TTC After Pregnancy Loss Thread 22.

[HidCat]

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A thread for all those who have suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately know as the penguin huddle.

We'll start with a roll call as there have been so many new members lately and so many success stories that I think we've all lost track.

HidCat
Age 35
TTC #2
DS 5
MC at 11wks in January
Cycle 3 post MC, trying since August 2017

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@Redrobin @Knitkitty thanks for your messages. I'm in a car on our way back. Will be so glad to get home. @Redrobin I hope your cold is a sign. I got itchy mouth as if getting a cold last time I got bfp. I seem to have it again so I am hoping this is a sign for me too. Fx for us all.

@Boboelephant sending hugs! Hope youre ok, even though I know youre probably not. Have a glass of wine tonight and enjoy it whilst you can! I always try and turn the negative (literally) into a positive that I can get as drunk as I want without worrying!! (Thats make me sound like an alcoholic doesnt it!? hahaha. funny thing is I only ever have a drink when I get AF/-tive test!!)

@RedRobin7 and @sweetpea0318 I have quite severe PCOS as I wasnt ovulating for over a year, then they put me on 1500mg Metformin and I started taking Vit C, D, Starflower/Primrose Oil, Folic Acid, Vit B complex and Inositol (I rattle when I walk!!) and I got my BFP in just over 3 months! Unfortunately it wasnt a sticky bean and I joined you lovely ladies :) but has given me so much hope as they had told me in Feb it was unlikely we would conceive without help!!

@YellowDaffodils86 I had the same angry thought this morning, how can some women do it so easily and without even trying/thinking?!

@Pancakes7 I hope youre OK. Its hard some days. I find the more good days I have then the worse I find a hard day. Its been 3w+2d since my MC started and 2w+5d since the bleeding stopped.

In some ways I feel terrible for trying again so soon but then I think I want this so bad and I am not willing to waste time waiting around.

I am now around 7/8dpo and frantically looking for signs. Last time (before I even knew, this is from thinking back!) I was incredibly thirsty but then peeing a lot, had weird AF but not AF like cramps (hard to explain!) and could not get drunk!! (It was my hen do and I was trying to get drunk but just couldnt!! Just to reiterate I didnt know at that point lol). Then around 5 days BFP and 6/7days before AF was due my boobs starting REALLY hurting. Like taking my bra off was agony.

So now I am frantically symptom spotting again. So far I only have shooting pains in boobs every so often (not frequent though) but cramps already like AF and a sore back. Sore back is common for me though as I sit at a desk from 7-7 for work so that would probably explain that. I am starting to feel tired but that could be down to having just done 9 out of 12 days at work and all of those were 12 hour shifts with an hour travel each side... no wonder I am tired!!

Hope everyone else is well/coping and sorry to those I have missed off xxx

@Boboelephant I am so sorry your af turned up. Life is so unfair sometimes. Big hugs.

@Boboelephant so sorry she showed, I hate her!

Thanks @littleemma1 do not feel bad. I am trying too. I just want our baby so much I cannot waste time waiting. Fx we get our babies soon.

Centre of the huddle for you @Boboelephant xx

@Boboelephant AF is a bitch. So sorry she came. It's lovely to see all these messages and I'm sure you agree. Have a nice dinner and a glass of wine (or a bottle!) xx

Argh I keep clicking on that post button before I've finished typing!

@littleemma1 That's very interesting to know! I changed doctors and this new one doesn't even agree I have PCOS but the tests are all there and I have it in writing from the hospital in 2012! Will make a note of what you said in case we have trouble. What day are you going to test? The cold I thought I was getting this morning has subsided. It's not hayfever so maybe my room just needs a dust! Felt a bit achey like before my period for all of 5 mins. Prob in my head!

@Boboelephant I'm gutted for you. Lots of hugs your way. 🐧🐧🐧🐧

Just been catching up on messages since last night.

@Boboelephant I'm so so sorry. This whole process is just so shit & a complete mindf$ck at times. Big hugs 🐧 🐧 Definitely try and treat yourself today somehow. Are you sure that it's your luteal phase which was shorter this time & that ovulation may have happened a couple of days earlier than you thought?

