TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

@Noisysparrows thanks for asking. All our 15 embryos are still developing!! And now divided in 8-10 cells! Tomorrow we will find out how many became morulas, day 4. It's absolutely overwhelming! Still can't get my head around that we still have all of them!

@Russkispy that's fantastic news hun x

That's incredible @Russkispy!! Fingers crossed but sounds like you're set for a top quality embryo and loads for the freezer, amazing!

@TwittleBee that's totally understandable and I wouldn't want to go back there either in your position. I'm glad you got an apology but it rather smacks of too little, too late. Good luck testing tomorrow!

Thanks @Noisysparrows

Wow please keep us updated @Russkispy

@Russkispy that's fantastic news! So happy for you x

Thank you ladies!

All 15 are now morulas (day 4)! 😱🤞🏻which is insane! And tomorrow is the last day of their development before going to the freezer! We might have 15 frozen blasts! That’s beyond madness! I’m absolutely speechless and can't thank enough our lovely donor to give us this gift!

Hey, we had our follow up scan this morning, miscarriage confirmed as complete. We've made the decision to stop ttc for a while to give my body time to recover and to wait to see the rmc and have my hysteroscopy. I'm really sad to stop trying but I can't risk trying for it to end in mc again, at least with rmc tests and removing the fibroid were giving ourselves the best chance.
I'll keep my eye on here and hope you all graduate very soon ❤️

Great news @Russkispy

@Noisysparrows interesting - I've not heard of electric needles before! They sound terrifying, but might mention it to her and see if she can talk me through the difference and see what she recommends. How long did you have it for?

@Avocuddles yeah, I really don't like the stimulation! In both sessions she put the needles in my feet, lower leg, knees, stomach, hands & wrists, forehead and scalp! Seems like a lot of needles. Knees and hands by far the worst, felt like I had huge nails hammered into me.

I think pregnancies that you already knew about are easier to 'accept' and feel excited about. It's always the new announcements that make you feel hopeless and like you're somehow failing.

@Russkispy that's incredible news! Really happy for you x

@VenusStarr you're doing the right thing by allowing your body to recover from the mc. Sending you well wishes and keep us posted on how you get on with rmc and hysteroscopy x

Sorry I've been a bit rubbish at keeping up! Just had an epic catch up. Nothing much going on with me, on day 7 of AF so getting ready to DTD every other day as my pcos means ovulation is hard to pinpoint @MrsLEB totally know what you mean about struggling when not in the mood!
@Pandora71 glad you had a nice date night, it is so important to have time together (and not just watching TV of an evening)!
@Avocuddles sorry you are back here. I think I remember your name from the Jan2020 group - sorry if that's wrong.
@VenusStarr hope you get some time to heal and that having a break helps. I've started to cycle to work recently and to swim whenever I can and it's made a big difference to how I feel

Oh and congrats @Russkispy !

Wow lots of updates on this thread!
@Avocuddles I am so sorry for the loss that you are experiencing, I hope that you have all the support around you that you need x
@Bluebelltulip I am keeping my fingers crossed for you for your scan, I hope that you are having a gentle week
@ReeReeR congratulations on your promotion! I'm sorry to hear that things are tough with your DH. I think that it's just very tough to navigate this kind of experience together. There are so many emotions running that it's inevitable that you will be grieving differently at different times, but it's incredibly hard.
@Pandora71 I know exactly what you mean about a side quest! DH and I have recently taken on an allotment. We don't know anything about gardening at all, but some friends who have an allotment on the same site suggested it (and basically sorted it out for us) really as a way of helping us with our grief. I'm finding it quite therapeutic - a way of getting out of the house without having to go too far (or speak to anyone).
@Russkispy that's great news, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.
@thelittlepeanut I haven't tried acupuncture (I'm scared of needles) but have tried reflexology which I think is based on similar principles. I'm generally not very into complementary therapies, but I did find the foot massage very relaxing and so that can't be a bad thing! It might be worth looking into if you feel that acupuncture isn't for you?

