Over 40s TTC & success stories.

[Grizzer]

Starting a new thread for support & advice ladies. Not quite ready to graduate yet!

Im still here, having a month off trying whilst i get through nans funeral, but back to it after wednesday :)

Fab news about the scan grizzler! So so happy for you.

Welcome wardy and sorry to hear you've been trying for 2 years, it's totally shit and heartbreaking and i hope you and all the others on here get a healthy pregnancy soon.

Sorry to hear about your granny Fatty

I've been on holiday so I've missed out on some newbies and news sorry. I haven't posted on here for ages.

Having a complete meltdown today.
I've made an appointment with the GP to ask for anti depressants.

I want them because I can't stop crying all the time and can't do anything. Can't build myself up again after latest mc. Maybe I never will.

I've had to cut my hours at work because I can't concentrate and I don't want to face people.

I asked another GP about 2 years ago for help with depression as I was in the same state and she said 'we know what's making you feel like this don't we and gave me a card with a link for a website to look at about healthy choices.

I was in tears and breaking down in her office. Nothing has changed, I don't have the ability to go out in public some days and dread people asking me 'how are you?' incase i actually tell them and breakdown. I cry in the car, cry at work, cry in bed, cry brushing my teeth.

What are we supposed to do when we've been through the system?

They gave me clomid, iVF, chromosomal tests, clotting tests. I've now been discharged out the other end. They said "there is nothing more we can say to you".

I'm increasingly desperate. I feel like at 42 with little time left the only thing in my power is to try Clomid again. I've got some that I bought online from a US site but I'm scared to use them and probably won't because my rational mind is still working and i know it is a risk. Has anyone else done it?

When i am feeling 'up' which is 50% of the time I just want to keep trying naturally until Christmas and that is what I'll probably do.

I'm going to ask the GP if there is anything else the NHS can do or if i can get a second opinion from another gynae consultant or referred to a specialist in Glasgow or Edinburgh.

What else can be done when you have reached the end of the NHS pathway? More private IVF? We can't afford it.

Then i think maybe I'm over thinking this and should have more faith in getting pregnant naturally like I did in April and that maybe a good egg will come along.

Arghh!! I'm sorry this is just a me me me meltdown and i needed to vent.
Have been on holiday and had a wonderful time with family but seeing my nephew and my cousin's beautiful children has just broken my heart all over again. I thought I'd accepted it but as a wise lady on another thread said 'acceptance is fickle'.

annie I am so so sorry that you are struggling so much, my heart goes out to you.
Have you ever thought about having counselling? I managed to get 6 counselling sessions on the NHS after my last miscarriage, and it has helped so much. The counsellor I had specialised in pregnancy loss, which was such a help. I would ask your GP about this.

Secondly, forgive me if I can't remember, but did they test your mcs, ie. do you know if they were due to chromosomal abnormalities or not? Not sure if you have heard about this, but a number of places check the natural killer (NK) cells, which can result in your body rejecting healthy pregnancies, if elevated. In Coventry, they do these tests via self-referral, it's a self-funded clinic (I think), and not that expensive.
If you come to the Recurrent Miscarriage - Tests, Treatments, Trying again thread on the Miscarriage forum (in the Body & Soul talks), the ladies are much more knowledgeable about it all that I am, and very supportive.
I don't think that this needs to be the end of the road for you - there are still other options, like donor eggs, adoption...

Please don't randomly take any medication, especially not Clomid - it can have a lot of negative side effects, especially if bought from an unverified source. Are you ovulating?

Please look after yourself. You are doing the right thing by going to your GP to ask for help, and don't let them fob you off with a leaflet. Do ask for counselling.
Sending lots of hugs xxx

Oh Annie, I'm so so sorry that you're going through such a hard time. It really is crap and not fair isn't it. I think that you should go and see your gp again (maybe a different gp if you can) to discuss your depression and to see what else they can offer to help you conceive. Do you have the money to perhaps try clomid privately - was it using clomid that you conceived in April or was it a natural conception? I agree that I don't think you should take the clomid you bought online.

Do you have any friends in real life who have had a similar experience that you can talk to for some support or failing that just a good friend or family member?