@SerenaOverjoyed I did wonder about your username after reading the book! Absolutely loved it though it was a bit depressing & not necessarily best choice distraction wise I did actually find it really helpful to read. Definitely good for putting life in perspective- could always be worse! And I agree - also have sympathy for Serena Joy!
Looking forward to watching the tv series when I get back now.
Sorry you've been feeling rubbish recently since you're CP. Don't worry about seeming distant on here at all if you're having a hard time. We all understand & I do the same when I'm having a bad spell. Fingers crossed for you getting some answers. Though hopefully you'll get a nice BFP this cycle!

@Pancakes7 so sorry about your works do. I hate it when stuff like that happens it's awful. I've vowed to myself that the next time someone asks me about when I'm planning on having kids I'm going to just be honest and say as soon as I stop miscarrying them! Like it's such a personal question- why is it any of their damn business?! And why should I be obliged to tell these kind of people only any good cheerful news from my reproductive history. If they really want to be that nosy they can hear the whole story & squirm! But then I know it totally depends on the situation & how much you want to potentially upset the person involved. Can completely relate though. Last time it happened at my OH's family wedding & it put a downer on the rest of the night for me. 🐧

@hayleyfx so glad all is going well. Fingers crossed for you for Tuesday that all is perfectly on track. Though I can't wait to get to where you are now at again I remember how awful the first trimester was last time after mc1 & am definitely not looking forward to having to go through it again. Big hugs & here if you need to vent any anxieties over the next few weeks!

@RedRobin7 Well I just caved and POAS to satisfy my needs 🤣🤣🤣 oh well. Obviously it was a BFN.
I plan on doing a FRER on 24th. That’s the day AF should arrive, or even be a day late. Xxx

So sorry bobo :(

@bobotheelephant oh bobo, so bloody sorry. Be kind to yourself this weekend.

@pancakes7 I’m so sorry that happened to you, people can be so flippin insensitive.

I feel like lots of us have had set backs and hard times this week. I like @knitknitty’s expression of just ‘riding the wave’. Gonna try that...

Ah I love all of you guys. You're just the best. So it turns out it might not have started after all. This is a bit weird for me and I almost don't want to write this as I'm sure once I do she will turn up in full force! But DH has gone out and this thread calls to me! (Like the water calls to Moana... can you tell I have a 2.5 year old? 😂)
So tmi and I'm deeply sorry... I was having a little check of my cervix earlier and that's when I found the blood. Popped a tampon in but it came out clean. Nothing since then. I don't spot before my period it just starts so this is odd. But I'm annoyed at this because I'm sure with the temp drop af will start any moment but of course my evil subconscious is convinced that I am still in with a chance and maybe this is late implantation bleeding. Which for the record I have never had!!! Ahh shoot me now. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I am so sorry that this is all about me me me at the moment. I am annoying myself. Must get a grip!!!

@SerenaOverjoyed I'm glad to see you back love. I'm so sorry for your journey, it really is unfair. I hoppe they can get you some answers and it's a tiny issue they can fix easily.
@sweetpea0318 sorry for the spotting.
@PassTheAfterEights sending you lots of love too hun xx
@Jessabean yep sure of ovulation. I use opks, temp and track cm and cervix. But if it starts tomorrow that's 11 day so slightly better.

Sorry for all the names I've missed who wished me well. I appreciate all of you but DS is demanding I go build him a block tower so must dash! xxx

@Boboelephant Do not apologise!! We are all on this journey with you and want to hear your updates. So so strange but great if it is implantation bleeding! Back to keeping those fingers crossed!🤞

Loving the thought of all us penguins riding the waves together. Sums us up perfectly.

@Boboelephant whatever happens we're all in this with you. Stay strong.

@Boboelephant oh I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling down and thought you were out but yay for it stopping! Hopefully it’s implantation. Going to continue to keep everything crossed for you. Lovely to see all the support you’re getting 😊

@Jessabean thank you hun. It’s definitely a scary time, glad I still have everyone here to talk to!

