TTC After Pregnancy Loss Thread 22.

[HidCat]

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A thread for all those who have suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately know as the penguin huddle.

We'll start with a roll call as there have been so many new members lately and so many success stories that I think we've all lost track.

HidCat
Age 35
TTC #2
DS 5
MC at 11wks in January
Cycle 3 post MC, trying since August 2017

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Laney I had that problem with facebook too, a friend I've not seen for a long time posted a scan picture, and her due date was the same as mine would have been. I felt like someone just hacked my left leg off.
Weird as, same as you said, seeing pics and announcements on here does not bother me so much, so why does it in real life??
Later she was posting pictures of her little bump and that upset me too. Think I may need to unfollow her as its just too upsetting

@KeefBurtain it's almost! I reckon by tonight it will be positive!! 🤞🏻JKS

@Murderino having the MMC has really made me think a lot more about what I post on FB, not that I was ever a "running commentary on my entire life" kinda gal-but I'm certainly going to be a lot more sensitive about what and how often I post from here on in, especially if we are lucky enough to have a bub in future. And no-you're not a cow!

@sweetpea0318 I often think about an FB sabbatical but I use it for work so would be difficult!

I do think it's odd how some pics/posts really hurt and others don't. Guess it's down to hormones/mindset and how you are at that specific time etc to a degree.

@Cleozeta hugs

@TedLife yes! CB digital says FMU but i also used it in afternoon after not peeing for 4hours and seemed to work - but I'm so new to this so hope I'm not leading you down the wrong way!

@KeefBurtain I think it's not quite there yet!
(My first and only week this week and I saw my positive this morning and it can and will get darker!)

But JKS !!! 🎼Every sperm is sacred 🎼😂

@zarala I agree with everyone else!! 10 weeks!! And just bad luck! The cheek!! Hope Dr S gets you your rainbow! Also after as ever with @DaisyMay25. Thursday=1dpo.
@Murderino totally don't sound like a cow. I also hate when people do that!! No not cramping any more. Had a few then nothing and today just some twinges too. Fx this is good signs for us both!!!
@sweetpea0318 ooh not long to go now!!
@KeefBurtain very close!! Jump your DH!! Prob ovulate tomorrow.

Thanks!

I’m just hoping dh has the energy! We’ve been bd for 11 days now and I literally had to drag him out of bed for work this morning 😂😂

Sorry, will catch up with the thread once I've posted, but I'm just wondering WHAT IN THE BALLS IS GOING ON??????!!!!???

I just took another pregnancy test now and I still have a squinter (which came up in the 3 minutes).

I had ERPC under ultrasound on 27th March, and they confirmed all had been cleared out.
20th April I was still testing positive (with Morrisons own brand test).
Had hospital appointment on 24th April saying they'd scan me if was still testing positive (hadn't had sex at all so this was just to check for retained stuff) but their test said I was negative for HCG (was pee test not bloods).
Had my first period on 4th May, all normal (not heavy, not painful and lasted the same amount of time as usual).
30th May took pregnancy test as felt pregnant (big heavy boobs and darker nips, burping a lot, ravenous, occasionally feeling slight faint/dizzy, tired and the cat kept cuddling me - she usually ignores me but was obsessed with my belly when I was pregnant the first time). It was positive, but only very faintly, but I was only 9 or 10 DPO. Tested again on 2nd and hadn't got any darker, bleeding started later that day (shorter cycle than I'm used to) had no bleeding the next day but then two fully heavy days of bleeding and then a few days of brown nothing-muchness.

So 10 days later and I'm still getting a vaguely positive result on FRER.

Possibilities...
The HCG never went down to 0 from first MC and only FRER can pick it up because it's such small amounts, and that plus raised progesterone before AF caused major pregnancy symptoms (but then why has the HCG not disappeared after two periods since MC?). OH reckons we should trust the hospital test more than mine though, and they did say I could assume any positive tests from then on were a new pregnancy.

