Am I going to miscarry? Scared and frightened

[Greeneyesbiglashes]

Hi all,

I’m just looking for some guidance really. I’m lucky to have lots of support around me by really fantastic people, but I sometimes feel better talking to people who I don’t know I real life, where I can write without feeling like i’m weighing down on the people around me. It makes me feel better to write stuff all down too. Thanks for reading if you see this.

I found out on New Year’s Day I was pregnant, with my long term boyfriend. We were so happy. That was a Friday. By Sunday night I wiped and there was pink. I tried not to freak out and kinda pushed it to the back of my mind. I was due on my period on that day so thought it may be connected.

Since that Sunday (9 days ago) I have had spotting. Up until 2 days ago it has been light pink. There may have been some red spotting too in between but nothing alarmingly red I don’t think. Thinking back the red was more on the dark side. The last 2 days have been brown/really dark red. There has been no discharge. I am feeling a big sick in the mornings and have gagged a few times. I also think my nipples feel a bit sore. I have done a few pregnancy tests, the most recent one on Saturday (3 days ago) was clearly darker than the rest.

Last Thursday, 5 days after the spotting began I had a hospital appointment anyway as I was having tests. I came of the pill months ago and was spotting for a week, then having my period, then spotting for another week. The drs thought possible PCOS or just my body adjusting, but couldn’t have the tests due to me now being pregnant. They saw me and scanned me on Thursday anyway. This was with an abdominal scan as I had told them i’d been bleeding and they didn’t want to make it worse. I would have been 4 weeks 6 days at that point, they couldn’t see the sac, only that my lining was thick. The lady said I was really early to see that anyway as it was so early and as it wasn’t a transvaginal scan, it wouldn’t have been clear really anyway.

I had an abortion (with the same partner) back in 2018, my dad had just died and my mental health had plummeted, I was 9.5 weeks and never knew I was pregnant, I was on the pill the whole time. I remember bleeding at work with that pregnancy (when I didn’t know I was pregnant) and had to go home it was so heavy, however I was still on the pill so looking back it could have been my break week and my body would have made me bleed, I think. I’ve regretted it everyday and now think i’m being punished for what I did.

I have a scan on Friday, in 3 days, i’m petrified. I’ve not had any cramps yet nor clots.

I am just looking for some thoughts please?
Please don’t judge me for the abortion. I am ashamed of it and it breaks my heart daily when I think about it. Thanks for reading this. X

@Greeneyesbiglashes my mindset has totally changed now to be honest, the scan was over a week ago and it comforted me for a few days bit now I'm just paranoid something has gone wrong with baby. I have no basis for this at all but I have three weeks to get through and they are DRAGGING.

Oh no love im so sorry you're so anxious, what time is your scan? It's pretty normal for symptoms to disappear around the 10 week mark I think as the placenta starts to do some work which relieves you a bit so it may not be anything to worry about. I'm sending you a big hug though and I hope you have your mind put at rest. How is the spotting?

I'm doing okay thank you, im still getting sick but its definitely better than it was although yesterday was a bad day and today has been fairly nauseous but no sick so im hoping its all okay.

@Luna30 ahh it was lovely, I just wish j could have a daily scan so I knew it was all ticking over okay. How are you? Did you book an early scan? X

@Luna30 sorry I meant to say, I went to the hospital today to have my bloods and urine taken and then the booking appointment was over the phone so I was only there 20 mins x

[quote unicornpower]@Greeneyesbiglashes my mindset has totally changed now to be honest, the scan was over a week ago and it comforted me for a few days bit now I'm just paranoid something has gone wrong with baby. I have no basis for this at all but I have three weeks to get through and they are DRAGGING.

Oh no love im so sorry you're so anxious, what time is your scan? It's pretty normal for symptoms to disappear around the 10 week mark I think as the placenta starts to do some work which relieves you a bit so it may not be anything to worry about. I'm sending you a big hug though and I hope you have your mind put at rest. How is the spotting?

I'm doing okay thank you, im still getting sick but its definitely better than it was although yesterday was a bad day and today has been fairly nauseous but no sick so im hoping its all okay.

