Anyone else TTC after TFMR?

[Downtherabbithole83]

Anyone else on here in the same situation? Would be nice to chat to others who understand.

@Hidingawaytoday Thank You

Ahh congratulations @HoneyPea ! I hope all goes well. I can completely understand stressing about the lines but try not to worry too much. Tests are always different anyway, or your wee could be more concentrated, or you're further along like you said. Also surely the hcg levels can increase differently too. There are a lot of variables. I remember reading that hcg could be higher if the baby is a girl? Not sure if it's scientifically proven though... I would be the same though. I was panicking about line progression with my rainbow pregnancy even though everyone told me I was being mad.

Grr I woke up with Covid today. I hope this isn't going to mess my cycle up. I had kind of forgotten covid was still around even though everyone seems to have it. 😅

Congratulations @honeypea, that's such great news!
I have found myself feeling a bit huffy and resentful of pregnant people (particularly the glowing 7m pregnant woman doing Instagram worthy yoga outside our apartment on holiday while we awaited the results of the amniocentesis!) BUT when someone has been through circumstances like ours then your wonderful news fills me with happiness and peace of mind that beautiful rainbow babies can and do happen every day! ❤️
I don't think a strong positive is anything to be concerned about, I'm sure your body is doing everything perfectly, but I imagine you're feeling overcome with emotions and anxiety at the moment - that's par for the course sadly.
The fear of going through it all again is such a mental block for me and makes me so apprehensive of conceiving again but there's such a low chance of history repeating itself.
I was given a lot of reassurance that the chances of T18 again are very very low so I presume it's the same for T21.
I feel really sad that living through our previous experiences can taint the excitement and joy of pregnancy - I wish I could go back to how I carefree I was with my previous pregnancies - the bliss of naivety and feeling serene and relaxed after a good 12 week scan is probably not on the cards for any of us. All you can do is try to live in the moment and not worry about 'what-ifs'. Easier said than done but big congratulations!
I might have missed it but will you have an early reassurance scan?

Hello @LE68, so sorry you're here too.
It must have been so hard not knowing for so long and still not having all the answers even now. I doubt there's a logical reason it would happen again but without certainty or reassurance you must feel a bit lost.
Knowing Alfie's condition enabled me to research outcomes which intensified the agony but gave me bit of control over it and even a bit of peace of mind but uncertainty casts such a dark shadow over everything.
Was your son your first baby? x

I've tested positive too and feel really rotten hope you feel better soon

Having a bit of AF stress here as after having a bit of bright red/pink blood on a wipe yesterday morning (which would normally very quickly lead to my first heavy day) my bleeding stayed very light and quickly went brown before stopping altogether by late afternoon. This morning there was only the tiniest spot of brown cm when I wiped.

This is just so different from any AF before my tfmr (started early whereas I’ve always been very regular and usually my bleeding is so textbook: 2 or 3 days heavy tailing if to very light and then spotting - lasting about 6/7 days in total). Just wondering what it means for my cycle this month: when to start opk tracking, whether it will affect my ability to conceive (as not sure what’s actually going on in there as it’s only my second post-tfmr AF).

Those of you who are further down the road, did you experience changes in your AF? How long did it take to settle?

Oh no @AlwaysWorriedAboutEverything! how are you feeling? It does seem to be doing the rounds again. Hope you are feeling okay with it 😫

@Justholdingmybreath i’m the exact same with not wanting to see pregnant women and not being able to be happy for people. I was really struggling seeing the pregnancy/birth announcements and even just photos of people’s young families on social media so I decided to deactivate my accounts a couple of months ago and I feel so much better since doing that. It still doesn’t avoid the surprise of seeing pregnant strangers in public but it has helped me. Like you I do genuinely feel happy for people like us that have had to go though the trauma of any kind of loss. I hope that one day I can go back to feeling happy for anyone but I think that will come with time.

Yeah our son was my first baby ♥️ We had just moved into the perfect family home and started trying and we’re really lucky and got caught first cycle so it felt like everything was perfect. My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship who is nearly 7. I have a great bond with her but at the time of everything happening I had such a horrible resentment towards her which I feel so guilty for now. Her Mum was also pregnant at the time of our TFMR and has recently had a healthy baby girl which I found hard too

@ArrrMeHearties hope you feel better soon too ♥️

@Downtherabbithole83 i had my first period exactly 5 weeks after my TFMR. That cycle was 32 days and I ovulated CD17. The next 3 cycles were a bit all over the place lasting between 26 and 29 days, some of them heavy bleeding for the entire period and some really light. I did still ovulate around CD12/13 like usual each time though. I’d say my 5th cycle after TFMR was most like my prepregnancy periods so it may take a few cycles for your body to get back to its ‘normal’ cycles. I would maybe start tracking ovulation as if you would if it had been a proper period just in case? I’m not sure what it would mean in terms of conception but if you ovulate I’m sure there would be a chance of conception 🤞

Thanks for the reassurance @LE68 - I guess I’m just concerned about what the lack of a proper bleed and having brown blood so quickly means regarding my lining but I’m sure I’m overthinking it all! And it is only my second cycle 🤷‍♀️

@Justholdingmybreath I think it should be the same as last time which will be a scan at 7/8weeks (which is when they found the MMC) and then if that is all ok they will give me a NIPT the next week. Who knows if I'll even get to that point though. I've been pregnant 3 times in the last just over 12months and I just don't believe it's going to happen.

@Downtherabbithole83 My second period was a few days of light bleeding but then my next 2 were full on bleeding for 7days! Probably back to normal after about 5/6months. Which is when we finally decided to try again.

