CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #2

[Ladyinpink1]

♥️

@samilicious I’m so sorry. It’s so shit. Please look after yourself and pop back whenever you feel like it. Sounds ridiculous but I’ll miss you even though I don’t know you! I really hope things improve for you soon x

@Bugdem123 sounds like exactly what you needed! I agree that actually saying fuck it sometimes and having a massive session with friends does the world of good… notwithstanding the hangover. I have a wine tasting (which I know sounds fancier than the reality) on Thursday which I was having a ‘what if I’m pregnant’ debate with myself over - glad I didn’t cancel now and I will be working from home on Friday for sure!

@Wise0wl @Ladyinpink1 punch is right. I’m just fed up of it already. DH pointed out this was technically my first proper cycle since the miscarriage but that went on for bloody months so I forget. I could almost feel the optimism draining away, even though I promised myself not to get my hopes up and focus on how good it was to have a more normal cycle. Although who knows when or if AF will show up so could still be a disaster cycle. Having said that I do actually feel better today though, DH has talked me down a bit and got some nice stuff coming up

@Bugdem123 sounds like a great time!

Totally agree about remembering there's a lot of good in life too. I've started a "journal of good things". Not a forced gratitude journal or something I make myself do every day, but when I am feeling grateful, or something (no matter how small) really makes me smile, I jot it down. I love reading back through all the small happy moments in a really difficult time in my life.

That sounds brilliant @Bugdem123! it can be so hard to see or find the joy in other things when ttc is all we’re concentrating on, and dominates everything. But actually there is so much more to life than ttc. @moosey89 your journal sounds great. In the bath/shower in the evening I always try to think of three good things that happened that day, however small.

@HerbaceousPerennial what I struggle with is that if I think about me/my family in isolation I don’t feel too bad - obvs I’d like to be pregnant or have a baby, and the mmcs are heartbreaking but we’re ok. It’s in the context of other people that I find my losses so hard to bear. Could you see your GP about your cycle? I’m so glad you have nice things to look forward to ♥️

I'm so so sorry @samilicious what an extra kick in the gut for you. And you were not stupid, I would of trusted FR tests too, so when you seen a line where there is usually none then of course you naturally believed it.
Sending a tight hug and lots of understanding. Hope to speak to you soon 💜 xxxxx

@Wise0wl I haven't tested yet either, I feel very unpregnant (no cramps, no tiredness, nothing and last pregnancy I had symptoms before my bfp test) but I suppose it's good, especially compared to last cycle with all of those pms symptoms, as I dont have anything convincing me it will be good news, I think I will def wait to test for my mental health because I get the feeling it is going to be negative and a negative right close to period is much easier to deal with than ages before.

I agree with you, and it being all the people around that make things harder. I say to dh quite alot that I miss lockdown lol. How are you feeling today? x

Lovely @Bugdem123 I'm glad you had a good night, sorry about the long lasting hangover lol. I have got to the stage now where my ideal night is pj's, hot chocolate and a movie then bed early... maybe I need to take a leaf out of your book and live it up a little, try staying out past 8 lol x

@moosey89 That's a great idea.. I follow a girl on Instagram who says journaling everyday can change your whole mindset in life so you are definitely onto something good 🙂 x

@Ladyinpink1 day 9 of flashing smileys, no solid smiley/peak. They say not to bother testing after 9 flashing smileys so I wonder if I might do a pg test tomorrow. I’m putting it off because I don’t want to get my hopes up, and if it is positive then I’ll be worried anyway about the massive bleed two weeks ago that I thought was AF. It feels like I can’t win either way (but I can’t stop thinking about it so may as well put myself out of all the ‘what ifs’ going round in my head).

It’s good you don’t have PMS symptoms, what CD are you on, and when do you think you’ll wait to to test? I do think we’re all hyper aware of symptoms so early because of our previous losses, when I reality lots of pg symptoms kick in later. 🤞 x

@Wise0wl I've had a static on day 10 before (once), I think biting the bullet and taking a test is a good decision. At least you'll know then, especially if this situation is not normal for you.

Thanks @moosey89 that’s helpful to know. As I typically have short cycles (24 days or thereabouts) and am now on CD16, it does feel weird. Maybe I’ll have to pee into a pot and do both tests tomorrow morning? God the glamour of TTC.

@Wise0wl we're out there living the life eh 😂 either way hope you get an answer so you can carry on with whatever needs to happen next! Don't know about you but I hate uncertainty.

@moosey89 me too! I love a plan. I hate the uncertainty of TTC. How are you doing?

@Wise0wl I'm ok - long term fed up, short term this cycle I feel alright I guess. I've got a fitness competition coming up a few days after af is due so at least have that to look forward to it it's yet another negative month. Next month is a bit annoying as I go away the day before ovulation so I guess we will just try the couple of days before and hope! How are you holding up with the uncertainty?

@samilicious look after yourself. I'll be thinking of you when I go to see Foo Fighters in June! Hope to hear from you before then.

@Wise0wl I totally get you with that feeling. The longer this goes on for, the more I want to remove to a remote island far far away and isolate myself from everyone and everything. It's hard having to see reminders of what you don't have every day.

