TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 24 🐧🐧

[RedRobin7]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age: 29
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
MC at 6 weeks in July 18
Waiting one cycle before getting back on the bus!

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Welcome @Canters15 there's always room in the penguin huddle, come join us. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It is SO hard to relax when TTC especially when TTC after a loss. I think the more you try to force yourself to relax the more stressful it becomes! One way I have found to distract myself is exercise and doing nice things for myself - the only time when my mind isn't engrossed in TTC is when I'm focused completely on something else, or if I'm swimming or doing yoga etc. Some people have tried mindfulness and things like headspace which can be very helpful but admittedly I have found it hard to get into. Finally just sharing your ups and downs with a group of women who understand what you are going through is immensely helpful, these women on this board are all fantastically strong and a great source of support. Welcome to the huddle 🐧🐧🐧

Welcome @canters15 I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I think the ladies have summed it up really well but just keep remembering that you can get pregnant and probably the thing that might hold you up is getting stressed. Keep away from Dr Google :)

Oh dear, I thing I'm having an anovulatory cycle. It's day 18 and still no temp rise. No clear positive opk or ewcm. I usually have 27 day cycles so it's getting late in the month. I'm supposed to have my progesterone checked on day 21 but don't think I will this month. I thought by cycle 4 my body would be back to normal. I've had bad ovulation cramps since cd10 too. It's like she's trying to pop out but not managing it. How depressing

Hey ladies just saying hi as I don't get a lot of time to post. Really nice to see the bfp's everything crossed for you xxx

Sorry for the new joiners, it's tough but this group will help.

I got my appointment for a 'non pregnant scan' to check uterus structure etc on 21st august. Did I tell you the consultant jumped straight in with whether I would consider donor eggs?! 🍳🍳🍳 think he wanted a guinea pig! Muppet.

Anyway I'm currently Mrs positive pants, 9dpo let's see what next week brings.

I'd like to recommend a book I read on holiday called 'this is going to hurt'. It's the diaries of a junior doctor who ended up specialist in obs and gynae. It does have sad stories in there - be warned - very sad at the end re full term baby loss- but on the whole was bloody hilarious. I mean the things people stick up their vaginas???!!!!!😂😂

Sending hugs and a just keep swimming vibe xxx

@yukka I’m reading it at the moment! So funny & also very enlightening about the reality doctors face.

@canters15 welcome and sorry for your loss. I know it doesn’t help to be constantly fixated on ttc but don’t put extra stress on yourself to ‘relax’ as that will just add to pressure you’re putting yourself under. As @knitkitty on here says, just ride the waves & if you feel rubbish or spend hours on end thinking about ttc then so be it - in my opinion it’s better than trying to fight the emotions.

@sweetpea0318 totally shows the pressures and a bit if reality too. I didn't realise he went into obs and gynae when I started the book but it actually really helped with a bit of perspective. And gave me a laugh along the way xx

Hope everyone is able to do something nice today xx

@Yukka oh I love that book! I think it should be required reading for everyone who uses the NHS, so funny and uplifting but so eye opening too. I've already gifted it to my friend!

Hey ladies, took a little break for a few days but seeing lots of new names on here. Sorry you find yourselves here but it's a lovely group so I hope you find comfort.
I'm cd9, forgot to do ov test this am (oops - but maybe it's part of my new chilled outlook?!) and am on my way for a fertility massage, fingers crossed it's a positive experience!

@yukka thanks for the recommendation just bought it for my kindle and looking forward to reading.

Getting sick of this heat and ttc got blooming sore /itchy undercarriage (sorry for tmi) don't think it is anything too serious just wearing sexy undies for fw which don't breathe as much in this heat! Now in tww so pressure off but like to dtd like @boboelephant throughout cycle so less pressure on dh and myself. Think I few days break is needed and cotton baggy undies

Thanks so much ladies, and I'm so sorry for your losses.
It's tough because I'm not working at the moment (we're expats in Asia)- I am doing an msc but it gives me a lot of spare time to think about things. I am doing stuff like gym, yoga, coffees with friends...but of course everyone seems to be pregnant now!
Fingers crossed for bfps soon.

Thanks @Boboelephant- it wouldn't show a bfp on a Tesco yet- the only reason I tested was because I had some mild cramps and a tiny bit of blood when I wiped about 7 days after dtd which I've obviously convinced myself was implantation- I guess all I can do is retest in a few days and see what happens....I'm driving myself mad trying not to think about it or let myself get carried away hoping it is a new pregnancy....gosh who knew this would be so hard! Xx

Hi all, I've been quiet as not able to actively try at the moment. The failure of the last cycle hit me hard and I've had a tough week.

Just got back from seeing Mama Mia: Here We Go Again and it was good fun but I cried in the cinema (FFS! Although those of you that've seen it can probably guess which bit set me off).

Welcome to the newbies and sorry to see you here. @Funkyemzie so sorry to hear your news, massive hugs to you.

We're plodding in organising pre-IVF appointments. Our clinic has a wait so we won't be able to try again until October or possibly late September.

Oh and This is Going to Hurt is bloody brilliant. Hit close to home but still loved it.

