'TTC after a miscarriage - new thread'

[Janus]

Well tried to add my bit to old thread and we have reached 1000 posts again!!
Chocolatepeanut, am so sorry for what you are going through, although you sound as if you are handling it well so far. Hope things aren't too bad for you in the coming days.
Rubles, sorry if AF does arrive, bloody bitch! My blood tests will be next week. DP sperm test threw up 'abnormal sperm' and he needs to go and discuss with the GP later this week although she did say it wasn't too much to worry about. Been meaning to start a new thread on this but haven't got around to it.
I'm looking for a yoga class to try and help me relax! Do think this whole TTC is stressing me out so much, I'm so conscious of age gaps, both our ages working against us, even worrying about if we do conceive in next couple of months as worked out it would be a July or August baby (my oldest is July born and is struggling bit with school etc). Part of me thinks it may do us all some good if I just stop ttc for a couple of months, then the other half panics about an even bigger gap, etc!!
How on earth do you all manage to relax about all this stuff??

Hi Pinkranger
I had a scan because I'd had a previous m/c, was part of sort of medical scheme (not exactly private health but almost) so my GP referred me for a private scan at my request. Prior to that he'd sent me for 2 NHS blood tests, 24 hrs apart to see if my hcg was doubling to indicate a strong pg, which at that time it was. Looking forward to when we can ttc again, just a little scared (slight understatement)
Edie-I know I've only just got brave enough to look here

jossie - so sorry you have been through this more than once its bad enough first time let alone any more ....... I know what you mean about getting preganat, really looking forward to seeing that BFP - DREADING the 12 weeks that follow that..... it will never be normal for all of us.

Pinkranger, welcome to this thread, sorry (iykwim) that you are here and hope your stay is not too long.
Rubles, I would go and have the blood test anyway and ring your GP and collect another referral form so that you can go again later in the week or next week if it all comes gushing in a few days, you will then have covered both option. (In a very small whisper, are you sure you need to go???!!! I hope not!!!) Partner off to GP tomorrow for more info, I think basically most males have some abnormal sperm which just don't reach the egg and the healthy ones get there first, it's just how many there are. I am taking comfort that the GP said not to worry and maybe if she suggests a lifestyle change then it would be much better coming from her than me suggesting it.
Have decided to invest in a fertility monitor as last month my OPK seemed early with no other signs like positive cm so decided a bit more help is probably worth a try. I really can't be arsed to temp as I'm incredibly forgetful and do drink still which would all affect readings so this seems a better way to check what's going on.
Hope everyone else is OK.

Yeah! - internet working tonight!!

Rubles - sounds unusual, I always thought CD1 was 1st day of red flow, but if you are having an unusual cycle, I would ask opinion of your surgery - if they likely to be helpful with that? Is there anyway you might be pg and this is implantation bleeding? You said yesterday that your temps were still up?

I've found since MC that AF seem to be strange compared to what I was used to (despite the fact they are more regular) They start really lightly then it starts with earnest (read that as really really heavy!!) about CD3 and then all over by CD5/6.

As we are already on TMI alert!! CM hasn't changed since 2 days ago, but still more than I normally have. Temps still down, so still hopeful I still won't have ov by Friday eve - stressing like this know will probably delay it anyway!

House is in chaos and my lovely DH is very house-proud - he assures me it doesn't matter what the house looks like, he just wants to get home to me and DD, but I am stressing. Will try and stay off the internet tonight after DD is asleep... as if!

D4phne - its a tough decision for you - I don't envy you, as you want to be with DH, but not put extra pressure on TTC. Is there any chance you could move to DH and look for some work, while you are TTC, just so you are not focussing completely on TTC?

Hope everyone else is hanging in there? Edie, any further developments, or are you just waiting for AF now?

Anyone on their 2WW, I can't keep up?!

crosseed posts there PinkRanger, Jossie & Janus - sorry not ignoring. Just started writing the post, then got side-tracked by supper.

Re abnormal sperm, my DH had to have his tested prior to DD and it came back as more than 50% sluggish and a high percentage swimming in the wrong direction (probably too male to ask for directions!!)

Either way, we've conceived at least twice, once leading to healthy, happy DD! So hopefully abnormal sperm isn't too bad a sign?

x

Thanks everybody for all the support. So good to know you are all here. D4phne!! Can't believe we went through that at the same time!!

CANT WAIT FOR AF!!

HI all

Edie -glad things are returning to normal.

