TTC after a chemical pregnancy / early miscarriage

[Littlebee1990]

Hi everyone, on a few really supportive threads on here but thought I’d make another for anyone who may be in a similar position to me and we can support eachother... I’m petrified of trying again after last month tbh.

Last week I thought our dreams had finally come true when I got 3 BFP (including a digital!).. a week later I was bleeding and a call to the EPU confirmed it was a chemical pregnancy / early miscarriage.. so I’m back here and tomorrow will be CD1 cycle 4 (I know so many people have been trying so much longer) but just didn’t expect to be back so soon after getting a BFP.

So tomorrow marks CD5.. AF is due around 1st August and I promise to not POAS (apart from the one I need to pee on tomorrow to confirm the pregnancy is gone!) until 8th August if AF doesn’t show.. I can’t risk seeing a chemical and testing early again so have told myself never again will I test early.

Would love some buddies along the way with me 🤞🏼🌈❤️

I was kept awake from 12:30am from the damned OH snoring I’m about ready to murder him
I’ve had 2 hours sleep 😭

@Littlebee1990 the loveliest update!

@Mishmased how are you feeling? When’s your scan?

@LS2020 that’s so weird that the OPKs are negative! How’s your RHR? I’ve never really had cm so can’t use it for ov but I track almost everything else so I’m not worried 😂

@Boc86 would it be sort of mid to end of next week you’ll be ovulating then?

@LS2020 that's interesting regarding your RHR.

@Boc86 I hear you about the snoring 🤣

@Amy259 lovely to hear from you. I had really bad pain around my lower abdomen and it got so bad last week, GP said to go to A&E. Bloods and scan 4 hours later couldn't see hematoma, so doc scheduled a scan with epu and I went this Tuesday just gone. They couldn't find hematoma so maybe that's a good thing. I've just realized in the middle of the night on Wednesday that my pain could be SPD. So saw an osteopath today and hopefully I can sleep better tonight and not wake at 2:30. Another osteopath appointment booked for next week.
Interesting no one at the hospital figured out it could be SPD. I'm constantly exhausted.
How're you keeping and when do you start the new job?

@Boc86 I think murder is justified in that case 😂

@Amy259 honestly just done another one and it was basically stark white! It’s shooting up which is so bizarre. If my cycles are normal I’m due to ovulate today so strange I have no OPK line at all.

@Mishmased what’s spd? Sorry to hear you’ve been in pain though 😔

@Boc86 oh god, I think I’d have killed him! I just wake DH up now 😂

@LS2020 that’s so strange... have you been doing daily OPKs since af ended? I was about to say maybe it’s delayed but the rhr is weird then. How strange! Just keep dtd and see what happens 😂

@Mishmased sorry to hear you’ve been in pain. Everything good with baby at the scan though? Still growing well?

@Mishmased I just realised I completely forgot to answer your question. I’m well thank you, still no start date - this weekend marks 12 weeks since I applied and 3 since they offered me the job. Lots of pre-employment checks to do and I guess with Covid they’re maybe taking longer than usual. Wish they’d hurry up though - don’t they know I’ve got a baby to plan for next year?! 😂

Stupidly I googled ttc and starting a new job the other day and came across an old thread on here that had employers replying to a woman who asked if she should stop ttc. They were all saying if a new employee fell preg within a few months they’d think they were a time waster and be inwardly raging... so that spooked me a bit. But I’m not sure there’s much I can do! I don’t want to put it on hold any longer than necessary. Meanwhile DH is starting to query us waiting at all to try - so I’m a bit torn but I think I’m just going to play it by ear and see how I feel as time goes on. Sorry for the rather longer answer!

@LS2020 SPD: Symphasis pubic dysfunction commonly known as pelvic girdle pain. Didn't have any in my first pregnancy, slight pain at 7 months in second so still ok. Completely forgot about it as it usually goes after pregnancy. One of the girls I worked with got signed off at 12 weeks so I'm trying to nip the pain in the bud. I ordered support belt from Lola&Lykke hopefully they come soon. I should get a good night sleep after osteopath today.

@Amy259 everything is going well so far. I'm glad I've figured the cause of the pain. Currently 9+3, I've got dating scan on 17 and meeting obstetric team on 25. Due to Covid they have given me appointments until January which I actually like.

