'TTC after a miscarriage - new thread'

[Janus]

Well tried to add my bit to old thread and we have reached 1000 posts again!!
Chocolatepeanut, am so sorry for what you are going through, although you sound as if you are handling it well so far. Hope things aren't too bad for you in the coming days.
Rubles, sorry if AF does arrive, bloody bitch! My blood tests will be next week. DP sperm test threw up 'abnormal sperm' and he needs to go and discuss with the GP later this week although she did say it wasn't too much to worry about. Been meaning to start a new thread on this but haven't got around to it.
I'm looking for a yoga class to try and help me relax! Do think this whole TTC is stressing me out so much, I'm so conscious of age gaps, both our ages working against us, even worrying about if we do conceive in next couple of months as worked out it would be a July or August baby (my oldest is July born and is struggling bit with school etc). Part of me thinks it may do us all some good if I just stop ttc for a couple of months, then the other half panics about an even bigger gap, etc!!
How on earth do you all manage to relax about all this stuff??

Hi all. I am at work and very busy at the moment (I have a job interview next week) and haven't caught up with the latest development yet but saw Lulu's mail. Lulu maybe some of the things I learned during my ordeal might be useful to you. I will read and reply to you later tonight. Maybe you would like to start a news thread on this and let me know? I have also started one on Ashermans under the Conception rubric and two Mnetters who are not actively TTC have replied on Ashermans and cervical stenosis etc. I wished I would have had more info on this myself. I also learned about hormone misbalances that can lead to what you decribe. What's the best way to discuss this? I will really really try to get back to you tonight....

Hi everybody. For those who still know me (most of the MNers that have supported me here in the last months have moved on to the prenatal threads by now). I got my period yesterday. Stayed home and celebrated. Still am of TTC for a long time, but at least there is some clarification what is going on. Thanks to everybody whos has been so kind to me.

Lulu, have read all your posts now. Asherman's after ERPC is not normal. I personally think it is malpractise, but I am sure it is not intensional. I personally find it better to focus on getting better rather than filing NHS complaint forms, but this is a personal opinion . We probably should be doing both... I am not a medical doctor so everything I will post here is only to the best of my understanding and could be wrong. But I just spend 4.5 months studying it....if there is scarring after an ERPC the uterus lining cannot built up properly and is in certain places thin (I beleive these are the 'adhesions' that are mentioned in the context of Ashermans). No lining, no period. I believe that there is a feedback onto the hormones as well, so that there is no endometrium built-up even in the places that have no scarring. [By the way once can also have scarring but no problems conceiving so its complicated.] To my understanding only very experienced diagnosticians can see scarring on an ultrasound. Do you trust your
consultant? Is he very experienced? You might be very worried right now without reason, because there are other reasons for not having a perdiod! Once common one is that there is a hormonal imbalance in the pituary gland in the brain which stops you from ovulating. This is more common after giving birth (and maybe a natural mechanisms for not conceiving too soon after birth) but it can also happen after m/c. It is very easy to remedy that. One gets one surge of hormones, one ovulation and the body bounces right back into equilibrium. Have your hormones be tested? Finally you have to make sure that you are not having a cervical stenosis, which is when the cervix closes up completely. This is what happened to me. So I ended up having my period but it couldn't come out and was collecting in the uterus. This can be easily detect in an ultrasound after you had your period. The term for blood in the uterus is 'haematometra'. Now, you can have a combinations of all of the above, E.g. I first had an imcomplete ERPC and since my body was still producing the preganancy hormones, I didn't get my period. Then I had a cervical stenosis and the haematometra. Also, the retained material after the 1st ERPC was at the top of the uterus and only visisble in the vaginal scan, not in the external one. Did your HCG hormones drop off after the ERPC (not that anybody ever checks that -- this info is just not out there!!!)?
-- If you have Asherman's (scarring) then the
procedure is to break up the scar tissue. Sometime a coil is fitted (because there is a vaccum in the uterus and a coil prevents the two uterus walls from touching each other and forming adhesions again). One of the MNers
(martianbishop) went through this and gave birth two two perfectly healthy children afterwards. She also was on hormones to build up the endometrium while she had the coil in.

Okay this post is getting to long... If you want to talk more, we can either open our own thread or if you have an email adress or phone number I would be happy to contact you.
(I do not know about safe ways to exchange personal data, but there must be some).

Keep your spirits up -- you will get through this. Get the right consultant! Get a second opinion! Nag the GP and go back and back and ask for an earlier date for the hysteroscopy. I was very luck to have a private insurance (its is required by my work place) who paid for it. Have you considered going private? If you at any point think you might be getting your period (cramps etc) but there is no blood, insist on another scan (if there is a cervical stenosis they have to operate before the next period).

You have all of us behind you, don't forget that.

Hi D4phne, so glad to hear your news. I also think it is great that you can give all this useful info to Lulu and others.
I love MN!!

