TTC after pregnancy loss thread 31 - baby penguins are coming!

[strawberrye]

🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This is a wonderful supportive group for anyone TTC after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Together we can get through he rollercoaster of TTC and get our baby penguins xx

Can I just gently echo what AliceRR said? It's really hard for those of us who've lost babies at times - as we all have - to hear ongoing stories of pregnancies and the ups and downs that come with being pregnant when we're still stuck at the TTC stage and wrapped up in deep grief at the same time.

We all need to be mindful of each other's feelings - good ones and bad ones, scared ones, lonely ones, heartbroken ones and of course, elated ones, but we must remember that we're all at different stages of grief, TTC and/or new pregnanacy.

I wish EVERYBODY well regardless but I do think AliceRR raised a very good point.

@pinkoi glad you had a good chat with your DP and you've cleared the air. Hopefully going forwards he'll be a bit more honest with you about how he's feeling / what's on his mind. TTC is stressful but unfortunately not the only thing we have all going on in our lives which makes it even harder sometimes!

Thanks @VenusStarr and @Mistymeow it's going to be a big week as I've got a lot of travelling to do and some big meetings I'm involved in so I'm hoping that will be a good distraction.

@fnej01 hope your mother in law has a quick and smooth recovery

Congratulations @KnitKitty and @frillyfarmer, glad that your pregnancies are going well.

@Mistymeow how was California?

@Lilimum7 I can see you are really struggling at the moment and I'm sorry life can throw us so many curveballs of shite. Have they tested you for premature ovarian failure?

@TinyPaws glad to hear you finally got your next round sorted and will be keeping everything crossed for you

I think I agree with @AliceRR and @Squiff70 have said. Whilst it's lovely that there was recently a big swathe of BFPs, having been on this thread for 18 months this month I do sometimes find it hard to read about updates. I'm obviously happy for you all with BFPs, especially the ladies who have been on here for what feels like forever, but it's so hard to watch people come for a few months and then leave again. It really adds to my existing feeling of being left behind and will it ever be my turn. Ultimately I think it's jealousy that makes me feel this and I agree those of us who are still TTC need a safe space to escape the triggers we experience in real life. Perhaps if and when we are feeling strong enough we can always pop over to the graduates thread and see your updates. I really hope that all your pregnancies are as happy and healthy as possible.

Morning all,

Thanks @strawberrye MIL doing well, although expected to be in hospital for a couple of weeks. We have decided to do some decorating at hers whilst she is in there, so keeping us busy.

@KnitKitty lovely to hear you are going great guns there congratulations. @Frillyfarmer congrats to you too.

I'll confess I do lurk on the grads thread to be nosey how everyone is doing. I realise a bit stalker but have been on this thread over a year now with lots of people so like to be nosey.

Good luck to all those testing this week. I am still awaiting positive OPK x

@fnej01 I share your stalker tendency. I like to see where everyone is up to although do sometimes feel weirdly guilty for looking at the threads, almost as if I'm peering through someone's window....

@strawberrye I hope your big week goes well. I'm working away all week too. The distraction will be good, and then it's holiday time next weekend.

@Frillyfarmer @KnitKitty really glad things are looking good for you. Fingers crossed that these are your rainbows x

@strawberrye California was wonderful, thanks for asking! Just what I needed. I'm a bit stressed coming back because I need to get a job, but the sun is shining and it's looking like a nice week ahead.

I can understand the feeling of being left behind, as I've watched all my friends fall pregnant easily and have problem free pregnancies. It can be hard to experience that feeling online. But I also miss my ttc-ing buddies who have given me so much support over the last 14 months, and their wealth of knowledge, who now reside on a different thread. I do feel that it would be a shame that a pregnant grad felt she couldn't post on here when she has some really helpful advice for someone, which is why I personally would prefer the thread to be open to all. But I totally understand that this is a very sensitive subject and I may be in the minority.

@strawberrye yes I'm waiting for the test results at my next appointment 6th August.

@fnej01 I too am a stalker, it gives me hope that if they can do so can I.

I am struggling so I appreciate the two groups. When I'm having a very down period like now it find pg talk hard to swallow but other days I want to know everything that I hope to look forward to in the future. Also some of the ladies on the graduation tread have been here as long as I have and I would like to follow their journey.

AF due today/tomorrow so yeah not looking forward to that. Tested bfn Saturday so definitely out.