Thankyou @RedRobin7!! I am sure I am being foolish hoping I'm still in but ah well, there you have it. Hope your cold is a sign!
@HidCat thanks hun! I hope you are feeling better and managed some rest. And some jks. 😉
@hayleyfx thanks hun. Keep them crossed tight for me! I know! Feeling very supported in this lovely penguin huddle!

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Really hoping it's implantation bleeding @bobelephant, but we'll all be here regardlesa of what the outcome is. Thinking of you

Still feeling down. Had another cry with DH. Back home now which is a relief. Just feeling like its so unfair. Why me? Why us? I know this is a bad train of thought which will get me nowhere but sometimes I can't shake it. I haven't had time to do headspace since Monday due to work trip. Wondering if my meltdown is coming on partly because of that. Must get back to it as its clearly helping. @Boboelephant I am glad it's stopped. Fx for you! I really hope it's good news.

@strawberrye thankyou hun!! ❤
@Pancakes7 I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time. I know it doesn't feel like it now but time really is a healer. Obviously I'm having a bit of a crazy wobble right now but I do remember the first month after my MC and just not even being able to think about it without crying. 6 months on although I ache to be pregnant again I can truly say that the all consuming pain reduces. Definitely keep doing headspace as it sounds like it helps and make sure you allow yourself time to grieve and time for yourself but also time to laugh and be happy. I hope you fall pregnant again asap but it's important to be kind to yourself just in case it takes a little longer. As all the lovely ladies have shown for me today- we are all here for you x

OMG @Boboelephant totally not trying to encourage... BUT... that's EXACTLY what happened to me!! Pink up by cervix for two days with temp drop AND then third day temp rise and BFP!! Omg!!! I'm excited!! Come on progesterone cream! Do your thing!!! Let that little bug implant!!! 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

@Pancakes7 sorry you are having a shitty time and feeling sad. Its true it does get easier. Just have to keep thinking you are one of many, and lots of those many went and had lovely healthy babies. So it will happen, and you are not alone.

@Boboelephant Oh my gawd! That catch up was like thinking your favourite character had died in a book and then you realise it was a twist and all along they were ok😂
Im glad it still looks promising! Are you 11dpo today? Could well be implantation!
Also feel free to use as soundboards, what we are here for, it helps to get it all your chest.

I am craving chips in gravy, have been all week! Im meant to be on diet but can feel my willpower slipping! 🐷
Felt a wired nauseousness all day today, a bit dizzy at times and really tired and my bb are sore but not, tender but not, its odd.
This morning i also had a really af on her way feeling but then subsided.
I think im reading into things to much!

@Boboelephant ahhh what a rollercoaster day! I checked in earlier to see if there was any news from you and though AF had reared her head- I was so gutted for you. But I had to dash and didn't get a chance to write but now it looks like you're not out yet! 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽
I'm crossing everything for you that it all turns out positive! Really want this to happen for you!
Ahhh@Cakelaur this will be an amazing turnaround if @Boboelephant follows your pattern! 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽

@Pancakes7 I'm sorry you're feeling so sad at the moment- it is not fair at all. But it will get easier and we get stronger! And it will happen for us all one day!

Sorry I don't have much time today to write to everyone. I'm hosting a baby shower tomorrow for my cousin who's due date is 2 days before what my last one would have been. I saw her today for the first time- she lives in Boston- crazy to think I would have also had a bump right now- somehow tho I'm really happy for her- they struggled to conceive for a long time and she desperately wanted a child. I think it's about somehow accepting what has happened even though it's so difficult and makes no sense and is just not fair. But anyway I have been running around preparing today and up early tomorrow
Just want to send big hugs and penguin love to everyone here who needs it
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Thank you both so much for your kind messages. @Boboelephant @YellowDaffodils86 I know time will help. I lost my Dad 8 years ago and it's obviously Fathers day but also my Dad's birthday on Tuesday. So that probably isn't helping my current state of mind. I just did headspace. My last free trial day. I've subscribed and going to do the 30 day pack for grief. I'm hoping it helps.

@Boboelephant I really hope it goes well for you. When will you test?