I'm really sorry you're going through this and hope that you get your happy ending soon.

big huge snuggly loves to you annie I think you are doing the right thing by going to see your GP...maybe theres a different one in your practice you could see instead of the one that dismissed you?

Please keep logging in here, we may not be able to help you get pregnant, but, we can support you through your sadness and distress...sometimes that helps, as its anonymous, so you dont have to hold back for fear of upsetting or annoying someone, like you would possibly do with close family/friends.

Oh thank you so much for making me feel better and saying all the right things . I'm feeling so much better today, was on a read downer but I'm not going to dismiss it, I recognise that it happens too often and I'm going to speak to the GP about it definitely.

Yes Cloud I think i need counselling, it's something I would really like. I've tried to join the Miscarriage association forum a couple of times but never going to the point of organising counselling. I seem to have my crisis at the weekend and the miscarriage association is only open during the week so I need to get organised and do it while I'm not down.

We have thought about adoption a few times and have decided against it but fostering may be an option in the future. We don't want to go down the DE route. DH says absolutely no and I'm not going to force it if he doesn't want it. I do know someone who did it and see how happy she is but it's just not an option if DH is not up for it.

I haven't had the result of the tests on the embryo from the last miscarriage. My Ob/Gyn told me my GP would tell me it and my GP re -referred me to Ob/Gyn. I phoned in on the day to say I couldn't make it and wanted another appt but they discharged me ( a friend who is a clinician at the hospital said they do that routinely as the letters go out automatically). I didn't have the strength to fight it and just accepted that I was going to have to ask my GP again which I will do.

I asked the hospital for a Subject Access Request form to apply for a copy of my medical notes with all the test results etc and it arrived today but its the one requesting notes for people who are deceased so I wrote back and asked them for a form for someone who is still alive (me!)

I have anovulatory periods so ovulation sometimes. I always get a positive OPK and ewcm but the GP said I show signs of gearing up to ov but don't actually release an egg every month. That's why they gave me Clomid.

I conceived naturally in April with no drugs or anything but it was quite soon after FET so my lining may have been thicker due to that or something.

Yes I should have posted this on the recurrent miscarriage thread. I emailed the secretary at Coventry today to find out more about going down for the biopsy for NK cells but tbh I don't know if I have it in me to go there. I live on a remote island off Scotland and it's a long way to go in a rush if you need to get there as soon as you know you're ovulating. There is nowhere in Scotland that does it from my research.

ababsurdum thank you too, yes I do have friends I can talk to but my closest local friend had a baby 4 weeks ago and is moaning about it all the time, coming over and saying 'she needs her bath but I can't be bothered' and 'she needs a feed but she'll just have to wait' etc and I just look at her and how beautiful she is and think oh my god if you were mine I would be so happy to be giving you a bath and cherish you so much. She has made me Godmother which is probably because I'm a sad old woman with no kids. OK I'm being bad now, I am totally over the moon about being a Godmother and think she actually has mild PND so I've advised her to go and see the GP too. What a pair.

I do have a very supportive DH and mum so they hear everything I say on here but do feel that they are sick of me and want me to move on/ buck up/ be thankful for what I have. I don't know anyone in RL who has infertility issues like me but I know that most of my friends struggled for a number of years and need to get it into perspective. I met my man later in life and that's just the way it is.

Fatty hello and thank you too, yes I've found a lovely considerate, patient GP and I'm definitely going to tell him everything I've said about depression, counselling. There is nothing like logging in here and letting it all out. My biggest hurdle is having to hold it in every day, facing people and pretending everything it alright.

Thank you everyone

Back with a slight name change - can't remember my old login email!

Maurice169 I'm sorry for your terrible loss of your little boy. We also lost our son recently when he was 5 months old. I don't really believe, from my recent experience, that there's much sense in comparing levels of grief, but even so, for all that we're going through, I can't imagine the pain of losing a child of that age.

I'm in the TWW at the moment, after a frustrating week of not knowing when I ovulated due to starting testing too late and a bout of cystitis which meant I couldn't hold a wee long enough to test properly ... lovely.

Has anyone ever had painful cramps that feel like indigestion and a bit of a funny tummy as part of their cycle? I've been making a note of any symptoms like this since we started trying, and was just interested to see that for a couple of months I've had the same thing on day 18 of my cycle.

