TTC after pregnancy loss thread 31 - baby penguins are coming!

[strawberrye]

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Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This is a wonderful supportive group for anyone TTC after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Together we can get through he rollercoaster of TTC and get our baby penguins xx

@VenusStarr Good for you. Yes I do yoga about twice a week and I love it. I feel better and stronger physically, mentally and emotionally. It helps to find a teacher and class that you like. There are about three or four instructors that do it at my gym and they’re all quite different. Some are a lot more physically demanding and some focus quite a bit on mediation and relaxation but then I go during the day with all the retired biddies 😬

@CodlingMoth sorry to hear of your 4 miscarriages, that must have been very difficult over 12 months. I really hope your investigations go well, I'm seeing our local RMC in a few weeks.
@JuniperAndRose very sad to hear your daughter Eliza was stillborn. Eliza is a lovely name, it's on my list if I ever have a daughter. I can imagine things are very raw right now but please feel free to ask any questions. There are several apps for tracking ovulation. I use Fertility Friend which is a bit old fashioned but I find it best for temping because it gives me a clear graph so I know when I've ovulated. Clue is also very good. You're quite right, you don't have to take your temperature every day. I don't. I only use it to confirm ovulation, so I take my temperature from day 4 until I've had 3 confirmed temp rises. I found I was getting a bit too obsessed with tracking and that in itself can delay ovulation. You might need to do a couple of full months so your app has enough data to know what your coverline is. I also use the cheap lh strips a couple of days before ovulation so I know when I have my surge.
@zenlife please don't feel guilty, your baby was wanted and you're mourning the little one that didn't make it. It's completely natural to feel this way. The first af is always hard but trust me, it will get easier. It's really healthy to think ahead and focus on the next cycle.
@DuvetCaterpillar I think a lot of us can relate to your feelings. How are you getting on today? I like your username :)
@strawberrye sorry that you are struggling. You can always PM me if the forums are a bit much. Your old pal Misty is here :)
@InDreamland lovely words. Thanks for updating. I like to read the other thread too and I'm pleased you're all doing so well. May I ask- with the dna fragmentation, does that mean 40% of the sperm is of good quality if 60% have damage? Is this test new, as I don't think the nhs offer it? I'm wondering about my dh's sperm. Sorry if this is intrusive or upsetting, no need to answer (I will do some research).

@JuniperAndRose I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. My daughter, Ruby, died the day before she was due and was stillborn on 13 February this year. I use Ovia mainly. I was using FF a bit too but my cycles are still irregular since having my daughter and FF couldn’t handle that. I have been using Clearblue Connect OPKs so I have the Clearblue app too but that’s very basic and records the OPK results, spotting, bleeding and sex but it is handy. I do like Ovia. You could download a couple and try them and then you’ll soon work it which works for you. That’s what I did.

Thanks @AliceRR no worries. Just nice to try stay friendly and keep up with familiar names who understand the 5hit journey we are all on, albeit at different stages but we're all aiming for the same goal right? And need all the support we can get. I hope that everyone can get along together as I think the 2 threads work well together as support for ladies in our situations as those who haven't experienced pregnancy or baby loss will not understand our shared anxieties and emotions. I'd love to see you ladies here who I've built online (anonymous) friendships with make your way to the grads thread because yes there are many of you here who I'm invested in your journeys. Please please please when you get your BFP (which I'm hopeful will be very soon) go over to the grad thread .........oh and when I'm back here properly after I lose this one come back here to say hello.

That said, I get the emotions when seeing a spate of BFPs in a short space of time. I also totally disengage with anything pregnancy or baby related in real life whether on tv or people I know. The royal baby news really tipped me over the edge (broke down in tears at work because someone had no idea it was a trigger for me). There are 2 people in the office who have very obvious baby bumps and I can't even look at them and I want to just scream every time someone mentions their perfect pregnancy and upcoming maternity leave (does that make me a bad person? I hope not but that is my emotional reaction to someone/people who have something I so badly want and they seem to have it so essily). We all get it. I'm sure no one here or on the grads thread would ever intentionally upset anyone but I think there are a lot of emotions running high because TTC after pregnancy loss and pregnancy after loss are by their very nature very emotional things. Sending massive hugs to everyone!

Anyway I'm rambling, sorry emotional day.

