me. He has text me this morning from work to say he loves me and im just being a bitch- don't know why but i cant just let it go that easy! WE really, honestly don't argue much and are very affectionate so its really made me feel crap, ill probably be sulking all day now.

Sorry for the moan. B, Eth and Dawn i hope you are all feeling better. I am glad i have this thread to unload on. Still have no AF and my boobs are killing me again today- god knows what is going on with these bloody hormones! xx

i was also to angry to get up and go for my blood tests this morning to so that will have to be put off until monday now too

i was also to angry to get up and go for my blood tests this morning to so that will have to be put off until monday now too

Crunchy are you ok? Did DH know he had upset you and left you asleep downstairs? Poor you. Hopefully you two can have a nice relaxing weekend as well.

I am getting ready for the big train station surprise... Trouble is, that is not really what is on my mind right now! The cramping has more or less gone, just having strange twinges and no more blood... If it wasn't implantation, I think I might have some awful disease. Do you reckon it's worth booking a Dr appointment for when we get back Tues am either way? Either way I would want to see a GP I suppose.

What's everyone up to today?

He knows- i don't hide emotions at all! I just say it as it is lol. I have sent him a big message- he knows i was upset but is too stupid to know why so he was in a mood with me for 'being nasty for no reason' i have told him in no uncertain terms WHY i was upset. I will be ok thanks. Just not used to it.

Eth I seriously doubt that it is something sinister- you focus on enjoying yourself and your sepecial time with your husband- it may be the last one alone for a while! don't think about it too much if you can help it and then do a test or go to see the doctor when you are back xx I hope you have a lovely time xx

Crunchy - dumb question, perhaps...but it might be worth a PG test...? You never know, aching (.)(.)s are a symptom....just a thought.
I am sorry you had a bad night and I hope you're okay!! I'm a 'vent and forget about it' girl and DH stews afterwards, so am probably more like your DH. So to give you my opinion is probably not helpful! But my motto is always 'today is a new day, all fresh with no mistakes in it'!

BSL x

we are still arguing over messages- its sad i know! I don't think i am pg- be worried if i am as have been drinking and balancing on ladders etc (not at the same time mind!) be nice if i was i just dont think i am and a BFN would upset me even more.

Do you think i should just apologise and forget it? He thinks i was in the wrong and i think he was- i can see what hes saying but i was feeling really unappreciated maybe iv just been at home too long! im used to rushing about a lot not playing housewife- im feeling very needy- i need lots of attention and he just wasnt giving it yesterday! xx ohh i feel bas now

Oh Crunchy my darling, it's such a difficult time for all of us ladies. I think naturally when you've decided to go for something that you want, you do change in subtle ways that you won't notice yourself, but that DHs and DPs would definitely notice.

I won't tell you to apologise, but I know that I've been in your situation and when I look at it from DHs side, I have been a bit of an arse.... Up to you though...

xxx

Hi Crunchy,

I'm not sure what to suggest. I don't think you should apologise if you don't think you were in the wrong!

But perhaps if you don't want to fight anymore, then you could suggest that you both forget it and agree it was 6 of one and half a dozen of the other...

I would try to avoid arguing over text/email...it can easily be misinterpreted and lead to even more problems!

With my DH, once I've come down off the anger-high, we sit down and say exactly why we were hurt and how we felt and listen to the other person...exchange explanations and apologise and move on.

Not sure, if I'm helping really...where's our resident agony aunt???? Help!!

(Also, I'm not trying to get your hopes up, but you are definitely in a situation where you could get pregnant and not know. I've also read about women suddenly arguing with their DPs over nothing, and then finding out they are PG - it happened to Mylene Klass(I have soooo read too many PG books!! - sorry [blush). All I'm saying is just be aware that it might happen)

Sorry for the ramble...
BSL x

Crunchy - I missed why you are so upset..but I'm sorry your stressed and tempers are frayed!

