9 months+ trying to conceive, still losing hope, still trying

[BritInNZ]

Continuing the earlier thread ladies before we run out of room... will tag in who I remember but feel free to tag others I may have missed. And newbies always welcome!

@Aubyone - pregnant! Adding in case she wants to keep in the loop 😊
@kmbegs
@FlyOnTheWall89
@Hopefullywaiting01234
@Tinkerbell098
@LucyAnne34
@MaryTeenOfScots

@BritInNZ @FlyOnTheWall89 thanks for your input. Yes, he's had a SA done August last year and everything was fine. We have been trying for over a year now (about 14 months, lost count now to be honest!), so nothing has worked so far. Which is why I was thinking if that could be one of the things we should be changing for DH. I did mention it to him and he didn't really comment. To be honest, the jacuzzi at the gym is boiling hot, so it definitely can't help! We are seeing a private gynaecologist this week so I will ask her and he'll be there with me, so he can hear it from her I guess.

That sounds like a good plan @Tinkerbell098. Sorry, I cant remember if you said you've had all the blood tests done. Have you had an AMH test too? I think statistically if you've got clear bloods and SA, you are so likely to conceive before the 2 year mark, but obviously that still feels a million miles away. Hope your appt goes well and gives you further insight into your situation and what next! xx

@FlyOnTheWall89 yes I had bloods done in July last year and all was ok, and GP referred me to the clinic shortly after (yet to get a first appointment from them, hence we've decided to go private this month). I'm also having a ultrasound scan done this Friday. So some progress this week. After that, it'll just be hycosy/hsg to do. I haven't had AMH done, but I was told that's only relevant for IVF, but will ask the consultant when I see her this week.

@Tinkerbell098 oh gosh that is a long time ago. Are you London based? Sounds like you've got lots of tests lined up now which is so good to hear. Ye I think it's most useful for IVF and how you've respond to the drugs but also puts a timeline on things - we will go privately if we don't get a response by the May ish. We would love 3 children and rn that feels impossible but we would still like to get things moving. Plus I'm not getting any younger!

Hi ladies AF came today, so do you mind if I jump in?

@BritInNZ can I ask a bit more about the fertility nutritionist you mentioned? Do you know if they can help even with IVF?

@FlyOnTheWall89 yes, it's taken forever and we don't want to wait around any longer, so decided to go private (bye bye bank balance) as I'm over 36 now, and time is not on my side. We would like 2 if possible, but feel like that's too optimistic now. We are base in Leicestershire. When I rang up a few weeks ago, they said it'll probably take another 6 months and the lady at the reception outright refused to check where on the queue I was and was quite rude about it. So sometimes it just feels like no one is willing to help or support in this journey, which is why MN and speaking to you lovely ladies has helped so much.

@FlyOnTheWall89 I would try not to worry about AMH. I think this is why I was told not to test for another year (until I'm deciding whether to do IVF or not) because as long as you're trying now AMH shouldn't have an impact and it obviously can worry you. It also seems like there's a massive variation in what's considered normal and what's not.

@Tinkerbell098 I think you're right if you can speak to an expert about hot baths etc with your husband that's the best way to go. My husband cycles from time to time (maybe once a week) and I've said to him about it but he said surely it's better to be an active person than not. And I can really argue with that and he knows it's not helping so I just ignore it. It's tough. If he was on at me every time I had a glass of wine or ate something bad I would be furious. But it's also hard when you're struggling so much and knowing these things could help. I also just read your message about being told it'll be another 6 months. That's so annoying! Must be v frustrating.

@IsabelHerna welcome! How long have you been trying?

How is everyone getting on? We are back in the 'trying' part of month 12. I get so frustrated with my long cycles - it's so difficult when you don't know if you'll ovulate on day 15 or day 26!! Have fertility acupuncture this afternoon though which really helps even just to have someone to talk to. Hope everyone is well.

@Carla2601 replying in here as this is the new thread. I rang our health insurance yesterday on your tip and annoyingly they don't cover it. I've been doing all sorts of research and I go from positive to completely negative within minutes and I feel my mood about it all changing every day. It's really tough. Hope everyone is doing okay. X

Hey ladies, I'm just back from my first private appointment. The doctor basically said all our tests were normal and made a referral for a HSG and AMH tests to be done. It'll cost about £500 for both, so she said we can go away and think about it and book those when we are ready. So we just have to decide if this is something we want done immediately or wait until we hear back from the NHS. She said as OH's SA looks pretty good, the jacuzzi is not going to suddenly deplete his levels drastically. She said anything in moderation is fine, as long as you don't overdo it. Until I do an HSG, I think she can't make a diagnosis and decide what action to take, so we need to think about it in the next couple of days. Also, there could be the added benefit of it boosting my fertility, but obviously, no guarantee.

