TTC after recurrent miscarriage thread 2 - we're not giving up

[UnicornsandRainbows1]

Shiny new thread! :)

Good morning. Hope you've all had a nice weekend. Thats good they've spotted that early and can keep a close eye @paranormalbouquet

Hi. So I'm not feeling very hopeful again today. Been brownie/reddy spotting since yesterday. Also beginning to feel not pregnant. Seeing consultant tomorrow so hopefully she will scan and let us know where we are at.

paranormalbouquet Sorry it's not plain sailing. Hopefully the barrage of scans will feel containing rather than anxiety provoking or (dare I say) annoying.

Thanks everyone for info on what to expect time wise. It sounds like a long road!

I'm waiting now, the gynae clinic is cruelly next to antenatal with happy couples and scan picture machines. I feel very glum I've never sustained a pregnancy long enough to even get to a scan. I visited a lovely frind with her new baby at the weekend, and I'm so aware I was first pregnant nearly a year ago and I've got nowhere. The loss and fear is very tangible. I just want a baby, my life feels so stalled.

Just seen this Miami, hopefully just the eb and flow of symptoms with a bit of harmless spotting. Fx you get some reassurance at your appointment tomorrow.

Miami the bleeding is terrifying but it can go either way. I spotted/bled all the way through the first trimester this time. And had intermittent symptoms. Whereas with my MMC I had all the symptoms and no bleeding. Remember that the aspirin and heparin will make you more likely to bleed if theres any SCH or irritation of the cervix.

Serena it really is so cruel isn't it. Most hospitals have an early pregnancy unit- the RMC clinic should at there very least be there.

Hi Ladies hope you've all had a good weekend.

@Paranormalbouquet glad the bleeding stopped following the internal scan. I feel so conflicted about scans, 1 minute I want as many as possible to know what's going on and the next I don't want any as I know eventually it's going to be bad news...Do you guys feel like that at all?

@Miami so sorry you're feeling like that today, hope you get some reassurance tomorrow and your symptoms crank up this afternoon.

@Serena I hope your first RMC appointment goes okay today.

So I did another test yesterday morning and the line came up quicker this time but still not majorly strong considering it was 2.5 days later. However they are pound shop tests and if I am pregnant I'm only 4+3 today. I've had the odd tiny bit of brown spotting- I cried my eyes out over it on Friday but know that it's also perfectly normal and using the pessarys could add to it too.

Really wish we could all get excited when finding out we are pregnant....x

Hand hold Miami Have you had any pain? Back or cramps? And is there a pattern to the spotting?

My watery brown spotting coincided with back ache and an achy heavy feeling down behind my public bone which was freaking me the hell out and then I realised it had gone and I haven't had a twinge for a week. Is there movement, stuff settling at 7 weeks?

Have you got any other symptoms? My boobs were wigging me out as they were normal, soft and painfree and then about 5 days ago they appeared. Not grown much but really sore, weird when discomfort is reassuring. But it honestly happened so relatively late. In the past I've had boob pain pre bfp.

Fx for reassuring scan and appointment tomorrow. Have you told your boss this time?

Last week when my RMC thing was mid deadline day we just legged it at lunchtime and said we had an appointment but didn't tell management as they were all out and got away with it. Haven't told anyone and won't for as long as I can get away with it but it makes leaving for appointments a massive hassle.

X post with Munchies Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How are you feeling today?

Crying is a completely normal reaction to any and all of it. I had a small weep last night because none of it's fair and I was too hot and bruised like you wouldn't believe, can't ever lie in because of taking all the pills and wake several times a night, pissed off and snarky and grumpy and wanting to find a small dark corner and hide there for the rest of the year Then dtd and had the best sleep for a while and woke up feeling quite spritely. It's a rollercoaster and it's exhausting.

What are your next steps? Will you be offered a blood test? I'm very very happy for you, so hope it all goes well.

That went differently than expected!

Saw a registrar. I'm a staunch non-complainer but it was not good, she genuinely had zero interpersonal skills and spent much of the apt fussing over sample labels with a hca and silently typing. She only explained things when I directly asked.

She gave me a pelvic exam with swabs for 'infection'. I'm having a full blood count, thrombophilia, then LH and FSH levels during my next period. And a scan. I think part of this is for ?pcos, although she didn't say this.

Then in 8 weeks i'll see the recurrent miscarriage consultant, although the receptionist blanched when I tried to book this in as he has no apts untl 2019 so this needs 'escalating'.

I so hope there is nothing wrong, as I just don't trust them to find it. Not anytime soon anyway!

@AnnelovesGilbert thank you! Glad you are feeling a lot better today. When is your next scan now?
Well I presume I should be making a phone call to the RMC like last time and they'll get me in at about 6-7 weeks for my first scan....However I'm going to leave it another week. I feel like I want to crawl under a rock and hide for the next 9 months....However I know that's not going to happen and won't stop me miscarrying if that's what the future does hold. So I think I'll phone them in a week

@Serenaoverjoyed I'm so sorry you had that experience. Which clinic did you attend? It's a very strange place to be as part of you wants to find a reason for it and the other part wants everything to be ok and nothing found. Hope they get you that appointment sorted and that consultant is more friendly and occomdating.