Hi AnnieHoo
Sorry to hear about your struggle. Miscarriage is a shit thing, not only recovering physically, but having to deal with all those hormones trying to settle down again.
I went through 4 miscarriages, at the time I was working in a children's shop so pregnant women and babies were in my face every day, I would get home and cry.
Maybe try and really focus on that 50% of you that wants to keep trying. I know it did help me, as the weeks went by I started to think positive that maybe this next cycle will be 'the one '. I know 2 ladies who are pregnant / just had baby after miscarriage two are 43 and ones 44?!. I'd be wary about the clomid though. Good luck!

Artioo. So sorry for the loss of your little boy, and I totally agree, you can't compare loss.
It takes a lot to get going and try again but it does bring hope.
I've got everything crossed for you on your 2ww!!

Annie, your post is heartbreaking. I want to shake your husband hard and scream, 'Let the woman you love use a donor!' but I know it's no-one else's business. All I can suggest is that you keep going; every month every other day of your fertile window (chart your temps to confirm ov). Even if you don't ov every month you would be safe in the knowledge that the sperm is in situ and there is enough of it. Some men's sperm doesn't last 3 days even, so it's important you try to have sex every other day of your fertile window. You've conceived before without Clomid so you clearly can conceive when you ovulate. You have time to find the viable egg; I'm 44 (almost 45) and it was only when we went from dtd every day in my window to every other day that I got my bfp. Supps are important for men - are you taking coenzyme q10?

I wish you all the luck in the world

Oh, Annie, I also recommend antidepressants - the right ones have the power to turn your life around.

There are some exceptionally brave women on here

How are you feeling Annie? Very sad to read your post. I had a counselling session after late mc & just sat there crying for an hour. It really helped because I find it's the only time you properly let yourself cry without trying to stop or get on with something else. It's really helpful to talk to someone who just listens too.
Good luck with tww Artioo. I didn't note my symptoms so not sure what my body was doing. Could that be a symptom of your ovulation?
Hope funeral went well & you're Fatty.

Meant hope you're ok Fatty not I hope you're fatty!!

Just posting a quick hello.

for everyone who's having a hard time at the moment. Thinking of you all.

Will try and get back to posting more regularly. Will have to wait until term starts again, though that will not be without its' particular demands.

for all. Must get our virtual snug reinstated. Seems like we could all do with some cossetting.

Thank you Maurice, yes I am looking at the 50% now, looking forward, letting go of what has happened and who knows what the future holds... Thank you for giving me support when you have been through so much yourself. I hadn't read your post before I posted, I was in a bit of a state. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.

Artoo I am sorry to hear that you also lost a son. You have both been through so much. I am quite weak emotionally in dealing with these things and its probably because I haven't had to deal with great loss before. I find it a huge shock after every pregnancy loss and get have less and less fight left in me, but in some ways it does make you fight more.

Thank you both for your kindness and generosity in writing these words to help me find strength to look forward. It really does make a huge difference.

Thank you Flotillas for your infectious positivity! And Grizzler thank you, your words are always so calming, hope you are well.

Snug sounds like just the tonic Fireflies!

AnnieHoo, you don't sound weak to me - you're looking to the future, and that's the important thing, even if part of you is still crying for the past. Grief isn't a weakness.

AF is due on Wednesday for me. I've been having strange pains for a couple of days, a tiny amount of spotting on day 19 and nausea, although it's so faint I wonder if I'm imaging it! There's a part of me that's wondering if this could be a sign of something of course. Trying to hold off testing for a couple of days.

Hello everyone, I hope you're having a good bh weekend.

Annie do you know why your husband is so against donor eggs? I'm sure your mum and dh aren't sick of you. Its probably more that they feel frustrated at being unable to help you/make things better. Your dh must be grieving over your losses too. Hopefully you can arrange the miscarriage association counselling and that will help. Why does your doc think that your body doesn't release an egg? Did you find out through temping? I did that for a few months but stopped as it drove me crazy! It's a shame about your friend and her little one, it must be very hard to listen to. Hopefully if she does have mild pnd she can get some help.