I've been thinking I need to lise some weight really badly since ttc I've gone from size 10 to 16 in 18 months (comfort eating mostly, and inactivity due to feeling depressed). I'm really worried that dieting will be a bad idea when ttc. What do you ladies suggest? Obviously I'm going to up my exercise but any other suggestions would be welcome. Xx

@Lilimum7 @Mistymeow echo the not losing touch with people from the other thread, hence the stalking. We have been on this thread a long time, and people have support me through the losses, and through diagnosis of APS etc. I do think everyone's in different places, and I can appreciate the updates are difficult to see for some, so there's no judgement.

@Lilimum7 have you thought about slimming world? You can continue on slimming world whilst pregnant it is approved by the royal college of midwives and they adapt it slightly when pregnant. I dip in and off of it to maintain weight, and think would try to continue that when I do finally get preggers again x

It's a tricky situation isn't it as we are all at different stages. I've known a lot of people on here for a long time and therefore feel invested in their stories too. I don't want anyone to feel pushed out, and have read on the graduates thread some pretty upsetting reactions to some of us feeling more sensitive which is a real shame considering what we have all been through. I
think it's pretty blunt and careless to not realise the effect hearing about pregnancy updates can have when you aren't one of the lucky ones to actually be pregnant, but can also see that pregnancy after loss is a very anxious time requiring a lot of support so it must be very upsetting to feel shoved out of a group that has been a big support in the past, though I don't think that's anyone's intention here. I think it's important therefore for everyone to have a safe space, for the pregnant ladies to share their pregnancy worries together and us still TTC to have a space safe from regular pregnancy updates. My feeling on it would be to welcome checking in from anyone but to limit pregnancy discussion on here if possible. However if I am in the minority about this I am happy to hide away in the corner.

@Lilimum7 Dieting whilst TTC is actually a good thing. I've gained weight since my loss too and trying to get my weight down. Being more aware of what you put in your body and going for more nutritious options is a good plan. Just don't go crazy and start starving yourself or abusing your body and you'll be fine.

Ladies just driving along, and it occurred to me that during last year I left this thread a few times for various pregnancy and antenatal groups. I'm a recurrent miscarrier but wanted to have hope. Some of my miscarriages were a lot further along than some of the ladies on the grad thread. I was always welcomed back to this thread with open arms, and hope I would be in the future if needed. I really don't want anyone to feel excluded. Plus there are some of my fellow RMC on there, and it does give me hope I could get there too. X

Hi all, I think part of the upset re the thread is because many of us have been supporting each other for up to 2 years through very very bad days, and getting a bfp doesn't turn the bad days good.

The desperation to get a bfp and the 2 seconds of joy when you get it turns quickly into fear paralysis.

I know personally it was this thread that helped me through those first few horrible weeks, and then I largely stopped posting other than to provide support back. I don't think anyone has really posted here past the 12w mark unless they were asked.

It's a sensitive journey for everyone, with at times limited real life support. My preference is for both threads to be welcoming and inclusive. In the nicest possible way, you will all hopefully find yourselves soon with a bfp stuck in that fear paralysis, not sure where to turn for help and you can come here whilst you build confidence to slowly release yourself to the graduates or antenatal threads.

The graduates thread was a great idea, and don't feel you need to linger either, actively place mark and keep up to date if you want to, if it helps you.

@fnej01 I'll pm you re latest APS and where I'm up to x

Babydust to all x

Re those who are already pregnant on here I think maybe there can be a compromise or balance. Tbh the mere fact that someone is pregnant and posting on here doesn’t bother me in itself and I can understand people wanting to stay in touch (I have been wanting to ask how @InDreamland and @bluebelltulip are for example) To be more specific what had really bothered me yesterday (I didn’t want to specify as I didn’t want to single anyone out) was introductions with I’m X weeks and then talking about scans which is a bit much on. TTC thread on IMHO. For me it’s not about being “desperate” to be pregnant but talk of scans makes me think of when I had scans with my daughter and some days I don’t need that reminder. The last few days have been a bit like that for me and maybe I should just avoid coming online at all on those days. Maybe my situation is different to many of you but I think all of us on here know that a BFP in itself is not a happy ending but that’s what the BFP thread is for. I think the way @strawberrye put it was sensible but I am sorry if I upset anyone and I know many of you have been here much longer than I have so it’s not for me to push you out.

It may be that a third thread is needed for those of us who don’t want to be what sometimes seems like an early pregnancy thread i.e. I / we can just bugger off!

Lightening the mood a little... saw this on Facebook this morning and it made me lol

Anyone else on SMEP this month? This was me to my DH this morning.