Can I join?
Age: 27
TTC #1
MMC at 12 week scan, measured 10. Had previously seen heartbeat at 6+4

It’s such a horrible thing, took 2 lots of tablets for medical management, and oh god the pain I’ve never felt anything like it

I was called back to the hospital today and told my hcg levels are dropping slowly so ive to go back next week to check and a scan to make sure I'm 'empty
I spoke to a lovely Dr today and she said to me those first response tests are awful for causing heartbreak. She said they detect very low levels of hcg and the pregnancy may not be viable. She said to only test with normal tests once period is missed. She said a lot of pregnancies are chemical and it's nothing to get stressed about, they can happen to anybody and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong.
I'm going to stay away from first response now.

Sorry to hear that @starlightmagic that must have been awful for you. I do hope your feeling better now and wish you lots of success in your ttc journey xx

Hello ladies :-)
I'm hoping to find some comfort here as I've lost my actual mind. My phone history is full of Googled pregnancy things, my bin is full of overly expensive tests, my wardrobe has a box in the back full of baby clothes for no baby and I currently have hidden in the bath from my husband as he just doesn't get how I'm feeling and I can't face trying to explain it to him anymore.

That sounds awful he is a good husband he just keeps telling me to wait and see.

I'm babbling!
I'm 24 trying to conceive first. So far I've had one mc at 12 weeks and a chemical straight after. Yesterday I got lots of bfp then today I've had lots of bfn and one maybe possibly slim chance bfp (holding it up to the light and squinting till my eyes are barely open)

Wish we all could just have healthy happy little babies :-(

@starlightmagic

Crap isn't it? I had similar in that we had seen the heartbeat and baby was smaller than expected! Everyone kept telling me the heartbeat was a good sign and I should focus on that! Did you get that too? I kept wanting to scream when people told me maybe it was just going to be a small baby? :-( I hope you have better luck in the future :-)

Hi everyone Iv been a regular on a few boards nutty ttcers etc. Just needing some hand holding, il start at the beginning . I'm 30, ttc number three...
ttc from Jan/feb...
BFP in May got to 5 weeks hcg dropped hugely and then bleed at 6 weeks....
jumped straight back on the wagon and fell preg again! three weeks after the bleed which also ended at 4/5 weeks hcg just didn't get past 30 ish then dropped and bleed
.. now here we are again my third cycle in a row of being pregnant . Period due next week and had a bfp today. Clear as day at 10dpo... my head is mangled as we say where I'm from.. trying not to get my hopes up but come on surely it can't happen for a third time right?! 😞..I just don't know how I'm going to get through the next few weeks of waiting for the hcg to rise/fall.. making it past 6 weeks . What am I going to do?
Xoxoxoxox

Big hug @Lostmymind26. It’s all so horrible and I can completely relate to hiding feelings from people who don’t get it.

I hope everyone is having a gentle weekend. I have lots of fertile signs but still getting negative opks. I feel like so many friends in real life are pregnant and I’m worried it just won’t happen to me.

@Elderflower78 that's really interesting about the frer's! I think I might take that advice because I kind of feel like I've wasted everyone's time at the EPU and docs. Got to go back for bloods again on Tuesday to make sure HCG is back to normal same as yourself.

To all you guys who are feeling the effects of MC's, mmc's and chemicals, this is a shitty part in our lives and for some of us time is definately not on our side, I'm so sorry, it's crap. I haven't had time to think about anything since Thursday and not really sure what to think tbh. I have another busy week ahead so just going to knuckle down and deal with these feelings next week, if there's anything to deal with!

I'm going to use the signs from temping and use normal tests instead of frer's from now onwards. I'm done with staring at lines that appear then disappear when you hold them up to the light with a ×100 magnification and then take a photo, only to enhance, darken, polarise and negative the image to find a tiny speck of hope that might or might not exist.

On to cycle 12 (and maybe buy myself some yams, whatever they are). 🥂

Would agree that frers aren't always the best. I had a positive on one 6 weeks after my mc. What made it even harder was I had an LH surge 10 days before that, so I really thought it was a new pregnancy. I started spotting the day after taking the test and when I saw my gynae she confirmed I hadn't ovulated and the bleeding was breakthrough bleeding, so no way it could have been a new pregnancy. Ridiculous they could be so sensitive!

@Canters15 thats rubbish. Hope you're ok!

Ahh I'm fine thanks @Funkyemzie, it was 6 weeks or so ago and I'm now tww'ing for real. Well, not fine...but you know!
Of course although I know frers are bad, the temptation to crack one out later this week is real...

I hadn’t really told anyone other than immediate family so didn’t have to put up with too much, it was only Tuesday/Wednesday it happened so I can’t wait to stop bleeding and put it behind me!

@Mistymeow ah that is crap! I hope you are just having a longer cycle and ovulation is still coming.
@Blondcat I hear you! The heat can definitely encourage some chafing in the region. I've been known to borrow my DH's jockey shorts. 😂🤦‍♀️ I'd have a break from the sexy knickers for a bit!
@TinyPaws penguin cuddles! 🐧
@starlightmagic welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss.
@Lostmymind26 and @lolacola13 so sorry you find yourselves here. Hope that your lines get darker and are there to stay.
@Funkyemzie you're always welcome to join my old cheese club! Maybe old cheese and yams? 😉