The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Morning hags.

Rain, I'm sorry you are feeling glum. This ttc malarkey is a pain in the hoop, frankly.

cherry, that summing up made me both smile and grimace at the same time. Ugh.

barking, I'm glad you enjoyed the hypo session. Sounds intriguing.

Welcome back erica!

An aside: Fertility Friend is pissing me off. I discarded Saturday's temp (because I had a couple of glasses of wine on Friday night and barely slept a wink because of mental thunderstorms), but it refuses to accept it. It's trying to suggest that I ovulated on Friday, before I even got a positive opk. I did not ovulate on Friday.

Two more days at work...

Cherry Yeah, that's pretty much it!

Badb I keep fertility apps just to feed my obsession, really. If the OPKs are right, the apps only get it right once every 3-4 months, basically when I have a perfect 28-day period, with a 14 lp, which is not all that usual for me.

I've lost count of how many 'BUT WE HAVE TO SHAG TONIGHT!!!!' arguments I've had with Mr Erica in the last two years. I think it's very difficult to have a normal sex life when there is so much pressure to do it at the right time every month. I console myself thinking that all these challenges are really strenghtening our relationship. Or something.

Rainy I live in Eastern Africa and work for an organisation that tries to improve reproductive health and menstrual hygiene for young girls living in poverty. I am usually based in the city and work in an office but I sometimes I travel to rural areas to see how the programmes are working 'live', so to speak. I really enjoy it but yes, it sucks when I have to go at ovulation time!

Good news is that Mr Erica was away that week and I could switch my trip to coincide with his, hence having 12 weeks at home now! Hot showers and shagging, bring it on!

Barking ha ha, good point! I like a bit of rough traveling myself, I must say.

Waves to everyone else!!!

So what do you hags think about seksy times during the ovulation week? Every day? Every two days? The three days from positive OPK? We've been trying to do every day for around 4 days before ov and two after but we sort of end up running out steam, I think we need to become 'more efficient'!

My woo needles lady and clinic both recommend dumping the ov sticks and charting and just try to do sexsy time ever 2-3 days from the end of droid to after the general time of ovulation to be in the safe side. That way you should stress less about today being the day and think more about enjoying regular shags. I must admit doing that made me feel less stressy. Not that I ever got diffed naturally of course!!

Thanks Fab! Mmmhh... makes total sense! The problem (and maybe this is TMI) is that we 'start; very enthusiastically but by when ovulation should happen, we are a bit fed up with it!

Are we the only ones that usually shag once (max) in the week and shag-time concentrates mostly on the week end? Gaaahg.

Ha my problem is the opposite, I have a very enthusiastic OH who ideally would do it 3 times a day if he could so keeping him to every other day works best for me and my down belows!

That said, we haven't sexsed since pre egg collection due to various reasons - clinic advises definitely not for 2 weeks and potentially not for the first 12 weeks if you're at risk of mc which I am. I now have a humptastic husband and it's only going to get worse!

We are absolutely awful at the ttc shagging, Mr Blue hates it, I hate it, we can't even hide it from each other anymore. Sexy time is ace when it's not TTC time but otherwise we have lots of the. "But we have to shag now!" Arguments. Worse thing is, I want 2 kids so even when this first time eventually happens it'll still have to happen all over again.

Here's to retirement and a healthy sex life

Sometimes there is an advantage to our predicament... No enforced sechsing time for us... Can't exactly say we have a rampant life between the sheets but it's good when we manage it.

Not just you Erica! Shagging after a full day at work followed by dog walk then cooking dinner etc etc just doesn't happen anymore unless it is a ttc requirement, and to be fair recently not even then. We totally missed this month. Obviously I had some downstairs issues but there was time between that and ov and we just didn't. We're both knackered all the time mid week. Now I'm thinking I need to jump him to see if it will speed up droid arrival.... But he's out training again and will get back totally knackered as usual!! I was feeling irrationally grumpy earlier, really hoping it's a sign droid is on the way... Is it only Thursday tomorrow? Time is already dragging and I haven't got started yet! This next month is going to feel like a decade!

it's weird how the scheduled shags just kill all the fun. We definitely don't 'normally' foo it as often outside ov now, I do miss the old days in that regard, not because we necessarily did it more but because when we did we enjoyed it more. Have any of you tried any sort of spicing up tactics? I often think about it in a half arsed way but ultimately never do cos I'm too tired!

