TTC after miscarriage- March 2007

[duchesse]

Sorry, guys, can't leave a redirect at the old one- it's not accepting new messages. I hope nobody's already set a new one up...

Hi ladies, hope you don't mind me lurking a bit, I'm not brave enough to leave yet. How was your weekend?
Hi Jady - if I were you hun I would go see your doctors, it is true that HCG can stick around for quite a while after m/c if even a cell is left behind BUT it is also possible to bleed while pg and the baby be okay.
Jules you are really going through it at the moment hun, keep talking - it does you no good to keep the feelings inside. What a lovely letter you wrote to your LO too. I'm glad your HCG is back to normal now and although 3 months must feel like a lifetime to you before you can TTC again, it may be just what your body needs to prepare itself for nurturing your next LO.
Popsy it sounds to me like you have hit the bottom and are starting the climb back up, it's nice to hear you more positive! You will be pg again, with a new LO and just because it didn't go to plan last time, doesn't mean it won't next time. I had 2 very big healthy boys after my first m/c!
Peanutbutter Hi! How goes it with you? Have you seen your docs yet or had any tests? I have got appt tomorrow with my doc (partly to see what I can use for this thrush ). I am not going to ask the docs to test, I spoke to a friend who also used the cheap ebay tests and her BFP came up faint too even though she was about 6 weeks pg at the time (I am only 4). Clearblue test was strong though. I am going to ask about getting an early scan though because I don't want to go through what I did last time again. Don't think the midwives will be interested in seeing me yet which is why I am going to docs - system here is not fantastic.
Wheelybug hi! hope you get your computer sorted soon hun, can you get a new power cable???
MrsMcJnr where are you??? Hope everything okay honey, you have been like a rock to me (and everyone else too I think).
Gillydaff Glad your counselling session helped you already! I am sure it does you good to just talk about it - I find in RL people think that after a couple of months you should be over it and that is just not the case! How awful for you to have to sit opposite a v pg lady at work, that can't have helped. I also think that getting your head in the right place is a good part of the battle to conceive again, when I look back over the last 9 months I realise now that however badly I wanted it, emotionally I was not in the right place for another pg and I think my body knew that. I found being on here and talking to you guys (who are wonderful, you listened, understood and shared) really helped me, I felt I was moving forward instead of on pause for the first time since I started bleeding last August. Obviously I am now scared of it happening again but if it does I know I have this safe,warm cocoon to come to.

Hi all

After all the wondering, sore boobs, funny twinges, looks like AF has arrived, though a bit half-heartedly to be frank.

Popsy - you have hit the nail on the head. Getting pregnant again immediately is a way for me to not really have to face what has happened, or, indeed, the fact that I may never have my own children. I thought I was dealing with it Ok - although I'm exhausted all the time, can't concentrate, hate pregnant women, etc - but then yesterday DP bought some condoms in boots and I burst into tears in the street. He was only being sensible - as he explained, if this baby turns out to have had genetic problems too, we should probably not just get pregnant again - but it shut a door to getting up stick straight away.

I've got a counsellor, but TBH I don't feel she's helping much. I saw a fantastsic woman at the hospital, who seemed to get right to the heart of the matter immediately, but she can only see me during the day, which I can't do. She referred me to my current lady, but I don't feel she really 'gets' me. And for £50 a time, I want the knotty problem unravelling.

Anyway, congrats to Beckle and Peanut, and hugs to everyone else, especially Jules. Though it's sad, it's no doubt therapeutic...

Ladies - am hanging on by the skin of my teeth here. A month today since my m/c.
Feel so empty. Am not PG, did test yesterday. Hormones obviously all over the shop as have sore boobs, cramps, headache and bouts of really intense nausea every couple of days.

I was so looking forward to my November baby. So want my DS to have a sibling. I'm an only child and don't want him to be

Feel like I will never be PG again. Spent break crying in loo.

Oh Basil, am so sorry you're feeling so sad today
But try and draw something positive from this.....I know plenty of people get pg again straight after a mc but I've read in a few places that waiting at least a month REALLY IS a good idea cos your body is so depleted after a mc. My first period after my mc was really light and "bitty" which made me wonder how safe/nourished, etc a baby would have been in there if I had got pg straight away. Have now had a couple of really good , strong periods and feel more confident that my body will cope better. So what I think I'm saying is let May be your month for a BFP with a strong, healthy uterus.
I hope you get through today OK

oh basilbrush, I am so sorry you are having such a tough day and at work too. I am sending you a big hug. I doubt anything I say right now can help you with the pain you are feeling but wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I had wondered where you had got to. It's natural for you to be grieving and having messed up hormones just makes everything that more messy. In time, the bad days will become futher apart but at the moment, be kind to yourself and don't get annoyed with yourself for being so down. Can you go home early?

