Anyone else TTC after TFMR?

[Downtherabbithole83]

Anyone else on here in the same situation? Would be nice to chat to others who understand.

[Thefrogwife]

Hello. Not TTC anymore but almost 7 weeks pregnant after a TFMR in August...we got pregnant first month of trying (on both occasions) which has been great but it's definitely a strange experience because our emotions about the process were so different from last time. Hope you're doing OK.

[whippeywhippet]

Hello to you both @Downtherabbithole83 and congratulations @Thefrogwife we had a TFMR at the start of this month. We are waiting for our follow up appointment in Feb to discuss everything and moving forwards, but it feels like such a long time away. Did you wait for this appointment before TTC? I'm wondering what the appointment will involve...

[Downtherabbithole83]

Hello - so glad you both replied, was starting to think no one else on here was in the same situation (and didn’t want to start a ttc post on the antenatal test board where people are still discussing their test results).

@whippeywhippet We haven’t been sent a date for our follow-up appointment yet but as we know what the issue was and that it was not down to our genetics, we felt safe to get on with it. My tfmr was in Nov and I’m turning 40 in the next few months so didn’t want to waste any time.

@Thefrogwife 7 weeks! Congratulations! Amazing that you caught first time too - has given me hope. I imagine the whole experience feels different now… have you found yourself more anxious? Are you having any extra scans/tests?

[whippeywhippet]

@Downtherabbithole83 if you don't mind me asking, how do you know it's not down to genetics? You don't have to say at all. It feels like we've been bombarded with information and terminology it's so hard to take in. We had a clear diagnosis for our daughter and also blood take from her showed no evidence of trisomy 13, 18 or 21.

Please find ever think it is just you, we are all here to support each other.

@Thefrogwife it really hoping you are getting lots of support and that you aren't feeling too anxious

[Downtherabbithole83]

No I don’t mind - our daughter had T21 and it was clear from the first scan that things weren’t right (7mm NT measurement). The results from our CVS testing showed that the kind of T21 was down to how the egg split and therefore our chance of having another baby with it only went up 1%. It isn’t anything to do specifically with myself of my partner though obviously it could be down to my eggs getting older…

I’m currently at 6dpo and am driving myself mad wondering if we could be lucky but it seems unlikely because it took the time before.

[Downtherabbithole83]

I also took a REALLY long list of questions to a meeting with my bereavement midwife just over a week after my appointment and she assured me it would be okay to start trying when I felt ready.

[whippeywhippet]

@Downtherabbithole83 thank you for sharing. We found out at the 20 week scan (which took 4 attempts) that our daughter had a brain abnormality. We didn't have a CVS but blood taken from her (results which I mentioned above) and are awaiting the results of the placenta testing following her birth at 25 weeks. The testing from the placenta will be discussed at the meeting in February. So I guess everything will be clearer then, as it sounds like the CVS you had but obviously following brith.

I think a bit like with your reassurance from your midwife I'm looking for that reassurance from the consultant appointment that it is ok to start trying again. Are you taking any supplements?

[whippeywhippet]

@Downtherabbithole83 I have my fingers and toes crossed for you. 'You never know, until you know' is something a friend once said to me as an obsessive over thinker x

[Downtherabbithole83]

Yeah my full results came back at the beginning of December so then I felt like I could relax a bit. It must be really hard not knowing.

I’ve been told that nothing I could take would have prevented this - it’s just ‘one of those things’ but I was recommended to continue taking folic acid if I wanted to ttc again quickly. I took just that and vitamin D for a while and now I’m on a pre-conception multi-vitamin. Nothing special.

[Thefrogwife]

@whippeywhippet We also waited until we had results, so three months. We didn't have a CVS or any other testing at the time- it was obvious from the ultrasounds that the pregnancy wasn't going to continue- NT was over 20mm and baby already had fluid around multiple organs so wasn't going to survive and I didn't want to put myself through it when I knew the termination would be difficult itself (was only offered medical, not surgical). Consultant was pretty sure it was a random chromosonal problem (turned out to be Turner syndrome) and we were told by many people it would be unlikely to happen again, but that did mean we wanted to wait to get the diagnosis, for closure as much as anything else. To be honest, I needed that time psychologically to be ready to try again too.

