Ttc#1 Lucky no.13. The one where Doreen and Hugh ride the honeymoon gondola down the fallopian canal.

[StarkyTheDirewolf]

Hugh enjoys ISW and his love affair with Doreen. He watches out for skittle tits and weepyitis. Mrs Arseholey Fucknut (Af) shows up when you least want her but brings wine and soft cheese as a consolation prize.

We don't have rules as such but expect to be talked down from the ledge with kind and well meaning but firm words if you get too hysterical. But most importantly don't convince yourself you're pregnant in the tww That is paramount!

We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts. We want a fanny full of determined Doreen, not unicorn farts and gnome tears with extra sparkle. We've been going a while now so the novelty has somewhat worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area.

Post your stats and add your dates. We have a register thanks to kats stats I am resident piss stick queen and if you don't test, you get a Starky's Star

When you post stats, add your predicted test/af date. We are currently running at about 49% pregnant with the grads thread over in ante-natal which we all hope to join soon.

Link to thread 12.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2580240-Thread-12-TTC-1Trying-is-the-fun-part-said-by-nobody-ever-whos-actually-trying?pg=1&order=

Petiteange28
Age: 35
TTC #1
Cycle #3

AF due at the end of the month with annoying 31 day cycles meaning the process is even longer!!!

Only got married in December (after being together for 5 years) and desperate for a minion!

Already driving myself mad after only 3 cycles....I'm an only child and don't want an only child myself (I hate it) but am worried that being 35 and only just starting I am leaving it late to have multiple minions!

GAH!

Starky I love the sound of your DH. You need to be writing a blog for sure!!

I wonder if mine feels a little deflated after his 'superjizz' didn't upduff me the minute I came off the pill. I really can't get him to talk about how he feels though

Thanks Jem, I understand the logistics of getting him turned on. My point is that I get up at 5.30am and don't get home from work until 9.30pm. In the 8 hours I am home I need to make dinner, get my gear ready for the next day, get clean, get my fancy knickers on, get the tunes, spend time bigging up his ego not to mention actually doing the deed, and then try and get enough sleep to have the energy to do it all again - its just unfair, that's all. I know we all face challenges, so sorry for ranting!! Its the way we have engineered our lives so now we need to get on with it and make it work somehow.

Hand thus, my next round of Google search is born jem

'Can my husband smell if I'm pregnant?' 😁

fx oh noooo! Have you found little mog?
ever

fx i missed this. how old is your little mog? there are various tricks like leaving his/her dirty cat litter outside your house to try to attract them back .... i'll see if i can find the list of advice.

fx there might be something to that you know. They are so convinced that they have super jizz that it knocks their confidence when it doesn't you don't get a positive pregnancy test 20 minutes after dtd the fist time. Mine started googling how to get hold of black market clomid in cycle 2! I told him if he starts buying fertility aids off 'Dave-down-the-gym' ill castrate him myself! I am preparing myself for a single baby, not sextuplets a la Jon and Kate plus 8! You rant away, mate! This is our sage space for being irritated by dh's (dickhead husbands!)

I've now invested in opks as I actually have no idea when I ovulate.
My dh finds even every other day too much for him so every, roughly, three days it is! He finds dirty talk hilarious - not exactly the effect I'm after .

I feel like you petite - when we started when I was just 34 I felt fine about my age but at 36 (nearly 37) and not much luck I'm panicking a lot now If this cycle doesn't work, its off to the GP I pop since the mmc was almost a year ago now!

FX god that sounds like an impossible lifestyle. How do you do it?! You must be wonderwoman! It sounds like maybe your DH needs to share the responsibilities a bit better, like by making you dinner for when you get home?

For us, I find 'spicing up' is all about the talk. Nothing turns me on more than DH talking to me about what he likes, and what we could do together (sorry, poss TMI?). Sexy lingerie gets me nowhere, really, as getting dressed/undressed is never at a sexy time, and by the time we're getting undressed for DTD we're already well on our way, iykwim?

Cailler Woo! I'm really excited to have found someone else in a similar position! I think I'll be joining you for the crash course in pregnancy-German, if I ever manage the pregnancy bit. I also dread something bad happening during the process, and being surrounded by medics talking over my head and understanding nothing. It would be terrifying. Luckily DH speaks better German than me, and I am still studying and improving, so I guess things can only get better. I'm sure Swiss doctors all speak excellent English, though. So you should be OK. I hope the same applies in Germany.

I've been here nearly a year now. How about you? I've also heard good things about the German healthcare system and childbirth especially. (The only downside is the cost - give me the NHS any day.) I'm just so bloody impatient to actually give it a go now! I want to get my money's worth, you know?

And starky fingers crossed your DH is onto something this month. I really hope so. That nose of his is priceless!

And welcome petite!

Thanks Bryson and Tiny. So nice to hear it's not just me slowly going loopy (my husband thinks I am already taking it too seriously - particulary when I bought him a present of Wellman Conception ).

My best friend and I have started a monthly meeting first week of the month where we basically drink copious amounts of wine once we have had a BFN (I think I got that right - this is my first time on Mumsnet so getting used to the lingo).

Haha, petite I love that idea! I wish we could all do that together in this group! Someone needs to invent teleportation, and quick.

