The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

[barkingtreefrog]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

fizzy, I am very bah humbug this year so I say no, but I'm being a grumpy bitch so maybe see what anyone else thinks..

And blue, yes, that does sound amazing. Our ttc is a secret so I have no one to bond with these things over. because bonding over infertility's just gotta be done, right?

erica - droid?? I am very creamy in luteal phase, like, need a panty liner levels. Hot.

Just dropped by to ask if anyone else has become dead inside? My colleague came in with two week old baby today and she was cute and all, but the broody didn't appear. I mean, is this it? Am I done for??

Not sure Erica mine has definitely changed since the 2nd mc. Had bucket loads of the stuff around when I think was ov, like never before. Not so much in lp, but nota totally dry. AF started properly today after slight spotting Friday and yesterday. That's the 2nd or 3rd cycle in a row that's been 28 days. Never been so regular. I'm thinking of temping again this cycle, just out of curiosity to see if it's changed. Not tempted for ages.

fizzy I am bah humbug queen, not a scrap of tinsel in my house, but I have been required to wear a Xmas jumper twice this year already.

coop I stopped getting broody over babies years ago. Now they just make me feel bitter. I never craved a baby though, not as much as I want a child. I want a mini me & DCW so we can go out and have loads of adventures as a family.

I'd also like to win the lottery so we can buy a new house where I want to live without having to get a big mortgage and make big decisions. The two events seem equally likely right now.

Fizzy Forgot to answer re: Christmas jumpers. I don't wear them here because it's the middle of the summer at Christmas time but I do love a cosy Christmas/ski jumper. No reindeers though.

Thanks for the cm info Coop and Barking - seems a bit random then. Ok. I have never temped, may start since I am sick to my back teeth of OPKs.

I don't know about broody. I never quite felt the 'I long to become mother/be pregnant' thing. It's more wanting to have a family tha includes mini Mr/Mrs Ericas, as Barking says. But if I am completely honest, I love kids between the ages of 1 to 5, after that I start to lose interest so I am not sure... God, after three years you would think I would have become a bit more articulate about this.

And you know what would be really fucking nice about having a kid? To stop worrying about getting and staying pregnant! I reckon I will do a PhD with all that spare time!

Erica I am the same as you and Coop on the luteal CM, but weirdly for me I get quite a bit two to three days before the droid shows up but go dry as the Sahara the day before.
p.s. coop I refer you back to you BESHtionnaire for definition of droid!

Fizz I was made to don a bag Xmas jumper for national Xmas jumper day last week (yes, there's a bloody 'day' for every sodding thing these days). Aside from that, never although I wouldn't mind a Scandi type one a la Sarah Lund.

I never really get the maternal vibe with kids but feel it acutely with babies. With older kids I usually feel more jealous about our not being a 'proper' family. Totally self inflicted judgemental-ness there, why do we do it to ourselves???

Off sick again today with the child from hell. Could do some work remotely but I have most of season 4 of breaking bad to watch. No brainer....

Sarah Lund!!!! Can I change my girl crush to her??

Similar picture on the cm here - plenty around ov, then a bit more 2-3 days before droid arrives. When we were doing the FET and I was on heroic quantities of oestrogen I was swamped with the stuff.

Re broodiness - for me it used to be all about being pregnant/ newborn stages. But that's changed - might be talk of surrogacy, and that most of my friends have small kids not babies any more. Now what I want is for GFBW and I to have our own little gang to have laughs and adventures with.

Reeling here from two pieces of awful news - my beautiful big sister has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Found out yesterday, though I knew she'd been for tests - I was hoping it was all a horrible mistake. Feel so powerless. Trying to think of constructive ways I can help her through treatment. And one of my cats is in the cat hospital with renal failure. It's too early for a gin, isn't it?

Fizzy - in those circumstances it is never too early for gin. I'm so so sorry to hear it

So sorry to hear that fizzy

I am so sorry to hear that Fizzy. Un-BESHly hugs.

fizzy I'm so sorry, you'd think either of those things on their own were enough to deal with . Never too early for a gin when you've got shit like that to get through. You're strong though, and I'm sure your sister will appreciate all the support.

Oh shit fizz - I'm so sorry. I don't have any wise words for you, joining Erica in a group BESH hug.

Fuck it Fizz, so sorry to hear this news. Drink Gin of course and don't forget that we're very good at listening to the rants when you need too about both if these things. Cancer isn't necessarily the end of things as much these days as it used to be so I will keep everything crossed for her that she is able to get the treatment she needs to fight this bastard thing.

On another note my sister's cat has managed to survive near renal failure twice so am keeping everything crossed for your cat too, lovely. UnBESH hugs.

Hope you're doing ok fizz.

I'm blaming the droid for the fact that an answerphone message cancelling my first woo needle appointment tonight with new acu lady made me want to cry. Got to wait until the 7th Jan now. I was supposed to be getting in a month of woo needles before the iui, now it's going to be a few days before we start . Really trying struggling to remain almost rational and not believe that this means it's all doomed and it will never work. Someone slap me with a wet haddock, there really are worse things to worry about.

Shit times all round eh hags?

Barking I know you'd like a slap but ifs perfectly ok to be stressed about this. Fingers crossed for a magical cancellation for her? (If you get me names I can arrange for one of her current client to have a nasty incident )

I don't think she's working over Christmas/New Year anyway, and she doesn't work evenings on Mon/Tues so that's the earliest appointment possible . Should have got my head out of the sand earlier and called last month.
Trying to stay positive. I've just saved money, right? . Maybe this is all going towards the relaxed approach?

bollox

Hello hags, thank you all for the unbeshly hugs. Truly, truly appreciated.