D4phne I'm so delighted your af has arrived. You must be so relieved

Uki, rahrah is ok. She's posting on the hut of doom thread (hmm, sounds like a contradiction in terms doesn't it!)

I got my 20 test sticks! They seem to work.
BTW does anyone get period pain around the time they expect to ov? I did last Friday/Saturday, really thought period was about to start but it hasn't, but I've had it before, back pain in the middle of my cycle. So maybe I should test on the weekend, I'm sure I read somewhere that you could get a BFP 6 days after ov...
OKay I'm clutching at straws here..

Catbabybunny this happened to me in August. Very sudden period pain, dizzy and an awful taste in my mouth. I can only describe it as a hormone surge. 2 weeks later I got my BFP.

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YAY D4PH
Finally back to normal, I hope you get pg real quick now, but I'm sure whatever happens in the next couple of months won't seem as long as all the waiting and worry you have had.

sending you loads of special baby dust ,.,;',.;,'.,;,'.,;.,'.,.;,',.;,',..;.'.;',;.',;
,'.;,';,',;.',;.';.,'.',;.',;,',;,,.,;',.;,'.,;',.,;',.,;',.';,',.',.',.',.'.,',
.',.',.',.,.,;'.,;,'.,;',.,',.;,'.,;,'.,'.,.',;,.,;',.,',;,.';,.',;,.',;,.',;.,';,.,',.,;,;;;;;
* * * * * *

Very pleased to hear D4phne's news. Sounds like your body is getting back to normal, thank goodness!

D4phne, what are your plans now? Going to give a month and wait til after the next one or start babymaking now?

Gillian - thanks for the reassurance!

Had both a good/bad day yesterday. In the morning went out with 3 colleagues to visit a customer as the Technical Expert . Came back to work and had my yearly appraisal with my boss who said he thinks I'm wonderful (I've been in my present post with the company for 10 months now, I applied with it along with a more senior person and I got the job). He said I have vindicated his decision to give me the job rather than the senior bloke.
Then one my lab techs handed his notice in - we are already shortstaffed and am in the process of trying to get 1 or 2 more lab techs, and now need to find & train another one AGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

Catbabymummy, no I am planning on not TTC for some time. I am hurt and angry and in no place
for creating life. Plus it would probably be inadvisable physically as well. I mean, what my poor uterus had to go through in the last months... While I think I would be ready to be a mom, I am not ready for losing another baby, especially since I would rather die than ever concenting to another ERPC. Just read what I wrote and it is pretty evident that I shouldn't TTC isn't it? I want a baby very much, don't get me wrong, but this has really messed me up
good. I am so angry at fate/god/the world that my RL friends are pregant, while I was put through this. There is nothing I did consciously wrong IYNWIM.

Oh D4ph
I'm really sorry you are feeling so low, and sorry for what i wrote before too, but i really think you deserve some good luck now.

I don't know if this will help you, and don't really know why i'm writing it, tmi alert

I watched a hospital show last night and there is this lovely young women, only been married two years who has a massive non-maligniant tumour growing on her backside about 30kg, she had been told by dr's that there wasn't much they could do unless it got worse. it has grown very quickly and is now seriously affecting her she ended up in a big hospital (with proper dr's), and now has to have her whole insides removed with the tumour, utereus, bladder, rectum, vagina, etc, afterwards she will obviously have no sex life or anything.

Then on the operating table they found malignant cancer on her lyphnods. Even the dr said some people lose at every turn. It was so sad, but she was so brave and lovely if that was me it would be forget it, i'm not living with out half my body.

It made anything i've been through look like a grain of sand, and you will feel that way soon too. Other friends babies won't matter, and you will appreciate everything so much more than they will.
In the meantime look after yourself and think about councelling to get out all your fears. I had some it helped.

Hi Uki... how are you getting on... How many weeks are you now? Have you had your 12 weeks scan?

I'm still trying...still having lots of up and down moments, but trying hard to get on with things. Had reflexology this month as well and an appointment with our fertility consultant that we saw prior to conceiving with Bertie. He believes on a fertility point of view there is nothing wrong with either of us and it just takes us a long time to conceive. He has said that he strongly believes that we should be pg again in the next 18months. God I can't wait that long...considering we have already been TTC for 28months! He believes what happened in my pregnancy with Bertie was a one off and an implantation problem and should not happen again. However he has done a complete round of tests just to double check, but he is pretty sure all of them will be ok, as had most of them done prior to conceiving with Bertie. He has also repeated all the blood clotting tests. I am ovulating later than normal since I had Bertie, but the consultant thinks this is down to stress and that I'm still in the normal range. I also went to see another consultant that diagnosed PCO, but my fertility consultant disagreed with this and said they were board line and would not cause any issues within pregnancy. He said I need to settle on one consultant and follow through a treatment pan with that doctor rather than seeing lots of different doctors, as they will differ in their opinions, as it is not an exact science. So I have an appointment with him in 6 months time to follow up if still not pg!...