@Luna30 ahh it was lovely, I just wish j could have a daily scan so I knew it was all ticking over okay. How are you? Did you book an early scan? X[/quote]
I feel absolutely the same as you @unicornpower literally everything you are saying to me makes sense! How far along are you now?

I’ve just had it, everything was great, this is becoming a VERY expensive habit! Saw heartbeat the baby was throwing it’s arms and legs all over the place 🤣 was so mad to see! Could see it’s little nose too. Thanks so much for your kind words always!! I read your message before I went in but was literally shaking (given myself a headache) and wanted to post with good news! They said I was 10+6 days, I thought going by other scans I was 11 weeks today but they said it was normal to change by a couple of days here and there 😬. Not had spotting for a couple of weeks now thankfully. Touch wood it stays that way. What about you hun? Anymore for you?

Glad to hear the sickness is a little better!! I hope it really calms down for you now you’re getting further along ❤️❤️

@Greeneyesbiglashes I'm 9+5 now and it feels like it's going so slowly? I swear I found out early Jan so how am I still only so early haha! My husband said we could book another scan if I like but the scan at the EPU was so lovely and they did it abdominally so i don't want to go to WTTW and have a transvaginal as that's their policy apparently before 12 weeks but I may change my mind soon I havent had any spotting since like two weeks ago I think when I had a bit of brown after vomiting loads but I had the scan 5 days later and it all looked fine but its such a worry!

Yay I'm so glad you had good news! Do you feel better now? That must have been such a relief! You're nearly in the 2nd trimester now doll just hang in there (I think you've been incredible considering all the stress you've had!) Sounds like you've got a little lively one in there ❤

@Greeneyesbiglashes how are you doing love? I had a mad panic this morning as I'm 4 days now feeling loads better so obviously think something has gone wrong we've booked a scan for this afternoon as I dont think I can wait another two weeks for the NHS scan I really don't! Please wish me luck xxx

Hello love @unicornpower good luck!! So sorry for late response, i’ve been a complete mess too. I’ve had bleeding again and also a scan on Sunday showed that the heart rate of the baby was low... so just feeling horrendous too. I have my 12 week scan this afternoon but there has been slow growth so i’m really thinking the worst. Been crying for days.

I’m absolutely sure you’ll be absolutely fine, I lost all my symptoms at week 10 and had the scan at the time and all was well! Sorry again for late reply just been in such a terrible place Sending loads of love and luck xxx

@Greeneyesbiglashes oh no love im so sorry you're so worried, I'm glad you have your scan this afternoon, what time is it? I'll be thinking of you so much! Im sending you loads of love, please let me know how you are xx

It’s at 1:30 @unicornpower I can’t stop crying I feel like I already know the answer. What time is yours? I’ll be thinking of you too! I will do thanks hun xxx

Mines at 2.15, not long to go for either of us, I hope we'll both be updating with some good news today! Maybe baby was at a funny angle so the heartbeat wasn't as clear? I dont know if that's likely but I'm really hoping that baby is okay for you xxxxx

Hi both, so sorry for the radio silence from me. I’ve just had awful anxiety so have been avoiding Mumsnet and the internet as much as possible. Along with moodiness, being super emotional, exhaustion and constant nausea, I’m struggling on through.

Thanks for the info re blood and urine, I have my booking appt over the phone next week so will see what they say. I’ve actually booked an early scan for this evening, very anxious about the whole process and what they will be able to see on the scan.

So sorry to hear you are so upset and going through this worry now @Greeneyesbiglashes. Got everything crossed for a positive afternoon for you.

@unicornpower hope your scan this afternoon is also a positive experience and sending you both lots of love.

Xx

Sending lots of love and luck from far away x

@Greeneyesbiglashes

It’s at 1:30 *@unicornpower* I can’t stop crying I feel like I already know the answer. What time is yours? I’ll be thinking of you too! I will do thanks hun xxx

Hope yours is going ok *@unicornpower* i’m thinking of you and sending you love and luck ❤️

Mine went ok just came out xxx

@Luna30

Hi both, so sorry for the radio silence from me. I’ve just had awful anxiety so have been avoiding Mumsnet and the internet as much as possible. Along with moodiness, being super emotional, exhaustion and constant nausea, I’m struggling on through.