Artioo fingers crossed that these are genuine symptoms and that you get a bfp soon. When will you test?

Emerald how are your tests going?

AF is on her way here. I had some yucky, gungy spotting on Thursday which is unusual. Nothing more since but I can feel it is on the way. Due today for my standard 27 day cycle but that does vary more and more now.

DH is against egg donation because he only wants a baby if it's my genes, he's happy not to have children if we can't have one with my eggs. I'm absolutely fine with that and I think the same really. I love seeing my family traits in my nephew and my cousin's children. We are very together on this thankfully.

I was told I don't always ovulate because I was tested for hormone levels and it showed that although my LH hormone went up my progesterone didn't go up by day 21 so they concluded that I haven't ovulated from that.

I took my temperature for the last couple of years and I do believe that most months I ovulate because the temp went up after day 18-21. I can not be bothered to temp anymore! As long as we are shagging every other day and looking for signs of EWCM I've decided there is no benefit in knowing if I ovulated or not.

I'm back on the vitamins though after a break from everything and we are in the fertile period just now so going to keep healthy and happy and give it a go until Christmas.

Ababsurdum - that gunky spotting, I heard that's the 'leftovers' from your last period hanging around the neck of the cervix. Nice eh? Hope AF doesn't come for you!

I caved and tested this morning, BFN. I guess there's still a chance, still a couple of days before AF is due, but I think I'm probably out this month.

I keep messing up signing in at the moment! That last post was me, Artioo.

Sorry to hear that Artioo, I hope you still have a chance this month too.

Annie it's great that you and your dh are in agreement on donor eggs. My dh feels the same and I haven't really given it much thought to be honest except mentioning it to him as one of our options.

Good luck for this month and to everybody else trying.

I think one of the best bits of advice I read of many books, websites etc. was to dtd when you have good ewcm. The consultant I saw when we had our initial tests said that I probably ovulated in 90% of cycles (this was a general comment as I'd had no tests that would provide a personal diagnosis).

AF still hasn't arrived though I'm still feeling like it will. I had a 29 day cycle in May so not so unusual. Yuck re the period 'remnants'! It makes perfect sense though as the blood was brownish/black, definitely old. I've had a few light spots since. I cannot imagine that I am actually pregnant. Would be too miraculous given it took 14 months to get a bfp the first time and I was younger then!

well ladies, Af is due for me on thursday, so will be able to get back on with TTC again. Weve had sex this month, but not concerted efforts to DTD on fertile days or anything. Ive had my usual pre menstrual cycle 3 day migraine, gripey cramps, sore boobs, so just waiting for her to rear her ugly head, then its all go again.

Seriously thinking, tho, as I approach the ned of this year and the 3 year anniversary of us starting TTC #6 that if it hasnt happened by...say June 2016, then i'll just have to give it up as a bad job. The aim was to give my youngest DS age 5 a sibling nearer his age than the next one up who is a DS aged 12, but at this rate, the age gap will still be the same but the other way O.o

Think i might give temping a go, but someone will have to remind me how to do it.

annie at least you and hubs are on the same page as regards eggs....would be so much harder i think if you both were at polar opposites of the idea.

good luck for everyone trying in here....may this be the month we all get our BFP's

Fatty you take your temperature as soon as you wake in the morning before getting up. Use a digital thermometer and note it to one decimal place. You should get a temp rise after you ovulate. You get a dip again before AF is due but I think if you're pregnant it stays high.

thanks ababsurdum do you start on any particular day of your cycle?

It helps to start on cd1 I think so you can see the base line before you ovulate. Good luck, it drove me mad! I used to dream about doing it and if you wake earlier or later it throws it out a bit. I could only be bothered for a few months.

Hi all. Hoping for a bit of a miracle now as started spotting on Friday. Got a hospital appointment on Saturday, at 6 weeks, internal looked fine but hcg was just 968. Going for a scan tomorrow am.
There seems to be lots of positive stories of ladies who get this (tmi) brown spotting early on but go on to have healthy pregnancies. However coupled with the low hcg and fading symptoms I guess I should prepare for the worst.
If any folk can cross their fingers for me tomorrow, I'd be grateful. X