TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

@Avocuddles Thanks. Yes maybe it will feel more relaxed or even have a positive outcome... Happy birthday to you. I can understand your mixed feelings. I am 35 and half (lol). I was just 34 when I got pregnant with my daughter and had her just before I was 35 but now I’m nearly 36 so will be at least 36 if have another child. Saying that, I would be very grateful to have a healthy child when I’m 36. As women we are so conscious of our ages but it is true that women are having healthy children later and later

Are you doing anything nice for your birthday?

Thank you @Avocuddles and Happy Birthday! I'm also 36 so understand the way you're feeling but as you say it's perfectly possible to have a healthy baby into your 40s. Hope you get lots of cake

Hi everyone!

Finally catching up on the thread. First of all, congratulations @Marmite83 and I'm keeping everything crossed for you & the little bean ❤️ Lovely news.

Happy birthday @Avocuddles! Enjoy yourself, get all the treats you can, and no regrets ❤️ You deserve this! I understand it can feel bittersweet, and I was the same last month. I'm 33 now and for some reason had that idea of a perfect life in my head, beautiful baby scans and baby when I'm 32. It didn't go to plan. I now think that we measure time in certain units to make things that we can control happen "on time". Motherhood is not one of them. It doesn't need a deadline and sometimes happen sooner, or later. The number doesn't matter. What matters is your happiness here and now, and the rest will fall into place for you, I have no doubt about this ❤️

@ReeRi @LASandOtto Thank you for your kind words ❤️ ReeRi, I think that's probably for the best. I'm not TTC this month, tracking temps to reassure myself that I am ovulating, but ditching this from next month too. My GP has actually recommended to ditch all this.

@LASandOtto How are you doing lovely? Xxx

@ReeRi I went with DH to Browns where we had our first date five and a bit years ago, then to The Ivy for dinner and drinks which was lovely. I do feel grateful for the life we share together and we had a great evening, but I did make a wish on my birthday candle that this year will bring us everything that we've dreamed of.

@MrsMGE I have long since given up on plans! My first marriage collapsed in my late 20s and I met my soulmate not long before I turned 31, so all of those 'must do this by the time I'm 30 / 32 / 35' milestones went out of the window. We have both been through challenging times in our lives and feel incredibly lucky to have each other. A baby would be a blessing, but it's not more important than our health and our relationship. Sometimes I can feel like a race (against others or against our own expectations), but it's really not. The end result is what matters - this isn't to say that the journey is irrelevant, but that every challenge we experience is hopefully a step towards our goal....

@MrsMGE Interesting that your GP recommends not tracking. I know the generally NHS advice is to just dtd regularly / every other day.

@Avocuddles That sounds lovely. I haven’t been to Browns since it has been done up. I hope your wish comes true x

@ReeRi @MrsMGE my GP said the same. I'm not sure if she was speaking from a purely medical point of view or from personal opinion (she herself experienced fertility issues and pregnancy loss), but she said that if you can aim to DTD every other day from around 10 days after AF starts (based on a standard cycle) that is the ideal. If you can manage this then temping / POAS don't really add any benefit and if anything will create more stress and pressure.... Just before I found out I was pregnant for the second time I went to see her in floods of tears, stressed because my temps / opks suggested I wasn't ovulating. Two days later I got a BFP!

@Avocuddles Makes sense! I am already on CD11 so probably haven’t really been on it enough. We dtd last night but DH had had a large glass of wine, not ideal but won’t let him drink for the rest of the week! 😬 He doesn’t drink much anyway to be fair

@ReeRi one glass of wine shouldn't be any kind of problem unless it makes him too sleepy....
How long is your cycle usually? Assuming it's no shorter than 25 days then on CD11 you're probably starting at exactly the right time.
Think my AF is due within the next few days, off on holiday on Saturday so going to enjoy that and then try the every other day approach afterwards. I'm working away for a few nights from the 25th so might potentially miss my fertile window but hoping it falls after I get back....

I have a 30 day cycle these day and usually ov around day 13-14 I think. I’m so tired myself at the moment that doing the baby dance seems like such a chore... Hope your holiday gives you some much deserved R&R and maybe AF won’t arrive🤞

@ReeRi I reckon you'll be totally fine, that's perfect timing. Just have sex when you fancy it! I'm actually enjoying it this month, and sorry about sounding crude, I even found myself feeling a bit horny 😂 A truly shocking confession, I know. Also your DHs glass of wine won't make a difference. In fact, join him and make it two! If he falls asleep, wake him up... I do! We all have our ways, I'm sure 😂👍

@Avocuddles Where are you off to? I'd pay a loooot of money to go on holiday now, such horrid weather! I need sunshine!

