The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Tada!! Well done Barking! There ain't no slackers here McFly!!

Now Barking - what's this about your dad? What's wrong lovely?

Fab He's been diagnosed with Multiple system atrophy (MSA), a progressive neurological disorder. He was diagnosed with Parkinsons a few years ago, but the drugs that were supposed to help did nothing and he deteriorated very quickly. They've now rediagnosed him. He's in a wheelchair. He has very little left in the way of fine motor skills and his speech is very difficult to understand. He has never smoked, is tee total, a vegetarian, fit and active all his life.
This fucking stinks. And all I can think of is how unfair it is that I haven't been able to give him a grandchild in time for him to hold it. I've always been a daddy's girl, and he's always been great with babies. He would be an amazing grandad.

Just .

Damn. Meant to post that on the old, bad thread. Not the shiny, new, positive one. Sorry .

Oh Barking, I'm so sorry - that is honestly the shittest of all shit things. I want to have something wise and containing to say but words are nonsense at these times.

• lots and lots of luffs to you, fuck being positive on the thred, we can take it, we're there for you Hag

I am so sorry Barking. I know from bitter experience that there is nothing anyone can say but Blue is right, BESH is a place for honestly and for saying exactly what you feel and think, zero holding back.

Hugs hag.

Thanks hags. It wasn't exactly a shock, he's been deteriorating for years, but to have a time put on it is a bit scary when we all deal in time calculations constantly despite trying very hard not to. If I get pg in x then I'll have a baybee in y and it will be x by the time...
BESH I need to have a fucking baby before it never meets its lovely Grandad. How the fuck do I make this happen?
And I'm not even starting on the fact that DCW has had itchy feet for years and wants to move abroad (we were going to do that with baybee 2 years ago, ha ha ha). There's no way I'm moving abroad now.

Anyway. Do we need a list before we get too far in?

Barkingtreefrog 35, TTC 3 years. Clomid bfp then a mc Sept 2013, IUI bfp then mc July 2014. Diagnosed with factor v leiden thrombophilia at the RMC.

barking I'm so sorry. It's so shitty and unfair I don't really have words for it.

I think there are some new BESH since I was last here . Greetings. I've been in self-imposed exile for 6 months or so but getting back into the land of ttc now.

fizzyfeet 34, ttc for 4 years. 1 mmc, 2 ectopics, no tubes left. Poor egg count, endometriosis, 1 failed fresh ivf and 2 abandoned frozen cycles due to womble lining ishoos.

Blue - TTC nearly 3 years - not a sniff since then, probably due to start the assisted approach in the futuristic 2015

Oh and months away from being 36

Erica, 34, TTC for three years. One mc and one cp in the first 2.5 years before I got diagnosed with endo last April, got a BFP after the lap but mc-d again at 7 weeks. Rmc tests came back normal, so I am an unexplained. Same as Blue going to look into treatment in 2015.

Hello. I just noticed the title of your thread and feel like it's going to be 2030 by the time I get preg at this rate so I would not, but going crazy like to join you.

I have just turned 30 and been ttc-ing since April 2013. Not a sniff of a Bfp, have polycystic ovaries but not the full blown syndrome, cycles are roughly 35 days. Dh's swimmers are a bit low and a bit funny shaped but urologist has said it shouldn't really be a problem, so I guess it's me!

Really just fucked off with the whole ttc thing now, I was supposed to get pg in 2014 and I'm angry about it!

So, that's me...

Hey Cooper, coz I know the ways of the hags now I know you gotta fill out the BESH questionnaire - hi though

More fucking facebook announcements thing is I'm pretty sure I'm seeking them out (just scrolled through pages of some ex- colleagues page until I found evidence that she's due to give birth anyday now. What is wrong with me??

Barking, stupid question I know but how you doing?

Hags! I lost you! But then I found you! . Smashing new fred barking, hope you're doing OK this weekend. I have yelled a few choice CUNTS at the general universe for you.

Fizz!!! Good to have you back old girl! This is your last fred tho, y'hear me?