Anyway I'm rambling so will say goodbye..X

D4phne, my darling - I'm so pleased you have finally got your period. I so hope life looks up for you soon, sweetheart - I've been thinking of you often. Our stories were so similar, that I can't think how lucky I have been to have had 2 ERCPs, but had no apparent negative effects.

Look after yourself and make sure you heal yourself. When the time is right, i'm sure you will make a wonderful mother. It is absolutely terrifying being pg after having had a mc, particularly after all you've had to deal with, so I can really understand your reluctance at the moment.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything better for you.

Has DH moved over to you yet?

{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}
x

D4phne. Thanks so much for your very helpful and thoughtful words. sorry I have been so long in responding- crazy time at work! Since my end of my tether post, a few things have happened-- a good friend put me in touch with a fertility expert who chatted to me on the phone. She said many of the things you say in your helpful post. she said that Asherman's is VERY rare and she thinks I need a second opinion as she is not certain he could spot it by ultrasound so easily. She thinks I should get another opinion and they should monitor my cycle and have ultrasounds at start and end. Then... I got a period! Wierd. It has last 3 days and is light, but not super-light. I have now called GP and it looks like I will go see another gynae to get a second opinion. May have to wait while, though. I may go private to speed things up and get better attention. I so appreciate your wisdom and support. And great news that you are getting back on track

Uki, Fettle, Firststar, Rarah thanks for your kind words. I guess I am still lurking around here, am I not?! It's intersting, I mean in a sense the hard time should be over now, but emotionally all my worry and anger is coming out now. Problem is there is nobody really to blame (I mean nobody meant to harm me, the doctors were just incompetent...) I have started accupucture 6 weeks ago and find it very helpful. I have also started boiling Chinese Herbs. If I understand it correctly the Chinese Medicine approach to my state would be the opposite of how we think about it: they would say my energy cannot flow through me and I am full of repressed anger and this is why my cervix closed up. Or that my body didn't want to give up the idea of this baby and this is why I didn't lose all of the material after the first ERPC. I think one has to be very careful with this type of argumentation but i wonder if there is somethinh to it.

Lulu, I am very glad you talked to an expert who has a different opinion and great news on the AF! (I think we should start a 'waiting for my period thread' :-). Hope you don't have to wait too long for the 2nd opinion ....

D4phne- I completely understand about being angry. It is part of the recovery, I think. Shows that you are not being passive and not a patient anymore... It is so difficult when you know something is not right and nobody listens or takes it seriously. Also, I am sure you are still very upset at losing the baby and it makes it all the more difficult. I have amazed myself- I still cry at the drop of a hat and still feel totally devastated by the loss. And so you want to get on with things, but can't. Anyway, I will keep fingers and toes crossed for you. As for me- I am going for a 2nd opinion in 3 weeks. Other than that will wait and see- hopefully I will get into a regular cycle. I'm so hoping that the other dr was wrong and it simply took me a long time to recover from the miscarriage...
I wonder if anyone has had the experience of not having a period almost 4 months after a miscarriage?

Hey all, D4phne, really feel for you, totallu understand why you have decided not to ttc, but can't imagine how you must be feeling
Best wishes too you.

HI All
D4ph -chinese herbs and acupunture sound like a great idea, maybee you could through in some kickboxing to get out some anger.

Would also like to recommend, a tropical holiday to all TTC or needing relaxation. I went to Langkawi in Malaysia and swam in this lagoon on an island called 'the lake of the pregnant maiden' when i was 10w pg with ds, after 2 m/c. It was such a beautiful place, very healing and lucky i think.

Hi Rahrah- great to hear your update, you have been up to alot. If your anything like me i think this means you've been covered throughly with the medical side of things and now you just need to feel confident in your self and relax. I really hope your pg within 6 months and can see this happening for you, i think the first conception always is the hardest. My current pg happened in the month i wasn't expecting a bfp, i thought i was to stressed with a conference but maybe i had to let go or something.

My update, everything seems well, i'm 13 weeks i've found it hard to believe all was ok for so long, but all starting to feel real now.

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Brilliant to hear Uki, wow 13 weeks! Keep us updated... Take Care X

Greetings all

Great to hear your news Uki! I can't wait to get to 13 weeks. I am now 11 weeks and had my midwife appt and scans at 10w

• 5days. Everything looked fine.

D4phne - anger is a very natural response to what you've been through. You've been through so much more than most of us. After my 2 ERPC's last year, I had to take 6 months off TTC because one of them was diagnosed as a partial molar pregnancy. In some ways it was a blessing as I had time to emotionally as well as physically heal. Be gentle with yourself, pamper yourself... (I had lots of reflexology!)

we're off on holiday to Cape Town for 3 weeks, and I look forward to catching up again with everyone when I'm back. xx j