Thanks for sharing @HoneyPea - hopefully I’ll get some more bleeding over the next few days. Don’t think I can even really count what I got yesterday as a period! I’ll still count it as CD1 for opk purposes but otherwise I’ll just monitor it…

Keeping everything crossed for you - hopefully this time will be better xx

Thanks @ArrrMeHearties and @LE68 . I'm feeling OK actually. Just a bit headachey but not bad. I was reading the covid board just now and some people said when they had covid their period came early. Mine was about 5 days early which never happens, but I'm sure it's just a coincidence. 😅

@Downtherabbithole83 Sorry to hear your cycle is being weird. I think it can be like that for some time afterwards but it should settle. Maybe you have been stressed and that has affected it? Mine is always a bit off if I'm really stressed out (which is often lol). I had super irregular periods before my tfmr years ago, and after my pregnancies I had the coil for years so didn't get any periods, so I can't tell what's normal really. I seem to remember having a very light period after the tfmr though, and then I fell pregnant again.

I would just do the opks from like day 10 onwards just to see where you are. Especially if you're using the cheap ones. 😄

Also I'm like @LE68 with social media. I quit Facebook and Instagram the day we had a bad scan back in the day, and I never looked back. I couldn't imagine getting back into those anymore because it would just wind me up. Not just because of people's pregnancy and baby announcements, but I was generally fed up with social media. It's so egocentric and I can't be arsed with it. I prefer wasting my life on MN. 😃

A relative announced she had given birth a few days ago and I must admit I was pissed off. Normally I try to be happy for other people but this person is genuinely a terrible mother (I don't say this lightly) and I just felt that it was so unfair that she has had yet another baby that she will not look after properly, and I'm sat here desperately wanting another child to love and spoil. I know this is a me problem but it does feel a bit unfair.

@Downtherabbithole83 I had three periods between TFMR and getting pregnant again and they were very different to periods before. I used to have a couple of heavier days at the start, then about 3 days of lighter and browner flow. The new periods started more slowly, and were bright red throughout- it was quite alarming actually. So something had definitely changed but I must have ovulate at least the last time.

@LE68 and others- I've also struggled with people around me being pregnant. I have a friend who is due the week before I was (mid Feb) and who was one of the only people who knew about the pregnancy and the TFMR as it was happening. I'm going to see her for the first time since next weekend- I just haven't been ready yet but want to before baby is due.

Morning ladies,
@HoneyPea Congratulations lovely. My fingers are firmly crossed for you 🤞 I had two pregnancies last year so that feeling that it will never have a happy ending is very familiar.
@LE68 i work im a place where pregnant ladies come in fairly frequently. The first day i returned to work after my tfmr i heard a lady announce very loudly that she was 10 weeks and due in January (one month after i would have been due) and that it wasn't planned and would mean 2 under 2. The ease in which she assumed it would all be ok hit me hard. I cope better now (its been over 6 mths since our tfmr) but certain situations still get me.
@Downtherabbithole83 i had an appointment with a consultant the other day and she said it can take 3-6 months for cycles to return to normal so i dont think you need to worry just yet. Your body is still recovering.
I'm another one who quit social media. I did it the day we went into hospital for medical management in June and its helped so much. It was just too triggering.

As much as social media can be a positive thing I think it is a very negative thing for a lot of people in different situations and coming off it definitely made me feel better and slightly more like the person I was before. You have to do what’s right for you and take yourself away from any situations that might be too hard on you if you can, which I know it’s always as easy as it sounds.

I don’t think anyone can truly understand the feeling of loss and the effect it has on you unless they have been through it themselves 💔

Thanks all for your support - my AF (if we can even call it that) appears to have stopped completely now so I’m going to ignore it and hope AF arrives properly soon - maybe contact my bereavement midwife too as she’s been brilliant. Until then, I’ll also use opks.

I’ve stayed on social media as we have a lot of family overseas and it’s the easiest way to share what we’re up to but I only have Facebook and I tend not to do a lot of browsing on it.

@LE68 that’s exactly why I started this thread. I needed to talk to people who knew what it was like.

Aaaaaaaaand AF is here. DEFINITELY here… 😳

@Downtherabbithole83 so the other one was just a warning before the main event 🤣 get stocked up on the chocolate! are you going to count today as CD1 or still do OPKs as if the other one was CD1?

I’m going to split the difference and call yesterday CD1 😂

I usually ovulate around CD11 so I’ll opk from the last couple of days of AF anyway

Glad everything's progressing @Downtherabbithole83 ! Hope it's not too intense!

Just wanted to say I went for a reassurance scan at the EPU today and while the scan itself was indeed as reassuring as it could be (clear heartbeat, good size yoke sac, measuring slightly bigger than expected at 8w+2), I was blown away by the level of care. Saw a consultant and registrar, not a midwife (although every midwife we've interacted with has been incredible), who explained everything on screen and what it all meant, knew all about the upcoming appointments that have been arranged, asked how I was doing in terms of mental health and support and said I could come back for more scans if I got worried. I know these things are a bit variable from hospital to hospital but I really hope all you ladies get this kind of attention when the time comes, it means so much to feel like you're being looked after.

@Downtherabbithole83 Haha! Mine started like that. No mistaking it! I had 9 days of spotting but Friday was definitely CD1! How long are your cycles usually? I bought cheap opks for this cycle. I was using the clearblue ones but they're so expensive. I did like the fact you only had to use them once first thing in the morning though!

@Thefrogwife I'm so glad you were looked after and reassured 😊. The way you're treated can make a huge difference.

That’s great news that everything is okay and you were well looked after @Thefrogwife. I hope it has helped to ease any anxiety slightly for you