I don't have much to report here. I am still in my TWW (CD25). I didn't track my temperature this month as I was finding it very stressful, so I don't know when I ovulated. In recent cycles it has ranged from day 9 of a 22 day cycle and then day 16 of a cycle that ended up as 34 days. So, really, I have no idea what's going on, when my period is due or when/ if I could take a pregnancy test. I get very low each month when my period arrives so I am trying to think of nice things to line up for next week like booking a haircut, yoga class, maybe a catch up with friends. There seem to be a lot of yoga fans on this thread so maybe I will give that a go :-)

Haven't caught up, literally just popping on to say FRERs are only £6.50 for pack of 2 on Amazon atm x

@JuniperAndRose when we were TTC with DS I thought of a treat each month if it didn't happen, ideally something that I couldn't have done if I was pregnant, we did a theme park, drinks at a champagne bar, a weekend away hiking (could have done that pregnant but not the beers in the pub afterwards!) It really helped soften the blow of AF arriving. I might start doing it again if nothing happens this month

Oh and also forgot to say I've heard good things about Yoga with Adrienne on you tube, going to give it a go tomorrow while DH takes DS to football

I like Adrienne @Seahawk80, she has loads so it takes a while to find something the right level but I think her tone is just right - not smug or too woo but really likeable.

@Russkispy that is incredible! Great news!! 

@JuniperAndRose wonky cycles here too, anywhere up to about 50 days. Although cycle before this was 16 days so who knows. About day 21 now, may test this weekend just as I thought I might have ovulated early around cd9/10, if it's a bfn I'll just test weekly until AF arrives again!

@VenusStarr sounds like a good plan of action although I can appreciate taking a break is a difficult decision. I hope your appointments for rmc and fibroid aren't too far away? (Sorry if I've missed that?)

@thelittlepeanut I think I had it for about 6 months, in the year or so between first MMC and successful pregnancy with DC1. Thinking about it I'm sure the electric ones were specifically around my lower belly area, in case that's relevant! Anyway my cycle really improved, and my periods went from being stupidly light to being normal flow which suggests my lining was growing better. Could all be coincidence but as I enjoyed the sessions and found them relaxing it was win/win for me! You could always try a different practitioner, it may be that there are very different methodologies out there.

Thank you ladies!
Tomorrow is the D day for our 15 soldiers. Can't believe we haven't lost any along the way and the number 15 is terrifying in itself! In a nice way. Spoke with my doc today and was advised to PGS 1 extra embryo just to make sure everything is ok and they're nice and healthy. It will cost extra but don't care at this point! Transfer is scheduled for mid October. My doc thinks it will be natural FET cycle but have to wait and see when I go for the first scan on cd5 of my next cycle. If not, then will inject Gonal for a few days and transfer still mid October.

When I was at the clinic I had my AF but she still scanned me and saw a large cyst but said it would shrink by transfer. I'm now taking birth control pills and said the cyst will eventually go down. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Thank you @Noisysparrows, I hope its not too long a wait. The consultant said 6-8 weeks for the hysteroscopy 🤞 not too sure about the rmc waiting times. Our fertility consultant follow up is in January so hoping we've been seen by the rmc by then.

@Seahawk80 yes I was on the Jan 2020 board for my first pregnancy, oh how naive I was back then! I never signed up to the April one as sadly couldn't deal with all the innocent, optimistic first timers on there. Maybe if I make it to 12 weeks one day I'll jump back on the bus....

I'm definitely signing up to the monthly treat idea. I've just booked a spa break with all the bells and whistles for the two of us in a fortnight, a night away and a massage feels like just what we need. That and the nice bottle of wine I've just put in the fridge....

@VenusStarr think I might take at least a months break from TTC too, it feels like my body (and mind) have been through an awful lot with two pregnancies over the past four months. I feel a bit reluctant to 'not try' given that this process has been going for almost a year and a half now, but with a potential fertility clinic appointment on the agenda at some point I feel that a month of relaxation without that pressure might be a good idea. There's also the fact that we have a holiday in the canaries with my parents booked for November (Mum's 60th!) and if I did conceive this cycle there's a high chance that the 7-8 week stage where both my pregnancies ended could fall whilst we're away. As I'd been entitled to RMC support if it happens again I don't want to risk being out of the country and unable to have the tests if the worst comes to the worst!

I've found a therapist locally who specialises in miscarriage and pregnancy loss so DH and I are going to go for a few sessions to see if it can help to calm the fear and give us a more positive mindset before we start TTC again. I currently feel almost resigned to it happening again which I know isn't a healthy attitude. Has anyone else had positive experiences of counselling / talking therapies to help with fertility / pregnancy anxiety and grief?