How's the new fred cooking?

foo it, that's a new euphemism!

I love a foo!! :)

Same here, I don't think we had necessarily more sex pre-TTC... but we just did it and enjoyed it instead of all this timing and 'obligatory' sex. And needless to say, non-TTC sex is so much more fun!

Ahh foo time

Ffs, you unfollow everyone on fb and then get scan bombed on a work newsletter?!?! Wishing good luck to the woman just leaving for maternity and the one leaving in May is fine, but why do I need to see a fucking scan photo to go with it? This scan photo was from the one leaving in May, the one I might have to share a hotel room with in a month .

In better news I just had super powered electric woo needles in an effort to summon the droid by the weekend!!!! Bring it on!!!!! And now, embarrassed by my failure to get off my arse and go swimming last night, I am about to do a turbo session .

Super power electric woo needles, what is this turbo acu you speak of Barking? Hope it does the trick!

For me both times IVF has felt like forever coming but once it's got started its sort of run away with me so that my head has struggled to keep up with where we are in proceedings to feel prepared. That sounds odd writing it down but I hope it makes sense. Anyone else identify with this? Being ill this time hasn't helped but I got the same last time too. So, I've taken tomorrow off work and I also want at least a day off before TX to make sure I'm all caught up and ready for what's coming. That almost feels more important than time off after, though I'm also having a few days to settle as I did feel physically vulnerable after TX.

This fred is really running out of time... Are you ready Blue to blast us into the new?

To whoever is hand crafting the next can I make a personal and pedantic plea? Please can the loooong Beshtionnaire be pasted in on post no. two so we don't have to scroll past it on every new page to get to the fred? If that's not too confusing. Ta muchly.

Only a few more posts to go! Can someone link the new Fred when ready? And YY to pleas putting eh beshtionnaire in the second post to save our thumbs...

cherry totally relate to the 'runaway train' feeling. Hope you have a peaceful day off.

Quick update from me: droid is here so I'm booked in for my frozen transfer cycle! Drugs arrive in the next couple of weeks and then I start downregging on day 21. Eeep! This shit is about to get real...

Ha ha! This is what I'm reduced to, I'm of fizz as her droid has arrived and mine hasn't! Oh the joys...
Under starters orders fizz!!!!

I had the most embarrassing thing last night - something fell out of my pocket as I left turbo and a couple of people noticed then one chased me outside to give it back, holding the little cotton bag gingerly by the ribbons... I'd only dropped my bloody mooncup in the middle of the hall . Clean, obviously, just in my pocket in the little bag, anticipating the droid... I don't know these women that well , they're all really hardcore cyclists who actually race (I can turbo with them as they can't get away from me on a bike that's fixed to a turbo trainer...) .

chez I had woo needles as normal, but the two crucial points to encourage summoning of the droid had clips attached and an electric current pulsing through them! Freaky feeling!

Anyway, Blue we're nearly homeless, got the roof on the new abode yet? Bloody typical builders...

cd28... Last 3 cycles pre iui were 27, 27, 29. Was really hoping fucking desperate to start today as if everything went to schedule ha ha that would have meant a Friday egg collection and the weekend to recover. So it was never going to happen, was it?! I'm probably lined up for a 32 day cycle.... Grr.
And I turned down a swanky awards evening and overnight hotel stay with work because egg collection might have been that day. Now it definitely won't be .

Hag im sorry im in bed with migrane - I wanted to do new fred but may not do in time. Will try later but if you need it quick gonna have to opt out xx

Ok I'm awake ... The fred is coming.....

It's here ...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2324599-Bring-along-any-luck-you-can-find-This-BESHly-fred-is-brought-to-you-by-the-magic-number-3-come-on-Hags-we-can-Foo-it