Thanks for the info re blood and urine, I have my booking appt over the phone next week so will see what they say. I’ve actually booked an early scan for this evening, very anxious about the whole process and what they will be able to see on the scan.

So sorry to hear you are so upset and going through this worry now @Greeneyesbiglashes. Got everything crossed for a positive afternoon for you.

@unicornpower hope your scan this afternoon is also a positive experience and sending you both lots of love.

Xx

Hello @Luna30 don’t worry love, i’ve been the same scared to comment etc. incase I read worrying things!! How are you feeling now? I had the same symptoms as you and then they tailed off a bit at 10 weeks. How far along are you now hun? Hope your scan goes okay tonight. Let us know how it goes? Everything will be fine ❤️. Xx

@LittleGwyneth

Sending lots of love and luck from far away x

You’re so kind @LittleGwyneth your luck is appreciated as it all went well for me. Thanks again ❤️🥺

@Greeneyesbiglashes yes you’ve exactly pinpointed how I’m feeling. Sorry you’re feeling so anxious too. Glad the scan went okay today, what did they say?

By LMP I would be 8+6 today but I think I’m more like 7+4. Will see what they say tonight. Assume it will be an internal scan... joys.

@Luna30 it’s really overwhelming isn’t it. I have actually referred myself for talking therapy and bought a journal lol to try and rationalize my thoughts. Sorry you’re feeling the same way ❤️ But I hope it helps you knowing it isn’t just you!

Okay! I had a scan around that time, it was internal but wasn’t bad at all, have you had one before? What time do you have it booked in for xx

@Greeneyesbiglashes ah that’s a great step for you. Talking definitely does help and I guess once we make it past the first trimester we will tell more people and therefore, have more people to talk to. It’s at 7:30pm urghhh. Yes I’ve had one before but it was at the EPU, assuming it will be similar. I think I’ve just got a negative association with it as last time was not good news. 🤞xx

Thanks @Luna30 I had the first talking session and I found it helpful. I am going to stick with it and write in the gratitude journal also saw some relaxation episodes on netflix I might try.

Yeah I agree, once you’re in the second trimester, you start to tell a few people and it hopefully is more exciting than nerve racking. Although the way I feel I fully expect myself to worry extensively the whole way through lol.

7:30, ok! So not long to to. Do you have to travel far? I’ve had mine with Window To The Womb, who have you booked yours with?

Sorry to hear it was negative last time, i’m sure tonight will be absolutely fine. I’ll be thinking of you. Has all the bleeding stopped? I wish mine would f**k off now!! Xx

Hey ladies, sorry weve just got back! Baby is absolutely fine, it was wriggling and bouncing away and the sonographer said its looking perfect so I need to just try and enjoy my symptom free time as it could well come back! Im so relieved it's untrue, I nearly cried when he said it was fine! Measuring 10 weeks 4 days which is bang on so I need to just CHILL.

@Greeneyesbiglashes oh thats such a relief hun, what did they say? Is baby back to where it should be? I'm so relieved for you! Has the bleeding stopped?

@Luna30 oh so much luck for tonight! I hope its all okay for you, I know what you mean about negative connotations, it's so hard but try and think that this one is different, different sperm, different egg, different situation (thats what I tried to tell myself anyway) but I'm sending you love and luck!

@LittleGwyneth thank you so much! You must have brought us both luck today

@Greeneyesbiglashes no not at all far, just only had evening slots available. Mine is Window to the Womb too! Hope they’re nice. No bleeding since I last reported which must have been a while back now. Sorry yours is still ongoing, how frustrating and annoying, at least you know everything is going well.

@unicornpower Thanks for your kind and reassuring words. Glad baby was all wriggly and lively, that’s so lovely!

Xx

@unicornpower

Hey ladies, sorry weve just got back! Baby is absolutely fine, it was wriggling and bouncing away and the sonographer said its looking perfect so I need to just try and enjoy my symptom free time as it could well come back! Im so relieved it's untrue, I nearly cried when he said it was fine! Measuring 10 weeks 4 days which is bang on so I need to just CHILL.