I've been offered an early scan on NHS due to history in just over a week- I'm not feeling super anxious but a bit detached from it but hopefully will feel more positive after scan.

[Downtherabbithole83]

I was also only offered medical - if I wanted surgical I had to go to someone like BPAS and I didn’t want to have to go through all the waiting to get that sorted. In the end I’m glad I went for medical though (not that there was much of a choice).

It’s great that you are getting an early scan - hopefully you’ll feel more of a connection after that. We’ve been told we won’t get anything extra if we conceive again so will probably go for Harmony testing or something. Lots of ‘if’s at the moment.

[AlwaysWorriedAboutEverything]

I think this might be the thread for me. Hello!

I had a tfmr some years ago now and we have been incredibly lucky to have had a healthy child since. I always swore that we would be one and done and that if I were to want another child I would just be greedy and ungrateful. But here we are. DH and I have had countless talks about having another child over the last couple of years now, and I think we are going to give it a go and see how it goes. DH is less keen and understandably traumatised by our experiences in the past, but he has seen how much I yearn for another one so he is on board. So I guess here we go...

I'm in my late 30s too and the age risk worries me, and I just worry about everything at the moment (accurate username) but trying to take one step at a time.

How's everyone else doing today?

[Downtherabbithole83]

Hello @AlwaysWorriedAboutEverything and welcome to our little group!

I'm now 8dpo and have woken up feeling like it won’t happen for us this month. Very emotional and on the edge of tears all day - it’s such a rollercoaster. My other half is much more relaxed about it all and just says if it doesn’t happen we’ll be okay and we’re lucky to have what we do but even though I know he’s right, I am desperate for this last baby (although we both have children, they are with past partners and this would be our only one together).

[whippeywhippet]

Hello @AlwaysWorriedAboutEverything and welcome!

It's so lovey to hear that you have a healthy child, our daughter was our first so some days I seem to be torturing myself with the thought we will never have a happy ending. Also probably not helpful as I am awaiting the results from our testing and have an appointment in feb which seems like ages away!

[NSx]

Hello everyone I hope I can join, I had TFMR at the end of May & have been trying to conceive since to no avail.
when trying to conceive my daughter it took only 3 cycles so now it seems to be taking a lot longer and it terrifies me that it won’t happen again as I’m 35 and don’t have all the time in the world 😩
hope u are all well 🤍 this is a horrendous journey it really is x

[Quokka7]

Hello all, do you mind if I join too please? I had a tfmr in June at almost 15 weeks. We still don't know the cause as results in our area are taking 6-9 months which seems just dreadful. There was a brain abnormality though amongst other suspected issues that meant baby wouldnt have survived to term. We had a break from ttc and fell pregnant again in September but found out at 10 weeks that we'd had a mmc. I'm 37 so feel very anxious that time is against us (been trying since I was 35!) We are going to try again this month but I'm not hopeful. My periods are so incredibly light since the mmc that I'm worried something isnt right. After the tfmr they came back as normal.
@whippeywhippet we are also trying for our first and I have the same fears of it never happening.
Thank you for creating this group @Downtherabbithole83 it's an awful thing we've all had to go through and it's nice to talk to others who understand. Hopefully we can have some success and happiness this year x

[Downtherabbithole83]

@Quokka7 welcome to the group! I wanted somewhere that we could vent to people who understand - before I had tfmr it was something I knew so little about. We appear to be such a small group amongst people who have lost babies.

I’m so sorry that you are having to wait so long for answers. I feel so fortunate that I’ve had answers quickly; I had no idea people were having to wait so long! Did you have to have a procedure for the mmc too? Please don’t feel you need to answer that if you’d prefer not to xx

[Downtherabbithole83]

Sorry @NSx - missed your comment!

