TTC after loss part 6

[Figtree11]

Previous thread created is nearly full so starting a new one. Will try and tag names

@Superscientist ahhh congratulations 😍

@Ncl31 thank you, appointment was meant to be this Friday but it got moved, but at least not too long to wait, as originally they moved it back til January

@Superscientist congratulations 🌟 that’s such lovely news xx

@Superscientist congratulations 🎉 x

I am really struggling 😔
I have felt in such a low mood for the past 4 days since AF started. I am really struggling to pull myself out of it.

All I keep thinking is -

• Almost 1 year since first loss
• I should be here with my 4 month old
• I’m approaching my second due date, so should be starting Mat leave now
• Thinking I should have started TTC a few more years ago
• Worrying why I managed to fall pregnant fairly easily last 2 times yet it’s not happening now
• Worrying why my cycles seem to be 45/50 days plus
• Sad that it could be weeks yet til I ovulate & get another chance at TTC

Sorry for the bullet points, but these are just constantly going around in my head. Just feeling very low

Oh @Figtree11 it's a lot to have in your head. Do you think it's worth speaking to someone about how you are feeling and to process the last year or two. There's a lot of back to back trauma and it's understandable that it's hard to sit with. I know that doesn't make it any easier.

@Figtree11 sorry you’re struggling. I sympathise completely.

I have been really struggling during AF recently as well and not even just because it’s the reminder that it hasn’t worked that month but I’ve been crying over literally nothing. Last week it was because I had to go away for work and stay over for one night and I was crying to DH about being away from him. That’s just not me, usually I relish a night without his snoring 😅 every little thing just seems to be amplified when TTC for me at least.

Also understand the feeling of why hasn’t it happened since my last loss, like you I conceived quickly the first time which was an early loss and then very quickly again which resulted in the MMC. It’s just so frustrating and disheartening.

Sounds like you’ve been through a lot and I’m sorry I have no advice, just sympathy for you in this shit time 🤍

Thank you @Superscientist I did try a session with a counsellor a few months ago but didn’t really find it helpful. The only thing that I feel will help is being pregnant & bringing my baby home 😔

Thank you @Confusedmermaid1 it helps to know I’m not alone. I had been doing ok recently until this past week. Now I’m just struggling to pull myself out of it. Perhaps it’s because I’m coming up to a year since first loss, and approaching the due date. I just can’t help but think about what should have been. And then with the added layer of worry on about why it’s not happening. I’m really sorry you are struggling too. I never imagined this would be how it would all turn out for me. I too am crying a lot about random things! X

I've definitely have had helpful and unhelpful counselling/therapy it's so person and therapy dependent.

I do understand, my worst periods of mental health have been when the solution is something external finishing or starting. Usually already pressured situations that then just became more pressured. Finding people that understand the circumstances helped. One of the times was towards the end of my PhD, writing 80000 words broke me! My counsellor and dsa mentor meant well but didn't help. My consultant psychiatrist got it so much more and was helpful even though I only saw her every 3-4 months.

@Ncl31 its stopped now so maybe? My boobs are super sore too!! But I feel like
its too early to be pregnancy symptoms.

@Superscientist its stopped so deffo not my period. It’s weird how you think you know your cycle and it just randomly does something weird like this though.
omg congratulations this is amazing news!!!!!! Eek!

I'm sorry @Figtree11 the whole thing is utterly unfair. Your body and hormones have gone through so much, it's probably why it's taking longer. I understand the frustration so it won't make you feel better but it might explain it ❤️ your time will come I'm sure.

You're absolutely entitled to be feeling crap about it all, you wouldn't be human if you didn't. Give yourself the grace and space to feel down ❤️

@Figtree11 I understand some of those feelings, especially the not understanding why it is taking so long when it happened so quickly before, I think it is so super frustrating because it feels so out of our control.
I'm sorry your cycles are so long, i'm sure that adds to the frustration and sadness too.
As pp said, I also have no words of wisdom or advice except to say I have felt alot of these feelings and still do at times, and that I hope so much you have success very soon xxxx

