9 months+ trying to conceive, still losing hope, still trying

[BritInNZ]

Continuing the earlier thread ladies before we run out of room... will tag in who I remember but feel free to tag others I may have missed. And newbies always welcome!

@Aubyone - pregnant! Adding in case she wants to keep in the loop 😊
@kmbegs
@FlyOnTheWall89
@Hopefullywaiting01234
@Tinkerbell098
@LucyAnne34
@MaryTeenOfScots

@Carla2601 amazing news Carla and glad it wasn't as bad as you imagined! Did they knock you out for it? I think it costs more for that here but someone I know wasn't knocked out and said it was horrific 😂 completely get you being attached - I feel the same each month! My TWW I'm rooting for my lil egg, let alone if I knew they were actually in a Petri dish potentially turning into babies! Looking forward to hearing updates and have everything crossed for you. Must be so surreal thinking you could be pregnant next week!!!

@Carla2601 hope you had a nice evening to celebrate. Good luck for today's call. Everything crossed for you! Do you have to start the pessaries now itself or after transfer?

@FlyOnTheWall89 Glad it went well with Dr Ramsay. He sounds genuinely helpful. When is your HSG?

@Carla2601 how are you feeling this morning? Keeping everything crossed for your eggs 🥚

@BritInNZ yep I was fully asleep and would recommend haha!

@Tinkerbell098 @FlyOnTheWall89 @lemons44 good news, of the 15, 13 were mature, and of those 12 fertilised normally so we have 12 embryos on day 1 (today). Next update on the gang will be Saturday but they said they’re confident enough to book me in for transfer at 9.30 on Monday!!! I’m so so happy with how they’re doing so far and just keeping everything crossed they do well from here.

And yes….pessaries started this morning, was the bit I was dreading most but also totally fine surprisingly!

Also, feeling totally fine and did 15,000 steps yesterday post op (only mentioning so you know I’m not fibbing about how bad it is haha)

@Carla2601 - so pleased everything well! Amazing results💗

@Carla2601 sounds like you've got an amazing clinic as well for everything to have run so smoothly. I'm so pleased for you and glad you're feeling fine. Also thanks so much for all the updates and the positivity as I was dreading the entire process. I have also taken up your advise to write to PALS about how long it's all taken through the NHS and hoping to hear back from them within a week. I'm so ready to start treatment now and you have really put my mind at ease, so thank you again :)

So exciting @Carla2601 - this is really amazing news. Keep us up to date!

@Tinkerbell098 HSG booked for 25th April and cycle looks to be on time so should be able to go ahead - it will be CD9. X

@NatW2021 TYSM ☺️

@FlyOnTheWall89 great news - let us know how you get on, that’s not too long to wait

@Tinkerbell098 I am so pleased - on the PALs front it’s not right or fair how long you’ve waited and I hope they get you some answers and some speeding up. On the treatment front that’s exactly what I was hoping - all i heard was how bad it is and how stressful (and don’t get me wrong having to come home every night on time and worrying about how the eggs are reacting does take a toll) but physically I was expecting a really awful experience and it really hasn’t been. Maybe I’ve been lucky and I know everyone reacts differently but honestly you can do it, and once you’re going it’s quick and really not so daunting as you expect. Keep us posted on timings I’m thinking about you!

Hey everyone - sorry to come on a be a Debbie downer but i am having a rubbish day! My bbt is shit and im getting BFNs as per usual I'm 11dpo -

I am feeling agitated and to be honest quite depressed, i just don't know how to find the strength to do this month after month. I feel so alone with my thoughts and feelings, i know some have been trying longer and i am trying not to be so overdramatic but i miss the days when i didnt even think twice about any of this.

@NatW2021 you’re not being a Debbie downer! That’s what this is for.

I know nothing makes it better and I know just how shit that feeling is and I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. You’re not alone, we’re all here for you, but it is so so lonely so I hear you.

Are there anythings you can do that help improve your mood? For me it’s hiit yoga but I know that’s not for everyone. A podcast or a book you can get really immersed in and just forget even for a couple of hours?

I’ve completely lost track but remind me where you’re up to (so sorry to ask!!) - for me something that really helps is planning the milestones and appointments I can tick off

@Carla2601 thank you so much for being so honest with your IVF journey. It's actually been incredibly helpful and makes the whole thing seem way less scary and horrible. It has definitely helped me feel less phased by it all, and I know once we get past these monitored cycles I will be way more ready and open to IVF. Just wanted you to know it's really appreciated and does make a difference, and I have everything crossed for the little eggs over the weekend, and your transfer on Monday!