@Avocuddles I found this lady, Katharine, and followed her programme after my 2nd MC in May, and we fell pregnant naturally in July! Coincidence? I will never know! We never had natural pregnancy but I was following her advice on vitamins, diet and reflexology and only attended 1 intensive course and was absolutely gobsmacked when it was BFP. Sadly it ended in another MC. Here's her site www.mamabe.co.uk and you can book 1 free hour for a phone consultation
She also has a stand st Fertility shows in London and Manchester. That's how I found her!
Hope it helps! Will be thinking of you 🤗

@Avocuddles I know exactly how you feel. I was very cautious with DS but then second time around felt more positive and that I knows my body could do it. I def wouldn't join a due date group again until after the 12 week scan results. I think if I do get pregnant again I'd be happy but also terrified (as everyone else on here probably would too). Don't have any counselling experience I'm afraid but I think it's a great idea and can only be a positive thing. I'm going to try to think of some treats on a budget for us as paying for nursery leaves us pretty skint these days and all our savings are (hopefully) going on an extension. We've got a date night next week for our wedding anniversary though. The good thing about being skint is we've agreed to just go for a meal so I don't have to think of a present!

@JuniperAndRose thank you, scan showed the heart is developing normally, the condition DD2 had can't be predicted though so being monitored every 2 weeks. I hope you find something nice to do to distract you.

@JuniperAndRose yeah, I was undecided between reflexology and acupuncture - but as there was more supporting evidence in favour of acupuncture positively impacting fertility I went for that option first. Might very well switch to reflexology if I can't get over the discomfort Of acupuncture.

I cannot recommend yoga highly enough! I find it's one of the only things I do where I can completely switch off and clear my mind as I'm so focused on the movement.

@Noisysparrows I'm actually struggling to book a third appointment with my current acupuncturist so maybe it's a sign!

@TwittleBee thanks for that! I've stocked up 🙈 my OH is always complaining that I have amazon packages arriving near enough every day. It's a serious problem!

@Avocuddles I don't have any experience of counselling/talking therapies but I've honestly been thinking about it for the longest time. I have a friend who has therapy sessions regularly (not related to pregnancy but more for general well-being) and she raves about how good it is. So I think it's definitely something worth looking into!

Evening all, catching up now after my quick pop in just to announce my cheap FRER find.

I am so happy and full of hope for you @Russkispy so amazing it looks like you'll have 15 frozen 😱

Really hope you rest up well and can just take this time to focus on you, can relate to that shit feeling of putting TTC on pause though @VenusStarr - wishing you the best

Good luck with the impending DTD marathon for you @Seahawk80

I'm in the TWW too @JuniperAndRose ! Also not sure when to expect AF / BFP even though I Temp as I've been ill so temps bit confused! FX for us at the end of this wait. Like your idea of prepping ahead to have things to look foward to lined up though, might do that too.

@Avocuddles yes some brilliant counselling regarding grief. Our grief counsellors at NICU and the hospice are amazing. They've given us such a good focus and place to share. Really recommend counselling. Don't be put off if your first session seems pointless, might just mean that counsellor isn't for you - I was like that with one of the NICU counsellors (she was lovely but just too intense for me).

Oh my DH is the same @thelittlepeanut - I know he is gonna flip when he sees another Prime parcel arrive tomorrow haha!

Regarding the antenatal board chat - think I will join straight away. The May 2018 and July 2018 ladies that MCed also did become a good support network. Then the September 2019 ladies have been amazing, still in touch with them now - especially so the other 2 ladies who also loss their babies late on like I did. So painful how many of us all MC, have stilbirths or NICU loss.

I'm undecided when to test. Not sure when I ovulated and if I have tbh.. I know there are crosshairs on the attached chart but the dip in temp doesn't leave me hopeful and I had another positive OPK yesterday so think maybe I'm ovulating today and my body tried to ovulate previously and temps were only high due to illness?

@Russkispy your fertility consultant sounds great! I definitely credit my acupuncture clinic with helping me t conceive so quickly the second time round - first pregnancy took 11 months, second was after just one period, but supported with regular acupuncture and various recommendations re supplements and lifestyle. Which vitamins do you take? I'm back on ubiquinol and vitamin c along with pregnacare max, but I have a friend who swears by vitamin b6 so not sure whether to add that into the daily regime? I believe ubiquinol takes a couple of months to produce full benefits so another reason to have a month 'off'....

@TwittleBee I am crossing my fingers that this is your month. Looking back at my charts my temp dipped before my BFP so you never know?
Not sure if I'm going to temp this time around as I'm not sure it was ever that accurate for me. I do however have a big box of opks on order....