The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Coops and Rain - grrrrrrrrrr. Just grrrrrr. Gin and prosecco are definitely the answer.

I spent the evening with friends last night taking the piss out of my ultra pathetic tickly non productive cough. Now I sound like Eartha bloody Kitt! Well done me for getting the double whammy of a viral and a bacterial infection for Christmas eh? Sooo much to do, so little time!!

Prednisolone! That was the name I couldn't remember!
Are your clinic willing to do the throw everything at it approach that fab's are doing chez?

Just went for a bike ride and changed my mind and came back. Saving my legs for a decent ride tomorrow (no such thing as an easy ride round here, bloody big hills everywhere).

Off to the seaside now .

Sorry you're feeling crap Fab .

We came to the pub and there's a baby dressed as an elf here. I started crying at the table. Ffs, someone slap me please...

Oh Coops upside-down catfish (yes it really does exist) of understanding. Hope your evening gets better.

I've spent the day feeling progressively worse and had to have a nap for 2 hours after having spent the day chauffeuring TWH around. So now I'm prepping the turkey, dosed up to the nines. Bleurgh. What shocking timing

A fucking elf? Babies should be banned from all pubs. Pubs are supposed to be the safe place of the barren.
Have a swordfish of solidarity coops.

fab I think I'm joining you. Haven't shaken the sore throat I arrived with and have felt sick all day.

'tis gin o'clock here .

Sorry to hear of all the lurgy, hags. Shocking timing. I have mostly recovered from mine, though GFBW is still keeping me awake with snoring caused by his.

bugs luffly to see you! Hope you are doing ok and you enjoy Christmas with buglet.

I can't fathom my clinic. They are very much 'do not deviate from the protocol' types, though the consultant had the grace to listen patiently while I asked him about all the random shit I've googled. I can see it becoming very annoying in the future, though can't fault them other than that.

Anyway, it's only a few more minutes to Christmas day! Happy Christmas, hags - hope it brings plenty of gin for you all!

Happy Christmas Hags and eshlets. I'm finally in bed after a mammoth cooking sesh - knackered! Roll on sitting at MiL's tomorrow with cooked turkey delivered! THEN I can relax

Hope you all have a fab day and are able to fight off the lurgs for a day at least

Is it safe to come out? Had a lovely day yesterday starting with a lie in and some cheeky bedroom action then pancakes for breakfast followed by beasting myself up a bloody big hill in the sunshine, with views of mountains and lakes and blue skies. Came back for fajitas and gin and an early night as we were both bloody knackered! Not a Xmas jumper, a scrap of tinsel or a santa hat in sight .

Just hoping we get a smooth flight back tomorrow and don't get disrupted by the white stuff!

Hope everyone else survived ok and isn't too stuffed full of food/hungover? DCW is very chuffed with his 'winter tan lines', especially as the local Spanish riders were all in full winter kit and he was cycling in shorts and short sleeves. Although by the time we get home he'll be in jumpers and no-one will see anyway...

Loving the sound of your no-Christmas Christmas, barking. Glad you had a lovely day!

Had a lovely Christmas en famille. Plenty of gulping back tears while we all tried to celebrate being together and not think about what is coming next for my sis. It all went far too quickly and now we are on the journey back home. But I'm planning to fly back up in a few weeks and regularly after that.

GFBW and I have just arrived in our hotel and are off for a large gin in the bar :-)

Morning all. I feel ashamed of myself
I spent Xmas eve getting more and more hysterical, I literally couldn't stop myself, and it wasn't the alcohol, just me. I'm obviously losing it. Followed that with an awful, puffy eyed Christmas Day which included my cousin's new baby, and having to pretend I was ok although I clearly wasn't.
But hey, it's over now isn't it? We have already decided that next Xmas is just us two, poor MrC has been very good with his head case of a wife..

barking your Christmas sounds like it was amazing, glad you enjoyed yourself

fizzy, glad you had a lovely one too, positive thinking for your sis

Oh Coop! Don't feel bad, lovely!

I threw a massive TTC related strop at NYE two years ago, when I was supposed to be having a good time at a beautiful beach with great friends. It happens.

It's completely normal and it's necessary to vent.

Just be kind to yourself, this is not an easy journey.

