CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #2

[Ladyinpink1]

♥️

@moosey89 that’s rubbish about your job! Not what’s needed at all. Hope you find something else quickly. My company cut the maternity benefits after my miscarriage which I’m still raging about, it feels like a personal slight when work makes this whole TTC after loss situation worse.

@Wise0wl you’d be surprised, the tubers are surprisingly resilient even when they look completely dead - a good metaphor I think! (Even when appearing decimated by slugs, my personal nemeses.) Hopefully they come good. I feel the same about gardening - I have a lot of disasters but it’s such a good focus. There’s something wonderful about seeing how far everything has come and being surrounded by life.

@Bugdem123 I’m glad you’re feeling on a more even keel. I know what you mean, now I’m back on my mad long cycles I feel like something has shifted too and I’m almost nonchalant about it. (But not quite! Better though.) Hope you enjoy your time away and that the feeling lasts.

@Ladyinpink1 I hate it when I flip onto a new page and can’t check back on folks’ posts for this very reason, totally lose track! I’m sorry you’ve had a rough few days but glad you are doing ok now. I sometimes feel like I have my face pressed up against the window of other people’s lives, wondering if I’ll ever get to come inside and join the baby crowd. I try not to read anything about PCOS now because it just gives me the absolute fear

@Wise0wl I'm glad you feel a little better, cycle 3 after 2 losses was still quite early that your hormones could still be effected so I really hope that was your body getting itself back to normal and that you get normal cycles now and good news very soon!

Yes, I am going to try pre seed, not sure if you know about it already, (think i'm late to the party knowing about it as it seems everyone knows but I didn't lol) but incase you dont know... it's a fertility lubrication that comes with an applicator that the female uses before dtd and it's meant to give the sperm a really good chance, I was on Amazon and the reviews are very good, anyway that's my new thing for this cycle. What about you, are you trying anything new? Will you track or be relaxed? x

@Bugdem123 yes that's exactly what I mean, but at the same time as it feeling so far away or "if it ever happens, I also feel hopeful, none of it makes sense.
Oh lovely, being away in the tww will be good for your mental health and for keeping your body nice and relaxed if this could be your time! Are your in laws far away from where you live? Hope you have a lovely week away x

I'm really sorry about the job @moosey89 have you been there long? I hope that whatever you do for work that it's something that you are able to find something new without too much difficulty. Definitely an unwanted extra stress for you right now. Do you have any nice trips away or any plans coming up? x

That's a good analogy @HerbaceousPerennial. I'm sorry for you, and for all of us that we have had such a wait this time, I suppose we have to cling to the fact that we can get pregnant and so there is no reason it won't happen again.... for all of us. Easier said than done, I know.
Yes, I tried the app and it wasn't great, didn't work properly for me, so I just use the Web page, but I have to keep scrolling up to read a comment, back down to type then sometimes the page refreshes or I hit the wrong button and it deletes everything I have typed.. I have actually started copying halfway through typing so if it deletes I can just paste it back in... the struggles ha ha. If anyone knows an easier way, please tell me as it drives me mad x

@moosey89 that’s such frustrating timing, are you in a sector where it’s reasonably easy to find new roles, or not? I hope something comes up for you 🤞

@HerbaceousPerennial I’ve not heard of companies cutting maternity benefits! I’m hopeful for my tubers and also looking forward to being able to sit out and enjoy some nice weather at some point too.

@Ladyinpink1 I’ve heard about preseed but I really don’t like slimy textures so haven’t given it a go, but very interested to hear how you get on and I might reconsider. I think im going to use my CB ovulation tests again as I bought an expensive multipack last cycle so may as well use them up, and perhaps acupuncture. Hoping for slightly early ovulation as I’ve got a busy weekend next weekend!

Morning all. Hope everyone's ok. My day 21 test came back normal which is good but iron is high which is weird so have a GP follow up next week. Now I'm just trying to read into whether the progesterone result could mean I'm pregnant or not. I'm feeling not so positive about this cycle, especially when I compare things to when I got my BFP. I remember having such strong symptoms at ovulation that time. I guess I'll be put out my misery over the weekend either way!