@NatW2021 I'm so sorry you're having a rough day. We have ALL been there, so don't worry about being a 'downer'. It's good to vent and have people to share how you're feeling with. I honestly don't have much advice, I know when I'm having a crappy couple of days not much helps. But maybe getting out for some walks or booking something fun to look forward to this weekend? It really does suck, and we don't realise how strong we can be until we have no other choice. You have got this, and you'll get through feeling like this. Sending hugs!!!

@BritInNZ thank you so much for your lovely message - I’m glad it’s been helpful. Was a bit conscious this isn’t an IVF thread specifically and didn’t want to overdo it but also felt strongly it was a much easier experience than the one I’d expected!

Also…..your monitored cycles might be all the help you need, rooting for you!

Keeping everything crossed for your embabies @Carla2601
I have also found the whole IVF process you've been detailing really useful to learn about. Do you mind me asking whether you are doing this privately? I didn't know if it is happening so quickly because it's private or because that's just the pace it goes at.

Ahh sorry you was having a rough day @NatW2021. Those few days before AF arrive are just the hardest because it's all we can think about.
I have noticed that my tell tale sign is I have a really hormonal day on CD 23 (4 days before AF arrives). It's annoying that I've noticed this pattern as now I know I'm out usually by then. I wish I was one of these people that could just forget about it!
What cycle number is this for you? Sending big hugs

Not much to update from me. I am CD 14 today, which according to my apps is 1DPO.

I noticed I had a bit more EWCM this cycle randomly so I am hoping this is a good sign. I tried to explain what EWCM was to DH last night and he said 'so it's a sperm super highway?' 😂

I am really going to try and keep busy this TWW. Every few cycles I have one where I convince myself this is it. I imagine that I can feel twinges and all sorts. It's funny how observant we get in the TWW! Last cycle was one of those 'this is it' cycles and the disappointment after I get AF is just crushing. So this TWW every time I think I feel a symptom I am just going to ignore it and put it down as PMS (like it always is).

We have our fertility tests the day before AF is due so that will keep me distracted I think too.

How's everyone else doing?

@lemons44 a sperm superhighway 🤣🤣 love it!

I don’t mind at all, yes this round is private (we’re in the queue for the NHS). We definitely started quicker but the pace would be the same (I think) on the NHS because the process would be the same. There are some nuances so my egg collection could have been the Monday that week but I wasn’t ready so I went to Wednesday (and it could have been today and still been classed as normal - I guess everyone reacts differently to the drugs). The embryo transfer can also be earlier if the clinic decides they need to put them in on day three but my understanding is that’s if they aren’t doing too great so I’m hoping that doesn’t happen tomorrow(!).

Also sometimes you might choose to freeze all the embryos and not transfer (so because we’ll always need IVF if we don’t end up with many I think we’d transfer one in the hope of a 2022 baby and then wait and do another egg retrieval with the NHS as we can’t really afford another full private round so we’d try to bank embryos so we were only paying the final transfer stage - it’s the collection and fertilisation that’s really expensive because the drugs are so so expensive).

I think basically you can start whenever you want if you go private but everything else is pretty similar but the steps are dictated by your personal circumstances.

Definitely keep DTD as the EWCM is a sign you might be ovulating now I think but again I’m not remotely medical so I’m just thinking back to when we were trying the traditional way haha! Good luck!!

@Carla2601 @lemons44 @BritInNZ you for being so kind, i really do value the support from you all. I just dont get to open up about it, a few people know we are TTC but dont ask and then it just feels weird bringing it up and i feel it just turns a into a depressing vibe and the sad faces as what can people say? And how can they relate if they haven't been through it

@lemons44 @Carla2601 i will be onto. Cycle 11 when AF shows although i have been off the pill just over 12 months but Didnt start tracking till i got my first period i was on the mini pill for 10 years. I had some blood tests at Christmas which showed i have subclinical hypothyroidism and then some further tests showed i was low in vit d/b12 which can contribute to infertility, so i have been on meds since January, but its hard to know if this what the problem is. DH SA was normal but wouldn't say count was fantastic.

We have our fertility appointment with the NHS on 28th, i am hoping we can get hycosy done soon. Sorry for tmi but i just have a feeling so ething is off, my periods have been light since stopping the pill and i dont get any EWCM just abit watery - i had a scan which showed my lining to ve fine but i just know something us off but dont know what?