OR, I definitely had a CP this cycle and still have HCG in my system from that? (Is this normal for "just" a CP?) Possibly the pregnancy implanted further during AF and I'm having some kind of weird MMC again?

OR, I somehow always have small traces of HCG in my system because I'm some kind of weirdo????

No idea what's going on. Anyone else had something similar?

(Right, now to go and catch up with everyone else...)

Oh @KnitKitty I have no idea but how confusing!!! I would call the EPU and ask for advice and a scan I think!

@TedLife I only get accurate results with FMU and I don't understand why some people say not to test with it! 🤔

@KnitKitty What a head f@ck! So sorry the test hasn't cleared things up. I think your DH is right that you should trust the hospital. It's nearly been 3 months now so I think it's unlikely you'd still have visible levels in your system. I think you should test again in another week and if it's still faintly positive do a digital too and then see a dr for advice.

Checking in to register that I just hid behind a wall to avoid getting the train home with a colleague who is about to become a dad. Fortunately today I could see the funny side... 🙈 on another day I would have been having a little cry. What a strange process this is. Love to the huddle and anyone else who hid behind a wall today!

@KeefBurtain That looks positive to me! Good dark line. Is that a pregnancy test? If so congrats! @Laney79 I know how you feel. I have a friend due this week and I've unfollowed her on Facebook. I am trying not to go on there much. I know if I see any pregnancy announcements I'll find it difficult.

So UTI update....I felt worse so rang gp who said no need to see gp said just drop in a urine sample. So had to leave work in morning and then go back. Phoned me a couple of hours later and it's negative. Felt even worse over the day. Knew something's wrong. So rang gp again. Managed to get gp appointment. Had to leave work 30min early... gp was really good actually took me seriously and did test again and it did show infection so got antibiotics for 3 days now. So relieved got the antibiotics as feel really rough. But annoying i wasted my work time going there this morning. My boss is prob hating me atm all the doc appointments...Got work event for 3 days so hope the antibiotics kick in quick with drive up to Nottingham!

@TedLife in relation you're digital OPK's they suggest using fmu after longest sleep but I tested one morning last week and got no smiley face then I tested before bed the same day and got a flashy smiley face! So I'd say test fmu and later if possible x

Hi. I’m joining here too, after a miscarriage at 7 weeks on Monday. I’m a teacher and dreading teaching my year 7 class about sexual reproduction and foetal development tomorrow. :(

@Cleozeta I've also felt like that towards a colleague of DH's who shared my due date :*( just told him not to tell me any more about how she's doing! Have a v insensitive friend on facebook who four hours after I'd told her I'd miscarried posted on FB about how she'd been checked out at the day unit and how she thanked the lord for having taken care of her baby (right.... so he just couldn't be bothered with mine?!!). Unfollow!
@KnitKitty what a nightmare... I think a trip to the hospital to try to work out what's going on is definitely in order..... personally, the lack of certainty over what my body is doing is almost as bad as the not being pregnant (because of the uncertainties re TTC)....
@Wescat does anyone at school know that you were pregnant / had a miscarriage? I'd seriously be stepping out of that one. One of the reasons I took a couple of weeks off was that two of the Mum's of children in my nursery group were due to give birth and I couldn't face the enormous bumps / newborns. I'm so sorry about your loss.

So BFN this morning (12/13dpo) so definitely not pregnant. Still excruciating pains. Went to GP and white blood cells in wee but no other markers of infection... prescribed antibiotics but he really didn't listen to my concerns about the link with the miscarrige / cycles all over the place / weird pregnancy symptoms etc... spoke to second GP who agreed an emergency referral to the hospital was in order on account of the sheer pain levels I'm experiencing (alternatiing paracetemol and ibuprofen which isn't touching it, it's worse than my miscarriage and the early stges of labour :( ). Anyway all will hopefully become clear.