Still milling over whether I should start running or not. Again over analysing that when I last got pregnant I wasn't.

Also feeling a sense of dread with seeing my friend and her baby at the weekend. I'm not out this month yet and it's only cycle 4 after miscarriage but like some of you have been saying, I'm losing hope and it's getting harder to see it working out with getting pregnant, let alone resulting in a child.

@moosey89 sorry to hear about your job. I hope you find something soon!

@Wise0wl Yes I normally don't use anything like that either but my SIL said she got pregnant with her first the first cycle that she used it then got pregnant next time on the 2nd cycle of trying it so I thought why not lol.
I have never had acupuncture but heard good things, I might look up local prices. So is next weekend your ovulation time? Mine will be next weekend too. I feel like I want to have a "relaxed cycle" but at the same time I'm scared of missing the right day. x

@13lucy that's good your results came back as they should. I get the over analysing, it's impossible not to isn't it, will you test this weekend or wait? Hope you get good news that makes your meeting with your friend a nice experience x

@13lucy I'm glad tests are underway for you, on the running front you absolutely should! I'm picking it back up and I ran regularly in my first trimester with my daughter. If nothing else it increases blood flow which includes to the placenta/ improves resting heart rate and if nothing else makes us feel better x

@Ladyinpink1 I think I'll just wait. In my head I'm convinced my temp will drop one the weekend. Even though ovulation/periods are irregular for me, my luteal phase is pretty much consistent! It would amazing if it was good news before I see my friend. If not then I'll only have one more cycle before my due date which is really playing on my mind. How are things with you?

@ThelastRolo20 you're right, it does wonders for mental health. I just need to be careful not to overdo it and to keep my energy balance right. I haven't run for 6 months so I'm the most unfit I've ever been and it feels weird! How's your week been?

@13lucy I've been up and down this week to be honest. I'm just sat here thinking I should be 7 months pregnant and feeling kicks and I'm not, I just miss them which sounds a bit silly as I never knew them. Due date is a couple of cycles away too which doesn't help and I won't be pregnant by then. Hoping you best of luck this cycle!

Finally kicking this chest infection I think though 🤞🏻

@13lucy glad your tests are ok! I’d go back to running. I picked up exercise again this week as I realised I stopped during my first MMC and it’s not like anything has gone to plan since then so if nothing else, getting back to it is good for my MH. I share your dread about seeing people who are pregnant and with newborns, and am coming to have to see those people I’ve been avoiding. I’ve given myself permission to do what I need to do though. If I can only stay for a short time and leave because of a ‘migraine coming on’ or something, then so be it. We all have a threshold for pain and have to look after ourselves x

@Ladyinpink1 yeah next weekend should be ovulation time for me! Totally get what you mean about wanting to be relaxed but that not being possible. I have no chill anymore.

@ThelastRolo20 I’m so glad you’re starting to feel better!

Q- the counsellor I’ve been speaking to mentioned support groups, have any of you joined any?

@ThelastRolo20 I know the feeling. It keeps catching me off guard and it makes me feel so deeply sad. All of my plans this year seem different because of it and are just reminders of where I should have been at that point. I think it just adds to the desperation to get pregnant again. It's crazy how long it takes to get back to being pregnant after a miscarriage. Glad you're starting to feel better illness wise though!

@Wise0wl good point, it's not gone to plan with not running, so may as well run! I think it's so much harder to deal with when the person with the pregnancy/baby haven't been through it themselves. My mum mentioned that she's going to a baby shower and I just couldn't get over how they can be a thing. Having only had one pregnancy and it ending in miscarriage, I don't know how anyone can celebrate a baby before it's arrived safely. It makes me feel sad that I will never have that sort of experience.

I've not joined a support group but I've been part of an NHS run mindfulness course recently which has been amazing.

@13lucy yep. And it’s hard with all the excited messages about ‘can’t wait for you to meet baby!’ When (harsh as it sounds) I’m dreading meeting the baby, and that’s not the baby’s fault but I can’t help how I feel. Like if I can’t have a baby I’d rather just have nothing to do with other babies. And I get the shock at other people’s confidence too, when you’ve had a loss your whole perspective changes, I think.

