Fabulous forty + ttc and having success!

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Old thread just about finished. Here is a new one... Fx for lots of well earned BFPs for those ttc over forty. We also welcome stories from those who have successfully had their babies over forty and we love hearing back from our graduates.

Kkmuppet I'm so sorry . Are you going to do anything to mark the day? At least you have the positive of your FET to focus on. I hope that helps just a little.

My due date is a Sunday so hopefully dh and I can do something nice with ds to both remember and take our minds off it if that makes sense. I've not talked about it with him for a while so not sure if he remembers the date but he's pretty good so it would not surprise me if he does.

Yes we have done lots of dtd but each month we do it at the right time. Just waiting for that good egg I think.

Twinkly hopefully you got lucky before your dh went away. at your dh's 'trying harder'. Presumably that means more sex? What a bloke!

KKMuppet - for Ruby Rose. I hope that she sends you another blessing, either naturally this cycle or with your FET - gosh 5 weeks away is no time at all! I'm crossing my fingers for you, sounds like your blastocyst is top notch quality and just WOW that it was created when you were still such a youngster at 39! You will of course have spotted that there's a 95% chance that it WILL survive the thaw, so actually it would be very surprising indeed if it didn't. You really have every reason to be hugely positive about it.

Twinkly - at least it's great that your DH is so enthusiastically on board with TTC! Just make the most of it!

Well I've cried rivers of tears lately, not least as DP informed me yesterday that he just doesn't want to try any more. He is besotted with our daughter and he says that's enough for him, he thinks we are now fighting too many hurdles with (cumulatively) unbeatable odds. I may be a delusional old bag but I can't face this being the end, not quite yet. (Sorry everyone, I usually try my best but I am feeling quite defeated at the moment - despair is not pretty is it ... )

Sorry Ababs - I didn't mean to not acknowledge your due date, I just thought it wasn't quite yet. It sounds lovely (that's not the right word is it, but hope you know what I mean) for the three of you to have a family day together. I might be inclined to drop a hint about the date to your DH perhaps, just in case ...?

Oh Chewy I'm so sorry. I take it he knows how much this means to you? Surely the icsi is a way of bypassing some of those hurdles and then the odds are no worse than a normal Ivf cycle? Hopefully you can discuss it again in a few days and this doesn't necessarily mean it's over yet.

My due date is not for a few weeks. We have a wedding coming up and I remember thinking when I got pregnant that it was only a couple of weeks before my due date and that I'd be huge. The last family wedding we had was unfortunately the day of my ivf embryo transfer so this will be memorable/poignant in more ways than one.

ababs I am in Dublin so not with dh. I am however staying in the hotel I stayed in while working over here at 6-8 months pregnant so lots of reminders (it changed its name so I didn't realise). I think we are going to do something on Friday which is the anniversary of the day we actually met her but not sure what. It sounds as though you're going to have some nasty reminders with the wedding thing too.
chewy I am so sorry you are going through this. It's absolutely miserable enough ttc without success but to then not be aligned on the route forwards is so tough. I don't know if this helps you but I managed to get my dh through months of trying and 3 cycles of Ivf even though he was adamant he didn't want any children! I basically got him to do it out of his love for me, acknowledgement of just how important it was to me and also convincing him that he would be so incredibly happy if we were successful. I think your situation is tougher as we had unexplained infertility whereas you know there are medical hurdles to surmount. I wonder if you could do more research / talk to more people about how to actually go about doing it so you are really clear on a route that stands a good chance of success and only then try and get agreement on going for it?

Kmuppet - sending you bigs hugs at this difficult time, must be really hard. Hope you can get through the next few days ok and do something nice to remember your beautiful Ruby Rose. Also sending lots of positive vibes for that great little embie you have waiting for you.

Abs - thinking of you too for your impending due date. I fell apart for mine, felt like all those raw emotions from around the time of my mc just came chokingly back. I found doing some special helped.

Friday is also the second anniversary of my loss, i always try to get to see the sea around this time so hopefully we go with ds on saturday. Also the cherry tree we planted in the garden for our lost little one usually blooms around this time and the buds are just starting to open so this brings some comfort too.

Chewy - so sorry hun you must be devastated. My dh would say no to ivf but is prepared continue ttc naturally (for now at least) which obviously i know you don t have as an option to keep some hope. As others have said can you tell him how much this devastates you ? Could you agree on maybe one go with the ivf ? Would considering donor eggs to really up the odds be a possibilty or even embryo adoption ? Bigs hugs it must be horrible. Hope you can find a way...