Is your clinic held at a regular time so you can plan when you're likely to go in Munchies Mine's every other Wednesday so I can roughly plan which helps a little. Next scan is next week, the 15th, and it's the one that's never gone right for us as we haven't made it past 9 weeks... Only good thing is the consultant is scanning me again and we're going in before the normal clinic starts so we should be in and out quickly and if it's gone wrong he can sort surgery etc like he did last time.

Last week all I had in my head was him saying "I'm so sorry Anne, it's not good news" and then it wasn't like that at all, it was fine. But I think we'll be back there in the same mental place next week. Never has alcohol seemed more necessary! Even my mother is at it, "well that's good news darling but it wasn't that one you needed to worry about, it's the next one when it goes wrong". Yep, thanks Mum.

I'm so sorry Serena, what a shitty experience, you poor thing. Makes me so angry when people who are already feeling so vulnerable are made to feel like an inconvenience or a list of numbers and past history If the clinic is so busy, how do they propose they give you your test results? I think 8 weeks is a long time to wait for those anyway. If there's something up you want to know about it!

Hope the rest of your day is going to be better and you've got someone who can give you a hug.

Oh Anne it's such an anxious time for you with being at that particular stage that you haven't been past before. It's good that you're seeing the consultant again and you have a plan. We will have everything crossed for you that this time it's good news! Did you tell your mum when you found out you were pregnant again?
I'm really close to my mum and tell her everything, not sure when I will tell her this time. First pregnancy I told her at 8 weeks after 1st scan as I thought everything would be okay, second and third I told her when I was miscarrying and 4th I told her after 1st scan as was going on holiday with her.

I think my appointments last time were on a Friday morning but I could be wrong....I've slept a lot since then 🤣. I started a new job since my last miscarriage but have told my bosses and colleagues about the past so they can support me if I have any future miscarriages so hoping it shouldn't be too much of a pain to go to the appointments, however I'd rather not tell them until I need to x

I ended up telling her the day I found out this time as I needed to get to the hospital asap for the prescriptions for the steroids and needed a lift and DH has his kids and it was all a logistical nightmare!

She finds it all massively stressful and anxious making but I know she'd rather know than not know as well. If it hasn't been for the stress of that day and me knowing she was around and had nothing on I'd have left it a few weeks but it's been really nice having her to talk to. Even if I spend a lot of time telling her not to worry, I'm fine, it'll all be okay eventually!

Not told my Dad yet and will wait as long as possible (they're not together in case that sounds very odd!). I love him to bits but he's really struggled with the mcs and I'd rather spare him as he'd rather NOT know.

That's so good you've got supportive bosses. I've changed roles since my last one. My current boss knows about my last mc but as she wasn't my manager then we've never discussed it. I'm sure she'd be nice about it all but there's a really good chance of a permanent promotion after years of sod all progression and it just seems a bad time to fess up. Obviously if I have another mc she'll need to know and that won't help my chances either.... I don't have a clue what to do about any of it from one day to the next but keeping it between DH, my DM, RMC fold and you lot seems the best way for now.

That makes absolute sense about telling your mum and dad. And as long as you find comfort and support in the people you tell then that's all that matters. There's no right or wrong time I suppose.

How soon might that opportunuty be here for progression?
I left my last job is February due to my boss bullying me-she was an absolute cow when I was miscarrying and would phone me up at home to have a go at me. I really miss my old job and took a pay cut etc in my profession but couldn't cope with her attitude and behaviour any longer x

Congratulations @Munchies89 hoping this one sticks for you.
@SerenaOverjoyed that is really poor from your rmc. Can you escalate at all??
I don't have pain as such @AnneLovesGilbert just feeling a bit heavy down there if that makes sense. I fully expect tomorrow will either be shit news or inconclusive news, so will just have to get through it.
Same with boobs. I didn't have sore boobs with dd until around 6.5/7 weeks,
Miscarriages it was straight away. Currently rocking a little tenderness but not sore.
Are you feeling cold from the heparin?
I am feeling decidedly queasy a lot of the time now, I am sure I had vague queasiness with dd but nothing too much. Anyway we shall see what tomorrow brings.thanks ladies, you guys do make it all a little easier.

I had exactly that Miami, not squeezy cramps but a very low deep heavy feeling. Not caused by anything but happened to coincide with the not quite spotting which shat me right up, and then it went.

Not cold at all, god I wish. I haven't had any side effects from the fragmin apart from massive bruises. The prednisolone is giving me really bad face sweats and hot flushes. Hard to know what's the weather as it's 31 here today and what's the roids but it's grim.

Is it more likely to be the cyclogest making you feel cold? How's your bp? If it's low that could do it. Anaemia? When will you get full bloods done, booking appointment?

Queasiness could also be the cyclogest. It's a proper bitch. Since I upped my dose the exhaustion and walking through treacle feeling is indescribable. Lucky atm that my queasiness is only caused by smells so not constant and has a reason.