I was recommended some support groups so will explore them and post them on here! X

@Wise0wl totally! I get so frustrated that I have to go through this and for others it all works out perfectly. My sister's friend is due any day so I'm just waiting for a barrage of baby photos after all the pregnancy photos I've been shown and in the nicest sense I just don't care. I get that my sister is excited for her but I don't think she understands the impact it has on me and I don't have the heart to tell her. I don't like having these thoughts but I guess it's normal.

Would be interested in what you find with the support groups!

@13lucy That's much better if you are able to wait as it's either easier to deal with if it's bad news as your already onto a fresh new cycle or else a definite test line if it's good news... (i'm typing this as the worst person in the world for waiting lol) do you feel anything so far, I think you mentioned before about having strong symptoms last time? Def hope you get good news before that due date then!
I'm good thank you, my due date from most recent loss is on 6th March so I'm obviously not getting a bfp before then but I'm OK with it x

I'm sorry things aren't good @ThelastRolo20 how have you been finding the waiting so far? Do you have a holiday coming up soon? x

@Wise0wl no, I haven't tried anything... we were given the number for a grief midwife by the epu, but I never got around to ringing... because tbh this has been my support group on here.
But I do think it would be good to be able to talk about all your feelings to a stranger (or group of strangers) that has no preconceptions etc about you and understands. Are you thinking of joining something? x

@Ladyinpink1 I'm going to wait it out. My temp is still high today but based on all my cycles since the miscarriage it would drop tomorrow at the latest. It's a horrible feeling holding onto any hope you can when you know AF is bound to arrive. I've not had any symptoms really, probably less so than a normal negative cycle. My app says low chance of pregnancy. Went bouldering with DH yesterday which was really fun and the most intense activity I've done since the miscarriage. I dropped from a fair height at one point and instantly thought 'what if' but I can't keep living like that. Also seeing my friends baby tomorrow so will feel pretty cruel if AF turns up!

That's good that you're feeling ok with due date approaching. Not sure how I'm going to feel with mine. Where are you in your cycle now?

Does anyone know if you had an implementation dip last time whether it's likely to happen again or whether it's random? Keep thinking back to my last pregnancy where I almost passed out on the loo in the night. My average heart rate dropped by about 10bpm so I reckon it was related to an implantation dip, although I didn't know what that was at the time!

Hope you all have some nice plans for this weekend.

@Ladyinpink1 thank you, I seem to have picked back up again mentally the last couple of days thankfully.

Holiday in April with the in laws to Lanzarote which is very much needed (the holiday more than the in laws 😂).

The wait has been torturous at times but it's a real head Vs heart scenario. I'm coming up to Feb's fertile week and it's this month I've been really undecided on. In a week's time I'll feel a lot better about it as we'd skip march for sure due to the holiday.

I also thought about talking to someone but I've found a couple of people in my life who have been a great support so leaving it as that for now. I'm glad you find the group supportive, so do I xx

Hi all, period finally came 6 weeks after miscarriage and 5 weeks after my negative test. Currently day 3 of testing lh... 1st time using the premom app and tracking ovulation properly. Is it normal for lh to go up and then come back down in 24 hours. Day 1 after period when I tested was 0.47 and then yesterday it was 0.27. I thought it was meant to increase?

@13lucy that sounds so fun, I have never done that before. Every pregnancy is different though, sometimes you get symptoms, sometimes not. And I think I read before it's quite unusual to get an implantation dip (i have never got one) in fact my pregnant cycles were no different from my non pregnant ones. Hoping for you, especially with tomorrow. I am on cd5 so next weekend will be ovulation. x

I'm glad you are feeling a little better, it's so up and down after losses isnt it. The holiday will be so lovely (even with the in laws lol) @ThelastRolo20 and when you get back it will be almost summer at home so nice weather and you will be lovely and relaxed for ttc.
It must be so tough feeling tempted. x

Hi @NphysT I'm glad to hear your period has arrived. What cd are you on now? I used the prenom app previously just to compare tests but found it easier to just judge the tests by sight now. But yes so soon after your period the tests will be up and down until the days closer to a positive opk when the line starts to build. Are you using easy at home tests? x