Welcome to the group. Sad to see so many of us here but delighted that we can hopefully become a supportive group for each other.

[NSx]

@Downtherabbithole83 that’s ok 🤍
i suspect there are more people going through this than we know, but people don’t really talk out loud sadly - it’s a tough thing to go through x

[Quokka7]

@Downtherabbithole83 no, I dont mind. They wanted me to go back one week later to confirm I hadn't gotten my dates wrong and that it hadn't grown but I miscarried naturally before I had to go back. I had to have medical management for the tfmr as they didn't have surgical as an option. I really didnt want medical but I did it and hopefully they can find out what the cause was. I, like you, had no idea it would be so long for results. They say that covid's the reason for the delays here but it's hard not knowing when I'm going to get them. They were asked to speed them up when I was pregnant again but still nothing.
Yes, after the tfmr I felt like I didnt belong on the miscarriage ttc threads (although I guess I do now) its definitely a small group of us that have been through this awful journey. Xx

[Downtherabbithole83]

@Quokka7 have they given you any idea of what might have caused it? Ruled anything out from initial tests?

What an awful wait you must have had!

[Cmp990]

Following this thread! Im 32, we TFMR on 9th Dec at 15 weeks. Am still waiting for my cycle to come back and all to return to normal so we can TTC again. Reason was genetic as I carry Hunters Syndrome. I'm desperate to try again and be pregnant as soon as possible, I miss it so much. I've heard of some people getting pregnant straight away and others having to wait months and mo ths for their cycle to return and I'm really hoping I'm not one of those although I understand that the body does what the body wants. I'm not sure how quickly I might ovulate again, my pregnancy tests have been showing negative for about a week now. Just a waiting game I guess :(
Wishing everyone the best of luck

[AlwaysWorriedAboutEverything]

Thanks for the warm welcome. 😊I hope we all go on to have healthy pregnancies soon! It's so shit that we can't just get pregnant and enjoy it. Instead we just get endless stress and worry. Feels quite unfair sometimes.

Getting those test results can really take ages! We were quite lucky in that the reason for our issues was just bad luck, but I spent a lot of time on another tfmr back in the day and some of the ladies had to wait months and months for their results. This was before covid too. So I guess it's normal but really frustrating.

We haven't officially started to TTC but have had another talk recently and decided to just get on with it and see what happens. We've been using condoms for a few years now and we have just run out and haven't bought more, so we'll just go from there I suppose. I'm heading towards AF now so there's nothing exciting going on for me. I fell pregnant really quickly both times in the past but I am a lot older now so I have no idea what's going to happen. Fingers crossed.

[Quokka7]

@Downtherabbithole83 the consultant suggested a type of spina bifida may have caused issues and brain abnormalities but he wasnt certain of anything (apart from it not being a healthy baby). He did warn me that they may not be able to tell me what the cause was as brain abnormalities are so much harder to diagnose. We decided to wait 3 months before trying again so we had the full 12 weeks of 5mg folic acid in case it was related to spina bifida. I had covid when I found out i was pregnant with the mmc so I suspect the high fever I had didn't do any good.

@AlwaysWorriedAboutEverything I agree about the endless stress and worry. The what if's and the decisions about whether to have early scans/testing if we get pregnant again..the doubt that's always there about ever having a healthy pregnancy. Its hard work!

@Cmp990 sorry you've found yourself here and how recent it is for you. I had my cycle return as expected so I hope yours comes back quickly and you can ttc again soon x

[Downtherabbithole83]

Welcome @Cmp990 - sorry that you find yourself here.

My period came back at 4 weeks exactly but I know it varies from person to person.

I know what you mean about missing being pregnant: I have to remind myself that I was feeling sick all day, falling asleep just after 8, nothing fit (I put on weight so quickly with this one) and I was unable to exercise at all due to exhaustion (I normally run regularly). It’s hard to explain to him that even with all that discomfort I was still so happy and I miss having that little potential life inside me.