I'm going to see my friend's baby next weekend and part of me wants to cancel as I think it will bring a lot of emotion up, but then maybe that's what I need? I told her about my situation but I don't think she will fully understand having not been through it.

An update on my weird cycle - so I had OPK peak yesterday and slight temp rise today. Hoping for another rise tomorrow morning and that it was another delayed ovulation (although not as bad as the previous few cycles). Gone to town with DTD this time - twice yesterday! Then it's another waiting game with the 2WW!

@moosey89 the fitness things sound exciting! And I think it’s slightly more important to dtd before ovulation, than after? So hopefully that timing works well for you 🤞 I’m unsuccessfully trying to concentrate on work to take my mind off it, but struggling to be very productive!

@13lucy twice in a day to dtd is an impressive effort! 🤞 for another rise tomorrow for you. I agree about planning, I have a plan B of moving to the coast and starting afresh (I know it’s unlikely but nice to feel like I have a back up plan if my life doesn’t work out how I hope!) you’re very brave. I have a ‘meet the baby’ session in a few weeks and am dreading it, and feel like a bad person for saying that. It’s just hard, and you don’t really understand fully unless you’ve been through it. Can you do something nice for yourself after? I’ve planned an exit strategy so I don’t have to be there for very long and to cheer myself up x

@Wise0wl that's a good idea with having a get out plan. I know what you mean, you feel so bad but it creates a lot of anxiety and emotion. I've been putting this off for ages so I think I need to go through with it and see how I go, maybe just go for a couple of hours so it isn't too much. Last time I saw her we were both pregnant and thats been an anchor in my mind. I can imagine there will be tears and I know it's going to affect DH too. I think it'll be around the time of my period too, which might add to it all! How are you feeling today? Have you decided if you're going to test?

TMI but I find DTD much more fun when you know you're at ovulation, so twice yesterday was more fun than chore 😂

@moosey89 @Wise0wl I like the idea of noting down or at least thinking about good things that have happened that day, I think I'll start doing that too.

@Wise0wl sorry you're having such a strange cycle. I'll keep everything crossed it's for a good reason.

@Ladyinpink1 I'm normally in bed asleep by 11pm so it was a shock to the system 😂😅

@13lucy I definitely don't think people get it unless they've been through it. Two of my good friends have had babies recently, one was born in December and the other the day I actually found out about my MMC. One I see every week or so and another I see every month. There's no denying it's hard. Sometimes when I'm having a cuddle, it's like a physical pain and I can't help but having a wee cry. Other times it's totally fine. I ultimately love babies, and especially these babies as they are my friend's, so long term I know it's better for me to see them but I do need to psyche myself up sometimes. I feel for you and I hope you find it okay seeing them.

I'm CD10 today with no real idea of when I'll ovulate, I think around CD12-13? I'm doing OPKs and we're going for an every other day until I get a positive approach starting from yesterday. It sounds terrible but I really cba this month, I just end up so upset and down when it doesn't work that I feel like "what's the point" but then I know if we didn't try I'd be thinking "what if this would have been the month".

Morning @Wise0wl That is so confusing for you. Will you do a pg test or keep doing the ovulation tests? Do you have any cheap opks that you could take to compare with the flashing ones? I mean incase something is wrong with the machine (I know nothing about them so not sure if that's even possible)

9dpo today, my period is due Mon or Tues, going to try to hold off until Friday at the very least. Sore breasts started last night which I hot at this exact stage of my cycle before my period last month. x

So glad you got that definite peak @13lucy , what a confusing cycle for you too! Dtd twice is great, double the swimmers in the race to that egg! Hoping it's good news in 2 weeks x

How is everyone else? x

Just noticed your message @Bugdem123 I'm sorry you are feeling that way... it's tough when you have been waiting for something for so long it's hard to imagine it happening (I feel the same way). Dtd every other day until ovulation will give you a great chance. Hopefully you see that peak in the next few days xx

@Bugdem123 ♥️ I’m so sorry you’re feeling down. Have you got any nice plans this weekend?

@Ladyinpink1 I did a pg test this morning which was negative which I’m really sad about, even though I know the idea was mad. And lo and behold, I finally have my static smiley. I am so over the uncertainty and stress of ttc and am going to have a large glass of wine tonight.

Hi ladies! Sorry I've been so quiet around here lately. Just been trying to 'not think about' TTC for a few weeks (which is barmy really isn't it, as every medical professional really should know that's literally impossible!)

I'm 8DPO and have had some serious left sided pain today - lo and behold I am no longer "trying not to think about it" and am holding back every urge to POAS until at least 14DPO. Two back to back chemicals really makes you fell like the joy of seeing a + test has been sucked away. I do want to test, but also don't.

Glad to read through the thread and hear about all you lovely lot.....feel somewhat normal again and not alone in this TTC madness

Finally had my GP appointment and she said all looks ok so far, which I guess is positive but still doesn't answer the irregular cycles. I've got a day 21 blood test next week so will see what that says. Pretty sure I ovulate as all the BBT charts show a temp shift, even if the follicular phase temps are a bit erratic.