Rubles- no idea about weird AF patttern, maybe just still settling down, but you'd think it would be heavier.

Babby f and rubles re: dh and alcohol they should be able to go clean for a month or two- we are the ones that have to go about 1 year and 9 months clean with pg and bf, I think they have the easy part. Do your dh's take multi vits too, folate and zinc are especially important for healthy sperm and alcohol and smoking can stip bodies a bit. Sorry I sound like a nag, but just in case you didn't know.

Cd 26 for me if no AF on Sunday i will test mon morning, which is sunday night i think UK time.

Well full flow arrived today, so I think I will take today as CD1, meaning my AF was 2 days late. Temp was finally down this morning. I don't know what the spotting was on Tuesday, I feel like there is someone out there playing tricks with me and messing with my head. I was really relaxed and OK about thinking it was AF on Tuesday, I was fine and not at all stressed this month. It's like this 'person' out there wanted to make me stress by making this happen to get my hopes up yesterday, before dashing them good and proper today. I needlessly wasted a day yesterday going to the toilet and back thinking about what was going on in my pants all the time, when I should have been doing something much more relaxing, productive and healthy. I am really annoyed at myself. I was even starting considering doing a pg test. Am really peed off and . Sorry.

Also had a minor argy with dp last night because he had a glass of wine out again last night and denied saying he was starting the cut down today. That mystified me because he so clearly said it yesterday. He went and threw the wine away but petulantly like a child, like it was something I had forced him to do rather than something that he has been wanting to do for a while, or that is right to do for us conceiving. So am feeling a bit of underlying on that front.

Rubles

Thats so crap about your AF. I know exactly what thats like-I guess we all do on here. But you didnt do a preg test did you? So well done. The body is so annoying sometimes, it can really feel as if it is playing tricks on you.

My DP is a boxer so he doesnt drink (hardly ever) or smoke. He also takes vits as well but I made him take zinc too. So im really lucky. I know that if he wasnt boxing then I would have a very hard time persuading him not to have the odd glass of wine or beer. Is it really important for them to stop if its only occasional use?

Thanks for your kind words Edie. You are lucky with your dp on that front, I so wish I didn't have the worry of dp's smoking to think about. I think occasional drinks are completely fine - you don't sound like you have anything to worry about on that front at all.
The thing with my dp is, he doesn't binge or get drunk much at all, he just drinks 3/4 units every single day of his life. I mean every single day. I am just trying to challenge him to try and break the habit of years and years and try to drink something non-alcoholic for one night.

Oh right then I guess if it is regular use then it may slow the sperm down a bit? Yes its probably the smoking that is more of an issue. Its so unfair how easy it is for some people though. I know a couple who both drink, smoke and take drugs occasionally too and they have two healthy kids!!!! And there are we trying to be ultra healthy!! Makes me [envy}

I meant

Morning everybody. Rubles, I do not know if this is any consolation but I guess there is the possibility that you were pg for a very short while (

Uki -- fingers crossed!!!!

Rubles, so sorry about AF. I really do think our bodies play tricks on us, in September I'd pretty much convinced myself i was pg, felt really sick, really sore boobs, etc, i was almost shocked when AF arrived and, of course, bloody miserable. As said, we do know how you feel and probably understand much more than most so i am sorry. My partner also drinks nearly every day and sometimes has big binges!! but, thankfully, doesn't smoke. That said I still drink couple/few glasses a few times a week too so maybe I should look at myself too. We have always been like this though and we have got pg 3 times so maybe staying in your units with a couple/few days off in the week is OK?? Waiting to hear what GP has said to partner (he saw her this morning) to see whether she recommends lifestyle change, let you know.
Take care.

No D4phne he is ameteur(sp). He works as an engineer. Yes its good but people do get the wrong idea about him! He is very clean living and so lovely. Would never condone being violent, boxing is so dedicated isn't it? He watches what he eats and is fussy about going into a smoky bar/pub. Good for ttc though!!!!!!!!!!!

Message withdrawn

Firststar -- enjoy !!!

Oh , Rubles, so sorry - was secretly really hoping it was a good sign for you.

I'm at home today, as DD suddenly came down with agonizing ear pain on the way to nursery. A dose of calpol and a 2 hr sleep later, she's absolutely fine again (building towers out of DVD cases (!)) - hope she's better for DH's return tomorrow.

Must somehow get some work done, but don't think it's going to be very easy.

Hope everyone else is healthy and happy as possible.