Hi folks, I also like @Tinkerbell098 had my first private fertility consultation today. Very similar as you mentioned said all bloods and sperm etc looked great and that next step would be hycosy/scan for around £450 if we don't fall in the next couple of months. She said blocked tubes was rare having already been pregnant years but it can happen and they just don't know. I asked about spotting she said it won't stop anyone getting pregnant and to keep a diary and get in touch with any major changes but it was normal. She said you cycle changes as you age etc and not to overly worry about it. She also said to have sex 2-3 times a week throughout entire cycle and ignore ALL OVULATION SIGNS/TESTS. I was like, do you know how hard that it? She said just do it 😂 so that's me with a lighter wallet and although relieved not much the wiser tbh. All tho it's good to be thinking about next steps etc. Hope this info is of some use to others.

@Pineappletarts yes I thought the same. It was good to have a consultation but at the same time she didn’t really say much that I didn’t know already. But was good to go through all the results and options. Will you be booking the hsg/hycosy? How long have you been TTC?

@Tinkerbell098 yes that's exactly it. We have been trying just over a year now so going to give it a couple of months I think, that's what she suggested doing. We should be seen by end of March by the NHS so it's whether we wait for that then see what the waiting times are or go ahead in April or so privately. I have a few friends that have taken over a year to conceive so it's difficult to know what to do tbh. What about yourselves? How long have you been trying and how do you feel about the scan/tube check? X

@Pineappletarts my consultant also said to ditch all the ovulation sticks too, and don’t do temping etc. just have sex every other day throughout cycle.
I am on day 30 of 29-34 day cycle so in the awful am I aren’t I phase. Definitely have cramps but I had these when I fell pregnant last October. Thought my period would start any minute and it never did. I’m not holding out much hope though. And I’m also worried If I don’t get pregnant in the next few months I’m missing the ‘extra fertile’ phase after HSG. But again, who knows if that’s really a thing. Argh!! Complete head f* 😞

@IsabelHerna yes sure - the website is fertilitnutrition.co.nz. They're NZ based but it's virtual so they're global. They support people with all different situations, including nutrition for IVF 😊 have a look at their website and instagram

@Tinkerbell098 @Pineappletarts that is really interesting. Consultants hate temping and ovulation tests don't they. I totally see what you mean about clarity but not much more knowledge. I do think these forums are a source of sooooo much knowledge - I feel so much more informed than I did even a few months ago. Im glad you feel like you have a plan and fingers crossed for the next 3 months x

@LucyAnne34 sending good vibes your way, it's an awful time waiting ❤️ it is a headmelting thing, and so hard to think about anything else!
@FlyOnTheWall89 yeah very much anti ovulation tests 😂 wonder if it's cause folk rely too much and stop early or something. I think the biggest thing I got from yesterday was you can only try, do your best and stay hopeful. Having a plan helps mentally and also I think you're right, these forums are mega knowledgeable! Such a help. Best of luck everyone, rooting for you all.

Sorry everyone I didn’t find the new thread so I’d messaged some of you on the old one.

@FlyOnTheWall89 not sure if you saw this:

I am so sorry about the results. I know how it feels and it’s so horrible. I’m sorry you’re going through it.

One thing and I don’t know if this is useful, my husband has health insurance through work and they did pay for 80% of our first consultation with Mr Ramsey. Only the first one but we got so much out of it (and could have taken some of the next steps on the NHS) so it might be worth seeing what your GP thinks as they might find a way to help. If not would recommend it if there’s any way you can, it was better for my state of mind than any holiday could have been.

I’m not sure if you can PM on here but if you want to chat lmk. I’ve stayed on the thread even though our plan is different. I come on less but I still love seeing how everyone is if that helps too.