They keep saying September Munchies but we're a massive organisation and a big department so I don't know what it'll look like or how it will go. On the one hand DM is saying fuck work, focus on the pregnancy, tell them and hope for sympathy and additional support if I need it. On the other, who knows if this is actually going anywhere, and baby or no I do need a job and this is a great opportunity for a better job being nailed down. I've been flat out for months and just cracking on and I'm glad they've given me good feedback for my work rather than for my work considering I'm pregnant. Does that make sense?

Sorry your old boss was such a witch, awful people get away with that. It's never the bully who leaves is it. Glad things are better for you now even if you miss it. A decent boss and nice colleagues are worth so much.

Just a thought @SerenaOverjoyed, was the registrar from the RMC? You say you were trying to book in with them to get your results but are you officially under them right now? My secret weapon is the RMC head's secretary. The woman is dynamite. Limited by the same system as everyone is is but her number is on all my appointment letters and she's so helpful. A lot of us have found you just need a name/phone number and when you find someone who speaks sense and wants to help you things feel a bit easier.

Sorry it's such an anxious and worrying time for you all. Will keep everything crossed for you Miami. Congratulations munchies. Hope this one sticks. I'm so terrified at the thought of trying again next month. I wish we could just hide until we know everything is ok. Work is also an inconvenience. Thankfully I've been on days off anyway when things have gone wrong for me. I'm sorry to hear your appointment didn't go well. My clinic was awful too. It's so sad that seems to be the theme around the country. I'm presuming we're all UK?

Oh ladies, I'm sorry it's an anxious few days for you all.
@Miami81 hopefully you'll get a clearer picture and some reassurance tomorrow. Big hugs to you lady.
@AnneLovesGilbert I know exactly how you feel about the build up to the scan past which your losses hadn't made it. I was literally vibrating with nerves the day of mine. I'm keeping everything crossed for you lovely lady and until then I hope work and step kids keep you busy enough to be a good distraction!
@munchies89 congratulations! Hoping this is the one that sticks and you get to hold in your arms in 8 months time. I've got everything crossed for you.
@Serena I'm so so sorry your appointment was crap. No excuse but perhaps they were a trainee and worrying about making sure they'd done everything right rather than their bedside manner? Hoping you get an appointment with the consultant for results sooner rather than later!

Thinking of all you ladies.

Hi ladies ....please can I join. I had erpc on Friday after my second miscarriage this year. Baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks found at 8+5 after a scan following some brown discharge I had whilst on holiday but had to wait another week to confirm with another scan. My first miscarriage was spontaneous in march this year at 6 weeks also.

This was my 4 th pregnancy i've a 16 year old DD and 10 year old DS. Had no issues with getting pregnant or in pregnancy with either. Which makes me a bit concerned as to what the cause may be now.

Since the surgery I've had no pain and very minimal bleeding looking forward to start ttc again soon .

Hello and welcome @Rachh84 sorry you've found yourself here too

Hello Ladies!

Wow, it’s been fast moving this today - I need to figure out how to get alerts! Welcome Serena and Summer and other new joiners too! I’m so sorry to find yourselves here, but it’s so supportive to share stories and get things off your chest!

Tentative congratulations @Munchies89, I can’t imagine how I’d feel after a bfp but it IS a step in the right direction for a baby. The thread is here to hand hold on the way for you!

@Paranormalbouquet - I’m sorry the scan wasn’t as it should, but it sounds does like you will be closely monitored throughout. Hope that the large placenta still does it’s job!

@Miami let us know how the scan goes. I hardly had any symptoms with my DD. And didn’t even get a proper bump until 30 weeks, you’d never know. With my MC symptoms have varied from being so strong I though it might be twins to very mild. You never know, but for today you are pregnant. Thinking of you - this first trimester is a b*%^h.

It was my FW this week, but only dtd twice 🙈 we normally go for it hammer & tongs when ttcing but I didn’t feel like it, so didn’t force myself. Kind of wish I did now...... another month gone!

I’m trying to listen to my body, and not put too much stress on myself. It’s difficult though!

Hi @Rach84 👋

Sorry, we must have been typing at the same time!

I’m sorry, I’ve also had very similar stories of 2 missed miscarriages this year too. It’s horrible.

Thank you @CurlyTwirlyTwos also don't count yourself out as I thought exactly the same as we had only DTD twice in fertile window and that was the same day as my body had really confused me, yet got a BFP.

Thank you @LabMum 🤞🤞🤞

Sorry you're here @Rachh84. Hope you find this group comforting and supportive. I hope it works out for you next time xx

Its such a difficult one @AnnelovesGilbert. September isn't too far away at all so would be great if you knew then but I can totally see where you and your DM thoughts are with it. 1 minute it feels like your putting your life on hold but the next you would give up everything for a baby x

I had the worst possible dream last night. Don't want to upset anyone so won't elaborate but has anyone else had that while pregnant or worrying about being pregnant or generally with baby related stuff? It involved twins and I know I've only got the one so it wasn't exactly a premonition, probably just my general anxiety spilling over! Can't shift the feeling though. I poas this morning, means nothing, but made me feel a bit better!