Firststar hang in there - you can rest soon !

Edie, glad your DH sounds healthy - have you ever watched him box? Not sure I could - but i know DH enjoys watching work colleagues in amateur boxing matches though and he assures me it's not how I would imagine it!

Take care, everyone else
x

Well what a waste of time dp seeing GP. Sat down and she said 'why are you here then?', to which dp replied 'because you asked me to come in to explain my result'. GP couldn't then find the full results just had on screen that sperm morphology was 8 but she didn't know what that meant. Then said he had to go and have another test so they can get the lab to do a proper report. Grrrrr! GP then said maybe I should get referred to a gynae but it would take about 5 months to get an appt. Am seriously thinking of going private for tests now. Have any of you gone private and is it really hellish??
Sorry for rant, now feel months behind again .

Message withdrawn

Oh Janus - how frustrating?

Why are GPs so varied depending on where you are? Mine have always been so supportive about fertility-related matters.

Mine has suggested that we at least have the initial appointment privately to bypass the queue. Once we know how we are going to proceed, she says you can then opt to go back on the NHS if you can't afford it - but at least you'll have been seen and have some idea why you are having trouble TTC?

We haven't as yet gone down this route, as with DH away there was no point going for tests and we are moving to a different PCT area in 5 weeks, so not much point seeing someone here now, so I'm waiting until after Christmas.

Try and keep positive - it's so hard though, when all you want is a baby in your arms. I keep reminding myself how lucky we are to finally have DD after 2 years of trying, that sometimes I think I'm being greedy trying to have another.

HTH

Where are you all?

My last night when I can be on MN without tuts and sighs from DH and noone's here!

Fed up with working - but must do a little more to make up for being at home today.

Sorry, D4phne, I hope you didn't misunderstand me, I obviously assumed you'd been trying to get a job related to what you currently do near DH, I was simply meaning whether there was something/anything you could plan to do or think about doing, which would make the move less focussed on TTC.

I do feel for you, I managed to avoid moving around with DH, until I was pg with DD and then moving with him was easy, as I was going on maternity leave so soon afterwards. Now I'm in the situation that I always told myself I would stop working once had baby no2, but its not happening as fast as I would have hoped. Should have known as it took 2 years to have DD, but the mc back in Feb really knocked me back, as I never expected that once I was finally pg (took 7 months 2nd time around), I would then lose it. All our plans out the window just like that - but then you all here, understand that so much, that's why I love having you all to talk to.

More prepared this time around, but therefore also so much more scared by it all. If it doesn't happen soon, DD will be at school (2 years to go) and then I'll have missed anytime with her. Anyway, the point of my ramble is, I'm having to seriously consider whether I just give up work now to spend time with DD, whether I get pg or not, or whether I hang on for a bit longer and see if we manage to conceive over next few months. So hard - times like this, I would love a crystal ball, but I suppose I should just trust in fate and have faith that life will be as it will be.

I've got the form to at least request part-time hours, but my boss has always said it wouldn't be possible for my department, but we've grown over the last few months, so hopefully it might be easier to organise. I've got my yearly appraisal with her on Tuesday, so hopefully I'll be organised and brave enough to discuss it with her.

Anyway, I've managed to fill a large space again, with my rambles.

Take care all
Big smiles & Hugs {{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}

Oh babyfettle, what a dilemma! If you don't mind me asking can you afford now to go part-time? I've been sooooo lucky that I gave up work when first one arrived and now she is 6 and youngest 3. I can't believe my oldest is in year 2 and wonder where the time has gone and feel so lucky to have been with her. It sounds like such a cliche but time goes so fast, my youngest is now in the school nursery for 2.5 hours a day and I sobbed when she started as I knew that was the end of having her to myself!
If you can afford it, try it, you can always change things in the years to come. Sounds like your dd is at the lovely stage!!!, lots of classes you could go to, etc, I'm sure you'd love it! Good luck with your choice.

Thanks Janus - I know the time does go really fast. We could afford it (just) - we've been squirrelling away for the last few years. And DD is at such a lovely age, but I think she would miss nursery, we are very lucky and have found a lovely one, where she is thriving. That's why I'm thinking the part-time option would be best all round. See what DH says this weekend - we have so much to talk about. Hope we don't spend all weekend arguing, as we tend to when he firsts gets home, while we readjust to eachother! Need to be in the mood for some BD-ing!!

I'm sorry everyone else, I know this thread isn't really the place for this type of discussion.