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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

TTC after miscarriage- March 2007

698 replies

duchesse · 12/03/2007 20:13

Sorry, guys, can't leave a redirect at the old one- it's not accepting new messages. I hope nobody's already set a new one up...

OP posts:
Catbabymummy · 17/03/2007 10:29

Yes that recipe was great and I have take a note of it, I wouldn't mind making some for myself.
Sorry I've been so needy lately, been under horrible stress at work as well.
Welcome to all you new joiners to the thread, hoiping you won't be here very long (in the best kind of way!), I've found it very helpful here to know there are people who understand what we are going through because they've been through themselves.
Okay checked again, more brown discharge. My periods don't normally start this way, could it be implantation bleeding? Can't bring myself to test again, want to leave it a day or two.

becklespeckle · 17/03/2007 10:50

peanutbutter, so sorry to hear your news.

gillian1973 · 17/03/2007 10:51

Catbabybunny do you normally have short cycles? Leaving it for a few days may be sensible. Fingers crossed for you!

It seems that a lot of us are under stress at the moment. In my case it is all self inflicted and linked to the mc. My due date is at the end of May and I see it looming like a huge ogre over me. I psyched myself up to be pg again by then but every cycle when it doesn't happen I sink further down. Someone in my office (sits opposite me) leaves on maternity leave soon. She is 6 wks ahead of what I would have been and it breaks by heart every time I see her. Some days I cannot bring myself to even talk to her.

On Friday I am booked for my first relexology session. I need something to relax me.

gillian1973 · 17/03/2007 10:52

Peanutbutter I'm so sorry to hear your news.

becklespeckle · 17/03/2007 10:59

gillian I know how you feel, is hard when someone is due when you were - there were a few due when I was and they now have their beautiful babies and I am still not even pg. Plus I know loads of people who have fallen recently too - most of them very easily - and although I am pleased for them, I am sad for myself.
One friend (due a couple of weeks before me) kept sending me pics of her cutie, don't think she realised it upset me so much, she sent one the day before mine was due saying 'is it just me or is he cute?'
I sent her one saying yes he was cute and she was very lucky. Have not had any since.
I just wish my cycle would settle down (as it did after first m/c) and give me a chance of conceiving again - I just feel empty and useless at the moment. sorry to go on - my DH gets fed up of hearing it (his way of dealing with it is to forget it happened I think)

kensgirl · 17/03/2007 11:20

Thanks, everyone, love to all in the position!At least we all know how one another is feeling, and have somewhere to "talk".

Fingers crossed vor you Catbabymumy.

Cazzy babs- do I have a new partner in crime? Should we adopt the mission impossible theme tune? Or maybe Patience by take that?

gillian1973 · 17/03/2007 11:23

DHs deal with it in a very different way to us. Regardless of how involved they are in a pg we become mums the moment we see that BFP and suddenly you have your whole role in life refocussed. I believe DHs make the real connection when we first put the little mites in their arms. My DH knows how down I am about it, he has put up with many tears of frustration and long silences and feels powerless. He hasn't had to physically go through loosing the baby and deal with the ups and downs that come with it.

You are not 'going on'; that's what we are here for. Have you seen the docs about your cycle? Mine has always been short and now still is but with a couple of days variation which has never happened before.

cazzybabs · 17/03/2007 11:26

mission impossible - I don't think so....pregnant by Juuly mission possible (CBs crosses fingers and toes!)

may be mission impossible to get to 12 weeks mind you.....

becklespeckle · 17/03/2007 11:40

I agree, my DH definately does not see it as a baby until it is in his arms, he hated to see the hurt I went through, he felt helpless he said.
Have seen docs about cycle - it has always been bad and I had to have help to conceive first time. Had blood tests and hormones are all wonky at the moment. Doc said I am not ovulating and won't fall naturally but consultant says I could be ovulating and wants me to wait a bit longer - seeing him again in July and hopefully he will be a bit more willing to help then.
Thank you for listening, you are right Kensgirl, it is good to have others to 'talk' to who understand some of what you are feeling. People in RL expect that you will be over it in a few weeks/months but that doesn't happen.

MrsMcJnr · 17/03/2007 11:46

Lovely names too BeckleSpeckle I don?t think it is at all selfish to want another, one of the things I have learnt from MN is that the urge for a baby is just as strong and all consuming for your 10th as it is for your first I do think the benefit of having DC already is that you have to go on with life for their sake whereas those of us without any have more opportunity to wallow, do you think that is a far assessment?

Wheelybug ? thank you I like Anna but my SIL is Ann so too close really the treading water feeling also puts more pressure on us all to conceive again which probably does not help but there really isn?t anything we can do to stop ourselves is there Enjoy the decorating

Hi Kensgirl

Sorry to hear that Catbabymummy AIBU? SM? Confused! I hope you feel much better soon, migraines are so horrible.

Peanutbutter ? I am so sorry and we all know exactly how you feel. It sounds naff but time does help, I feel a lot better both physically and emotionally than I did 2 weeks ago when my MC happened (though it was only confirmed last Fri as I?d had a positive scan mid MC ) DH and I are full of hope for trying again, I hope you feel the same very soon .

I?m so sorry ladies that?s all I have time for but I?ll be back later

becklespeckle · 17/03/2007 14:01

I would say that is a fair assessment MrsMcJnr. I wallowed a lot after I m/c my first baby, I took a couple of weeks off of work to try and come to terms with it all. With last one I just had to get on with it because of DSs and although it doesn't make it any easier, it does make getting on with 'normal' life easier - you have no choice.

gillian1973 · 17/03/2007 15:30

Beckle sometimes you have to remind people that it is grieving and you don't just get over it. I had to sort of remind my boss last week that it is still very hard for me. He noticed I was not myself at work and I just came out with the fact that working with someone heavily pregnant at the moment was like slow torture. He felt guilty, sent me a really nice text the following day and has agreed for me to work from home some of the time. I also recently admitted to my best friend that my positiveness to conceive has been ebbing away. She has recently found out she is pg and immediately sent me her remaining OPKs which helped her conceive.

