TTC After Pregnancy Loss Thread 22.

[HidCat]

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A thread for all those who have suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately know as the penguin huddle.

We'll start with a roll call as there have been so many new members lately and so many success stories that I think we've all lost track.

HidCat
Age 35
TTC #2
DS 5
MC at 11wks in January
Cycle 3 post MC, trying since August 2017

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Another undeniable BFN over here!
Feeling positively periody (bloated, crappy, nauseous) so I think AF is imminent
Of course I still have a slight glimmer of hope but I think it's naive as my temps have come down slightly this morning...

😐

@zarala same here! I've started cramping this morning, AF is due in two days so I think she's just letting me know she's on her way!

@Maydot, @Lolocola13 and @Anyday88 fx for you all.
@Pancakes7 hopefully you don't have to wait too long. The waiting is the hardest! They usually say you have EWCM right up until you ovulate and once it's gone that is when you know you have. So you should hopefully know by next week.
@Cleozeta is this your first fw since MC? Brown is old blood so is probably just your body clearing out any left over blood.
@DaisyMay25 oh I know how frustrating it must be for you. I think it is harder if you managed it quickly pre loss and then it takes much longer post loss. Fx next month is your turn!!! So sorry it looks like af is coming again.
@KnitKitty oh thanks hun. I've been reading up about self massage for ovary and was planning on tryng that. Will also try visualisation!
@afictionado sorry af got you but glad LP has lengthened.
@zarala ugh sorry hun!! They are the worst!

I've decided I'm going to try SMEP again this month. We tried it a few months ago but I think my mind and body is in a better place now so fx it works. Cd8 today so will start tonight. I ovulate late but have told DH we can start now to soften the blow as he was quite upset we weren't JKS every day this month. Or doing the 'bangity bang' method as he calls it. 😂😂

@Boboelephant you made me laugh! "Bangity bang" method-love it!!!

Haha @Boboelephant that made me laugh too!

Just want to have a little vent here.

I had a group of friends who I used to work with. We all left that company years ago but stayed in contact, met up several times a year for girlie nights and had a group whatsapp chat going. They didn't know I was pregnant earlier this year or that I'd miscarried. I was getting lots of messages around the week of the MC about hair and eyebrows so I was feeling really annoyed (even though they didn't know) that I was getting these messages. I decided to tell them I'd just had a MMC and was going to have SMM so I'd silence myself from the chat for a bit. They all but one said sorry for my loss and that they were here for me. That was the last time I spoke to them all. None of them asked if I was okay. This week, which is 3 months later, I got a Facebook invite to one of their hen dos. As nobody has spoken to me and I'm hurt by it, I put not attending. I've since noticed they've all deleted me from their social media accounts.

Seriously wtf??? I didn't do anything wrong here apart from be heartbroken over losing my baby and being very depressed and anxious about life. At least I know now that they're no friends of mine but why are people so cruel? Two of them have kids so you'd think they'd understand to some degree. They're all in there 30s so it's very childish. Really makes me angry that talking about MC is still frowned upon so as a result others can't understand the pain you're in and how much you need your friends to reach out and ask how you're doing. ☹️

@RedRobin7 that sounds awful. Do you think they misunderstood your need for radio silence?

@redrobin7 sounds like they are people you can live without! They always say that you find out who your real friends are when you are having a tough time... Sucks though.

@redrobin7 sorry to hear this - sounds like a horrible situation to be in. As @hidcat said, could there have been some misunderstanding? People read into things a lot more over text/social media - is there one you could speak to in real life perhaps? (Only if you think it’s worth trying to salvage the friendship though!)

Re. not asking how you are - I do think ppl just don’t know what to say. One of my oldest friends who had 2mc’s herself said to me that she had started and deleted so many messages to me after I told her what happened but she said she didn’t know what state of mind I would be in and didn’t want to upset me. We only spoke about it all properly when we met in person.

Sending you lots of virtual hugs - it’s not a nice thing to go through after everything else x

@DaisyMay25 me too! I have a feeling she might turn up early tho

@Boboelephant haha! Bless your OH! He sounds like a lot of fun 😂

@RedRobin7wtf! That is seriously very bizarre and unnecessary behaviour! I am so sorry. I don't want to be a traitor to our sex but there are some right bitches out there!
I would be very upset and confused in your position- and I would be very tempted to call them out on it
Maybe just send a message to the group of them on WhatsApp and say something to the effect of how disappointed you are. When you most needed friends they abandoned you. And if that's how they roll then you don't need this kind of selfishness in your life.