By the way, I have good news for any wine lovers lol I am really enjoying port at the minute (I know, I know I'm too young to be on the port ha ha) anyway my mum was telling me it's fortified so I thought could it be good for you and fertility so I typed it into Google, and it cane up about red wine, see below pic xx

@Ladyinpink1 that's reassuring to hear that each time can be different. I actually tested this morning and was another BFN. I tested because I expected AF/temp drop to happen today and wanted to cheer myself up with going for a run for the first time in 6 months! Temp dropped slightly, resting HR dropped and no sign of AF, so thought I'd test just to confirm.

Also saw my friends baby today and it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The jealously was real but I know I'm so prepared for if/when my time comes. She was one of those one hit wonders where they weren't even trying and everything has been a breeze! Anyway glad I've faced it head on and feel much better for doing it.

I've got another GP appointment tomorrow so going to see if there's anything else I can do to check my/our fertility.

Hope you've all had good weekends?

@Ladyinpink1 a wonderful article especially given I'm enjoying red wine this evening 😂

I'm so sorry about your bfn @13lucy how are you feeling? It's so tough to see no second line, sending a hug.
I'm glad your visit with your friend wasn't too bad and hope you feel better that it's over with now.
Did you get out for your run OK?
I hope af arrives soon for you so you can start a fresh new cycle. x

@ThelastRolo20 lol I'm with you, just had a glass of port and now going to have some Ben and Jerry's, so much for healthy eating lol x

@13lucy sorry about the BFN also, but I'm glad the visit to your friend went okay, it was a very brave thing to go and face it head on. Hoping AF shows up soon for you x

@Ladyinpink1 @ThelastRolo20 thank you both. I'm glad I've done it and that it was generally a positive experience. Just feeling very sad about my own situation and feeling envious of other people doesn't change that. I hope AF arrives soon to, just another thing to worry about until then! Yes I got out for my run and felt a bit bittersweet too be honest. Have you managed to get some time outside in the lovely weather today?

Ooh Ben and Jerry's sounds good. It's good to treat yourself. Phish food is my favourite!

@13lucy sorry about your bfn, you’re a stronger woman than I to have a bfn and see a new baby on the same day. Well done for tackling that head on! I also met a baby this weekend and it was hard but I got through it, which I’m proud of myself for.

@13lucy & @Ladyinpink1 (and others) - The Worst Girl Gang Ever has a free Mother’s Day support about helping to cope with Mother’s Day after loss. Link here: https://tr.ee/n-XY0cqGZU

I like their Instagram content and am tempted by their TTC after loss but for now have just followed them and joined their private FB groups as I think I’d rather spend the £100 or so on acupuncture instead (for now, at least).

Hey ladies, couldn't keep away could I. Caught up on messages now - still not trying trying but missed you all! Comfort eaten my way through sadness since that evap line / seeing pregnant friend at her baby's christening dramarama. Put on probs about a stone and shares in mcvities probs through the roof but no fs given here.

@Ladyinpink1 I used pre-seed once and a menstrual cup then found out I was already pregnant before doing it. I always think I got pregnant after 'giving up' but when I remember that time, all the pineapple coring and pomegranate juice and preseeding and cupping I definitely hadn't 'given up', just wasn't testing or tracking dates 😂

So confident spring and some of these natural stress relief / therapy and mindfulness things will help us in our journeys!

@HerbaceousPerennial did a little cheer for you over sharing - so jel of your plant successes. All my family are gardeners / tree surgeons and I can't keep anything alive 😂

@ThelastRolo20 with you for May/June!

@13lucy so excited for foos! Hope your GP tests help give you more confidence in trying moving forward. Did you have an MVA? My periods have been over a year now gone from 21 to now 26 days. Took best part of a year to get them past 21 days. Not sure if that helps and god knows what it means in terms of ttc. I'm scared about it affecting chances too, got a call with gp next week.

@Bugdem123 with you - f tracking! So much easier to convince yourself of stuff when studying everything. Just wiping myself into certain thrush every few hours to check CM instead 😂😂😂