Waves to everyone else and thanks for all the positive baby stories.

Was just reading a post on another board where a 43 yr old had an appt with a reproductive endocrinologist. They recommended:
Baby aspirin
DHEA 75 mg a day
CoQ10 600 mg a day (OH too)
Prenatal
Sums up about half what I take (!) but thought it positive that a medical specialist recommended this combo for someone in our age group so thought I'd share

Interesting supplement list Kkmuppet! I hadn't realised that you'd done 3 rounds of IVF - although you obviously must've done one cycle to get your super-powered frostie! Was it IVF how you conceived your DC and Ruby Rose?

Nope chewy 3 rounds of Ivf got me a bfn, a mmc and an ectopic where I lost my left tube. Dd1 and Ruby Rose were both natural after we'd given up throwing money at it. After my third Ivf we had another 3 miscarriages before dd1 then one more miscarriage and finally RR. All natural conceptions. We originally went to Ivf as we'd been trying for a year with no success then I seemed to be pretty much permanently pregnant for the next 4 years but sadly only one living daughter to show for it. Some of the differences between failing to conceive early on and our later fertility was me getting fitter, eating better and supplementing with a few things geared towards egg quality so I think some of not all of that helped somewhat.

Hula / Kkmuppet - I think primarily DP is very resentful of the cost of IVF ... which is building resentment between us because f*ck it, no we haven't got piles of cash lying around but we could borrow it and worry later, in my (somewhat irresponsible) view. Um, for fear of sounding like free-loaders, it's absolutely not that DP thinks we should get IVF for free, just that he thinks we should go without - like I was asking for a round the world cruise or something. We really don't expect anything for free (pay bloody loads of tax and don't qualify for child benefit etc. Not saying we're loaded by any stretch, but I suppose we do alright).

DP's anti-sperm antibodies only make it more or less impossible to conceive naturally (- pity we didn't know that when slogging away all last year trying -) but ICSI can negate the antibody issue, so no need for donor sperm/embryo adoption, (and the latter would involve an IVF cycle with additional costs anyhow - just costs for different aditional services/treatments to ICSI). I was hoping that the NHS immunology/allergy consultant could come up with something to give us some 'natural' options too, but he didn't.

He's also - as I am - worried about my age, egg quality, blah blah, but after re-visiting it 3,000 million times, we're not doing donor eggs. I'm not discussing our rationale here either, for fear of looking like I might sneer at (or God forbid 'disapprove of') the choices of others - and I'm honestly not like that. It's clearly as intensely personal as the decision to have children full stop and whilst I'm genuinely envious of those who have the heart and bravery to make the necessary leap of faith with donor eggs - it's quite obvious the unadulterated joy that it brings - I/we just can't quite ... do it.

Kkmuppet - cross posts - thank you so much for sharing - your story is all the more inspiring for working past the IVF 'failures' I think. It is just so heartbreaking that you were as close as it gets to completing your family (hours perhaps, if the hospital had only realised and given you a timely C-section ...) when you lost Ruby Rose. Please God your FET works. x

Sorry not been on here for a while - lots to catch up on.
Thinking of you all kkmuppet, hula and ababs on the anniversary of your losses. Always such a difficult time. April must have been a bad month for it as that is when I lost my first pregnancy too. However ds was born about 5 days before the first anniversary of the loss which was also quite poignant. It would have been much harder if that hadn't happened.
I hope that you have success with your frozen embryo kk - you really deserve it.
Chewy I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time with being on a different page to your dh. If he's worried about the cost, is there a way that you can make it seem less painful? When we did our first IVF, dh and I paid half each, and you don't have to pay it all at once, so the first payment came out of one month's salary, and then we were paid again before we had to make the next payment, so by the time we split it between us, and then over a couple of months, it didn't feel so painful iyswim? £5k feels like a big hit, but when you break it down to £2.5k each, and then £1.25k for 2 months, it doesn't feel quite so bad!! Would that maybe help to convince him??
The other thing I would say is that IVF isn't necessarily the golden ticket. I was told that at my age it had a 5% chance of working, and I didn't manage to beat those odds with 2 goes at it. I'm glad I did it as at least I had a go, but I didn't end up pregnant. I understand that you want to have a try, but don't resent your dh too much for not wanting it, as it's not necessarily going to give you what you want. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I totally thought that doing IVF would get me my much longed for second baby, and it didn't. I guess what I'm trying to say is that don't see it as your dh preventing something that would definitely happen. I hope that makes sense??
Not much to report from me. Currently somewhere around cd25 so af due soon. Didn't put much effort in this month - I think only a couple of dtds around fertile time, so my expectations are very low. To be honest I'm really not thinking too much about it anymore. I think my time has probably passed and I'm coming to terms with that. Ds has had chickenpox so I've been at home with him all week. It really is quite hard work being at home all day with a small child and I keep questioning whether I could deal with doing that again with a small baby!!
Best of luck to everyone coming up to af/testing day.