So I've randomly discovered that I have a pregnancy book written by that shamed mumfluencer midwife, Clemmie Hooper. The book is crap and I'm definitely not going back to it in my second pregnancy (awful style, I don't recommend!). I've been reading about this whole influencer drama online and you know what, I find it so inappropriate coming from a midwife especially, and also I conclude I'm so much better off without social media. I still have Instagram but avoid all mumfluencers aka instamums like the plague, all they do is milking money and make women feel worse about themselves! Argh. Rant over, just needed to let it off my chest, the lot of them should rethink their lives imho xxx

@MrsMGE I hadn't heard about the whole Clemmie Hooper controversy until I read your previous post though am up to speed now! I have that book and agree that it's rubbish. One of the best books I've actually read is one called Pregnancy for Men that I bought DH - it is very factual and non judgemental and covers miscarriage and loss in a very compassionate way. Agree that the vast majority of influencers are all about the money....there are a few decent ones out there and I've found some accounts (such as Tommy's) helpful, but these are outnumbered many times over by the braggy instamum contingent.

Holiday is to Fuerteventura and there will definitely be some Spanish wine on the itinerary, hopefully accompanied by chorizo and sunshine. Need to make the most of it before we get back to healthy ways and the 'joys' of TTC....

On our way home now after spending an evening with some friends and their 7 week old daughter. I adored holding and comforting the baby but it was hard to see my friend struggling with guilt over her difficulties with breastfeeding, and quite possibly suffering with PND. I guess it was a sobering reminder to me that much as I feel jealous sometimes of friends and loved ones who have children of their own, getting pregnant and staying pregnant are only the first steps in what is a very hard journey for so many women. Joy and pain seem to be so closely linked when it comes to motherhood......

@ReeRi AF will definitely be arriving as we actively avoided getting pregnant this month (and also have barely found time to DTD!). I'm looking forward to getting back down to business within the next few weeks though!

Hi ladies, havent posted in a while as it was a limbo period of a few weeks in between finding out about MC and actually having the treatment! I chose medical management and currently miscarrying. Quite painful but not more painful than my worst periods if that makes sense!

@mrsMGE never even heard of clemmie untill i read your post but i googled and have been reading all the drama haha!

@avocuddles deffo enjoy the wine and chorizo! Since we found out about mc i allowed myself camembert and brie and parma ham - all of which i missed when PG!

@ReeRi hope you ovulate soon! With bbt tracking, i am not sure if i will do it again this time as i had dreams every night abiut forgetting to do my temps or i would wake up at 5am just waiting till it was time to do the temps......

@MrsMGE Pleased you’re enjoying it!

@Avocuddles Yes sorry I forgot 🤦‍♀️ I say enjoy all the things you wouldn’t usually have “just in case” whther that’s wine or a hot bath!

@Anny27 Yes hopefully I’ll ovulate around the usual time (about day 14) but I’m not tracking this month as I didn’t feel like it. I usually use CB connect but I couldn’t track BBT as I kept forgetting to take my temp first thing or forgot what the temp was!

Good morning ladies!

Wow, sorry, I've been unable to read and respond the last two days as I was running around Liverpool, Manchester, Stockport and a few less delightful northern towns on sales calls with a bunch of our partners, and there was almost no time for some relaxation!

@Avocuddles belated happy birthday! Hope you had a lovely time!!! When are you off to Fuerteventura?

@ReeRi @MrsMGE hope you ladies are also well!!! And everyone else of course!

AF arrived yesterday morning, feel kind of glad and happy my body is going back to normal self and also, it's now almost the 22.11. which is when DH and I will have our appointment at the private clinic here in London.

Have had quite a few beers and vinos the last few days and ate what I fancied and just enjoyed myself, oh it was lovely!!! No stress over DTD, pregnancy, worrying about what will be or not etc. It's great to have some 'time off' from all of that and remember we're still women, wanting to enjoy the every day, because we cannot live in the future and don't know what that'll bring!

Tomorrow I'm off to Germany, spending the weekend with friends and DH there as I'm then on a course for two days next week.