@knitkitty what a head f**k! Def see what EPU says. I guess you could have leftover hcg from your cp?? I really don't have any knowledge about this though.

@ek78 it def make you do crazy things this ttc business! Glad you could see the funny side today 😊

@wescat sorry for your loss but welcome to the huddle. Is there any chance you can have a few days off to recover from things and have someone cover your class for you?

Just caught up.... Cleo sorry to hear about the negative; had exactly the same experience this morning :( actually all the more frustrating as I have no real AF signs and I just want to get the heck to day 1 of my cycle.....

@Wescat oh hun that sounds so horribly difficult! I'm sorry you find yourself here but I can't imagine how tough that class is going to be - can someone fill in for you??
@Pancakes7 glad they sorted you out so quickly! Crazy that they didn't find anything in the morning! Hope the ABs kick in quickly!
@ek78 haha good you're seeing the lighter side of this! I think it's perfectly acceptable behaviour!
@KnitKitty I'd ask the EPU for advice that is a headfuck!!!

@Pampl3m0usse im sorry your going through so much pain! I'm glad the doctors have agreed to refer you to hospital- when do you go in?

Thanks @ Zarala I hope so too! Yeah so glad I phoned them again. So uncomfortable. @Pample3m0use Poor you, I'm glad the second GP took you seriously. Sometimes you have to seek a second opinion. I hope you get some answers soon and the pain subsides. @ek78 Aw poor you. I completely understand. You have to laugh don't you. Big hugs 🐧

@zarala I suspect they'll call me in on Thursday morning... except I have two days of School trips with my class and my head is basically going to go mad if I take the time off :( so might try and delay it till Tuesday which is the first time I can go in without taking time off.... (I know that's a really bad idea, but she's mentioning redundancy on a daily basis and pulled me from all training, and generally being quite manipulative, a significant amount of which is illegal but I don't have the energy...)

Thanks for the replies all.

I think I'm going to chicken out of calling the EPU for now.
I just don't think I can hack being asked to come in for another scan right now, I would rather bury my head in the sand if it's another MMC. I don't particularly want to know if I managed to get to the point of there being anything visible again. (Is that terrible?)

I think I'll do as RedRobin7 suggested and test again in a week or two. If it's still positive then I may consider calling EPU.
Had a few twinges on and off the last couple of days so might even start bleeding again... Time will tell. Thanks for the support.

Hi to the newbies, so sorry for your losses but I'm glad you've found us here, this really is a wonderful bunch of women!

To those who've been struggling with work; if you need to get signed off again, take as much time as you need and don't like unfeeling colleagues make you feel bad about needing time to grieve. xxx hugs xxx

Hi all, thanks @boboelephant for the heads up :) hope you are OK and massively fx for Friday.

Falling apart a bit the last few days; aced fertile week, felt very zen then two clear +FRER's at 10 & 11 dpo, now red bleeding & cramping (definitely AF) again, two days early. Third time in seven cycles, no idea what's happening. Seems like we can conceive but my body can't vacate the premises fast enough.

Sorry to be so behind and quiet, reading along and sorry so many are having a hard time. Will have a proper catch up soon, thinking of everybody and keeping everything crossed xx

@KnitKitty I don't think it's chickening out or burying your head in the sand, it's dealing with things in the way you can psychologically cope best with which I think is totally OK (provided you don't end up with obviously concerning symptoms.... ). I think the 'time will tell' approach is definitely a healthy one and I'm going to try (famous last words) to avoid the 2ww obsessing next time....
@PassTheAfterEights I'm so so sorry. Is there any way you can get a referral to a recurrent miscarriage clinic? I read a bit about hyperfertility after this miscarriage (last three pregnancies I've fallen first cycle) and wondered if that might be my issue (especially as I'm getting older and so eggs maybe less good quality). I don't think the research on this is well developed either, and it's clearly no consolation for you. Maybe try for a referral and avoid the FRERs for a bit (although if you're anything like me you'd rather know)....
xxx