@Bugdem123 I'll let you know how it goes. Planning to only stay a couple of hours and then get away so I can process how I feel. I think with the due date approaching it makes it harder! I hope you're doing ok today? I know the feeling of wanting to put everything into it and worrying that it won't work out if you don't. It's quite exhausting mentally thinking through all the ifs and buts.

@Wise0wl sorry you had a negative test. It's difficult when you think there may be chance and get your hopes up, no matter how small. Good that you've got the static smiley now.

@GoldDustWoman90 you are definitely not alone, I'm definitely going crazy with TTC! The TWW is definitely the hardest, especially with over analysing every feeling in your body.

@Wise0wl that gave me something to think about - you’re right that actually when it’s just DH, DS and I sometimes I’m sad, but it’s ok. There’s a lot of joy there too. But when I’m out in the world, looking at other people with their babies and families, I struggle a lot more. I am really, really jealous. I’m sorry your test was negative, I know not unexpected but so hard not to get your hopes up.

I’m not sure there’s much point going to the GP about my cycle as I know what the problem is and it hasn’t stopped me getting pregnant - so it’s annoying but ultimately I don’t think it’s really hindering things. Time will tell! On which note, if I was having a normal person cycle I think AF is due about now, but hasn’t turned up. Interested to see when it will…

@13lucy ah gosh I found it so stressful and unfun DTD when I thought I was ovulating this time! I don’t know how folk do it, I’m much happier now the pressure is off 😂 glad it’s putting you in the mood! I eventually find it quite cathartic seeing other people’s babies, I get very worked up beforehand though but it’s usually lovely in the end. Hopefully you’ll feel the same way about your friend’s baby.

@Bugdem123 sounds like a good plan. DH tentatively asked the other day if we could just go back to DTD when we want to every couple of days so I think that’s the approach we’ll take going forward. I was so stressed this time about fitting it in around ovulation and surely that can’t help. I may change my mind nearer the time though. Your point about caring because they’re your friend’s babies really struck home for me. I’m going by to keep that in mind.

@Ladyinpink1 I’m feeling pretty chipper, I’ve accepted it’s not happened this month and I’m going to take full advantage of not being pregnant I think. How are you feeling?

Lovely to hear from you @GoldDustWoman90 - keep hanging on in there!

@HerbaceousPerennial I completely echo what you’ve said there. We’re always taught not to feel jealous but it helps me to give in to just feeling what I’m feeling! RE GP, for me at least it helps to feel like I’m doing something. I’m so so tempted to try acupuncture but terrified of the cost!

@13lucy that’s so positive there are no issues detected so far. Fingers crossed your day 21 bloods give you some clarity.

Hey everyone, sorry I dropped off for a few days, was just feeling a bit rubbish so took space from everyone! I've only skimmed the messages so sorry I can't reply to everyone individually but @samilicious I'm sorry about your tests, it's bloody cruel when they give us hope. Look after yourself. @Bugdem123 sorry you're feeling a bit crap, it's such a slog TTC sometimes.

I'm 4 weeks post surgery and AF has arrived, I'm happy in the sense I hope this means it'll go back to normal quickly, gutted as if it does AF will be arriving the day I leave for holiday in April! Bloody typical....

Hi @ThelastRolo20 ♥️ it’s lovely you’ve popped in. AF has the worst timing! But the silver lining will be your cycles returning to normal. Your holiday will be here before you know it!

@Wise0wl I'm really sorry about the bfn but happy about you finally getting the smiley face, that was a long wait for you, hoping you get the chance for dtd lots these next days and get good news soon! x

@GoldDustWoman90 hi 👋 it's hard to do the tww alone isn't it, hopefully having the company on here will help and that the pain you felt is a good sign! Ttc is def driving me mad, it's a constant up and down of emotions isn't it x

Hoping you aren't waiting too long before af comes then so you can start a fresh new cycle, and also if that was your first proper cycle then hopefully it will have reset things for you so that you get good news in the next cycle or two. @HerbaceousPerennial I'm feeling ok, I feel like I want to be pregnant so badly and although I'm hopeful most of the time I also have this feeling of it's too good to be true now for it to happen. I should have a baby turning 1 this summer or due the next one at the start of this March and it just all feels so long. Anyway, despite sounding like a moany Myrtle I am still so hopeful in general for good news sometime this year, which sounds so contrary lol x

I'm glad you got your appointment and I hope you get confirmation of the 21 day bloods @13lucy x

@ThelastRolo20 hi, that's good that your period has arrived now, it's been a tough time for you, hoping these next months bring you good news x

Sorry guys I have used the word "hope" like 20 times in this post lol

How are you doing @Ladyinpink1? I’m relieved I’ve got some sort of answer either way. If I’d got a bfn and another flashing smiley I would have been so annoyed! I’ve also taken CoQ10 as I’ve read it’s highly recommended for egg quality, and apparently that can delay ovulation. Obviously I spent loads of time today going down a rabbit hole about whether later ovulation is a bad thing, but maybe it’s a good egg that’s just taken longer to develop? Who knows. Now got to summon the energy to dtd 🙈