Are you going ahead with waiting?

Crossed posts @Amy259. I know they better hurry up tick tick 😆😆
Honestly I wouldn't worry, whatever they think they can't say to your face. Again by the time you go on may leave you'll be there a year. I delayed conceiving last year because of job move in August 2019 as then the requirement was a year service before going on mat leave but that was scrapped in January this year to no waiting period.
One of the ladies where I work told me to have my family whenever it suits us and not think about work. People come back from mat leave pregnant, what do you say to them?
Have a chat with your DH and decide what is best for your family.

@Amy259 try and not think about what others think, you have to live your life for you and make the best decisions for your family
My ttc this month will mean I’d be due days after OHs brothers wedding! Not idea at all but we’re struggling to conceive and what if this month was our only chance?!
Also I was literally pushing and kicking him and it’d stop for a second then carry on!!
Yea due to ovulate about Tuesday to Thursday
Opk getting slightly darker and starting to get ewcm so hopefully on time (for me) at cd19-21

Oh no @Mishmased spd is awful!

@LS2020 oh annoying for not ovulating yet!

@Mishmased @Boc86 yay finally!!

@mishmased sorry to hear you’ve been in pain but odd you’ve had before and they not picked up.

@Amy259 I would second doing what’s right for you. I’ve been dragging my feet on development at work as I didn’t want a new role and go straight off on mat leave but here I am 18 months later. Slightly different as I’m in with the same business and it’s fair to be concerned money wise (though selfishly I think other people have kids on a lot less money so I let that bring me some comfort as we don’t have loads of savings) but I’ve said stuff it and going on secondment to the next role up in January and it will not go down well if I am pregnant but I can’t delay either any more. Plus of 4 managers in my team, 2 are due to go on mat leave (I’m filling in a mat leave) and ones just been on pat leave so can’t be anything they’re not used to 😂 plus even if you get pregnant now you’ll still get 8 months to learn new job etc it’s still a decent length to make progress there ☺️

@LS2020 is that positive opk? I'm terrible at opk business. That's fantastic! Hope you've been covering all bases since ewcm started? I'm hoping for good things this month.xxx

@LS2020 woohoo for the VERY positive opk!! How random that it came on so suddenly - but I’m glad it’s here.

Thank you all (@Boc86 and @Mishmased too) for the advice. I got another email this morning about my criminality/disclosure check and upon filling out the online form it told me it takes a further 2-3 weeks to process. So I might not even get a start date for 2020! Spoke to DH about it all and how I was worried about how they’d feel about me (although they couldn’t say it) and he made the very good point that it’s the government.. not a small business... they’ll have plenty of people to cover workload etc and could go on to keep me for 30+ years so it shouldn’t really matter when my mat leave is. Think we’ll hold off until I’m in a month because then I’ll qualify for at least Sat Mat pay but can’t keep pushing it back. That’s 3 months since I applied now!

Great that you both (Boc and LS) will have similar tww then!

@Mishmased yes it’s a positive OPK ☺️ We’ve DTD every day for last 3 days, will do again tomorrow and Monday and then I may need a short break 😂😂

@Amy259 yeah your OH makes a very good point with it being government, they can’t take discriminatory view points at all on stuff like that and they’ll be so used to people taking all sorts of leave off (my OH is NHS admin and they can get leave for all sorts of things that as a private worker I would not class as a reasonable request 😂)

@LS2020 I'm hoping this is your month 🤞

@Amy259 I thought my job change last year was bad enough. It took 8 weeks as I had to get vetted internationally (whatever that means) but yours sounds even worse😳

@Mishmased yeah it’s so intense!! I had to pass 11 pre-employment checks, with the only one left being criminality (which I know I’ll pass, luckily 😂). It’s not even a high up government role at all, but I guess all civil service jobs must be treated the same.

@LS2020 that’s impressive!! Potential tmi question... how do you stop it feeling routine/robotic? My DH and I have been best friends since we were 16 (I’m now 30) so there is very little awkwardness with anything usually, but there’s a definite weird air in the room when we both know we “have” to DTD for days in a row?