@Mistymeow not a problem, happy to share. That's what these threads are for. Yes, so basically the NHS don't test for sperm quality, all they do is motility and volume. They don't offer the DNA fragmentation test you have to go private for it. So when we went private because I wanted NK cell testing the consultant told me it's so rare it's unlikely I have the condition and tried and succeeded to talk me out of it but said because DH sample seemed to not be great to do the Sperm Comet DNA fragmentation testing. That came back as 40% ok sperm but 60% damaged. For his age it should be 25% damaged and 75% ok. We were then referred to a private urologist via the private clinic and he identified a bacterial infection which is symptomless. Put both of us on antibiotics. The antibiotics cleared the infection but there is no improvement as expected in sperm so that's where we are now. He's on the 3 supplements and starting the clinical trial in the autumn. We did this initially through the Lister clinic in London if you're interested but there are other clinics that do the DNA fragmentation testing. Apparently according to the urologist many cases of unexplained infertility or multiple mc's can be explained as there are a lot of cases that turn out to be the man. He acknowledged the medical field mainly focus on us, the women, and IVF (money spinner) whereas many (not all) cases can be treated by looking at the man's swimmers.

Sorry is that a bit much?

That's me back in this group girls. Had a scan today to confirm I had another MC. Back to square one just can't understand it x

@FirstTimeMama91 I'm so sorry to hear that.

Give yourself time to take it in. Have you got some support there with you??

Xxx

@InDreamland Please don’t say that / think the worst. I really really hope this sticks for you and you’re not back here for the wrong reasons.

I think I’ve explained what I think about the two threads and don’t really want to say any more as some of the “graduates” have been a little bit unpleasant about it (on both threads) tbh.

@pinkoi Awk yes I've my DH and family I'll get through it. Just so disappointed xx

Thanks @AliceRR. if you hadn't already worked it out I'm a glass half empty person and when it comes to this I'm very realistic about my situation. I know my odds and they're very very very poor.

@InDreamland I get it to some degree. I obviously haven’t had to deal with everything you have but I know for me “the worst” had happened once and now I think the worst. I’m anxious about everything particularly losing those close to me. At least once a day I have to check it my husband is alive / breathing because, as unlikely as it is that his heart will just stop, it could happen and I was that statistic once before and I’m scared of being it again. I can’t imagine ever getting pregnant again or having a healthy child but I know that’s largely because of what I’ve experienced. My baby was perfectly healthy and yet she died the day before she was due so if I do get pregnant again I imagine I will fear the worst but it doesn’t mean it will happen again. I can’t really say anything to help but I do wish you the best and would encourage you to do anything you can to help you relax and distract you from the worry.

@indreamland thanks for the info, very interesting. For what it's worth, I don't think your odds sound poor at all, I've heard much worse and people going on to have successful pregnancies. My dh's sperm is on the low range of everything (but is responding well to treatment). He does have a diagnosed condition but his endocrinologist couldn't say if there is a connection between his syndrome and recurrent miscarriage, as there isn't enough data. It doesn't seem right you haven't had a follow up now you are pregnant, are you being seen by a consultant? No wonder you feel anxious. But it doesn't sound bleak, as an outsider looking in.
@FirstTimeMama91 I'm really sorry to hear your news. I'm glad you've got your dh with you. Rest up and take your time x

@Mistymeow thank you xxx

I’m so sorry @FirstTimeMama91 I hope you’ve got some real life support. Ben kind to yourself x

@FirstTimeMama91 I'm so sorry. It truly sucks.

@FirstTimeMama91 I'm sorry to hear of your loss xx

Well I was having a good morning until the mail man delivered this. I stupidly for got to pause the account. Why do these things get to me so much.

@strawberrye I'm sorry you feel you have to leave the group. I think we are the longest to stay on this group ( 😢) I'm going to miss updates from your journey.

I'm starting to feel like every one is moving on and I'm stuck here.

Hi all, and I'm sorry for all of your losses.
I hope you don't mind if I jump on your thread to ask about TTC after a D&C? I had a MMC a few weeks ago (baby died at 11 weeks, found out at 12 and a half weeks) followed by surgical management. I know you're supposed to wait until you've stopped bleeding, and they like you to wait until after your first period so they can date the pregnancy more easily, but has anyone been given medical advuce as to whether there is any danger in TTC very soon afterwards (discounting the dating issue)? Does the cervix/uterus need time to heal? Thank you.