Is anyone planning to TTC before Christmas now or are you thinking you might just enjoy the festive period and have a break? X

@LASandOtto i am waiting untill my first period comes back which will just be before christmas probably so going to enjoy the festive period!

@LASandOtto we fly on Saturday morning and are away for a week.

Glad you have been enjoying yourself - I've been doing much the same over the past few weeks and feel so much better for having let myself go and enjoy life. Enjoy your time in Germany and let us know how the appointment goes next week!

If AF does arrive in the next couple of days I think we'll probably 'casually' try in December. We can't commit to a SMEP approach as I'm working away for a week but if the timing is right we'll see what happens. Hopefully timing wise AF will arrive around a week before Christmas and I'll take that as a sign to enjoy ALL the Baileys and Fizz, or we could have a Christmas BFP, though I'm not setting any hope on it. Either way a New year health kick is definitely planned.....

Have a fabulous time @LASandOtto & @Avocuddles!

@LASandOtto I took a break this month, I'm definitely going for it next month, though! I think my window will be around mid-Dec, so ho, ho, ho! 😉

@LASandOtto Do you know what's going to happen at your appointment? I'm seeing one of my friends for lunch soon, she's had fertility tests done privately, I think I'll speak to her to find out more. She's expecting now, and whilst I'm not finding this easy, I am better about this than few weeks ago and actually think it will be nice to see her.

I'm feeling rough today, ladies, my office was sooo cold, I feel feverish and so sadly need to cancel my yoga and snuggle up at home. Currently en route!

I've been reading about exercising and TTC, some really divided views out there, especially when it comes to exercising in the TWW. I'm not a pro and I don't do any ridiculous exercises or run marathons, but I thought strenuous exercises in the TWW don't matter. I'd like to continue with my HIIT right till Christmas to lose some weight. I just don't get how we're expected to stay fit or become fitter when I read opinions that we should do gentle walking and yoga in the TWW. This, on top of me personally not being able to exercise when I have AF as it's painful and very heavy means I'd be out of action for 3 out of 4.5 weeks every cycle!! I might as well give up then! Exercising is making me feel better and I'd like to continue right up till I eventually get a BFP and slow down after if needed. I kind of think there surely is no harm in a bit of HIIT if it makes me feel good, I've been through enough and I'd like to live my life a bit, not be a TTC prisoner... Plus I was so careful in my first pg and, well, we all know the results...I almost think this overly-cautious approach really doesn't mean a thing tbh, it's just not going to change the outcome?

What are everyone's thoughts? Xxx

@MrsMGE I've been reading up on this to. As Im into my CrossFit. I caught on previous pregnancies running half marathons and circuit training. When I found out this time I tried to take it easier, but continued training. I spent a while really beating myself up thinking this may be what caused the miscarriage. It's only via rationalising that in reality we don't know what caused the MC.
I think you've got to balance the element of self care, physical health and mental health benefits of exercise. If we stopped everything that could be deemed a risk factor, it could cause further stress due to no outlet and a deterioration in mental health due to the constant anxiety around eating, drinking, activity levels, social situations etc.
It's just being sensible with it. Knowing your limits and not pushing yourself ridiculously hard.
I also work nightshifts (a definite risk factor of MC) and like a single coffee in the morning. I try to balance it with being a healthy weight, listening to my body of resting when I need to, enjoying my training and trying to find pleasure in life

@MrsMGE ohhhh I hope you feel better lovely! Get snuggled up at home!

I've never heard of staying away from strenuous exercise in the TWW. For me the positives of exercise faaaaaaar outweigh any possible negatives. It's your own body and you need to do what you believe is the right thing for you of course. The beauty of exercise are all the options! As you will know HiiT is fantastic as an all rounder for your health and so I'd just keep going! The endorphins from exercise is just what we need right now during the darker months anyway, to keep SAD syndrome at bay as well!

@MrsMGE no scooby about that's going to happen at the appointment! Going in with an open mind, armed with my credit card and hoping they'll be able to give some direction! I have not even had basic blood tests so, going for the full whack I imagine!

Let me know what your friend says? I hope you have a good time, and it's really brave you're going even if she's now expecting, that must be hard indeed!!!

How's everything else for you? How did the promotion / interview go?

Xxx

Hi everyone

I have had a similar dilemma about exercise. Before my first pregnancy I was in the gym 3-4 times per week doing intense cardio classes amongst other things. When I got pregnant I didn’t have the energy and then got PGP so could barely walk. I only started going to the gym again this year but eased myself in and now doing yoga twice a week and then a cardio class once or twice. Trying to do a good walk with DH once a week too. I try to avoid doing anything too stressful around the time I ovulate though, as if exercise might disturb it!