@Figtree11 I’m so sorry - that sounds so tough for you right now! I have been you - it was a little over a year between first falling pregnant (and having a mmc), having a second miscarriage and finally falling with our pregnancy that went full term. It was a tough tough year, I did find once I got passed the “milestone” dates things felt easier a bit - but ttc, why we were/were not successful consumed a lot of my daily thoughts. I found using my calm and headspace app helped - but I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you and I really hope you get your turn soon xx

@Figtree11 I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low. TTC is so difficult and it’s just made worse when some of us have to experience loss within it. I know exactly how you feel, I felt like that in August approaching my due date. I now often feel a pang of what should have been, how old would they have been now etc….
I’m dreading Christmas too - I miscarried on Christmas Day. So I know that is going to be difficult, the only thing that would make it any easier is if I was pregnant by then again.

im always here if you feel the need try talk or vent. But like others have said - a can have good and bad experiences of counsellors, it might be worth having a chat with someone.

Sending you lots of strength.

@Superscientist congratulations, that’s awesome news. Here’s to a happy and healthy 9 months.

@Figtree11 oh I'm so sorry you're struggling. I understand all of your bullet points and have felt so many of them myself. I don't have any answers but wanted to say you're not alone. Sending you all the love and just be kind to yourself and take time to do things you enjoy xx

Thank you all so much. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. I feel so lonely through this sometimes, so being able to vent to people who truly understand really means a lot. I’m determined to pull myself out of this, tomorrow is a new day.

@Superscientist thank you, definitely something I might look into again in the future with counselling. Hopefully I’ll be joining you soon with a positive test instead 💓

@ThelastRolo20 thanks so much. I’ve felt so rubbish these last few days, but know there are better days ahead

@Ladyinpink1 I’m sorry that you feel similar too. You’re so right that the lack of control really doesn’t help. Hopefully our turn is soon

@Bellabubble thank you, yes I think you’re right that the due date isn’t helping. I struggled after my due date in June too. So I should have expected I’d feel the same now

@Ncl31 thanks, I honestly appreciate that so much. I’m sorry that Christmas will be tricky for you, what an awful thing to happen on Xmas day 😔

Thank you @moosey89 i know you all understand these feelings. I’m so sorry there’s so many of us struggling

@Figtree11 im so sorry this is so rubbish and so unfair!
I totally get all of these thoughts too. It really is great being able to vent to people who feel the same but it still feels so utterly lonely.
Sending you big hugs and hope this cycle is better and not quite as long.

Thank you @Beanie14 it has really taken me by surprised how low I’m feeling. Hopefully this cycle will be shorter

How are you feeling this morning ?@Figtree11 I hope you feel a little better x

Hope you’re doing ok @Figtree11 be kind to yourself.

Congrats @Superscientist I’m really pleased for you ❤️

Thanks for checking in. I’m doing a bit better thank you. Have had a busy day at work which has helped. How are you?

@Figtree11 Flad you are a little better, hopefully tomorrow is better again.
I am good, I just hope this time hurrys up as I find the tww so stressful and crazy i'm thinking about every tiny thing wondering could this be something but then af arrives every single time, need to try and distract myself.
Had a nice bath there and now going to get dc to bed in a minute so I can binge on Hart of Dixie repeats until dh home... totally in my happy place lol. x

How is everyone else doing?

Ladies……… I think I might have bfp 🥲

@Ladyinpink1 thank you, trying to get myself into more of a positive mindset that I’m now at the start of a new cycle, however long that may be.
How many DPO are you? It’s really hard to not over analyse everything in the TWW. But sounds like you have a nice evening today ☺️

Wow @Nic2908 congratulations, amazing news!

@Nic2908 congratulations
@Figtree11 I am just trying to catch up, how are you doing today?

I am cd12 and not had any ewcm yet so looking like ovulation is backed to being delayed as I usually get ewcm 2 days prior to LH peak. I don't get it as my blood have done back fairly normal with only slightly raised testosterone and AMH 🤦

@Figtree11 I’m pleased you’re feeling a little better now, hopefully you feel even better this morning.
@Mummysparrow absolutely anything can throw ovulation off, are you feeling okay? Sometimes a cold can be enough to delay it, or stress? Hopefully it’s not too far away for you.

@Nic2908 oh wow! Congratulations, I hope this is the start of a train of good luck and BFPs