@Greeneyesbiglashes oh thats such a relief hun, what did they say? Is baby back to where it should be? I'm so relieved for you! Has the bleeding stopped?

@Luna30 oh so much luck for tonight! I hope its all okay for you, I know what you mean about negative connotations, it's so hard but try and think that this one is different, different sperm, different egg, different situation (thats what I tried to tell myself anyway) but I'm sending you love and luck!

@LittleGwyneth thank you so much! You must have brought us both luck today

Amazing @unicornpower i’ve been refreshing this page every 5 mins to see if you had replied!! I am soooo happy for you. What a relief. I thought you would be fine but it’s amazing to see the pic too!! I’ve cried every time i’ve had a scan to be fair, so not surprised you almost did haha. I’m so pleased.

Yeah thanks love, baby was measuring 12 weeks-12 weeks 2 days but they put me at 12 weeks which is bang on for me too with my LMP. Due date of 10th Sept but I’m waiting for the downs tests etc. to come back which is playing on my mind. Bleeding was still happening a bit this morning but hoping it just goes away soon!!! They didn’t mention they could see anything wrong like where it was coming from so 🤷🏼‍♀️

[quote Luna30]@Greeneyesbiglashes no not at all far, just only had evening slots available. Mine is Window to the Womb too! Hope they’re nice. No bleeding since I last reported which must have been a while back now. Sorry yours is still ongoing, how frustrating and annoying, at least you know everything is going well.

@unicornpower Thanks for your kind and reassuring words. Glad baby was all wriggly and lively, that’s so lovely!

Xx[/quote]
Ah yes that was the same as me last Friday @Luna30 I went to the Chessington one in Surrey. They were really nice in the Chessington one. My friend also went to the one in Croydon and also said they were great. I went to a different one in Mitcham and they were also great and a bit cheaper. I think I paid £79 for mine at WTTW. I’m absolutely sure you’ll be fine though, especially as bleeding has all subsided.

Yes I wish it would stop. I hadn’t had any for nearly 3 weeks so was shocked when I saw it on Wednesday.

Are you going with someone to your scan?xx

@Greeneyesbiglashes I honestly had worked myself up into such a state it was crazy, but as soon as he said it was okay my whole body just lifted and I felt so much lighter!

I'm so pleased for you that all looks okay with the little one, it must have been awful being so upset beforehand, have they offered you anymore reassurance for the bleeding? It seems really unfair it keeps coming back, i hope it goes away soon I really do! Whens your next scan?

@Luna30 I went to WTTW too and they were lovely, not the same one you're going to but honestly they were so kind and reassuring! I am keeping EVERYTHING crossed for you x

[quote unicornpower]@Greeneyesbiglashes I honestly had worked myself up into such a state it was crazy, but as soon as he said it was okay my whole body just lifted and I felt so much lighter!

I'm so pleased for you that all looks okay with the little one, it must have been awful being so upset beforehand, have they offered you anymore reassurance for the bleeding? It seems really unfair it keeps coming back, i hope it goes away soon I really do! Whens your next scan?

@Luna30 I went to WTTW too and they were lovely, not the same one you're going to but honestly they were so kind and reassuring! I am keeping EVERYTHING crossed for you x[/quote]
I know exactly how you felt/feel @unicornpower i’m really pleased you feel a lot better though! Your picture is so lovely!! I bet your other half was pleased too! Have you got your 12 week date? I can’t remember if you said before!

It really was awful, same feeling you described! When I walked in, I burst into tears, they asked if a trainee could scan be first and I basically said i’m so anxious about all of this and the sonographer took over. I felt bad but I just needed to see the heartbeat straight away. Nope! I did ask but she didn’t mention where it was coming from. The private scans I also had they said they couldn’t see where it was coming from so I really don’t know. Even though i’ve had the scan I feel like if I carry on bleeding i’m going to just be so anxious!! The next one would be the 20 week scan, i’m sure i’ll book a private one in though at some point, especially if the bleeding continues! Xx

Good luck @Luna30 thinking of you ❤️