TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

[Laney79]

Hey ladies, we were nearing the limit on thread 28 so here's a new one.

Roll Call...

Name: Laney79
Age: 39
TTC: #1 since autumn 2017.
2 losses - MMC discovered March 2018, MMC discovered Sept 2018 both at what should've been 9 weeks, bean and bow measured 6 weeks.

@Lilimum6 @Russkispy @Catconfusion @Boboelephant @fnej01 please tag and pass on!

@Yukka Maybe next month I will try harder with the OPKs. This month I have tested once a day and maybe it’s not enough. So Friday and Saturday I got dark lines, yesterday and today I got much lighter lines.

Could that mean I ovulated Fri / Sat? I’m sure it’s to tell. I’ll keep going for a few more days and see

CM would to suggest to me close to ovulation but it’s hard to track CM when you’re dtd a lot too 🤷🏻‍♀️ sorry if TMI

@ikphillips sorry meant to say I had 'product' sent off for analysis after my last early mc, where they asked us to try and collect tissue at home. I managed to persuade the secretary to give me the results over the phone and then the consultant followed up at my next appointment. In fairness their analysis showed maternal tissue only, so it wasn't like there was anything to discuss. I think I would ask the secretary for a telephone appointment with the consultant if I was you. July is too long to wait x

@fnej01 that's helpful, thank you. I will be on the phone tomorrow to see if she'll at least tell me the basic findings. I posted on another thread (plus DH has been reassuring me) and suggestion is that they probably wouldn't leave it a long time if there was really bad news that would affect another pregnancy. Hope not anyway... x

OK ladies I'm getting nervous about the rmc appointment. What should I expect from my first appointment.

Plus also FF app has finally decided I ovulated (chart included) which makes me 3dpo but based on opks I make it 5dpo (assuming I did actually ovulate), I have some much cramping today like AF is coming.

Opps forgot to add chart

Hi lovelies. Sorry I've been quiet -lots going on.

Thanks for coming back to me @Mistymeow really interesting.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue oh lovely, I totally get your fear, I think we'd all be worried in your situation but do try and take some joy from the BFP...i think of it a bit like the hurdle race-and you have cleared the first big one in lots of ways by getting pregnant. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Nice to hear from you @KnitKitty and @TinyPaws sorry not to reply to everyone, this thread is moving so quickly at the mo!

I've been struggling a bit getting my anxiety under control re:ivf. Got my first scan to check out my middles to see if ivf is a goer on Thursday and I'm bricking it. I hate anything medical anyway, so add to that the fact it's internal too which I find really traumatic (only internal stuff I've ever had done was as a result of mc's-never had smears etc) and the fact it's likely to be a male doctor doing it-well I'm freaking out. Oh has his SA test same day then it's back to the consultant the following weds.

And is it only me that finds it weird that gynae/fertility/obstetric doctors are predominately male? You don't get a similar pattern with prostate docs being predominately female?! Odd.

Also really hoping I'm pregnant so I don't have to go down the ivf route-but then thinking maybe ivf is better because hopefully the embryos would be better quality if they survive the process (and hopefully we'd have extra we can put on ice in case it doesn't work first time). I should be around 11dpo in Thursday according to my chart...would you do a frer before the scan to check for pregnancy? Or just have the scan and see what it shows? Would they even be able to see if I was pregnant at that stage? I've attached my temp chart-first full month I've done it. Any thoughts appreciated.

Also had some worrying news-ma has to have an op a week today. She's playing it down but it's come about very suddenly (within about a month). She says it's polyp removal and as she nearly died during a general last time she had an op this is being done with epidural. She's being very cagey...my gut says she's on the cancer referral pathway 😢

@Laney It is odd how predominant male it seems to be. The only thing I can think is that women don't find the field as fascinating as men do because they've been dealing with their own foof all their lives? Haha!
I've had gynae issues since I was 14 and have only ever seen one female gynaecologist... I had a bad experience with her and felt she wasn't at all sympathetic. I have not once had a bad male gynae (and I've lost count of how many I've seen). I think as they have no experience of even having a period they don't assume they know how we feel and so are more attentive to easing our fears and are mindful of how they go about everything. (Just speaking from my experience). I can understand how it feels uncomfortable for a lot of women though.
You can always ask for a female chaperone to be with you, and I think they might let you insert the probe yourself if it's really bothering you? It might be worth checking. Stay brave, stay strong. You'll get through it, even if you find it unpleasant. Just think about what you'll be doing the same time the following day (or even an hour from then), and have something nice planned, even if it's just eating cake.