I had an ok Christmas, but I always get melancholic this time of the year...

cooper don't worry, we've all been there. My worst Christmas was a couple of years ago, three weeks after my first ectopic, when SIL announced on Christmas day that they were 8 weeks pg. luckily I had a stinker of a cold so was able to use that as some sort of excuse for being a massive puffy-eyed snot-faced mess the whole of the rest of the day (we hadn't told the in-laws any of it). It was hard 8 months later when DNephew was born on my due date. Not a happy time and I'm grateful I don't ever have to relive that Christmas again.

Ho hum. Off to catch up on what's happening on the rest of MN for some light relief...

So sorry to hear that Coops - as Fizz said, be kind to yourself. Thankfully for me all our families have stopped breeding so we don't have any of that to contend with which makes life easier.

AFM I have been sick as a bloody dog all bloody Christmas. All that sodding cooking and I couldn't taste a thing. Gutted. On the plus side I must have lost some weight right?? Finally today has been the first day that I can actually spend all day in bed and I plan to do the same tomorrow. Must shake this cough from hell. My chest sounds like I have a death rattle going on

Thanks hags, just teared up reading those, ffs! Thing with us is, no one knows we are ttc-ing except my mum and one friend who lives in a different city. Not sure how many friends I'm gonna have left soon if I carry on like this!

fizz that sounds awful, I'm sorry. I'm probably being dramatic in the grand scheme of things, I know, it just sometimes feels as if it's the only thing that matters...

Sorry to hear you're not feeling good fab, but enjoy your lounging in bed if you can!

I'm actually looking forward to going back to work, how bad is that?!
I'll try and be in a better mood tomorrow BESH-es

Evening hags! Well thank fuck it's over for another year eh? barking your hol sounds wonderful and I am definitely jealous of getting away from it all.

fizz lovely that you were all together, hopefully 2015 brings better news for your family, you and your sis especially.

fab a tiny bit of me is slightly envious at you being ill - my waistline could really have done without the 72 hour gorging. I just finished eating a massive cheese board and did a horrid sicky cheese burp, now I feel vile. . In all seriousness, I hope you're back up and about very soon.

erica I get melancholy too, it's all the enforced 'family' stuff plus it being so close to the anniversary of my mc and then ll the reactions we've had yesterday/today when we've told people we spent xmas day alone - "oh, what a shame/how sad" - er, no actually, we wanted it that way! Still, makes me realise how people will think of us for the rest of our lives really. Great.

• if any time of year is going to prompt a mini breakdown for ttc shit, it's christmas. Just getting through it, however you can, is a job well done. I can heartily recommend christmas a deux - we had a lovely relaxed day and have spent the last few days basically pleasing ourselves.

Droid arrived on xmas eve (thanks for that you stupid fuck) so gave the pub drinks with babified friends a miss but boxing day with the preggers friends was actually really nice (I only had a 5 min slot of feeling sad when I realised they were barely even a couple when we got married, now they're married with a baby on the way).

Everyone got New Years planned? I really need to pull my finger out and make some plans for our Devon trip!

Rain My first mc was also in December and that was the most miserable Christmas ever. However, it didn't cross my mind that three years later I would stay be baybee-less so I guess it makes sense I feel quite sad. Bring on January and new starts!

Sorry the droid got you on Christmas Eve. Sucks.

Now that all the family has left, I am going on a little NYE trip with Mr Erica and friends. I need to make a plan to look after my mental health in 2015!!

fizz glad you had a good time, fingers crossed everything goes well in 2015 and next year your sister will be there celebrating with her new niece/nephew .

coop nowt to be ashamed of, perfectly normal behaviour, happens to us all (as demonstrated by my own ridiculous breakdown first day of our holidays). Xmas and all the family/kids stuff being rammed down your throat makes a difficult topic a lot worse.

Fab that's really not on, all that effort then you couldn't sodding taste it? Hope you're rid of it soon. I've still got something lingering. Not ill but not feeling well either. Faint nausea and a bit of a stomach ache off and on, slightly lethargic, touch of a sore throat and a mouth full of ulcers. Not enough to stop me doing anything and not there all the time, just eurgh. And I've just had a lovely, relaxing week away so it's not like I've been pushing it!

Rain people are stupid. I reckon they're just anyway because they spent their Christmas having enforced fun at someone else's insistence . Nice timing of droid, as ever . Good work on avoiding the babied.