I totally agree with BSL though - arguing over text or email is a recipe for disaster. The tone of the message can so easily be mis-interpreted! Wait and do this face to face...

A story for you...I work from home, but haven't always. When I started doing so I suddenly found I was spending all of my time in the same four walls with no social interaction. DH would get home from the office wanting to chill and I'd be desperate to talk (and I can talk a lot!) to him. He wanted quiet; I wanted company. It took us a good few months to realise that we were beginning to slightly irritate each other - me thinking he was dismissive, him thinking I was insensitive. Niether of us are either of these but we had to sit down and talk about a plan that worked for us both. Now it works well, I know for the first half hour or so that he's home, he needs space, and he knows that after that I need to chat...works great. I'm telling you this because I understand why you are feeling 'needy' if you are suddenly at home and are used to being busy. I don't know why your situation has changed - but is it that you have stopped work and feel out of place? I used to feel 'defined' by a previous job; when I left the company and had a few months off before starting writing, I suddenly felt very needy. It was like I didn't know who I was for a little while. And it's very unsettling. Is there something that you could do in the day to make you feel you have a practical purpose (not that I think being a housewife is without purpose...but hopefully you know what I mean)? Oh, and if you are at home for a completely different reason...ignore entirely my reply! Sorry just don;'t have time at the moment to read back and my memory can be crap on some things!

And as for apologising...I can't comment on whether you should or not. How do you feel...?

Flirty x

Hi girls! Thanks you- we have both agreed to let it go and said sorry-love you etc.

Flirty your story did help- its six weeks holiday from school and i think i am feeling needy. I was working hard stripping ceilings and buying accesories and cleaning out cupboards (things i dnt suppose he realises how much work goes into!) and i wanted a bit of appreciation when he got home- i know im a big kid but a wow and a gold sticker would have made me happy i think i wanted to sit down and eat together and talk about things- holiday, decorating thats next on the list, our day in general- he had been playing football so while a work colleague phoned me (quick 5minute call but it was important) He made himself a burger and didnt want anything else so i had nothing and then had a shower and wanted to watch big brother in bed id even bought him a present in the day and was really looking forward to him coming home...

I know when iv had a long day at work etc i just want to relax too though so i suppose i was being a bit selfish but i had tried so hard to do something nice...

any way! we are ok- i will talk to him properly when he gets home.

BSL i did a pregnancy test a few weeks ago because i felt so different and it was negative. I suppose it could just have been too early but iv read into other things now and i think it might just be the hormonal changes as the drugs are leaving my system i would very much love to be pregnant though and have had cramps/ sore boobs/ backache (climbing ladders and heavy lifting perhaps? ) but they seem to be quite common symptons for several things- i have not had morning sickness or any bleeding or anything like that though so I dpnt think the babies are here yet

was the Mylene Class book any good? I wanted to buy that cos i think shes nice but stopped myself! xx

Crunchy - I'm glad you are feeling better and have sorted things out with your DH!! Hopefully the sore boobs might mean your AF might be on it's way!! You never know!

I really liked the Mylene Klass book, I've read that, Jools Oliver's and Mel's (from Mel and Sue) book. My fave is Jools Oliver, just because it goes through her pre-conception as well as pregnancy and beyond. I did like Mylene's too though! I'm a bit of a sucker for books...I adore them and read alot! I am very jealous of the writers n our thread, as I would kill to be a writer and actually used to want to be a travel writer. Has anyone ever read A Fortune Teller Told Me by an Italian Journalist beginning with T. It's one of my favourite travel books of all time!!

Anyway, I'm meant to be on a webex, so I'd better go!

BSL x

Hi guys,

Just wanted to send a quick note to say have a great weekend and good luck with BDing to all who are OVing around this time! I'm off at 4pm for a surfing and camping weekend, so will have limited access to MN

Planning to try out the pre-seed tomorrow!! Will feedback!

BSL x

BSL how cool - enjoy your surftastic weekend!! x

Aww my hubby has returned home with a new phone for me just gota work out how to use the thing xx