@fnej01 😂 We pretty much did what SMEP says this cycle but we dtd for three days following +ve OPK but then left it for a week so we’ll see. I feel like we’ve given ourselves about the best chance we could but I’m 8DPO and I’m not showing any signs...

@AliceRR there are lots of other threads for both TTC and pregnancy after loss, I think these ones are the strongest because of how supportive the groups have been in the past.

There are other ladies that had a similar experience to you that are now pregnant again where talking can be mutually helpful, and we all know the pain of scans etc as you say. But encouragement and support goes a long way.

By its name this is TTC thread so I guess there's not much for me to add as I'm not currently ttc. The posts about it on here, whether intended not, read clearly that if you got your bfp then we don't want you posting anymore.

We can each make our own decisions as to whether we find it helpful to remain on a particular thread or not and whether we can contribute in return. That's the nature of Mumsnet.

@Yukka I think you’ve misunderstood what I was saying to some degree but you obviously feel strongly about it and I’m happy to go with what the majority wants to do. I’m very sorry if my comments upset you.

@fnej01 love that picture! I'm working away this week and had my (first ever!) positive opk yesterday so forced him up at the crack of dawn today for another 'go' before I set off. It's a weird feeling as during my previous year ttc I never had a positive so never really experienced the concept of a 2WW, I just kept living my life as normal thinking that it was never going to happen. I'm now fretting because my work mates are quite a boozy crowd and I'm usually a big wine drinker, some of them know what happened but others don't (as far as I'm aware)....

That’s really good sign for you @Avocuddles Fingers crossed for you

Hi everyone hope you don't mind me joining. This is such a great idea for a group! We had our MC at 12 weeks on 10th of May (had d&c). 1st period started 20th June but had stopped by 24th. Flo app says ovulation should be in 2 days. Been taking ovulation tests but no positive yet. Just hoping and praying. We are so desperate. Currently I don't have any children.

Good luck to everyone. Xxx

@Laceygabriella welcome and so sorry for your loss. I hope it's a successful month for you!

@Avocuddles that's really exciting that you've had your first positive opk and it sounds like you've been on it with your timing so to say 😉

@fnej01 haha that cartoon definitely strikes a chord! When I was working a lot of night shifts and twilight shifts a year ago there were quite a few times when I had to wake him up at 3 in the morning when I got in from work just to get our bases covered 😆

Hi everyone, I would like to join the penguin huddle please. My beloved daughter Eliza was stillborn in January. My husband and I have just started to TTC. I am finding it tough going already as of course our loss is still very raw. We were also very lucky to conceive on our first cycle last time and so I have not really had to cope with the trying to concieve roller coaster of emotions before.

I hope no one minds if I ask a few questions? For ladies who are using apps to track ovulation, which ones are you using and do you find them helpful? I am using natural cycles, and the app asks you to take your temperature every morning. I found his quite stressful in the two week wait last month as I kept checking my temperature chart for any signs of pregnancy. I’m wondering if it might be kinder to myself to just take my temperature in the run up to ovulation and then not in the rest of the cycle? I’d appreciate any advice anyone has x

Welcome @Laceygabriella and @JuniperAndRose. So sorry to hear your stories, but glad you've found your way here x

Hi everyone, I came across this picture on Instagram and it made me chuckle. I definitely feel like that at the moment, in the early stages of my tww and feel it's going to drag. But, I am optimistic, like you @AliceRR, I feel we've given ourselves a good shot this cycle 🤞

I'm sorry there seems to have been some upset on the thread. I can see both sides. I have definitely felt like I was getting left behind when there was a big flood of bfps. Its hard to find a balance and like @Avocuddles I have been lurking on the graduate thread as I want to feel hope that it can happen for me and I'm able to see scan pictures and pregnancy tests and not feel triggered. I definitely was not in that headspace even just a couple of weeks ago. It's so changeable so I do support the two threads so that we all can have safe spaces and feel supported. I wouldn't want anyone to feel unwelcome on either thread.

None of our journeys are easy and I'm sending best wishes to everyone 💜

I'm sorry you are joining us and I'm sorry for your loss @Laceygabriella, I hope you do ovulate soon 🤞

Oh I'm so glad I've just found this. I had a miscarriage last month at 6 weeks 5 days and it was devastating. It was my first pregnancy. I know it was so early and I kept feeling guilty for feeling so bereft because I know some people have it much worse. I've just come on my AF today and it's kind of brought a lot of those feelings back because I was hoping so badly I would get pregnant straight away, but it is not so. Hopefully next month will be my month xxx