Heya coop - let's see yer BESHtionnaire then, although you definitely sound like you've got the right 'tude.

Rain, 33, TTC since March 2012. 1 natural BFP october 2013, ended in MMC in November. Not a sniff since, referral for IVF expected end of this month. Unexplained

blue I do that too. I think it's down to the same faulty brain wiring that compels me to read the Daily Hate Mail despite despising it from time to time!

Also, just to clarify fizz I obviously meant that in a positive thinking way and not a weird, creepy, threatening way.

Ok, doing this on my phone so might turn out wonky..

1. gin. With prosecco and elderflower thanks.
2. gold digger
3. foof, but considering praying to the baby jebus soon..
4. a
5. b
6. none
7. john snow
8. Scarlett johansson
9. c
10. c
11. a

Acceptable?

Ooh Cooper - you may have just created the BESH cocktail!

And rain - I kinda like you creepy, I imagine you with a big black hat and a cigarette holder

Jon Snow eh? You know nothing!! Haha, welcome Coops!

Barking, wow what a shitter of a time you're having at the mo unBESHly hugs to you Hag. My lovely Dad died last year so i understand the sadness. I didn't think he would last until our wedding so we were lucky to have him well enough to be there and make a fabulous speech and a couple more years after that but I do feel bad that if we are able to have children that they will never know what a great man he was.

AFM - 42, married to TWH - ttc for 4 years, initially unexplained, ivf #1 success but mmc at 8wks, ivf #2 fail. Autoimmune issues diagnosed plus laporoscopy dealt with endo so just gearing up for ivf #3 with all the bells and whistles for January. Everything crossed!

AW, fanks for the concern hags. I cried my way through most of yesterday, DCW telling me it would be ok etc and me saying it was was ridiculous to say that, how could it be ok. Then I got pissed at the office party Saturday night and went on a bike ride with a hangover today in the wind and rain. Dressed as a reindeer.

Makes a change. This time last year I had to be taken home early from the work Xmas do (different job) having been sat with heavily pregnant bump patting woman on my right and new mother showing baby pics on her phone on the left. I started crying at the table. Not great.

This year the only pg woman there knew how difficult I would find her pg so stayed a tactful distance, and the new dad that should have been sat at our table was home with new baby . There was only the briefest passing mention of children from anyone sat at our table .

fab sorry about your dad. I just get so annoyed sometimes at the unfairness of life in general.

coops LOVING the new BESH cocktail.

rain I can't take any credit for the thread, I copied someone else's idea as we were all packed up ready to go with stuff in removal van but nowhere to move to. I'd love to credit them but all I remember was it someone beginning with f. Which could have been fab, fank or fizz...

blue quit torturing yourself because I'd never do that, oh no...

Chuckling at the thought of barking dressed as a reindeer, and rain in a dodgy mac and wide-brimmed hat!

cooper - nice beshtionnaire. I reckon you are in. Prosecco and gin def the way forward.

Question for all you hags: Christmas jumpers, yay or nay? I have resisted so far on grounds of bah humbugness but am increasingly tempted...

Hags I didn't tell you about my ace xmas do. 4 couples, one adopting after fertility woes, one lesbian couple (undergoing IVF), us and 1 set of relatively uncomfortable quick-differs. It was so wonderful to sit round a table of people not having to pretend about any of this shit.

Whoop! That sounds great Blue!

Hey Coop Welcome to the coven!!

Blue That sounds awesome!

Let's have a festive tmi question for y'all: what is your CM like during the luteal phase? I get lots and lots but I always assumed it was because of the progesterone (don't remember last cycle I was NOT taking it) but this month is off all meds (whoop!) and I am still getting it. Like, panty liners ahoy!

Is anyone having the same? I thought it was supposed to be dry down there after ovulation?

Mainly because I spend a few days thinking 'this is the droid, this is the droid' and it isn't ... until it is... it would be nice to go from dry to droid to avoid obsessive knicker checking.

I don't really have much CM to be honest ...