@Lilimum6 They will take a medical history (especially anything gynae related), ask about any medications and what vitamins etc you take and ask about your monthly cycles and ask about your miscarriages. It'll be handy to have your charts to hand, but make sure you know how long your cycles have been in the past year (maybe jot this down). If you find it hard talking about the miscarriages, or think you might miss anything out, I advise you write it down and hand it to them. They'll want to know if it was MC or MMC, and what week you lost them. Anything else you think may be relevant, let them know.
If you have any questions or particular fears, ask or tell them about it. E.g. if you have a hunch that something in particular is causing it, or is an issue, don't feel silly mentioning your gut feeling. They might be able to carry out tests or can reassure you.
I didn't have any physical examinations, but I think some places they might do an internal? Not sure what standard procedure is, but I wasn't checked over physically.
Then the doctor will probably just tell you the plan going forward. They'll do LOTS of blood tests (if you notice they haven't asked for particular ones which you would like done, again, mention this). They may order certain scans too, depending on what they think they need to find out. Then it's just the waiting game. When is the appointment? Good luck! You'll be fine! xx

@Laney79 and forgot to say, sorry to hear about your Mum. I hope that it is just a routine op and that she gets through it ok. Hugs xxx

@lilimum6 your chart is looking good. It seems like you had a gradual temp rise this month which is perfectly fine but can make pinpointing the exact day tricky. If you are 3 dpo the cramps could be residual ovulation pains, I get them. I would take it as an estimation this month (I’m similar, 5 or 6dpo)
@laney79 I’m also drinking raspberry leaf tea, one cup of day, as it’s meant to help regulate the hormones. I got it from Holland and barratt and figured one cup a day wouldn’t do any harm. I know what you mean about ivf and at least knowing the embryo quality prior, but it still doesn’t tell you about chromosomal abnormalities. This is what I want to find out more about. I think you’re really brave and if it helps I found the first appointment very relaxed and reassuring. I’m sorry your mum has an op, I get worried that my mum hides the truth when she is poorly and I always pick up on it. It’s good she is having it removed. They fast track anything remotely suspicious (in most cases benign) just in case, particularly post menopause.
@boboelephant how are you doing? Thinking it must be coming up to 12 weeks soon!
@myheartisbroke how are you feeling today?

Thanks @KnitKitty for the information. I can't believe how nervous I am. I don't have charts for a whole year only 6 months will that matter.
@Mistymeow seems I was too eager and temps dropped off again today. Chart included

@AliceRR yes its possibel you OV;'d in between fri and sat, but keep testing for a few more days, could have been a dry run and body will gear up for it again. I only discovered this in my own routine last September, fell pregnant in November and my dates were bang on.

My CM has never been a good predictor, sometimes I didn't think I was getting any at all - until I started acupuncture then all hail mary broke loose and and my cycles sorted themselves out, again I started this in September last year and it was like everything came together with balance out my hormones.

@Laney79 just keep remember why you're doing this. It will be a small sacrifice to make if it works, and once the processes starts and you meet the actual people, you'll feel much more calmer. I'd be nervous too, its a medical procedure, so try to not beat yourself up xxx

Thanks again everyone for your kind words and support.

I have just cried in my work toilets after speaking with the EPU who were not kind or helpful at all. I am also confused – so going off date of last period I am 4 weeks, although I know I only ovulated two weeks ago. The lady kept saying they wouldn’t scan me until I was 6 weeks and that I am actually now only two weeks pregnant? I know a clear blue weeks would put me at 1-2 weeks so what am I? In the past when I have booked scans the gestation I have said would have always been calculated off the last period. I kept saying to her that I know they may not see a heartbeat and that wasn’t what I wanted. I just need to know it’s in the right place which I thought they could see at 5 weeks? I am so worried and tried to explain that I can’t leave it too late as if it is ectopic again I want to find out in time to take the drugs. I am petrified I will lose my only remaining tube if this can’t be spotted in time. She was so rude and basically told me to call back in two weeks and hung up!! Now feel like an idiot and even more worried and confused!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue that is unacceptable behaviour from your EPAU. Can you speak to your GP? They should be able to refer you for a scan.