I am paranoid though. I think I have no chance this month because I only got 6 hours sleep and have a runny nose this morning 🙄

Went to see We Will Rock You with a friend last night (with the friend who I thought was a bit oblivious to the fact that I was feeling shit and she wasn’t v present). It wasn’t what I was expecting but the last half hour was fantastic!

I’m still in the stage of telling people what I think.

TTC wise I am quite liking not tracking with CB. I know roughly when I ovulate and so still trying to dtd in my fertile window but not sure I need to spend £40 on OPKs and POAS first thing in a morning for about a week...

@ReeRi @Sunflower1608 @LASandOtto Thanks for your thoughts. It is a personal choice, isn't it. It's a shame there's not much useful information available to allow us to make an informed decision, and this super cautious approach seems to be dominant as a result. I am going to think about it a bit more, but at the moment I'm leaning towards what ReeRi said, perhaps pushing myself more before ovulation with HIIT and then doing a mix of lighter cardio and weights at the gym, plus walking and maybe yoga too. Annoying, because for me to lose weight on this, I'd have to literally eliminate all the treats. I don't even have that many treats anyway these days, so this is going to be really miserable, especially before Christmas. I just can't win by the looks of things, I'd love to lose a stone but it just won't happen through gentle exercise 😕

@LASandOtto Thanks for asking. I haven't had it yet, it's scheduled for the end of this month and I'll know the results by mid-December. It's quite a process in my firm... Xxx

@ReeRi morning! Glad you enjoyed the show, some of my colleagues went this week and spoke highly of it. I've got several shows lined up for next year, it's good to have things to look forward to....

Not tracking this month has definitely helped me feel relaxed. I never got on with temping at all when I tried it because I'm a restless sleeper at the best of times and found myself waking in the early hours panicking about it. Opks were useful to me when my cycles were very long (though I never actually got positives then and was spending an absolute fortune on the 40+ day cycles!) but touch wood since my first pregnancy they seem to have settled down to a more sensible length. I'm on CD29 now and reckon AF is coming within the next couple of days.

I don't really exercise regularly beyond brisk walks - I quit the gym when we moved house last year and haven't really got back into it though know I should do. From everything I've been told if you're already working out / running / participating in sports before you conceive then there's no harm in continuing as long as you take things relatively easy rather than trying to smash personal bests, but I guess it's always worth consulting your doctor when you get that BFP to see what they advise based on individual history / circumstances.

Don't worry about the lack of sleep @ReeRi! Six hours is pretty standard for me, and I got my first BFP (after a year of nothing) when I had been truly burning the candle at both ends so hopefully a few less hours than usual won't have too much impact on your body. A few days before my initial BFP I had actually (unintentionally) been up all night - my DH had a health scare and I spent the entire night with him in A and E before (somewhat foolishly) going into work! If I'd known I was pregnant then I imagine my behaviour would have been somewhat different - I've since learned that I need to prioritise my health above work and have really reduced the hours. I didn't miscarry until about four weeks after so assume there was no connection. I hope the runny nose doesn't evolve into a full blown cold - there seem to be so many going round at the moment I'm popping vitamin c tablets like crazy in the hope of avoiding it.....

And @ReeRi I completely agree, once you know approximately when you are due to ovulate, there's no point in tracking or spending money on OPKs. I can see how they and temping might be helpful at the beginning when you try to work out if/when you ovulate, but in fairness this shouldn't normally take longer than 3 or so cycles and then I reckon we should all ditch them if we can see the pattern. This whole industry is preying on women's vulnerability at a difficult time in my view and I personally won't be spending more of my money on this. As if we actually needed this long term to conceive, we don't and actually tracking and checking can lead to an obsession and stress which in turn doesn't help with conception. I also find that ot gives me this false sense of confidence that "oh, I've done everything right, this is going to be my month" and then when it's a BFN it's more crushing than if I just dtd without tracking tbh. Xxx

@MrsMGE I could really do with shifting a stone too. I'm overweight with a BMI of about 27.5 and have been told that although that is ok, if I put on any more then the fertility clinic won't be willing to support me on the NHS. I was doing ok with weight watchers but quit when I got my BFP and have since put the weight back on, I might sign up again the new year though....