Hi to everyone else. Will catch up properly tonight when the bosses aren't hovering over my shoulder. Big hugs to popsy, herbaceous, jules and gilly- sorry you've been having a tough time too.

Just wanted to post and say hello and I am here to catch up but looks like it make take me a while. Hope you are all well!

MrsMc- thank goodness you're back. Everyone has been looking out for you! hope all is well and you feel better after your time off

Basilbrush and Jules: I am sorry that you are both so down. There really isn't anything I can say expect that we have all been through it and know something of what you are feeling. I have my up and down days too but my main comfort is to think about all the friends in RL and on MN who have been through hell with a m/c too and have got through it. You will too, we all will. I finally caught up with my regular GP and have a good chat about my m/c and ttc and everything else. She was brilliant and reinforced that getting pregnant in the first place is a great sign of fertility and there really is no reason to expect a m/c again. That doesn't mean that it won't happen again as second or even third m/c are hardly unheard of, but we have every reason to hope for the best. On the question of ttc she said what most people do which is begin when you feel ready, especially when you've had a 'natural' m/c. You do ovulate between the m/c and the first period but ovulation tests can be misleading because of raised levels of hormones. Sorry, I know you all know this. It was just good for me to hear it from my GP who is very sympathetic and kind. My own cycle seems to have settled into a regular one, but who knows what's going on in there. Weirdly, ovulation has been easy for me to pinpoint since I was about 34 when I started getting really sore boobs just before ovulation. The problem is that this goes on for a while so it's no sure sign that I'm pregnant or not.
SPeaking of which: congratulations to the mummies to be. It's wonderful news. Please let us know how you are getting on.
If Jady is there can you tell us if you;pre ok. I agree with everyone else that you should see a doctor. I don't what your GP was thinking.
See you all later: hope you are having yummy lunches.

sorry not to have popped in...
I think that the m/c has stirred up a load of aold Cr*p in me and I have bene feeling so so so down lately.
and i'm not sure if i've had af or not - just a bit of bleeding, nothing much at all.
and and and
just feeling really yuk
sorry to whinge. will read what i've missed....

Hi ladies, thank god I am not the only one feeling crap - I spent the weekend thinking everyone had moved on and got back to normal except me and thought I was going mad. Basil you and I are at exactly the same stage. I did a cheapo PG test in a rush on Saturday and was BFN - friends were arriving so I dumped it in my cupboard (haven't told DH as he is super stressed and I kind of want to deal with this madness on my own?). I took it out this morning and there was a faint line on it (I even took it outside into the sunlight to check ha ha). Anyway that of course sent me crazy this morning so I went to Tescos (drove like a nutter with adrenalin making my hands sweaty and knees shake) in my lunch break and did a clear blue electronic one which said not PG - hmmmm - anyway I am not sleeping and just feel pregnant IYKWIM. Is so hard as I "just knew" last time and was I right (bleeding gums, period pains, sleepless, hungry at weird times). Wondering if not PG then must be something going on as had no symptoms for 2 weeks after ERPC and then these symptoms for last 2 weeks - could their be stuff left in my womb making me feel PG?
Anyway Basil - just take heart that I am going throigh this too - I am sure you feel like me - that is not a good idea mentally or physically to be PG before first AF but then with no AF and all these symptoms is hard not to worry/get excited?
Hope you are okay - wish I could talk to you properly as typing is slow and can't really do the usual forward and backward chatter I do with people in RL. Big Love to all the other ladies - I really don't know what I would have done without you all!

p.s. littlebit Hi! Missed having you around - sorry you have been so down - always come and vent here - you will feel better for it!

Popsy - you must be in a right tizz. Me too. Despite some bleeding (though it's not AF usual strength) my boobs are still all sore. But no longer feel sick, so think it's just hormonal chaos.

Saw a really sweet baby in the sandwich shop at lunchtime, and cried all the way back to the office. then once I got in put on my jolly face.

GillyD - I work a long way from the nice counsellor, so I'd have to have the entire morning or afternoon off, annoyingly.

Ladies I feel the wind of change on here ? I am so excited about the BFPs!!! I was away over the weekend spending time with friends, DH and I had a lovely (boozy!) time I?m sorry I have been away so long I had that blasted report to write which meant I couldn?t get on here on Thurs & Fri but I promise not to disappear for so long again!