Thanks everyone - really appreciate all of your support. I have decided to scale back the amount of time I spend working, as some of it is optional but I think I'd rather not have the money right now. starky I really love that your DH is into it to the point of illegally hustling hormones. I doubt my OH even knows that hormones are involved, let alone knowing what clomid is.

My cat is one, Hep, he's either found a new home (fingers crossed) or he's stuck in a chimney, or worse. I did put the litter box right next to the open window, but I am scared it will fall out and distribute cat litter all over everyones doorsteps!! Thanks for the advice though

petite don't be fooled, we've pretty much all gone loopy here. Lol guys, remember in thread 1 when we said we were going to be super chill about the whole thing.

starky has DH smelled you preggers b4? I do want to encourage the cray-cray but when is af due?

islandgirl why are you taking royal jelly?

Hello!! Can I dip my toe back in here? I was on the thread at the start, but it was going sooooooo fast and there were sooooooo many early days of trying bfps that I retreated! Soz. Am I forgiven?

Anyhow. Canters, age 29, currently TTC no 1. On cycle 4-5 depending on how we define things, and currently 8dpo. Hads chemical on cycle 2/3, but otherwise no luck so far.

fx it's mainly down to the amount of lads who we've known who take clomid and pregnyl to jump start their balls after a cycle of steroids. It's sad but they're really easy to get hold of! Dh won't take them thank fuck he's an absolute pussy when it comes to injections (watching him have a tetanus was one of THE funniest things I've ever had the joy to witness, he nearly fainted, it's the tiniest needle possible! He came with me when we first got together to have my depo jab, he sat to sit outside in a cool breeze once he'd seen it was an intramuscular! )

kwick I've never been pregnant before but I'm very interested to see if he manages to sniff it out! I'm not due af till the 21st -24th so we've got a while yet! How are you doing today?

canters welcome back bud! How was your honeymoon? No forgiveness necessary mate, you haven't done anything wrong! 😂

I have cramps, I can't work out whether it's a gyppy tummy, or trapped wind!

I am having a lazy day at home.... Next work call at 4pm and the I am interrogating interviewing someone at 5.30pm... But right now I am watching movie . How are you starky?

Injecting female hormones into males sounds extremely dodgy... Can that be safe?

Hiya canters!!!

starky thought i had cramps this morning..... then i remembered the pilates from yesterday. ouch!

I am really rubbish at symptom spotting!

Holy shatballs starky I thought you meant he would buy it for you - I had no idea men took it

Thanks tiny I actually think I just want OH to say those exact words to me, but even when I achieve what I consider to be pretty major stuff, he is nonchalant. 'Oh, you just ran a marathon while studying for 2 exams and raised £15k for charity? Nice. Whats for dinner?'

ps Tiny we do this right here on this very thread! we all snuggle up on the couch, usually watching some gad-awful chick flick, with wine, chocolate, biscuits, cake, bellinis - the whole shebang. You just nudge in when your AF shows up in her red limo of doom, and we all cuddle an appropriate amount

Thanks starky! Hows tricks? Honeymoon was amazing thanks. Though seems like such a long time ago! We ate all kinds of weird food, soaked up culture and shagged in a hot tub on top of a mountain I would love to go back one day (was in Japan, for those curious).

Hiya kwick! Glad I'm not the only one who can't maintain thread monogamy

Soo.....men take clomid?! Ive heard it all now!

Apologies fx I thought you were looking for tips on spicing up DTD! Your schedule sounds intense. I take it you’re not able to try and get home any earlier than 930 a few nights a week, to have more time for ttc?

tiny with you on the talk! Really works for me too. Agreed with lingerie – can take it or leave it really myself, but I think DH likes it.

Hello petit, I love the idea of a BFN wine evening! Get some cheese involved!

Hello canters jump back on board

I’m at work and I think I might have just had my first OPK. But I don’t have the rest to compare it to, and I’m sitting at my desk so I can’t sit staring at it like I want to. I feel like my handbag has a bomb in it or something! DH isn’t home until tommorrow morning!

Hello everyone, I'm very new here, so trying to get on board with the lingo so here goes...

I'm Vikki
32
TTC #1
Cycle 10
CD 26
DPO 8 days

I've had some PG symptoms this month that I've never had before, I've been bloated, very hungry and I've had some abdominal pains yesterday and today, now this could just be something I've eaten but I've also noticed that my breasts aren't sore and I always get sore breasts usually from ovulation to my next AF.

My app said AF is due on Friday 11th but I ovulated 3 days after the app predicted so it's more likely AF is due on Monday right?

I've been using opk sticks and and app and certainly DTD just before ovulation according to the results on the stick.

I'm a type 1 diabetic so TTC has been pretty difficult and it's taking its tole on me. My partner is also visiting the doctor today to arrange a sperm check.

I've just done an early response PG test and got a BFN which I was expecting so early but I'm about to see a nurse regarding diabetes preconception so thought I better test just in case. I think that's everything about me, sorry to ramble on!

Hello ladies
peaches
Just got bfp on cycle 3
Excited but more terrified!

starky love the intro. If your OH can smell pregnancy you guys will be millionaires within the year. TV deals, stateside appearances the whole shebang haha

fx I got tired just reading your routine! Hope your little kitty shows up soon, I feel your pain I would be heartbroken too.

Welcome newbies ☺

harriet so sorry. You must both be completely gutted! Take care of yourself xx