Or don't say anything
I think I've become too confrontational ! But I really hate this kind of bullshit behaviour!

@RedRobin7 that does suck. It's always hurtful to be let down by your friends. But I agree that you don't need such passive aggressive friends in your life who childishly delete you off social media without talking to you about it. Sorry you've had to go through that though.

Well that's me out for this month. AF has just arrived I think. Was really hopeful we'd caught on our holiday in Greece, we certainly JKS at all the right times, but I guess it wasn't to be.

I know I shouldn't be upset...but I am. This is really hard.

@Boboelephant we are trying smep after I saw a post about it on here yesterday I think. I'm cd9 now so we started last night. Hubby isn't as convinced as me but he said he'll try bless him its hard because he works 15 hour and 13 hour shifts in the lorry. Your DH sounds like he's really supporting. Good luck with it this month x

@RedRobin7 you hit the nail on the head lovely. I was talking to DH about that same topic two days ago when I expressed my heart ache for you ladies and all the recent new ladies and how many times this happens but its never talked about. I never really had any idea about MC's until a had two back to back. I do talk about it openly and its surprising how many people try to stop me.
@Laney79 sorry to heart AF got you fx for next month
@DaisyMay25 and @zarala sorry to hear AF on the way fx for both also

Baby dust to all in FW and TWW and fx to anyone testing soon. Hugs to anyone else I didn't mention and hopeful wishes to all xx

@Lilimum4 yes I posted the link yesterday- I had never heard of it before- but I guess it's a known thing!
Good luck with it and fx this is your month!

@Laney79 I'm sorry it sucks! I am trying not to be sad about this month too- but it is hard not to get our hopes up! Sending hugs

@laney79 sorry af got you too it is really hard not to get your hopes up especially when you know you jks at the right times. I had a little cry this morning on cd2 as think it really hit me today (work distracted me yesterday).

Hugs to @zarala and @daisymay25 too hope af stays away for you..

@lilimum4 goodluck with your smep and jks.

@DaisyMay25 thanks that makes sense about the ring I'll try it next time I need to post a pic.
@Blondcat and @zarala thanks ladies I'm feeling quite positive this month x

@hello from sunny Turkey!
I just managed to pop on and try catch up.
Thank you for all the supportive messages Thursday☺️
I spent Wednesday at the airport running to the loo, sure AF was here, but just tons of creamy cm.
i tested Thursday with a BFN😩
But i still have no AF or any hint of her coming. I also have no pregnancy symptoms.
Iv no access to any HPTs so all i can do is sit and wait!

How is everyone? I need to sit and read through all is going on.

Hello everyone. I recognise a couple of names on this thread. Been reading along for a while but only now feel ready to join in. Sorry for those who've had BFNs recently.

I lost my first pregnancy back in April but pregnancy tests only turned negative a week or two ago. It's been a long old road.

My situation is a little different in that I'm in a same sex relationship, trying to conceive through medicated IUI. The odds of conception are similar to couples trying the traditional way, however there is significant financial pressure to conceive as the treatment is costly.

I've had one "period" since the miscarriage but the clinic would not permit me to try again on that cycle as not enough time had elapsed since the miscarriage. I was not physically or emotionally ready anyway. I'm now waiting for a new cycle to begin so we can try again.

@TinyPaws glad to see you back and ready to think about trying again. I feel your pain re slow hcg drop, took mine 3 months to get down a and then another month for my period. It's a long, long wait. Do you have a date yet for your next attempt?

@HidCat @sweetpea0318 @zarala Maybe there was some misunderstanding there but friends should reach out, even if it's just to say hi and that they've been thinking of me. I think it was more that maybe they didn't know what to say and then too much time went by. The way they've done this has made me realise that I'm better off without them so I'm just not going to contact them. Thanks for letting me vent x

@HidCat Hello, good to see you here too! Sorry it was such a long wait for you!