I am booking my holiday this weekend and i am out tomorrow so hopefully this will take my mind of things and i deffo need to start some sort of Zumba/exercise class to help my mental health.

Sorry for long post! X

@NatW2021 I have really light periods too, but it's never been flagged as something of concern. I think something like that is always taken into account in conjunction with other tests.

So fun fact I learnt listening to the recent SheerLuxe podcast on IVF - ASDA sells IVF meds at cost or near cost making it considerably cheaper. Apparently the owners wife went through it and wanted everyone to have better access to meds. I find the host really annoying but the content is pretty good.

@Carla2601 please keep the news coming - it's amazing to hear.

X

@NatW2021 I also have light periods, and I don't even get cramps leading up to it or during. The consultant wasn't worried about it. I do have a thin lining though (4mm), although even then she wasn't too worried, as I had something called a tri laminar layer which was smooth, and she said that's what's more important. I do take Vit E supplements now though hoping it will improve the lining, in case that's what is preventing me from falling pregnant. I'm glad you have a plan in place now and booking a holiday will definitely help take your mind off things.

@FlyOnTheWall89 I have also heard that about ASDA and will defo look into sourcing meds from there if I go private. I think if going down NHS route, you can buy a prescription prepayment certificate which can reduce costs also.

@Carla2601 hope your embabies are doing well and good luck for the update call tomorrow. Any reason why they're doing a 5 day vs 3 day transfer? Is it because they managed to collect a good few eggs from you? I'm just interested why some clinics do 3 over 5 day transfers and vice versa.

I’ve just been reading everyone’s messages and lost track a bit as my head is all over the place atm. So for those of you having hard days - I see you. It is so lonely. I like to talk to my friends but then when they randomly ask how I’m doing I get annoyed inside because I feel like it’s all that defines me now. I know it’s probably just me. I have an upcoming appointment with fertility consultant which I’ve been waiting for since I had my HSG in january. So I will finally get my results. And a plan. 2 years off the pill and still no baby (we weren’t trying for all those months but a good 14 before conceiving and miscarrying and then 4/5 month since then).

@Carla2601 so happy for you and your embabies! My fingers are truly crossed that all goes well 🥰 this may be my route too so it’s been nice hearing from you. X

Well yesterday I had the weirdest and most painful ovulation. I felt really bloated and crampy, so I knew ovulation was coming (that's pretty normal). But when I was walking the dog I felt a giant pop on my right ovary and it was the weirdest sensation. The pain stopped after that but when I went to the toilet I'd bled a fair amount.

I'm no stranger to ovulation pains but yesterday was different. I'm wondering if I had a cyst or something? Anyone ever experienced something like that?

@BritInNZ that sounds totally bizarre. Have you done some research? Have you not had a scan that would have identified a cyst or fibroid? Maybe you should get checked out at A&E? Xx

@LucyAnne34
I totally relate to what you said, i think thats all my friends see now and inside i think they just feel sorry for me, one of my friends i know is intending no harm but when i wished them all a happy mothers day in the group chat (they are all mums or pregnant) she said "i hope ted (my dog) is spoiling you" obviously a joke but i didnt like it and shes made a few dog jokes. 😡

Hoping everything goes well with your appointment. Can i ask what the process is with the NHS? I have my first appointment in a few weeks, i know each Trust is different but was you waiting long in between and what happens at each appointment.

@BritInNZ - Hope you are ok, maybe just a one off or a larger egg?

@BritInNZ I haven’t heard of anything like that but if you’re worried (which I think would be a perfectly reasonable response) then I think going to the doctor or a&e would be a good idea. Glad you’re feeling better though.

@LucyAnne34 sorry you’re head is all full of this - it’s hard not to isn’t it it’s really overwhelming. I absolutely despise pity too so I totally hear you. Also a dog mum and people get it wrong all the time.

@NatW2021 @Tinkerbell098 @FlyOnTheWall89 I also have light periods - I think actually loads of people do

@lemons44 have you tried evening primrose oil for the EWCM - it did work for me

@Carla2601 @NatW2021 @FlyOnTheWall89 thanks ladies. No idea! When I had an US nothing was picked up, but that was 6 months ago now? I wonder if it was a small cyst that burst, Google isn't being much help, just says it's mittelschmerz. I definitely ovulated though as I have my usual tender boobs just after ovulation, so guess it was either a cyst or one giant egg 😂 I feel absolutely fine now and no bleeding since. So random!