Sorry I made so many of you cry with the poem, it was meant to give you all strength to try again

I know what you all mean about there being so many out there who have suffered this . In many ways, I wish I didn?t know that and could go back to ignorance.

Hey Popsy ? I just read too much. Always happy to try and work things out with you all though How are you feeling now? How are the cramps? How about ~ for mad as a snake?! I know what you mean about DH wanting the old wife back my DH is the same, he says I?m always complaining about not feeling right I didn?t realise that I did.

Hello Wheely ? it?s a tasting box so you don?t get to choose what chocs you are sent but they are all yummy Glad you had a lovely day at Jo Malone I just love their stuff. On the subject of boobs, mine have deflated (thank goodness, I?ve got too much already) but they feel much softer (read less firm ) than they used to.
Anyone else found this?

Hi All - a very quick post as I will try and type before my last gasp of battery runs out !

Becklespeckle how are you? Sorry about the mole, poor you. Been there but luckily, not cancerous for me either but HEY sounds like you might be pregnant! I?ll whisper my excitement and it?ll get louder as the line gets bolder . Please don?t go anywhere yet Thank you for being so sweet about me, you made me feel really wanted!

Torres ? the chocs are 16.99 a box but worth it.

Gillydaffodil ? hello got the report done, finally your tree was a lovely idea Sorry AF arrived hon. Really hope the counselling helps you. I think a list of what you want to get out of the sessions is a great idea, then you?ll know from the outset whether your ambitions are realistic. Also good to note down what?s said when you are there as you might not remember it all. Glad the first one went well.

Feedmenow I know what you mean about looking at threads you shouldn?t, I?m the same about the October thread. Stick with us, we?ll all get there

Hello KatyH

Hello MissNatalie ? don?t mind you asking, got AF 40 days after MC, we waited until the bleeding stopped after the MC to start trying again but that cycle was unsuccessful.

Winkygirl glad to hear that the wait to try again is over! fingers crossed.

Hello Patkica ? don?t worry hon, you won?t bring us down, when you?re down is when you need your MN chums the most so you are a twin? I was too, I had a brother but he was stillborn . Always felt an affinity with twins and would really love to have my own.

Hello Hebaceous poor you hon!

Mumto3girls ? you?ll have to fertility sign spot instead

Hello Peanutbutter I?m so delighted for you hon I really am, I hope this is a really sticky & strong one! Don?t be a stranger!!

Hello Jady1407 my advice would be to contact the EPU at your local hospital and book in a scan. You are right about the tests, they can?t show the HCG dropping like blood tests can but the EPU here said that blood tests can be unreliable so scans are best. Everything crossed for your beanie! Keep us posted.

Welcome IFM ? my CM was very messed up the first cycle after my MC I could not work out what was going on. Not sure if that helps, sorry

Jules ? hello that was such a lovely letter and I can hardly type through the tears, (I have a bad cough and the tears could be from that so cover not blown here at work!) I know exactly how you feel, and I feel exactly the same. I really think writing helps, writing Ava?s poem really helped me. Sending huge hugs my friend. How are you now and how are you feeling? I think you have been so brave and been in medical limbo for so long that you now need a release and we are here for you . I know you can?t TTC for a while but here?s hoping that those 12 weeks really get you body back on track I?ve had some physical setbacks too, they?ve hit me quite hard as I thought I was mended but my first AF really took it out of me. Our bodies have been through so much. Stay with us here! x

Basilbrush ? sorry it?s the anniversary, it?s tough! Please don?t cry, you will be pg again, we all will, hopefully together!

Phew!! Caught up

Patkica ? it? nice to hear what the experts have to say so thank you for posting what your GP said. We all know it but often forget it and convince ourselves that because we have had this happen to us, it?ll happen time and time again which it might but then again, that might be our bad luck over with.

Alittlebitshy ? sorry to hear you are feeling so low let us help you through it, don?t hide away on your own. Sending you huge hugs.

Popsy ? I think we all have a lot of healing to do, I think we should all be proud that we have got this far but realise too that we still have a long way to go. I feel very vulnerable at the mo, at home and at work and DH has been such a honey, he?s called me to check on me about 3 times today. I am so lucky to have him, he makes me so much more than I am . You do seem to have a sixth sense about this. I think you should time a few more tests through the week and see what happens and also make an appointment at EPU, better safe than sorry hon.

