SQUARE ONE'RS TO GRADUATES! Morale & energy is low, but we will not be beaten, BFPs WILL be achieved in this here thread!

[Tee4me]

Roll call:

Tee4me: 34 years old
TTC: #2 since December 2015
DC: DS nearly 5 years old
x2 early MCs
Diagnosed with high level of activated NK cells with positive result for Antinuclear Antibodies plus Hypothyroidism.
About to embark on 1st cycle with medication (from ovulation).
CD7 and gearing up for FW!

Welcoming original square-oner's and any newbies battling along and in need some support x

[Nimisha]

The bleed was red then brown. But boobs have stopped hurting and no nausea. I know what will be will be but it still sucks. I have a scan next Monday, the earliest I could get a private scan would be Thursday so I'm not going to bother.

Hoping for the best, I know rationally things could go either way.

[Jamon]

Oh nim what a worry, keeping everything crossed for you.

Kate counselling sounds really positive. I really wish I'd had more through this experience. We have our appointment coming up in a weeks to see the counselling at our unit together.

Sorry AF got you tee, that indigestion sounds awful too. Hopefully you can manage it with diet changes.

Our appointment was fine but very rushed and the consultant was a bit ... patronising? I asked what the egg collection procedure was and she said we need to know that, you don't need to worry. Not a very good attitude. There's basically loads more waiting now. I call up when AF arrives in October and wait until day 21 to start down regulating. It feels like such a long way off. I've got used to my life being one long waiting room.

We decorated our spare room at the weekend. I had always wished for it to be a nursery but it was becoming too sad looking at it empty, so we've painted it bought a day bed and are looking at desks. Had a big cry that evening which DH didn't really understand. It feels to me like giving up a little.

[physicskate]

Sounds like once again confusing times for many of us!!

Nim I totally get that rational thinking!! I get frustrated when my rational head and emotional heart conflict...

Jam that is so funny about the spare room. Ours has become a total dumping ground... we moved in in Dec 2015, and it was empty for ages but now it's just full of random crap. I find it really frustrating...

[Jamon]

Nim how are you doing? Hope the spotting stopped

Hope you're all doing well girls xx

[Tee4me]

Jam not impressed with that Consultant's attitude at all. What a completely stupid thing for her to say!! It's absolutely for us to know when our bodies are concerned. God why are these types of people working in this field when they seem to have no sympathy or compassion. You have waited forever already, and in comparison, October is only just around the corner!! You will be redecorating that room again in no time!!
Nim thinking of you x
Kate must be due AF soon? How are you feeling?
Footy how are you getting on?
@Mimilicious013 really hope all went well with your scan last week?** x

[Jamon]

Completely agree with you tee. What a crap attitude! I'm annoyed at myself for not making more of a point really.

Anyway.

It's the 1 September today and I'm feeling positive about it being Autumn. Cooler air suits me! As long as there are blue skies and red leaves 🍂

Off to Edinburgh for a hen do this weekend which will be a lot of fun. Hope you've all got lovely weekends ahead x

[Peregrane]

I have been trying to formulate something useful for ages but feeling quite incompetent. Wishing for better days to everyone feeling down in the dumps and keeping my fingers crossed especially for Nim.

My period was late this month and I was so fatigued for no reason and massively bloated that I really got my hopes up. I'd been using the ovulation strips you kind ladies recommended and we'd been bonking dutifully. Then Aunt Flo and her best mate BFN flipped me the bird.

DTD is feeling more and more like a chore. At least it's forcing DH and I to be civil to each other in between so that it remains an option at all...

Been to the GP today for a first chat. She suggested that DH should get his semen analysed before we proceed with checks on me. Does anyone have experience of how long that takes between GP referral and the hospital/lab/wherever they take these samples?

[Russkispy]

Hi ladies, I'm still here and following your stories. I'm sorry about BFNs, your frustration and everything else comes with it. Please don't give up as it'll happen. Sooner or later, it will!
In the meantime, my baby girl is 12 weeks today....and here we are...

