Am I going to miscarry? Scared and frightened

[Greeneyesbiglashes]

Hi all,

I’m just looking for some guidance really. I’m lucky to have lots of support around me by really fantastic people, but I sometimes feel better talking to people who I don’t know I real life, where I can write without feeling like i’m weighing down on the people around me. It makes me feel better to write stuff all down too. Thanks for reading if you see this.

I found out on New Year’s Day I was pregnant, with my long term boyfriend. We were so happy. That was a Friday. By Sunday night I wiped and there was pink. I tried not to freak out and kinda pushed it to the back of my mind. I was due on my period on that day so thought it may be connected.

Since that Sunday (9 days ago) I have had spotting. Up until 2 days ago it has been light pink. There may have been some red spotting too in between but nothing alarmingly red I don’t think. Thinking back the red was more on the dark side. The last 2 days have been brown/really dark red. There has been no discharge. I am feeling a big sick in the mornings and have gagged a few times. I also think my nipples feel a bit sore. I have done a few pregnancy tests, the most recent one on Saturday (3 days ago) was clearly darker than the rest.

Last Thursday, 5 days after the spotting began I had a hospital appointment anyway as I was having tests. I came of the pill months ago and was spotting for a week, then having my period, then spotting for another week. The drs thought possible PCOS or just my body adjusting, but couldn’t have the tests due to me now being pregnant. They saw me and scanned me on Thursday anyway. This was with an abdominal scan as I had told them i’d been bleeding and they didn’t want to make it worse. I would have been 4 weeks 6 days at that point, they couldn’t see the sac, only that my lining was thick. The lady said I was really early to see that anyway as it was so early and as it wasn’t a transvaginal scan, it wouldn’t have been clear really anyway.

I had an abortion (with the same partner) back in 2018, my dad had just died and my mental health had plummeted, I was 9.5 weeks and never knew I was pregnant, I was on the pill the whole time. I remember bleeding at work with that pregnancy (when I didn’t know I was pregnant) and had to go home it was so heavy, however I was still on the pill so looking back it could have been my break week and my body would have made me bleed, I think. I’ve regretted it everyday and now think i’m being punished for what I did.

I have a scan on Friday, in 3 days, i’m petrified. I’ve not had any cramps yet nor clots.

I am just looking for some thoughts please?
Please don’t judge me for the abortion. I am ashamed of it and it breaks my heart daily when I think about it. Thanks for reading this. X

[quote Greeneyesbiglashes]@dingit thanks for sharing! I’m sure everyone will appreciate hearing your experience with all of that. Sorry to hear about your first miscarriage. [/quote]
It was 24 years ago. But you never forget

@Greeneyesbiglashes I really wouldn't worry if you only see 2-3 on the digital, thresholds of HCG vary so much from woman to woman and some women dont see a 3+ until 7/8 weeks just because their hcg is rising slower which is nothing to worry about. Yeah so my SIL had about 12 days of pink/brown spotting and thought her period was just taking its time, did a test and then she got a positive! She worked out she should be 7 weeks when they went for the scan based on the LMP but she was dated around 5 1/2 and all seems ok so far!

Don't feel mortified about that! You did what was right for you at the time and that is perfectly fine 😘

Im doing okay, worrying about it all but I just have to see what the next few days bring xx

@unicornpower thank you I'm trying to keep busy! I might even wait to call gp, my partner wants me to ASAP because that's what it says to do once you've got a positive test.. But I know I'm only 4 weeks even though by my LMP I would be classed as 5 so I might try to wait and hold off.
That's good to know that brown isn't usually anything to worry about, I think I'm panicking because I normally have this for a couple of days before my period but its not getting any worse at least.

@Greeneyesbiglashes I'm glad you're OK, no one really says how anxious it is after you get that positive. I'm doing alright, my boyfriend is an '"everything happens for a reason" type person and so so supportive and understanding in how I feel. He was even googling earlier trying to reassure me. I just feel bad that I'm not happier right now, just worried. Trying to put it out of my mind because I can't control it either way.

Do you have any other symptoms? I had really tender boobs but they seem to be mostly normal today, although I have heard that symptoms can come and go.

It's reassuring to have others to talk to when you don't want to tell anyone in real life!

@dingit I can imagine!! I hope you and your family are well in this lockdown too x

@unicornpower i’m deffo more concerned that I should be 6 weeks and they only said I looked around 5! I’ve not done another test since I got the 2-3 weeks and that was 2 weeks ago tomorrow. So if it said 3+ then I think i’d freak either way as I would be like why am I not seeing a 6 week looking scan on the screen... ahhh loosing my mind here lol!

Ah okay, hearing about your SIL is reassuring.... glad everything is ok with her so far! That’s great news!!

Yeah you’re right, I was absolutely sure at the time it was the right thing. But if there is a positive to take in a really weird twisted way is that I bled red blood and i’m talking, it went through a pad at work AND my trousers heavy, went on holiday, drank etc and still was all fine. So anyone reading this that is worried, I legit had 2 ‘periods’ and all was okay. I wish I didn’t know I was pregnant now in a weird way too lol!!