Sending love x

@Pineappletarts it's been something like 14 months for us now. I've also had a few friends who tried for about a year, but they all had underlying conditions (PCOS, endo, pre-diabetic, etc), so it was kind of expected for them. I am yet to figure out why it's not working for us as everything so far has been normal.
I'm dreading having an HSG done, as my pain threshold is very low, so feeling very nervous about it. But I know it'll give us some answers/reassure tubes are fine and just something that needs doing if we want to investigate what's wrong. I'm also having an ultrasound this evening so wish me luck!

@LucyAnne34 I asked the consultant I saw yesterday about post-HSG fertility boost and she said yes, that is true and can happen as they flush out everything in there. So yes, I'm hopeful for you. She said the boost will last for about 3 months, so I have everything crossed for you!

@FlyOnTheWall89 yes MN is defintely a good source of information, I've learnt so much in the past three months I've been on here. I was a bit sceptical even before I went for the appointment and told OH, I don't think she's going to tell me anything more than what I already know. But nonetheless, it felt like a first step and kind of confirmed what we already knew. Also I feel like we are doing something now, being proactive about it, rather than just waiting around.

@Carla2601 good to have you back. We are still keen to know how you're getting on, although the plan is different. It doesn't matter, we are here to support each other no matter what the plan is.

Static smiley day today and I'm already exhausted! We haven't DTD that much this cycle, just twice so far in the FW (Tuesday and last night). Hoping to DTD tomorrow morning maybe for O day. Just hope I get my BFP so I don't have to go through HSG, but it's probably inevitable now.

Thanks guys. My period has just started. I’m gutted. I’m so scared this will never happen for me. I’ve just got in bed because I can’t face things atm 😞

Oooo sorry @LucyAnne34 - it's the worst day of the month. Look after yourself and then tomorrow try to think ahead. X

Oh so sorry @LucyAnne34, take care and be kind to yourself XXX

Thanks guys. I will try my best. Take care of yourselves too! (I’m having some drinks with friends to drown my sorrows lol) x

@LucyAnne34 so sorry to hear AF arrived - it's always the crappiest day ever. Give yourself today and then don't let it ruin the rest of your weekend.

@Tinkerbell098 I understand you being nervous about the HSG but just think that everyone has a different experience. It wasn't that bad at all for me. Can your partner come with you? I found that helpful to have a hand to squeeze! How did the ultrasound go?

We've been away since Thursday for our wedding anniversary and stayed in an incredible lodge for the night. It feels a bit bitter sweet for me as I'd hoped this anniversary would be very different, but sadly not to be. Staying with friends now and they have an 8 month old and I'm struggling a bit. But my friend is really good and just gets how shit this is. I'm starting to think DH and I need to have a hard conversation about what happens if this isn't for us. I can't imagine life without children of our own but I also don't know if I want to do IVF, and we wouldn't get public funding for it for another 5 years anyway. There's just so many horrible 'what ifs' - would be so nice to know that it's even possible for us. Unexplained infertility sucks.

@BritInNZ happy anniversary but I totally understand what you mean about bittersweet. I also get you on the whole IVF thing. I’m so grateful we have a plan but I’m also terrified. I don’t want to have all these procedures, operations and drugs. I was excited but now it’s getting closer I’m sad and stressed. I didn’t want it to be like this. I feel how you feel - can’t imagine not having children but the route feels almost too hard. The 5 years thing seems crazy - this is also going to sound wild I know but could you travel for it? To another country I mean. I’ve heard of people doing that. I know that’s a super big decision.

I have my first appointment on Friday and they’re aiming for retrieval in March and transfer in April. If you all want I can tell you everything and be really honest in case any of you end up going through it too. I’m of course hoping none of you will.

@FlyOnTheWall89 that’s frustrating re insurance. I think it’s because my OH had a blockage it can in theory cause other health issues so they said initial tests they’d partially cover which was a huge help. How are you getting on with the nhs? They’ve actually been super quick for us on most things.

@LucyAnne34 I hope having some fun with your friends helped a bit!

@Tinkerbell098 tysm - have you got a date for your test booked in yet? Everything crossed this is the week for you!!

Thanks @BritInNZ and @Carla2601❤️ I’m trying to be more positive today - I’ve realised that I am putting so much pressure on myself each month, like why am I being so impatient?! I need to realise that this could take a while and try to enjoy my life. I’ve decided we need to have more fun with sex and also that I will just wait for my consultant to guide me when the time is right for possible IVF (worse case scenario).
@Carla2601 I would definitely like you to share your IVF experience if you’re comfortable doing so! March is just round the corner - my fingers are crossed for you! X