Sunshinedays · 17/03/2007 18:31

Hope you don't mind me popping in.
Hi MrsMcJnr - hope you are doing OK - thinking of you.

Catbabymummy · 17/03/2007 18:37

Yes, though the physical recovery from a miscarriage might only be a short period, the emotional recovery can tacke much longer. I don't think anyone ever gets over losing a baby, the stage of pregnancy at which they lost it is irrelevent. It becomes a person to you as soon as you know of existence.

BTW still no visit from aunty flo...

MrsMcJnr · 17/03/2007 19:14

Yawning Monster ? hello there I know you just be feeling really raw right now there are quite a few of us feeling the same, hope we can help you feel better and stronger

Kensgirl ? we can understand how you feel hon ? if it?s any conciliation, the weather up here in Edinburgh is bloody awful! Today was meant to be the day we told PIL the ?good news? I had run through the scenario so many times in my head and there we were having the same lunch with the same people in the same place but instead the reality was an empty feeling and no one even mentioned the baby or asked how I/we were feeling DH was in a stinking mood and I had to keep excusing myself to have a cry in the loos. Very angry with the world today .

Catbabymummy ? please don?t apologise, you are not needy, just in need of friendship and support and I hope you feel you are getting it from us . The cycle I got my BFP, I had brown spotting from 3dpo to 11dpo, got my BFP on 12dpo, I?d never had it before so suspect it was implantation, so hope it is for you .

Gillian1973 ? sending you huge hugs, I hope the reflexology helps.

Cazzybabs ? no hon, hope 12 weeks is totally possible next time round

Hello Sunshinedays ? lovely to see you

I only truly feel ok and able to express myself on MN at the moment; I am finding RL a real struggle. Maybe that means I am on here too much but I feel I really need to be right now. Maybe I?m being dramatic but I am so hurt, none of my immediate family have called me since I told them about the MC last weekend. I feel very lonely. I know DH is hurting too but he is in such a foul mood and made no effort over lunch which meant I had to try extra hard with his folks which I found exhausting, he seems to have run out of compassion for me.

Sunshinedays · 17/03/2007 19:17

Dear Catbabymummy
I have a very early m/c nine months ago. It was such a short pg I don't really feel I lost a baby... but I am very aware this would have been around my due date. I'm not tearful, but I am quite low.
My heart goes out to all of you.

Sunshinedays · 17/03/2007 19:20

MrsMcJnr - my dh found it difficult to express his loss of our little bit of hope. It sounds like your dh is grieving.

Thinking of you both, try to gently be together... you both need each other a lot.

Glimmer · 17/03/2007 20:09

MrsMcJnr - does you family know that you would like them to call? I ask you because for me it was the opposite -- everybody called and I had the need to totally withdraw from everything, so I didn't pick up the phone anymore. I think that upset some people. What I am trying to say is: let your family and Dh know your needs!

feedmenow · 17/03/2007 20:24

Evening to anyone still around. I feel really sad tonight. I can feel af on its way and for some reason I keep thinking about how I should be 20 weeks pg now, how the baby would be moving, how we'd be able to find out the sex in a couple of weeks. I just feel somewhat bitter and low and tearful. All of which is obviously not being helped by being pre-menstrual. Any other sad-sacks out tonight?

Catbabymummy · 17/03/2007 21:32

Yep here, just feel as though I'm in limbo...
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} for feedmenow. I know how you feel, my friend who had her scan the other week emailed me the pic and I just started tearing up.

kensgirl · 17/03/2007 22:05

Yes, another one here too.

thanks,mrsmc, you must be a lovely person to be so comforting to others when in a dark place yourself. If it helps any, my dh went through similar process after my mc. It was as though hehad given me everything he had to give, and suddenly the realisation that he too had lost a child hit home. once he had got it out of his , almost by becoming angry and withdrawn, we pulled together again, and there is now a new intimacy and closeness that only the worst of times can bring. i hope this makes sense, and that when the initial rawness begins to fade, that this will be the way for you too.

sometimes i feel fine, and become immersed in other parts of my life, the teacher, the daughter, the wife but then there are times when I am just a mum without a baby. i know that this is something others here will understand, and don't feel obliged to smile and pretend I'm fine. being here on mn is almost cathartic, isn't it?

Hugs to evryone else out there.

Cazzybabs- come on, we'll hold hands all the way to July or bfp, which i know will come before then

Catbabymummy · 18/03/2007 08:25

Morning everyone, feeling a little more positive because my head no longer feels like people are drilling holes in it as it has been for the past two days.
Hope everyone is okay and thinking positive baby making thoughts
And if you are still feeling down, let it all out here. We're all here to support each other.

kensgirl · 18/03/2007 08:31

Good morning catbaby. Glad your feeling better, hope today will be your day

feedmenow · 18/03/2007 09:55

Are you going to test again today catbaby?

jess1996 · 18/03/2007 10:22

Sorry to hear that everyone is a bit low at the moment. I have had a tough week. I've been really down all week and then on Friday night I developed terrible lower abdominal pains. Ended up in A&E and then back to the gynae ward (where I was treated for my mmc). I don't think they know what's wrong, but they thought it might be an infection and so I'm now on antibiotics. I am feeling better, but I didn't think an infection would cause such a sudden pain. Also there was no bleeding or high temps. So I've basically had to give up TTC this month and I'm now waiting for AF.

Lets hope things are looking up for all of us soon .