Thanks @AliceRR it is awful isn't it. So scary that something so traumatic can cause you to develop an anxiety around losing someone else dear to you. I remember when I started counselling last year after the first loss and there were questions around whether there was any other trauma or losses not linked to mc which I was also dealing with, almost like there was a chance that the mc could impact emotions and anxieties around other parts of my life.

@Mistymeow thank you. It's just that since the last results we were told by medical professionals that now at our age and with DH's sperm results our chances of a live healthy birth was less than 20%. No consultant just the standard NHS service. Good thing your DH is getting treatment and responding well to it. Definitely a positive for you. Fx it does help with a healthy strong bean when you get your BFP.

@Lilimum7 that reminds me of when that awful Emma's diary kept sending me emails and mail in the post and they even passed on my details to third parties which I never agreed to after my first mc. I begged and begged them to take me off the list and de-registered about 20 times and still kept receiving stuff. It caused IB through mc2 and didn't stop until 4 months ago, 2 months after the due date of first pregnancy. Sorry you've had that sent through, it's definitely the last thing you need.

@WantLifeToBeBetter From what my consultant told me and from what I’ve read, if you’ve had a natural miscarriage there’s no reason not to try again before you get your period back, but if you’ve had a D&C it’s better to wait until you’ve had a period so your womb lining has built up enough to support a pregnancy as it would have been scraped away during the procedure. You have my every sympathy, I am in a similar position waiting for my period to return after an erpc - it’s frustrating but I figure I’d rather wait a couple of extra weeks for my period than try straightaway and risk another miscarriage because my body wasn’t ready x

Thank you Constance, that makes sense. I'm fairly old (37) so was deliberating whether to just go for it as we don't have time to waste but I think I'll hold off as I'd (obviously) feel awful if we lost another. Thanks again.

@Lilimum7 @TinyPaws @AliceRR thanks ladies xxx

I've been googling things (I know I shouldn't) and with each MC does the percentage of another MC increase? Also, has anyone had 2 MCs and started taking progesterone? I've also heard certain herbs can be good for thickening the lining of the womb? I know I'm probably just panicking now. Still in shock I think x

Hi @WantLifeToBeBetter welcome to the group though sorry you've found yourself here. Hopefully it will be a supportive and welcoming place for you, we've all experienced pregnancy loss and understand how lonely and hard life can be.

I've heard mixed messages about TTC after miscarriage. Mine was natural at c7 weeks. As my cycles were very long and irregular prior to the MC I figured there were no real benefits to be gained by waiting for a period as it wouldn't be much help from a dating perspective. We waited until I'd fully stopped bleeding and had a negative pregnancy test three weeks afterwards before we started having unprotected sex. Used ovulation tests for almost three weeks and finally had a positive last weekend, so I guess we'll see if anything happens. I'm very nervous about the thought of getting pregnant again, both due to the MC and due to being high risk as a result of blood clotting history, but as it took a year last time round don't really want to delay things. If I'd had shorter, more regular cycles then I might have actively waited a month or two, but it seems that I can go several months without ovulating so it feels like time is of the essence.

Fingers are crossed that you get your rainbow very soon x

Glad to see we are moving forward on here. I am still going to step away from mumsnet for a bit but really wanted to pop on to say @InDreamland I will thinking of you today and keeping everything so firmly crossed that this is finally your rainbow.

Thanks Avocuddles . My periods were always super regular pre miscarriage so I guess I'll wait a month at least and see if they come back then reassess. What ovulation trackers do you use?

FirstTimeMama91 - you have probably read it already but I recently got a copy of "miscarriage, what every woman needs to know" by Lesley Regan. It goes into the stats/possible reasons etc in quite a scientific way which I found helpful and clear without being patronising. Sorry you're going through this

@WantLifeToBeBetter I used clear blue tests for a good few months before I fell pregnant, though never saw a positive. I've recently started using the Premom app (thanks to recommendation on here) which analyses easy at home strips which are way way cheaper than the clearblue ones. As it had been over five weeks since my MC I was somewhat surprised when my first go using the app showed high levels - I didn't believe it so I dug a clearblue out of the cupboard (I'd planned to stop using them for this cycle as I'd already been testing for over two weeks) and saw a positive there too! The pics I've attached show what the app looks like - you can also track body temperature and cervical mucus.....

@WantLifeToBeBetter thanks for the Lesley Regan recommendation, will check it out....