Lovely to hear @Littlebee1990

@Amy259 fingers crossed it is over soon.

@LS2020 if I remember correctly DH is having a great time 😂

@123feraverto How're are you keeping? Hope all is well.

Yaay for positive opk @LS2020

Well yesterday I got very strong positive opks all day totally out the blue!!
The day before you could only just see the line
I have ewcm and pain so started bd yesterday
I reckon it’ll be positive again today and negative by tomorrow so ov day tomorrow
This is early for me
Usually cd19-21 even cd23 last month
I’m only cd17!

Woah @Amy259 that’s so many checks for the job!! Oh if it’s gov and not a small business I’d definitely just go for it

@Boc86 that's fantastic to hear. If you don't mind me asking do you normally notice/track ewcm? I'm crossing everything possible that this is the cycle. Best of luck.

Yes I get tons starting many days before ov but last month after Agnus castus messed up my cycle i had next to none!
Thank you

@Amy259 we sound really similar as I’ve been with my OH since we were 16 so yes there’s definitely nothing left unsaid! I’m deffo going into TMI zone here so others may want to look away 😂 we’ve tried it a couple of different ways to find what’s right for us. I tried months of not giving him any indication I was near O, I just got frustrated when he didn’t want to do on O day and obviously didn’t understand why I was mad at him. I’ve tried to tell him outright it’s my O day or the days it is and use the SMEP to ‘plan’ which days and then he started to get performance issues. The way that’s working for both of us, is involving him but not too in the gory detail. I spoke to him a lot more about the process of what needs to happen (he’s has 2 science degrees including a masters so he obv knew basics but was keen to learn which helped) and why those days are important but that obviously I don’t just want him on those days but that I was struggling to get timing right. I’ve also tried to make it more him focused almost “this is the good week, if you want to do it that week answer is probably always yes” and he quite likes that and takes me up on it (helps he has a higher sex drive than me) and then when I get my positive OPK be like “well next 24 hours is an all you can eat buffet” to make it jokey and less pressure but again it seems he’s responding better to that, he knows there’s an end time to the offer so keen to take it up 😂
I think it really helps that he’s bought in to the whole thing a lot more after my CP and he really wants it.
The final thing that’s helped us a lot, is I’ve told him flat out (and I get that some women probs won’t be happy for me at this) that in that week, I kind of don’t care if I orgasm or not, the important thing is getting his goods in and that’s taken a lot of his stress away of trying to make sure I’m having as good a time (he knows I’d tell him if I wasn’t into it at all) and has that to achieve and the pressure of his own.
A lot of this came from a really frank discussion with him about how he feels on the TTC phase (I had to keep digging to get past ‘yeah ok, would like a baby’ quote back on repeat but you do get there!)
That’s working for us the last 2 cycles whether that will continue I don’t know! We went through the getting loads of sexy stuff from love honey etc but didn’t give him much improvement tbh. Hope it helps some ☺️

@Boc86 how strange that you got yours yesterday too!! Ooh do I need to keep checking? I never bother after a positive. Maybe I should do another today to see!

@Mishmased thank you for your positive vibes 💕 hope the pains a bit better now x

@Mishmased all is good thanks 😊
9 weeks today , nausea is awful and did an econsult last week to my Gp who basically said just lay down and rest 🙄 you'd think a woman GP would be more sympathetic!
I did another on Friday and asked for a different GP so hopefully get a better response !

Yes @LS2020 you should test several times that day and the next day and until it goes negative
Some people have highs for 4 or so days so you could miss ov!

@LS2020 thank you for that amazing reply. We’re a little different - went to the same school (he’s a year older) so knew of each other from about 12, friends by 16, on-and-off but never quite official from 18 until about 21. Then we both got into separate very serious relationships (one mortgage, one engagement) but remained very close friends. Those two relationships ended in 2016 and we finally got together properly and got married this year. It’s not been without it’s challenges, but all worked out in the end!
He’s had some performance issues too and was really embarrassed by it and got inside his own head with it all, making him nervous it would happen whenever he “had” to. I like the idea of just telling him this week is a good week rather than being too day specific - I think I’ll give that a go when we’re back TTC properly.

@123feraverto lovely to hear all is well at your end!!