Thanks Joey for your thoughts. I understand exactly what you mean about the tiny odds of success with IVF. Most women who undertake IVF will have a greater chance of it failing than working (makes you wonder how anyone ever gets pregnant) and particularly at my age ... well, the chances are very slim indeed. Perhaps the difference with me & DP, is that despite having conceived naturally in the past, we now have zero chance of doing that again because of DP's antibodies. So my thoughts have been that even a very slim chance must be better than zero chance ... although maybe it's just psychological.

Do you really feel your 'time has probably passed'? I do hope not! Hope AF is a no show in the next few days. Sympathies for dealing with chickenpox - DD had it in March, although the cabin fever was worse!

Morning ladies

Been trying to catch up on the posts - and it truly makes for sad reading. I do believe though it is testament to the inner strength inside us ladies. That strength that comes somehow and keeps us going even through these life changing events that life throws at us. KKMUPPET HULA and ABABS. Thinking of you all and sending huge hugs xxx

CHEWY I can totally empathise with your feelings at the moment. My DH was totally against trying but somehow along this journey of the past 2 years he came round.. I feel he is still not 100% on board but after seeing how the roller coaster of emotions has affected me he is willing to kee trying at least for now. I can also empathise with how tearful you are feeling as I have been feeling the same this past week. I feel quite overwhelmed at times by the strength of my emotions and I feel if I don't have the chance to at least ttc and give it one last "good go" it will have an effect on me forever. I don't know......... I feel the emotions also come from a feeling of total lack of control over the circumstances and we can't MAKE it happen although we can try . If that makes sense? If one is deprived the chance of even trying it just makes the whole situation seem so helpless. I am sending you a massive hug and hope you can bring your DH to understand the depth of your feelings on this subject xx

As for me - well I truly don't know what the heck is happening. I felt that I had I missed my window of opportunity this month even though that was my original plan - to have a month off. I'm not sure when I ovulated - deliberately didn't track but i do know the usual signs and from those I am sure I ovulated late this month. For the past 2 years my cycles have varied between 25 and 26 days with the odd 1 or 2 at most being 28. I am now on CD 29 the latest I have been for a long time. I feel I ovulated possibly CD17 or 18. Only did the deed once - not planned which was a change! But it was around cd 18. I am wondering if this is the beginning of the end ie, peri menopause etc? However I can't help that stupid feeling of hoping beyond hope that just maybe?..........so late period (for me) Negative tests, sore breasts, metallic taste in mouth occasionally, which I have never had with any pregnancy. So some strange things happening. Plus I have the occasional crampy feeling but I always get this for 2 weeks up to my period, however much milder cramps than normal. I sort of want AF to show up to put me out of my misery but each day extra gives me a little hope even though I am so angry at myself for feelingn hopeful and will feel foolish when she does show up. TTC - the fast route to insanity!!!!!

CHEWY. - has your husband had his thyroid checked. Probably just a silly thought but some of his symptoms sound similar to what I was going through? Just a thought xx

Matts - thank you also for your kind thoughts. No DP's never had thyroid checked, interesting idea and maybe worthwhile, although I doubt there's a problem. I had fairly classic signs pre-diagnosis; knackered, freezing cold - to the point where it became a joke that I'd sit at work in my coat - always constipated (sorry TMI) ... etc. He doesn't have anything like that, but who knows.

Ooh, sounds a bit exciting you are CD 29! If you're only 10 (11 max) DPO, then you might expect tests to still be negative - depending which type used perhaps. FX.

Thank you Joey and Mattsmama for you thoughts.

Joey - i m starting to wonder too if my time has passed. Almost wish i could find peace and move on sometimes rather than putting myself through the vicous cycles of hope and disappointment. It ll be 3 yrs ttc no 2 this july with just a mc and prob couple of chemicals to show for it. Also starting to get more worried as risks of mc and other probs get higher that if do manage to get preg i could be just setting myself up for serious heartbreak if it goes wrong but can t seem to let it go. Where do you draw the line ? Worried that the stubborn part of me wil mean that won t happen till menopause !