I don't have a date, when I come on next I need to call the clinic to arrange baseline scan. My period is due in about a week but my body has been very weird since miscarriage so not confident it will arrive at the usual time.

There's no guarantee I'll be able to go on the next cycle as they did see a cyst on one of my miscarriage follow up scans and if it's too big I'll not be allowed to try. However, I don't think it's grown as I can't feel anything and I'm normally pretty sensitive to changes in my body.

@zarala haha yep he's a champ!! Yeah we were all trying SMEP in Feb I think. It didn't work for me then unfortunately but none of the other ladies are here anymore so that tells you something!! 🤞
@Laney79 oh I'm so sorry hun. I know a little something about getting those bfns when you have jks at the right time and done all you can do and it's just shit. Sending hugs.
@Lilimum4 good luck for SMEP. Hope it works. Yep DH is very supportive, I am lucky. That and he really loves DTD!! 😂
@Blondcat sending hugs. It's all so hard.
@YellowDaffodils86 how frustrating. This is the second month isn't it that you have no af but bfns? I really hope you get an answer soon. What dpo are you now?
@TinyPaws so sorry for your loss and that it has been dragging out for you. I hope you get your rainbow soon.

So I had a horrendous situation today. We went to a child's party who is similar age to my DS. The mum is pregnant and due soon- 3 weeks later than what I should have been. So that was always a difficult situation but hey ho. There were several pregnant ladies there which again was hard but kinda the norm. Then I saw a man who I know but not well and haven't seen for a while. He glanced at my belly and said 'oh you're expecting too!' To which I had to reply 'uh no, no I'm not.' Now I wouldn't mind losing a few but I am a size 12 and as far as i thought DO NOT look pregnant! Certainly no-one else has ever made that mistake and I work with kids- as honest as they come! So double pain there. Not only am I apparently considerably overweight that one would mistake that my belly fat is a baby but also if i wasn't painfully aware I was one of the only non pregnant women there- I certainly am now. 😣😣

@Boboelephant what a silly man, hugs. Its so hard when your surrounded by baby bumps. I had the same thing at the dentist yesterday, I had a little ( big) cry when I got home.

I hate the way I feel when I see pregnant ladies. I know I should be happy for them (you never know how long it took them to get pregnant) but I don't I'm so jealous its horrible. I'm a bad lady some times

@Boboelephant thanks for your kind words as Isla you are such an inspiration!
@TinyPaws , so sorry for your loss and fx your cycle comes back soon so you can TTC .
@Laney79 Sending you virtual hugs , that AF is a biatch!!' We also JKS at the right times this month and still AF!!' I thought I'd not not be upset just but I am too! So it's CD1 for us today , good luck for the month ahead! X

Well AF has definitely started today, I was hopeful it was only a bit of spotting over last 2 days but no! By DH just got me a bunch of flowers and bottle of wine which will be drunk tonight, tears will be shed and I am really angry but I'm going to wake up tomorrow CD2 and ready for the month ahead! I'm going down the digital ovulation route again with the SMEP.
Sorry for all those others who have had AF or BFN's!

@Boboelephant ah my god i cringed my head off reading that! What an utter knobhead! Who says that without some concrete proof!! Hard situation all round!!

I had a similar scenario last weekend. Me and dh was at my dh brothers, he has another brother who was there, plus his dad and grandmother. His two brothers have 4 children between them. 18m- 9yrs.
There was a conversation and the eldest said something about not being able to see the fathers day dance because you are not mummies and daddies. I could have cried on the spot. Talk about hit a nerve. She didnt mean it horribly of course, just kids. But it stung to say the least!

So last month i had 7 days of spotting which seemed to be my period!

This month not a thing! Iv no bloody idea whats happening!
I have a feeling im pregnant but im not sure if its wishful thinking!

How are you doing? By the way what is smep?

@Boboelephant What a pillock! I hope he had a partner with him who gave him a right bollocking afterwards!

@Lilimum4 Yeah, I find other people's pregnancies very bittersweet too. I just wish it was me. I'm ok with babies though (well, except the Radford's, but that's another story).

@GPS76 Sorry AF found you :(

@YellowDaffodils86 Ugh, that must have been a horrible kick in the gut. Fingers crossed you conceive again soon (or maybe already have!).