Gillydaffodil ? hello! , hello Herbaceous

Hi mrs Mc so pleased to have you back - this thread just isn't the same without you - I kind of picture you as our mother hen and us little chicks bustling around you? (okay am as mad a snake still )
Gonna take another test in the mornong as supposed to be best time and if nothing then wait until weekend or will be in bits everyday with the adrenalin (and skint )
Just about to tell DH how have been feeling but he just emailed me to say he is feeling really low and just starting to digest what has happened might have to keep all this stress to myself fo a while longer

Can I just say that you are all lovely and I could not have got through this without you. My DH is a saint but this is in many ways the only place I feel I can truly be myself. Tis is a list of things I now know:

1 or 2 or even 3 miscarriages don't mean we won't have lovely babies the next time or the next time.

It's perfectly ok, in fact normal, to feel crap, mad, tired, unable to concentrate, weepy, and desperate after a m/c, even ages after one.

Many, many people have been through it and almost everyone seems to get through it ok in the end.

It's good to let people know about it and is nothing to be ashamed of; I have found that my being honest seems to encourage people around me to talk about their experiences too and it seems to help us all.

It's ok to think you feel ok and then to relapse.

There is a lot of confusing information out there about ttc after m/c, but it all adds up to go for it when you feel up to it and feel free to feel optimistic about the enxt attempts.

M/c can play havoc with hormones and that can make you feel like crap.

M/c can trigger other negative episodes and emotions. I have hsitory of depression so this has triggered that.

MN is great.

The pain will pass and we will all be ok.
xxx

Ahh Popsy that was sweet of you. I hope we get to graduate together! I like you I?ll be thinking of you in the morning, testing, I?ll be willing you to get the correct answer . When I got my BFP, I did the test first thing on a Friday morning and all the plans I?d made for months for how to tell DH went out of the window as I bounced on his head and stuck the test under his nose can just see that happening exactly the same way all over again though!

Patkica lovely sentiments and great list! I?d add:

? It was real, it was your baby and don?t let anyone take that away from you.
? People generally just don?t know what to say.
? You?ll probably have lots of kids now because subconsciously, you are always trying to find the one you lost (My Grandma supplied this one)
? Nothing you did or didn?t do made it happen, these things just happen.
? Pregnancy will always be more scary, but ultimately the biggest comfort for us.
? Don?t be too brave, the feelings will catch you sooner or later.
? You are emotionally and physically different afterwards.
? We will get through it even when we feel like we won?t.

Oh my god - i love the lists - I wrote similar ones last week - I also had one saying some people do not know what to say - it does not mean that they do not care as much (after seeing a close friend for lunch and her avoiding subject had to write that one down )
Also you do not get over it but you do get stronger, and men do not experience this in the same way as women (doh!) so this situation will be tricky at times, i love the grandma one (I now know I want more than one)and the one about conflicting feeling of needing comfort of new baby - really is so true
well not getting much work done as am thinking about it all - how sad that we are all here but also how lucky are we to have each other?
I wrote my article last week and chickened out of sending it anywhere then saw one in the Times on Sunday by a woman who had recurrent MC. I thought it was really short (double spread but only a few paragraphs and mostly pictures). She just said I had 2, I'm not trying anymore, I am sad but still a good Aunty. This was a chance to let the rest of the world know that we are suffering in silence but also that we are strong women and that we are probably a woman they know and love but it was just vague and short...thinking of writing to the editor now

I love a good list. Maybe we should add things like:

• You are still a valuable and worthwhile person, whether or not you have children

Yes - I also have been trying to see that this is part of the "journey" towards my future family but not the end of it. Some people have a short and easy journey and others take their time along the way (i.e. me . I also sometimes forget that things can and do go wrong after 13 weeks (my "time") and after birth for the rest of your time as a mother (i.e. i don't put it in perspective?)
Also - just because one person had a certain experience (or chain of events) does not mean yours will be the same.
Also - we are fab ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (goes without saying of course)

The last two miscarriages I still saw as just blips on the journey to being a mother, but the last one has knocked my confidence rather more, especially as I'd been investigated, and was on medication. I may have to start coming to terms with not having one, though I can still try the PGS or egg donor route (my sis has said she'd give me one hers, which is fantastic).

But for you younger ladies, yes - all this awfulness is just a series of obstacles on the route.

Hi herbaceous - sorry for being so insensitive . I'd offer you one of mine but they may yet be faulty (MIL was relived to hear MC was common in my family Grrr)
your sister sounds fab! Mine got PG by accident at 26 (was on the pill and still having "periods") and drank her way through first 4 months with no side effects

No no! Popsy, I didn't mean to sound like I was telling you off. Just having a 'poor me' moment.