I'd contact pals at your hospital too to flag up the unacceptable treatment from the epau nurse. You are clearly upset and need some help and compassion. You are not being unreasonable given your history.

I want to shout at them on your behalf xxx

Sorry you had someone so insensitive on the phone MyHeartIsBroken I agree with trying the GP.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue call your GP ASAP and chat through with them- most EPUs will scan from 4 weeks if you are an ectopic risk, which you are.

Don't stress out too much, there is a large possibility that you have a perfectly healthy and sticky bean in there. My BFP with my first was a real squinter until 6 weeks and he's a strapping chap now. Xx

@MyHeart I would speak to GP as well. Ectopics can be dangerous and while I’m sure (and hope) everything is fine, it’s understandable you would worry and they should scan you even if only for your own piece of mind x

@Yukka I noticed changes in my CM have never tracked it so don’t know if it corresponds with ov but would assume it does 🤷🏻‍♀️ I tested around 5pm the last few days so will do the same but it would be good timing if I ov on Fri / Sat given when we have dtd

On another note hubby still doesn’t believe in tracking babymaking and things it should just happen naturally and is more likely to happen when we’re relaxed - well yes but it’s much more likely to happen if we are dtd in my fertile window 🙄

*peace of mind 🤔

2dpo over here, exhausted and had bad bloating/cramps today!

So at CD16 my OPK is negative. Tested slightly later today but shouldn’t make a massive difference. Assuming I ov on day 13/14 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well hoping I ov then

Hi ladies. Just checking in. Thanks @KnitKitty, you're right. I need to find a new way to cope with comments etc.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue tentative congratulations. I totally understand how you'd be anxious after what you've been through and it's perfectly natural to feel the way you do. I'd be petrified too. I really hope that bean is all stuck in the right place though.i agree with the ladies about calling your GP. They have to give you extra care for reassurance after everything you've been through. That's disgusting of the EPU nurse, I'd raise a complaint. You can't treat people like that when they're vulnerable.

@AliceRR could you try OPK'ing in secret?

@Laney79 fx for a BFP just before IVF. Try remind yourself that everything should hopefully be worth it when you have your baby in your arms.

CD11 and OPK still negative. Normally have a flashing smiley by now. Really hoping to Ov this weekend.

Have been getting very clear CM today though 🤔

Hi ladies! :-)

Thanks for asking after me @Mistymeow. I am going well thanks. 13 weeks 1 day and I had my scan last week which showed two babies growing well with strong heartbeats. I don't even have the words to explain how relieved I am. We've started telling people and I can't believe that after what the last 2.5 years has thrown at us that this is really real.

I'm sorry for everyone having a tough time. Sending hugs to everyone. Couldn't catch up on everyone but just to quickly say

@Laney79 I hope your mum is ok

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue congratulations on your bfp but I'm so sorry for that horrendous nurse. I completely understand how you feel having had a 10 week MMC and a ruptured ectopic too. I can tell you that the EPU definitely need to offer you a scan at 5 weeks to check the sac is in the right place. I have had three 5 week scans. Definitely complain about the nurse and ask GP to make referral for you. I went for my 5 week scan with this pregnancy and then he booked me in for 2 weeks later to check heartbeat due to my history. I know it feels like things wont work out after going through an EP but the odds really are in your favour. And falling pregnant so soon is amazing. I couldn't manage to do it naturally but my babies growing right now are proof that you can have a successful pregnancy after EP. Good luck.

@KnitKitty, @Lilimum6, @strawberrye, @TinyPaws, @InDreamland thinking of you all.

@InDreamland Oh I absolutely OPK in secret 😬 That sounds a bit weird but we both want a baby and DH knows I’m working towards that E.g. with thermometer by the bed and taking pregnacare conception but I think it’s more likely to happen if he doesn’t think it’s all so contrived

I’m relieved to think I might have already ov as I don’t need to think about it til next cycle but will keep testing in case I still get a positive