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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

BeckiF going for EGG COLLECTION ... at LAST!

122 replies

BeckiF · 08/11/2006 18:14

Dear all

What a year it's been. Two tryies at Clomind which had no effect. Then our first IVF where I didn'tr espond to treatment AT ALL. This 2nd attempt I've done better and we go for an egg collection on Friday! God willing and all being well I'll have a transplant on Monday. Even if I don't I know that I DO respond to the drugs! So there is hope!

Just wanted to share my news ... I'll post more as and when I have it. I will know on Friday how many eggs they collected and they will let us know on Saturday how many have fertilised ...

YIKES!

OP posts:

Original poster

BeckiF · 24/11/2006 23:06

Hi Hester!

I am so grateful that you have posted for me, I really am. I already know that the test will be negative, I have passed so much blood and so many clots it's just not possible for something to survive. The fact hat my unit want me to continue the Cyclogest and test on Monday is just torture, although today I am brighter, as I have had several days to absorb the loss.

Our only two embryos were SO good, one going to the morula stage and the other a fabulous 8 cell just makes it worse. I of course am going through the guilt of 'what did I do wrong', of feeling a failure, of feeling distraught for myself and for my darling fiance who has been better than I could ever have imagined and of course I feel unfeminine and unwomanly. As I sat and sobbed in the early hours of Wednesday morning, 'My right has been taken away...' and 'It shouldn't BE like this' ... and just simply 'Why? ...'

I find the boards a mixed place to be. On the one hand I get support and many questions answered, and then I also get to read the 'Should I have my 3rd/4th etc baby' ... or read about people who have been trying for just months and get there naturally. I know it's normal to be jealous and resentful. But then there are also the stories of those that have perservered for years.

I know that come Monday and the negative test, the tears will flow once more. Because there is a little spark of hope within me. It's like I know the answer but just don't want it confirmed.

OP posts:

Pruni · 24/11/2006 23:22

Message withdrawn

munz · 25/11/2006 06:55

oh becki (((hugs))) I only wish I could say something more reassuring to you. it really is so cruel for you and DF.

Original poster

BeckiF · 25/11/2006 09:16

This morning the bleeding has finally subsided, I'm still bleeding but in a less dramatic and more managable way. Part of that tiny spark of hope ocassionally flares up to a real 'what if' but it soon subsides.

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sleeplessinhants · 25/11/2006 18:35

Beckif I'll be away from home next week, but will try to get access to a computer if I can. Like everyone else here will be thinking of you on Monday and hoping you get that BFP. Take care x

Original poster

BeckiF · 25/11/2006 19:50

Thanks ... I'm sure that we all know the outcome already though if we're honest, but hope springs ever eternal.

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bubbly1973 · 26/11/2006 09:53

becki i been lurking in the background quitely supporting you, but feel i want to write just to let you know that im thinking of you and hoping for a positive against all the odds that you have gone through

has the bleeding gone heavy that you need to wear a pad or is it still light? are you having cramps and period pains?

dont blame yourself, its one of lifes mysterys as to why the embroys didnt hang on in there IF your not pregnant, so please dont think its something you have done, it isnt, i hope you can find the strength to just hang on in there, and once you know for sure the outcome it will be easier than it is today to cope with...at the moment its the not knowing but hoping but scared to hope that is torture but once you know what you have to deal with i know you will get through it

good luck for monday and i truly truly hope its a bfp

Original poster

BeckiF · 26/11/2006 10:10

Hi bubbly

Sadly I've had the cramps and very heavy bleeding, so it's obvious that I've not held onto them. Feel like I've been made to hang in limbo until tomorrow, which has stopped me moving on. We both need to.

I'd just like to thank you ALL for your support and information. I will of ocurse post the final outcome for you tomorrow.

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BudaBeast · 26/11/2006 17:25

Oh BeckiF - so sad for you.

My last attempt (October) was the same except I had a 3 week wait (am in Budapest and they do it differently here), period never came and I was even feeling sick for a couple of days. Allowed myself to seriously hope I was PG. Then 2 days before was due to go to doc I started to bleed. Did a test and was negative. Cried and cried.

Went to doc and he did a scan - He just said "yes the womb is empty". Can still hear those words reverberating.

I will try again in January but don't really hold out much hope due to my age (am 42). Have one Ds of 5 who is fab and I just keep hugging. He wants Father Christmas to ask God for a brother or sister - breaks my heart.

Will check tomorrow for your "final" outcome. Hoping for a miracle for you.

Hugs.

Original poster

BeckiF · 26/11/2006 18:32

Thank you Buda, but I'm positive it will be a negative, although I still have that spark of hope, as ridiculous as that seems.

I have noted that although the bleeding is all but gone I still have a 'tender' feeling inside when I sit down and when I pee. I also have gotten some more sort of AF pains in the centre. I'm sure this is all normal when you've lost everything but I'd appreciate any input.

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BudaBeast · 26/11/2006 20:09

I didn't have any pain at all. Just bleeding with clots.

(Am stupidly still sort of hoping that next AF won't arrive and that I am PG after all! How dumb is that??)

I still sometimes feel as if I am getting cystitis or somethign similar which I had the first w/end I was using the pessaries - assumed the pessaries were irritating somehow - still have that on and off.

It is hard to figure out what is what after so many hormones I suppose.

gingernut · 26/11/2006 20:16

Oh Becki sorry to read this. Will still keep fingers crossed though.

Original poster

BeckiF · 27/11/2006 10:04

Negative. And we have to wait three months before we can start again.

Devestated.

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BudaBeast · 27/11/2006 10:09

Oh Becki. Am so so sorry. It is such a horrible feeling. There is nothing I can say that will make you feel any better right now so I won't even try. Am here if you need to vent/cry whatever.

Look after yourself.

Saturn74 · 27/11/2006 10:13

So sorry, BeckiF.

misdee · 27/11/2006 10:14

was so hoping this will be the time for you.

expatinscotland · 27/11/2006 10:18

Really sorry, Becki .

Twiglett · 27/11/2006 10:19

There's nothing I can say to make this better but I'm really sorry BeckIF

Natty1806 · 27/11/2006 14:50

Really sorry to hear that becki

why do you have to wait 3 months? Sorry if i am being thick.x

EllieHsMum · 27/11/2006 16:44

So sorry Beckif. I know there isn't anything I can say which will make you feel better or take the pain away.Sending big hugs.

sleeplessinhants · 28/11/2006 18:52

Beckif, Have finally managed to log on. I am very sorry things did not work out. We to did not have any luck this time. Despite feeling very disapointed, I'm trying to remain optimistic for the future. I just wanted to wish you the very best for next time and Thank you for starting this thread which I (and possibly many others) have found to be a great source of support over the last few weeks.

Look after yourself x

Pruni · 28/11/2006 18:56

Message withdrawn

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