We're back home briefly after flight delays due to ice on the road, lack of staff at the airport meaning massive queues through passport control, and snow blocking the usual route home.. But all good to be home!!

DCW wants me to go to a catch up with his uni friends in a few days. This is a daytime thing and includes all the babies . I struggle anyway, but one particular couple started ttc after us; they were ttc without success while we were at one stage, but whilst I was pretty much tee total, eating healthily, taking all the vitamins, charting etc etc etc she was still drinking and chain smoking. And then she got pg before they'd even got to the fertility clinic stage and the kid is now approaching 1 . And there is another couple who have just got pg and given birth to baby number 2 in the time we've been trying for 1 .

I don't want to go, but DCW wants me to meet a friend of his who I've heard a lot about but haven't met yet. He was supposed to be at our wedding (and at other things I might have met him at previous to that) but was very ill at the time. So I suppose I should do the wifely support thing and go. It's not like DCW finds it easy either, and if I was having to face babies I'd want him there with me.

Woke up early as DCW woke up and switched on his phone. Then he fell asleep again . Still, there's snow to go and play in .

Rain, don't feel jealous - can you believe I was coughing so much last night that I threw up oh the comedy misery of sitting on the loo with my onesie round my ankles coughing and hurling what wasn't really left in my tummy up into the sink . A new low point!

Sending hairy pipefish of healing your way fab, hope you're feeling better soon .

fab that sounds grim you poor sausage. I'd prescribe medicinal gin but not sure even that would help in this instance! cod of comfort for now.

Erica ooh, you off anywhere nice?

barking did you go to the drinks? (sorry, on my phone so I can't check when you said they were) I always, always dress those things but more often than not the reality is much better than whatever nightmare scenario my imagination conjures up. just keep a steady supply of gin coming if it's too babified.

I am going to be off grid till the weekend as we're off to our fucking freezing romantic cabin in Devon for new year. See you on the other side hags, hope you all have a very happy New year!

The baby do is later this week, rain. We've also got two newborns to visit soon .
We were supposed to be away again visiting friends for three days but the snow has prevented travel. Three days doing not much actually sounds quite good right now though, just getting through the unpacking, tidying and cleaning the house at a leisurely pace... Not back at work until Friday.

Enjoy your leisurely times Barking and Rain (rain please remember to pack ALL your thermals!) . Barking you really are surrounded by babies you poor thing. Is there anyone you know that hasn't bred?? I think I secret 'fuck you, fuck you and fuck you too' in your head (in a high five jubilant style) should help your mental attitude at these events. At least it should give you a smile and no-one will know why

Well, 'twas to be expected - i was supposed to have my endo scratch and first intralipid infusion today but as I've been so ill my specialist advised putting it off by a couple of weeks so I can recover properly. This is good news of course but frustrating too as I just want to crack on with it all. I'm totally nowhere near healthy enough at the moment though so it is the right thing to do I know. Sigh.

Enjoy your leisurely times Barking and Rain (rain please remember to pack ALL your thermals!) . Barking you really are surrounded by babies you poor thing. Is there anyone you know that hasn't bred?? I think I secret 'fuck you, fuck you and fuck you too' in your head (in a high five jubilant style) should help your mental attitude at these events. At least it should give you a smile and no-one will know why

Well, 'twas to be expected - i was supposed start my ivf protocol, have my endo scratch and my first intralipid infusion today but as I've been so ill my specialist advised putting it off by a couple of weeks so I can recover properly. This is good news of course but frustrating too as I just want to crack on with it all. I'm totally nowhere near healthy enough at the moment though so it is the right thing to do I know. Sigh.

Happy Chrimbo hags, sounds like we had a mixed bag. Emotions always figure highly at this time of year. First one without my sis was always going to be a weird one but we made the best of it. And it always goes so bloody quick. How is it Monday already pray tell?

I'm trying to summon the courage to contact a side of the family we don't have much contact with and delve into the query of whether POF runs in the family. One of them 'can't have kids' and if there genetic link it might help our immunes dilemma. It's just a strange place to go with people you don't know very well. "Hi, how are you? My ovaries are fucked, are yours?"

Solidarity to all those facing festive bumps and babies.

Cross post Fab. Argh to delays when you just want to get started, even if it is the right choice in the grand scheme of things.