[Tee4me]

Oh Russ she's just lovely!! xx

[Mimilicious013]

Baby is lovely Russ

I have sad news .had my scan and it showed no fetal pole and no yolk sac.I am so heartbroken

[physicskate]

Oh mimi!! I'm so sorry! Not news any of us were expecting at all!

All that can be done is for you to be kind to yourself.

[Jamon]

Oh mimi I'm so so so sorry.

[Nimisha]

Oh Mimi I am so sorry, it's such a kick in the teeth. Look after yourself. Have you got a repeat scan (I had this with my second miscarriage and was stuck in limbo for two weeks waiting for a repeat scan).

Sorry TMI but I'm still bleeding, dark red stringy like AF. Cramps have eased off. No nausea or sore boobs since the the first bleed so I'm expecting the worst on Monday. Just hoping I get a definitive answer.

[physicskate]

Oh nim and mimi that's so shit. It really is. I can't even begin...

Af starts tomorrow I reckon. I'm cramping and bfn on frer this morning.

When will we get our good news?! What doesn't kill us is meant to make us stronger... feels like bullshit these days...

[Tee4me]

Oh Mimi I'm so sorry, devastating news. I hope you are being supported by your epu and your DH. Please look after yourself and take it easy.
Nim I'm really sorry for what you are going through too. Really hope you are surprised with good news on Monday, but I understand why you're managing your expectations at this stage.
Oh girls what a cruel turn of events.
This song feels a bit like our anthem at the moment...

xx

[Mimilicious013]

Sorry for what you are going through @nimisha .

Thanks ladies, I had a good cry last night and have started spotting, so I guess my joy has been taken away.

We go through so much and I guess we have to be strong. Thanks for the song @tee, l managed to let out all the pain l was feeling by letting my tears down. Will be taking one day at a time

[Footy1]

I'm so so sorry Mimi and Nim. Awful news to hear. That joy taken away just like that...heartbreaking 😔 I'll pray for peace for you both x

I'm away at the moment in Greece and haven't had chance to log on and catch up, just quickly had 5 mins to myself to look and see this awful news. So sad :(

[Peregrane]

Nim and mimi I am so very sorry!

[Russkispy]

Nima and mimi, I'm so sorry! It's just shit and not fair! Sending you both big hugs

[Tee4me]

Good luck today Nim x

[Jamon]

Thinking of you today nim and really hope there's a chance of good news for you.

[physicskate]

Could use some good news this way too... FIL just diagnosed with asbestosis. Dh is pretty upset but doesn't like to show it.

Af arrived.

Hope you're all having a better day.

Jam hope they've set you up with all the ivf stuff...

[Jamon]

What's that Kate? Sickness from exposure to asbestos? Does that affect your lungs? I hope he's alright

Sorry about AF too it's shit

IVF still a way off - next step will be to call the nurses when AF comes in October to start drugs. I've got two eggs before then.

Speaking of which, its fertile week. On track with days 11,13,15 - and today got + OPK and will go again tonight

May as well keep giving it a good shot before handing over to the scientists

[physicskate]

Pretty much jam... not sure how he was exposed, but he is a plumber, so was surely around it at some point!

Two more eggs!? Lovely short cycles!!

I honestly do hope you are both alright mimi and nim. It's shit. I'm so sorry that you both are going through such awful times.

[Tee4me]

Oh sorry to hear about FIL Kate, hope he gets better soon and DH doesn't bottle it all up.
Jam good for you giving these last couple of eggs a decent shot! Sound well on track with your DTD dates!
It's FW in the Tee household too. CD10, egg usually drops CD13/14. Have discovered castor oil this month and thoroughly recommend! Was looking up self fertility massage on YouTube and stumbled across loads of tutorials about a castor oil ritual. Have been doing it every day since end of AF and will continue until +opk. It's just so relaxing; involves 30mins lying on the bed with an oil drenched flannel on my tummy (plastic sheet over the top) then a warm hot water bottle over that, all snuggled in a duvet cocoon! All whilst listening to fertility meditation or mindfulness. It's been so nice to take this time out every day. Then afterwards while my tummy is all warm and supple, I do a little massage over my uterus and ovaries. It's supposed to be really good for nourishing the reproductive organs and even potentially clearing blockages. Always enjoy trying something new x