Glad you’re still ok, nothing heavy or red has come out of you, so that means your lining is all still there! Thinking of you though, I appreciate just how scary this all is. X

@Madeoftea that’s soooo true, I never ever thought i’d feel like way, how silly looking back. In films and on TV they mostly get a positive test and jump for joy and there are no anxieties lol! How mad the real life actually is in comparison!

My boyfriend is exactly the same. I’m glad you say how great he is, how lucky we are so have such great people around us in real life too eh! So great he is being reassuring with you. I wish you both the bestest of luck.

Tender boobs sound good! I had some nausea and was gagging at times but that’s gone now, also had sore nipples but again they aren’t sore either now so that’s freaking me out too. I’ve read and been told they can come and go but i’m such a pessimist lol.

It is really reassuring isn’t it, I find it helpful to type things out too. Also makes you feel less alone!x

@Greeneyesbiglashes I think just hold on until Thursday, you will have answers then hopefully and then you can relax! I do appreciate how scary it all is you poor love its so worrying!

No, its gone back brown now but its definitely more than it has been so I am worrying like mad! I've read its common to have spotting around the time your period is due so im just hanging on to that and the fact my hormones were high enough for a 3+ this morning! Iys going to be a long few days i think 🥲

@unicornpower yes i’ll do my best girl! Such a hard time. I’m praying to hear a heartbeat or see the embryo!!

Is there anything in a pad or just when you wee/wipe? Mine spotting started on the day I was due on, so I do believe that is the case!! The 3+ is really positive. You’ll be fine hun sending love xx

Please keep me posted? I will be wondering how you are! We are in this together!

I had a teeny bit on my pad after walking the dog, but other than that it's just when I wipe! Why isn't this straightforward haha 😆

I will do @unicornpower! Yes deffo in this together. Keep me updated too!

Seems like less than what I had, mine was every time I went for a wee like in the toilet too! So try not to panic, so hard though! I know, soooo stressful. I think it would obviously always be stressful going through this especially in the first stages but the spotting definitely ramps up the anxiety doesn’t it!!

@Greeneyesbiglashes I would literally prefer any other symptoms to spotting 🤭 i know! As if iys not already stressful enough right!

Uh me too girl @unicornpower it’s got to be the worst by FAR! It will all be ok though xx

@Greeneyesbiglashes how are you doing? I hope you're okay! X

I’m okay hun @unicornpower still the same here! I still don’t really have my symptoms anymore so still on edge a bit aaah.

How you doing love?xx

Hows the spotting? @Greeneyesbiglashes im pretty much the same but have on and off nausea but not sure if that is nerves? I contacted the midwives from Tommy's baby loss charity and they were so lovely and juat said light bleeding is so common but to hold out until next week to get checked! What time is your scan on Thursday? X

It’s not come back so far @unicornpower so i’m pleased about that. Just worried the symptoms have gone!

So hard to say isn’t it? I had it before but not sure if it was nerves. Although my nipples were sore and now they aren’t at all!

That’s so good you got some advice! Glad they were reassuring too. I was told the same thing by the lady at the hospital. Are you going to book a scan for next week?

It’s at 10:20am, feeling very nervous and not that hopeful!!x

Brilliant @Greeneyesbiglashes thats fab news! So hopeful for you! I think im just going to see how I go this week, the spotting has been intermittent today so just going to monitor it and then do another test at the weekend and see

At least its in the morning so you arent waiting about all day, I have a good feeling it'll all be ok for you xxx

Thank you girl @unicornpower ! I think my brain would find anything to worry about if i’m honest but the lack of symptoms over the last few days is for sure on my mind

Sounds like a good plan. Is it still brown? With no cramping? I know it’s awful but I really hope that the service you spoke to reassured you. I was told not to worry if it was brown or light pink! Which is great news for you, and it’s only spotting too!

She offered me loads of times and I just said, the earliest one please!! Haha. I am very impatient anyway. Thanks girl, that’s nice to hear that from you!

I am so sure you will be okay too. It says everywhere how common it is! Sooo many women on here have too. Keeping my fingers crossed for you but i’m feeling super positive for you xx

@Greeneyesbiglashes yeah still brown but its doing my head in now haha wish it would sod off!

Oh thats great! Im keeping everything crossed for you love

Oh bless you hun @unicornpower I still thinks it’s a good sign it’s only brown and no cramps! My light pink spotting has started again so have had lots of teats tonight :(.

Thanks girl x

Tears*

Ttc is an absolute minefield... Fingers crossed for you op

Thankyou @Santaiscovidfree xx

Good luck for your scan today 🤞🏻

@Greeneyesbiglashes good luck for your scan love, I hope it all goes okay for you! Will be thinking of you! Keep us posted? X