Cat is home from hospital - hooray! Prognosis is still very uncertain - she has very high levels of creatinine still, so they've biopsied to check for lymphoma. So more waiting game while we try to find out if it's poison, cancer or just an underlying kidney problem. The latter two unlikely as she's so young but you just never know. So we aren't sure how much longer she has with us, but aiming to make the best of it! She's much happier in herself and purring lots.

Family is still a bit in shock about my sis and her diagnosis - no family history, it seems to have come from nowhere. But she's a tough cookie and at a good hospital so the plan for now is best foot forward, put your game face on.

Consultant appt today - felt v weird to be back at the clinic after a longish gap. He reckons we should do a monitoring cycle to see whether my lining is ok naturally, then prob go for a medicated one and just see. What with Christmas and a few family things, it will be march before we get going, but that's ok by me.

barking how annoying about the needles lady. It certainly does not mean its all doomed to failure - the iui drugs have a lot more evidence of success than the acupuncture! Or, if it helps, think of it as targeting the treatment at the most important bit of the cycle, and maybe spend the money on something relaxing like a massage. Or a gin and prosecco cocktail...

I'll hand out some gentle fish slaps Barking but at the same time sending you good vibes!

Same goes for all the luffly BESH, New Year new start and all that crap I'm willing you all on from the lonely PESH and am certain there'll be a massive clusterdiff in 2015!

What's with all the Huns creeping into MN at the minute?! Not enough Cunting going on at the minute!

Ha ha! Thanks Fizz, I went swimming instead and then popped into the pub for a gin .

Hope you get the results back soon on the cat, fingers crossed it's something that's been eaten and there will be a full recovery .

Just today and tomorrow left at work, then off to Spain for a week . Ahhhhh.......

Hey, didn't see you there MissH, phone didn't refresh!
There will be plenty of cunting come January when I start stabbing again, no fear .

How's the cat doing Fizz?

Hey Miss how are you doing? Are there many in the PESH at the moment? How long have you got left?

I start stabbing on 29th Dec (and an endo scratch and my first intralipid infusion on the same day) so there will definitely be some counting from my end of the BESH!

Hurrah for swimming and gin, barking. Good call!

Whoop whoop for stabbing, fab. Will you be having a strait-laced Christmas or a final let-it-all-hang-out one?

Hello miss h - hope you're doing ok in the land of the PESH! How much longer to go now?

Really mixed day of cat news today. Prognosis from the vet is very poor - biopsy inconclusive but contains worrying signs. But she's still bright, eating well etc. more waiting games until more tests on Sunday. Arg. Staying hopeful while preparing for the worst reminds me of all our ttc travails!

Alreeet MissH! Thanks for stopping by, glad you're doing well in PESH land. You'll be proud to know I got a good half a dozen 'cunt's in at work today (in reference to the douchebag to end all douchebags that I had to endure a work lunch with yesterday). So glad I work in a cunt friendly environment!

barking don't you go succumbing to ideas of doom and fate and all that bollox. Spend the money you would have spent on the session on gin = problem solved and much better for the spirit too!

fab Intralipid infusion? I'm assuming that's not some fancy new range from Twinings? Apologies if I missed this exchange whilst AWOL but what exactly is it?! Not long to go!

fizz I'm so sorry there isn't better news from your vet, but hopefully mog will prove them wrong. One of ours has been back and forth to the vet recently for a vomiting bout - many eye wateringly expensive tests later and it seems she's ok. We switched her food (again) to a really expensive one and the vomming has abated. Hopefully that's it! wouldnt surprise me if she was scamming us all along for a better plate of dinner.

I've got terrible ear ache today. Have had a crap cold all week which was slowly getting better but now I'm in agony. Anyone got any tips??

how are you all doing blue, coop & erica?

Evening all, I need a dictionary for this thread, or at least a link to all your -isms! PESH and BESH?

Sorry about your cat news fizz, fingers crossed for you, and best wishes for your sister and fam

barking, is this acupuncture you're waiting on? Will it be your first? I've been considering it but dh is very cynical.. :/

fab, sorry to ask, what's your stabbing for/in prep for? Sounds delightful for sure...

Have a fab time in Spain barking, not jealous at all!

Sorry to anyone I've missed, still really pissed off for no reason in particular this week. Think I'm anticipating the shitness which is going to be Xmas day when the bitch arrives

No tips for the ear ache I'm afraid rain, other than maybe a holiday?! I've been lurgied or fighting off lurgy for a month now, I figure some time chilling out in Spain and getting out on bikes in sunshine (even at lower temperatures) will finally cure me!

coop Barren Evil Selfish Hags. What the Daily Mail think of older women who've put careers before children. Not considering that maybe some women actually started trying to conceive as soon as they'd met the right man, only waiting a couple of years to make sure it was probably going to last. If I'd been a proper slag at school and had a teenage pregnancy caused by a lad I never saw again I wouldn't be in this mess would I?! Stupid me.

P replaces Barren with Pregnant. We're still evil and selfish even when with child .

And yes, woo needles = acupuncture. Not the first time, but will be the first time with new lady. The last one didn't speak much English and was very crazy. And made me cry as the needles were so painful and her room was so cold it made it worse. There's a long story with me and woo needles. The crazy lady wasn't even the first. She looked nice compared to the nasty, patronising woman I saw first, but I won't bore everyone by repeating that particular rant again.