Mattsmama - i dont think your cycle sounds negative. I think cycles getting shorter and shorter are more the way things go and then skipping ov all together. If you think you ovulated on 18 and are 29 then thats only 11dpo so early for a positive so don t count yourself out. I ve actually been ovulating around day 12 for the last year and my acu lady has wated to push it later. Her ideal is day 16-20 as the egg has longer to mature. I actually ovulated day 17 this month and she was thrilled ! I was pleased too as i conceived ds on a day 18/19 ov so i think a later ov is better for me. I m actually cd 28 (11dpo) today and got a bfn so feeling a bit fed up tho trying to take my own advice and not count myself out till af shows! I do agree though till is enough to send anyway crazy.

Hula - How often do you have acupuncture? It sounds like it's very productive if it's having that sort of impact on your ovulation date.

Chewy - usually twice, just before period and in the first week, i ve also been taking chinese herbs for two months so maybe the combination. Obviously could be a coincidence but last time i ovulated on day 17 was 2 yrs ago.... Since medical intervention is off the table for us thought i d give the natural route a last ditch attempt.

For immune issues in women i ve heard of high strength probiotics being suggested and there was also a german study on wobenzyme n in a group of recurrent miscarrying women with immune issues that had some impressive results. Just thinking laterally and wondering if you could feed one/both to your dh for a few months as maybe they would help men too ? Or could you even persuade him to see an acupuncture/tcm practioner even to just get their opionion on whether they could help his problem or not ?

Oh and i m sure they ve prob checked but i think men can get sperm antibodies with prostatic infections...

hula - it will be 3 years for me too in July! We started when ds was just over one. Ironically at the time I wasn't keen to conceive at that point as I didn't want too small an age gap and wanted time to enjoy my ds, but I thought I'd better crack on as I was approaching 43 at that stage. I never thought we'd still be at it 3 years later!! I also keep wondering what my cut-off point is. I've passed many of them - 45, failed IVF, next one will be 46. I'll probably just realise one day when I'm sitting in my chair at the old people's home that I won't be having any more children!!
I think I am becoming more relaxed about it though. I don't do any opks or temping. I vaguely know where I am in my cycle at any given time, but I don't put too much pressure on myself or dh to dtd if we don't feel like it. A year or so ago I would be in tears if dh wasn't up for it at the crucial time, but I feel I've moved beyond that now.
chewy I really hope you can convince your dh to give the IVF a go. Despite my doom and gloom statistics about it, the only way you will really know is if you give it a shot. Even though both mine failed, I'm glad that I did it, and don't have any what ifs. Well, I suppose I could think what if I gave it another go, but that's not going to happen!! Hopefully he will come round and agree to it.

Thanks for the positivity ladies - time will certainly tell!

HULA so in tune with your sentiments re; age etc and not wanting to give up. I've been thinking what if I do actually get that positive and then thinking about the whole new set of worry that would bring - (and joy) it really is so hard to know what to do for the best. I know the risks but just can't stop ....... Not yet. Jeez it would be difficult if I was 10 years younger with all my immune issues but here I am aged 46 and still trying.

JOEY. I know what you mean too. I think each month/year of ttc we move on in our approach to it some way. Who knows? Maybe we will naturally progress over time and naturally decide to give up this journey? I just know that at this time I can't give up.

Incidentally - I was wondering why after all this time I am having a longer cycle and the one thing different is that I took higher dose of vitamin B6 for 2 weeks prior (50mg) I stopped after un protected sex just in case as I don't know the implications of this dose of b6 in pregnancy. I have read that b6 can do this and help with luteal phase defect etc etc. Who knows? However I always used to have 28 day cycles (at least sometimes 29/30) and this is the first in a long long time.

CHEWY. Sorry I should have been more specific. When I mentioned my symptoms I meant the allergy type symptoms I was having. Not actually an allergy but they think some sort of reaction because of thyroid antibodies. Intense itching, hives, swelling, diarrhoea, nausea and almost passing out. Thankfully my high dose probiotics and selenium seem to be helping as it has not happened for quite a while.

Sorry for any errors - rushing as typing!

Waves to everyone else 😀😀

AF arrived - annoyed (with myself for even thinking pregnancy was a possibility) and thoroughly pissed off.

Onwards and upwards for now.

Have a good weekend everyone xx

I'm sorry MattsMamma. Don't be annoyed with yourself, we've all been there. I did it last month, tested negative but then still started down the perhaps-I-ovulated-late train of thought.

About 6dpo here. Be back later with a proper post.